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Day 13
So, tomorrow will be my official two week mark... my skin is finally drying up a little. It seems to start out oily then become progressively drier as the day goes on. My lips are dry and peeling. The frustrating part of this isn't so much the peeling itself, is that I'm applying lip balm and it's getting mixed up in the peeling skin, and it all just feels like a waxy mess. Pardon the kind of disgusting detail there...
Anyway, I have a few new nodules, one big deep one on my cheek, two on my forehead above my eyebrows and a couple around my mouth that hurt. I'm trying to resist the urge to pick or squeeze them. Even when the scabs flake off by themselves, it leaves very new, pink skin exposed that I have to be especially careful with.
I should also probably note that since coming off of Yasmin I've broken out in papules/pustules around my mouth and along my jawline, which is why I don't like messing with my hormones. It always seems to go haywire. And I'm still so incredibly moody. I'm 90% my boyfriend is sick of me, because I get grumpy at him, and I cry about things, and I think I'm fat, and this and that... ah, I hate being a girl, it's lame...
Plus, tonight I got a text from him saying that he thinks my house breaks him out, and that he thinks it might be my problem. I don't really understand this since I've had acne since I was 11. I don't live in a castle, but my house is clean. He grew up in an upper-class environment, so we always have a bit of a clash of sorts going on there. I don't know if I'm just being especially touchy or not. I just don't like how it seems he is insinuating that I'm dirty, or my house is filthy or something.
I'd be pretty annoyed if someone suggested my house broke them out. Not just because that's nonsense, but yes, I would feel like they were insinuating my place was dirty. Plus, right at the time when your skin's probably on your mind the most, you'd be justified in feeling like maybe he was trivialising your issues. Still, up to you how you approach it of course, perhaps best not to rise to it and save yourself the agro.
Nothing wrong with having a cry about stuff or wanting to vent. That's perfectly natural and certainly no reason to hate you, silly!
Besides, if we can't do that with a partner and cry on their shoulder, then who can we? That's what they're there for, right?!
Anyway, that's enough emo stuff!
Good to hear the oiliness is slowing down. Pity it swaps with dryness of course, but at least it's a sign that things are changing. Shedding that skin is going to solve the scars in the end so if you pay attention to the fact that it's sensitive and try your best not to cause further scarring in the meantime by avoiding picking/squeezing then it'll work out in the end. Not that I can really preach or give tips about not squeezing and stuff, I'm terrible for it. All you can do is try your best.
I got angry at him, but he didn't really understand why. I guess I'm especially delicate when it comes to the subject at hand, generally I'm not too bad when it comes to other things, you know? He sort of smoothed it out eventually and I'm over it now, but little quips like that... well, I guess I just want him to understand to some degree, but he doesn't, because he has perfect skin and when he gets two whiteheads he freaks out. He suffers so much from only-child syndrome that he can be surprisingly unsympathetic and selfish without realizing (I'm not saying that I'm perfect of course) and he views the world differently to me. It's a wonder we even get along sometimes. I think I'm just in a generally flat mood today, most of the time I am content with him.
My brain knows that I shouldn't pick or anything, but it's so hard to resist sometimes because Accutane makes all my spots actually ache. 
It sucks. Oh well... for the greater good, I suppose.
You know, I bet we'd be the same if we couldn't relate. Well, to a point at least, in that we probably wouldn't understand right away.
Even if this stuff messes with our perceptions, it does perhaps teach us to be more tolerant and understanding in general, and certainly of those who also deal with it. We can't justifiably hold it against those who haven't experienced it for not being able to relate. To fill in the blanks, all we can do is explain and hope they catch on.
If you can articulate how it's those little things which push your buttons and how you are feeling so delicate about all this, it may go a long way. It may even be a case of having to be so direct as to say, 'This is how I feel, this is why I feel this way, and here's what I need you to please do to help me.'
In an ideal world, I'm sure you'd rather not have to spell it out, but if it brings the desired outcome and the support you need, that's the main thing I guess.
In all honestly Elle, I don't know if this is any use. Hope it helps but, for all I know, I could be talking utter rubbish. My lack of experience in the relationship department probably means I suck at this stuff.
But, like you say, the rest of it is for the greater good. Chin up!
Oh, I think everybody has their "stuff", mine just happens to be the acne thing. It's just difficult to explain things to somebody who has been raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. I love him, he's cool people, and he tries pretty hard most of the time, it just struck a nerve with me, especially his insinuation that acne makes people ugly. I know he didn't mean it that way, really, but I couldn't help but be hurt by it because he knows - I have explained it to him thoroughly - that it's a touchy subject for me, and I've spent half of my life believing that I'm ugly because of my skin. It's all good. I know that half of this is because of my moods lately, I apologize to Rob constantly and he is quick to forgive, so even though I'm a screaming banshee of a girlfriend who makes his life incredibly difficult with my perpetual PMS, he doesn't seem to mind all that much. 
It's okay!
I'm not a natural romantic, so I still have a long way to go in terms of knowing the right things to do and say, but I guess we all learn by stumbling.
Hey somehow between all the changes at the Org, and my own little dramas--Ive been sick with some cold virus--I failed to see this post. I mean I knew you were taking it but didnt officially reply, which I feel I must do because youre one of the best posters here on the Org.
Im so excited for you Elle, and I do agree that this is the right decision for you. I am tired of seeing you feel bad about acne and with any luck at all this in a few months will be the end of it, for good!
My best wishes, and youre awesome hope you and Dr Ooi (lol) kick acne's A** 😀
Even in your before pictures we still see an attractve girl imagine how you will look and feel in a few months when youre clear. Hold onto that thought
A
I'm usually pretty upbeat and friendly too, but I'm so snappy lately, and my poor boyfriend is suffering because of it. I guess birth control pills are so effective because if he gets within a foot of me I just get angry.
So hey, I can't get pregnant.
I can't really read him, because he lives away from home now in an apartment with his flatmate and his flat is a bachelor pad at best - not exactly clean-swab immaculate. Two 21-year-old guys living in a 50m2 apartment, you can probably imagine it. I basically got angry, told him that if my house is such a pressing issue to him, he didn't have to come over anymore. He backpedaled fairly quickly out of it at that. He's not the cleanest person in the world (leaves his food wrappers and fast food bags around my house even) but his childhood home is immaculate because his mother is pedantic about it. Ah well! The most I hope to get out of the confrontation is the understanding that I don't want him to tell me why he thinks I have acne and I don't want him to act like my house is as dirty as Satan's underfoot.
Haha, birth control pills work beautifully by killing your sex drive, thus reducing chance of pregnancy! "I'm on birth control so I don't get pregnant." "Awesome!" "But if you touch me I will tear off your arms and brutally murder you with them." "Not awesome."
Thank you Amara. 
I hope you're feeling better, too. I don't see much of you and Abi here anymore which makes me sad! You're two of my favourites.
Day 17
Okay, I didn't realize it, but I was a day behind with my last post so today is actually day 17... this is sadly more difficult for me to keep track of than it actually should be.
At the moment, my skin is drying out a lot. My lips are ridiculous, but my eyes are reasonable. 
I broke out around my mouth a couple days ago, all of it is gone now. I've noticed that 'Tane tends to make everything scab over pretty quickly, so every pimple I get turned into a scab, then eventually flakes off and leaves clean new skin. I have one nodule coming up on my chin that's really sore, I can't see it yet but I'm pretty sure it'll have its own post code...
Anyway! Things are going really well thus far. I don't know if I want to go to 40mg or 60mg when I see my derm next... I'm tolerating the side effects at 20mg and it seems to be working alright at this dosage, but I also don't want to be on this course forever and 60mg will get it over and done with a little bit quicker. We'll see what happens.
The only thing I'm concerned about is that once I'm done with all this and I'm clear, I'll find some other thing to dislike about myself. Damnit. I am trying to get in shape during my course so once I'm all done I feel really good about myself. I run 6km a night, Accutane does make that a tad more difficult. I flush bright red and blotchy when I run now, but since I can't do it during the day due to burning like an ant under a magnifying glass, I run at night anyway.
Oh! And the itchy scalp thing, Head & Shoulders seems to deal with that pretty well.
I can't really read him, because he lives away from home now in an apartment with his flatmate and his flat is a bachelor pad at best - not exactly clean-swab immaculate. Two 21-year-old guys living in a 50m2 apartment, you can probably imagine it. I basically got angry, told him that if my house is such a pressing issue to him, he didn't have to come over anymore. He backpedaled fairly quickly out of it at that. He's not the cleanest person in the world (leaves his food wrappers and fast food bags around my house even) but his childhood home is immaculate because his mother is pedantic about it. Ah well! The most I hope to get out of the confrontation is the understanding that I don't want him to tell me why he thinks I have acne and I don't want him to act like my house is as dirty as Satan's underfoot.
Haha, birth control pills work beautifully by killing your sex drive, thus reducing chance of pregnancy!
Thank you Amara.
You two are my favorites also! Thanks for missinge me...I know that when I read your posts I usually get a smile somewhere no matter the subject you throw in that humor and its like "yeah I can totally relate to that".
Ill try and check these boards more often they dont really "notify" me as to when a person replies 
(
Your log is hilarious! Definitely following it. I feel you on the peanut butter. It is the DEVIL.
Cheers! 
Everything in life should be taken in good humour, right?
Seriously I cannot even have peanut butter in my house, I get nervous just being near the jar, like any second I'm going to inhale the entire contents. It's... it's just so delicious. And Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Why is my life so hard?!
I can't really read him, because he lives away from home now in an apartment with his flatmate and his flat is a bachelor pad at best - not exactly clean-swab immaculate. Two 21-year-old guys living in a 50m2 apartment, you can probably imagine it. I basically got angry, told him that if my house is such a pressing issue to him, he didn't have to come over anymore. He backpedaled fairly quickly out of it at that. He's not the cleanest person in the world (leaves his food wrappers and fast food bags around my house even) but his childhood home is immaculate because his mother is pedantic about it. Ah well! The most I hope to get out of the confrontation is the understanding that I don't want him to tell me why he thinks I have acne and I don't want him to act like my house is as dirty as Satan's underfoot.
Haha, birth control pills work beautifully by killing your sex drive, thus reducing chance of pregnancy!
Thank you Amara.
You two are my favorites also! Thanks for missinge me...I know that when I read your posts I usually get a smile somewhere no matter the subject you throw in that humor and its like "yeah I can totally relate to that".
Ill try and check these boards more often they dont really "notify" me as to when a person replies
(
I think if you hit 'Follow This Topic' it notifies you, I'm not sure! 
I will try it. There are a few threads I "actively" (when I have something interesting to say which isn't really all that active) participate in. Like this one, which is my thread, and I am the king queen of it.
Your log is hilarious! Definitely following it. I feel you on the peanut butter. It is the DEVIL.
Cheers!
Everything in life should be taken in good humour, right?
Seriously I cannot even have peanut butter in my house, I get nervous just being near the jar, like any second I'm going to inhale the entire contents. It's... it's just so delicious. And Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Why is my life so hard?!
I can't really read him, because he lives away from home now in an apartment with his flatmate and his flat is a bachelor pad at best - not exactly clean-swab immaculate. Two 21-year-old guys living in a 50m2 apartment, you can probably imagine it. I basically got angry, told him that if my house is such a pressing issue to him, he didn't have to come over anymore. He backpedaled fairly quickly out of it at that. He's not the cleanest person in the world (leaves his food wrappers and fast food bags around my house even) but his childhood home is immaculate because his mother is pedantic about it. Ah well! The most I hope to get out of the confrontation is the understanding that I don't want him to tell me why he thinks I have acne and I don't want him to act like my house is as dirty as Satan's underfoot.
Haha, birth control pills work beautifully by killing your sex drive, thus reducing chance of pregnancy!
Thank you Amara.
You two are my favorites also! Thanks for missinge me...I know that when I read your posts I usually get a smile somewhere no matter the subject you throw in that humor and its like "yeah I can totally relate to that".
Ill try and check these boards more often they dont really "notify" me as to when a person replies
I think if you hit 'Follow This Topic' it notifies you, I'm not sure!
I will try it. There are a few threads I "actively" (when I have something interesting to say which isn't really all that active) participate in. Like this one, which is my thread, and I am the king queen of it.
aha a dim bulb brightens in my brain! Will give that a try.
Day 10
I feel fine today. I've had a few new spots here and there, only small ones, and the giant one on my jaw seems to be going away. I didn't get an IB, really, but I imagine I'll break out more when my dosage is put up. Yay. I didn't take BC last night. I'm not taking it anymore. My doctor's surgery is closed until next week so I'll have to talk to him about an IUD then, but it's not like abstaining is a difficult thing given that it is my choice to make. I feel better this morning, less tired, even though I didn't sleep a lot, so I'm putting the tiredness down to the pill.
Diets....dear lord they are hard
I have such a hard time portioning!! And I love my carbs and cheeses!!!!
Oh I hear you. Peanut butter is my kryptonite. I've felt so fat lately! (I'm blaming that on Yasmin too
I agree I cant leave peanut butter alone and Nutella is even worse. I should just never have it at all...but my kid eats them.
Seriously I cannot even have peanut butter in my house, I get nervous just being near the jar, like any second I'm going to inhale the entire contents. It's... it's just so delicious. And Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Why is my life so hard?!
Have you ever tried Reese's Peanut Butter? I don't know if they sell it in Australia, but it's delicious, and it'd be like one big double threat to you! lol I've only bought it once, because I'm kind of an organic snob, lol, but it's still very good peanut butter to indulge in every once and a while 
Seriously I cannot even have peanut butter in my house, I get nervous just being near the jar, like any second I'm going to inhale the entire contents. It's... it's just so delicious. And Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Why is my life so hard?!
Have you ever tried Reese's Peanut Butter? I don't know if they sell it in Australia, but it's delicious, and it'd be like one big double threat to you! lol I've only bought it once, because I'm kind of an organic snob, lol, but it's still very good peanut butter to indulge in every once and a while
I've never seen it, and I'm glad I haven't because I have absolutely no doubt that I'd be morbidly obese within two weeks of discovering it.
Day 18
Same old, same old. Skin's getting drier, lips are peeling and looking pretty much disgusting, eyes are dry... only real difference today is that the blackheads on my nose, forehead, cheeks and chin are REALLY dark, and if I run my fingers over the pores, I can feel the bumps. I think Accutane is starting to push them out. I'm trying to be patient, they look pretty gross at the moment, but it'll be nice to finally be rid of them since they've been around for so long.
Anyway! I've been feeling better about myself in general. I've been running 5-6km a night and my endurance is improving. I used to run all the time but stopped for a while because I hurt one of my calf muscles. It's amazing how much degeneration seems to happen in such a short amount of time... only problem is that I have a random blister on my foot now. Damnit. I hope it doesn't take ten times as long to heal because of the 'Tane. Go away, blister, you hinderence!
Congrats on finally starting Accutane! I'm so jealous that you don't have to go through ipledge, haha that's awesome. Good luck, I'll definitely be reading
Day 21
I feel pretty good about things. I had to go for a run early yesterday before the sun set, although it was 5:30PM and I'm sure the UV rating wasn't exactly extreme I still pretty much drenched myself in sunscreen beforehand, thankfully I am not burned. Anyway! I've got a terribly unflattering photo here, just to mark my progress. My skin isn't bright red as the photo suggests. I'm sitting on my bed in front of the window, and it's giving off a red cast where the sunlight is coming through. I am wearing powder, but it's translucent and it doesn't hide any redness. I just put it on this morning to mattify my moisturizer, otherwise I feel very shiny and underdone.
This angle makes me look like my eyes are huge and my mouth is tiny. Oh well! My eyes are scarily large anyway.
Also here's one from last night - my cat wanted snuggles. I know... dressing gowns, there's nothin' sexier.
Loving your avatar! Best of luck with your course, I'm sure it will do wonders!
I myself am almost on the 4th month, and the first 3 months and a half I took 20mg a day. It takes a while to see the real power of Accutane (in a good way), but in the end, it's definitely worth it.
Edit: Whoa! Just saw the pics. You already look amazing!
Loving your avatar! Best of luck with your course, I'm sure it will do wonders!
I myself am almost on the 4th month, and the first 3 months and a half I took 20mg a day. It takes a while to see the real power of Accutane (in a good way), but in the end, it's definitely worth it.
Edit: Whoa! Just saw the pics. You already look amazing!
Thank you! I think even 20mg is really effective, it's what I'm on at the moment and I'm apprehensive about having my dosage put up. I don't want to be on Accutane for ages though, so I might have to grin and bear it.
My skin is pretty good at the moment! I'm still breaking out, but they seem to come and go really quickly! I had a huge one on my chin last night - I hate those, like my chin isn't already Jay Lenoesque enough - but it's pretty much gone already.
When I saw your pictures earlier and what you wrote, I read the word 'angle' as 'Accutane'. So I was thinking, 'What? Accutane's made your eyes bigger? That's mental!'
We said said from the start didn't we that a low dose would be your best option, even if it takes a little while longer; keeps the side effects from going crazy but still gives the results. Looks like it's going to plan. Still a long way to go but the beauty of doing something like this is that there is a plan in place with an end point so you're always getting closer and closer to the day that this stops for good.
Hard not to be envious right now actually because my face has decided to go crazy this weekend, just in time for my Mum's 50th birthday party. Feeling rather gross and I really would rather just keep myself to myself right now. Looks like the honeymoon period on Doxy is over... 
Man I WISH my derm would just put me on accutane...If it only took you 20- something days to get THAT clear, that is truly amazing.
I mean the side effects would suck, But I just want the cysts to stop. I haven't ever seen anyone in my college that has hyperpigmention as prominent and as dark as mine...also this city is mostly white people and generally if you're white you don't have a hyperpigmentation problem, but for some reason I certainly do.
I'm supposed to be taking 100mg spirolactone but I dont want to...messes with your hormones, your period, your body in general and I don't want to take it for the next 20 years....and the erythromycin or whatever its called does nothing for me...it isn't creamy and smooth like clindoxyl gel...it's chunky and dries white....I'm sure my face is oh so sexy at night time for my boyfriend
I WISH I didn't start crying like a baby when I first got to see my derm, but I was so over whelmed and had waited 8 months for that appointment...8 MONTHS...so all that anxiety kind of came rushing out lol...she said she'd be reluctant to put me on accutane because it causes mood disorders.
I figure though, if I just say I'm taking and/or taking the drugs and stuff that she gives me, eventually my skin will just get more scarred up and she'll have to at least give me a low dose for a period of time. I'v already been on antibiotics, tried the creams, I was on spiro in the past and that didn't work.....
annnnd next time I go back in 5 weeks and she offers to put me on birthcontrol as the next step I am declining...I am not messing with my hormones and potentially making my acne worse. I don't need birthcontrol anyways, the main purpose of taking it is pointless since my boyfriend has a vasectomy...don't want BC!!
sigh.
I still break out, but the pimples dry up and go away really quickly. I don't know how old you are, but I think the main reason my dermatologist put me on Accutane is because I'm almost 23 and I've tried everything else; my skin is worse now than it was when I was a teenager and I am prone to some pretty horrendous breakouts.
My derm actually doesn't believe in the link between Accutane and depression, I think it really depends on who you go to. Your derm doesn't sound very understanding.
I get you about not wanting to mess with your hormones. I'm not taking birth control anymore because I just don't feel normal when I take it, I'm going to get an IUD (which I haven't done yet, because my doctor has been so booked up) so I'm covered but not screwing with my body too much.
