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I hate my acne scars
It seems that it comes in waves, my self-loathing and hatred towards my acne scars. I had a really bad wave in the summer and Im having another really bad one now. It usually lasts a couple of weeks and it consists of me constantly looking in the mirror at different angles and absolutely hating my acne scars. I have mostly rolling scars and tethered scars on my right cheek and some tethered and deep atrophy on my left cheek, I also have a ton of PIE which makes it look like I still have active acne and I cant tell which cheek I hate more. I have these episodes where I love a certain side more but and then I end up hating it more the next week. I was never the most social person and I think its because I developed social anxiety and I had low self esteem issues growing up but atleast I wasnt afraid to go outside and let people see my skin. Now Im literally petrified and I get tense at the thought of going outside and letting the sun shine on my skin and letting everyone see how bad my acne scars are. I had super bad acne in my grade 11 year of highschool, I mean BAD acne, like cysts all over my face acne. Now Im 18 and In grade 12 and I hate my face so much. I hate it so much that its starting to affect my schoolwork and time spent with friends, I cant even sit down and focus on an assignment because I have to constantly be looking at my skin, and I dont want to go out with friends because Im scared someones going to point out my scars . I spend all of my time looking in the mirror and looking at acne scar treatments but its absolutely draining. Whats even worse is that even if I did have the money to fix the scars, dermatologists have told me that the most you can expect to achieve is a 50-70% improvement and I feel like Im still going to hate myself even after I spend all of that money. I dont know how anyone could love me because every time I look in the mirror Im disgusted.
I love my friends and family and I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love so so much, but I just dont know how much longer I can deal with this.
I know how it feels but please don't be so harsh to yourself. You need to love yourself first and everything else falls into line. First, take care of yourself. Put yourself first start with good grooming, wearing clothing you love and presenting yourself as the best you is a huge confidence booster! You are not running out of time, science and technology works best nowadays so don't lose hope. Always remember this line"love yourself first and everything else falls into line".