Hey! I had a similar issue with this almost 2 years ago as well. I had a lot of acne that made me feel super insecure, especially around my SO. It got to a point where I was comparing myself to most of her friends which essentially got me into this cycle of self hate and jealousy. Every day it ate away at me from the inside. I always acted normal around her, but never felt really worth it. I would always ask myself why she was going out with me when there were so many other more attractive guys with clearer skin around. I ended up deciding to break up with her after I felt the pressure just building up. Close to the breakup I would have this feeling as if a weight was pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I just couldn't take it anymore.
 

     Looking back at it, I feel like it was the right decision. I don't think I could have made it work (my acne eventually got worse, where I then decided to go on Accutane where my acne was the worst if had ever been. I was in an extreme state of self hate that was many times worse than it was before). But even now, I struggle with thinking myself as worthy at all to anyone. There are periods of time, where it hurts to look in the mirror despite the fact that most of my acne is gone, but with such severe scarring it's hard to believe that anyone could love me at all. I still live with the same problems I had when I was in a relationship.
 

     What I'm trying to get at is that. Breaking up with your boyfriend isn't going to solve your problems. If you eventually meet some other boy, I think it's likely that this process will simply repeat itself and I think the same goes for me too. It's easy to think that life would be easier if we were single, because we have this state of mind where, we are a burden to our partners. Something that I have really been wanting to do, is to go to therapy to really just lay everything out, everything just OUT on the table. I feel like I've always been running away from my problems. We manifest them through our insecurities and our actions (like avoiding to go to social gatherings - me too man :/) but we really never attack the roots. In order to confront our demons and ultimately conquer them, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves - no more hiding or occupying our minds with countless things to detract away from what it is we are feeling. Which is something I have definitely been doing, keeping myself busy with schoolwork and other school activities - it might be different for you. But once summer comes around, I am DEF signing signing up for appointments with a psychiatrist and I am planning really exploring my inner emotions and thought processes.
 

     When it comes down to it, we have to love ourselves and come to terms with who we are, accepting the things we can't change but also actively work on the things we can improve (such as our mental state). I know it sounds cheesy and vague and I was so sick and tired of hearing that type of response not too long ago. I always thought to myself that that was something only achievable by a small few and I never knew where to begin that process. But through the years I feel like it's a concept that becomes more and more concrete and achievable. We have to take time to look inward and be at peace. In my own experience things like meditation, exercise, minimalism, eating a vegan diet have helped me get a little closer to accepting myself and understanding that there's so much more out there that I have yet to discover.
 

     I really recommend that you explore those methods I just listed. When I was at my lowest point (again, this is probably pretty cheesy XD), I felt that I had become more open to different views and I just felt ready for change - I was subject to greatest change where I started my journey with converting to veganism. And for me, it took getting to my lowest point to discover this sort of change and thinking back to it, I wish there had been someone to tell me about these things, without me discovering them more slowly on my own, but that's just my journey. Sometimes things hold more value when we discover them on our own, rather than someone just telling us. So I really hope that you can take the time to discover that on your own - you find out for yourself what constitutes meaning, and the list I gave are simply things in which I have found irreplaceable meaning. And I recognize that your journey is different than my own. Maybe breaking up with your boyfriend would provide you with the most possibility for change and clarity, but maybe you are the type of person that would be able to do all of this while simultaneously cooperating with a partner.
 

     I know that this is pretty friggin long haha and I hope you didn't get bored but I really felt the need to talk about this because it is something that connects with me on such a personal level and is something that I still deal with up to this very second. Please feel free to message me about anything else you want to know, or more about my own changes if you want. I really hope that my response served as some help to you in making your decision.

You're not alone,

a fellow fighter

12 hours ago, bellacat said:

I've been seeing a guy for a while and we love each other but the relationship causes a lot of stress for me due to my acne/scarring and insecurity around it. when i met him initially 2 years ago i was fresh off a course of accutane but now my skin is worse than ever. He's outgoing, social, loves festivals. I can barely leave the house. I lie to him all the time and cancel plans because of the state of my skin. I feel like i should brake it off for his sake. I know you'll probably say talk to him but i really don't feel like i can talk to him about this. i know he wouldn't understand. I feel like i'ts not fair to him to be with someone like me and it hurts me so badly. i feel stuck. i don't know what to do.

i had met a girl when my acne was it's worst
she has clear skin
we feel in love
she didn't care about my acne
my acne is getting better and she doesn't care
i don't care about my acne anymore