Hi fellow women and acne-sufferers,

Long a** post ahead.

I know that there is a massive thread on the horror stories of women explicating the brutal aftermath of quitting the Pill for good, but thought I'd share my own story since it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me, one of the most life-changing decisions (physically, mentally, emotionally) for me up until this time in my life.

I'm a 26-year old female, who was on the pill (and have extensive logs in my post history of beginning hormonal contraception pills for acne and menstrual regulation at the age of 17-18.) for over 7 years.  I did not choose to come off of it because I wanted to get pregnant (like the main motivating factor of many other women who decide to quit the Pill in the first place.  I don't even have a boyfriend right now).  I chose to do it, because through some string of events, and my body and mental state slowly morphing into a different person as a result of artificial hormones being pumped through my blood stream for short of a decade, I was ready to maybe try life from a different approach- being single, unemployed, suffering from complicated grief after a loved one passing, may have contributed to this decision.  Smart one.

I took my last pill in July 2014.  Yes, I was nearly a whole different age group back then.  Quick synopsis of the different brands I've been on and my brief opinions of them (I was also on generic versions of all 3 of these at some point or another):

Yasmin/Ocella - really great.  Little side effects.  Maybe should have stayed on this one if I had known I would be on it so long.
Ortho Novum/Necon 1/50 - I recommend young women to never go on a dose of Pill this high unless medically needed. No serious side effects, but remaining on levels 1/50 at this capacity caused my hair to thin, eczema wreaked havoc.  I had clear skin though.
Ortho Tri Cyclen/Tri-Sprintec - possibly the worst thing ever created to humanity.  Ever.  The 3 tiers of varying levels of hormones and the effects after being on "normal" pills for 5 years is part of the reason why I quit.  With this pill, I literally enjoyed none of the positive effects you are supposed to have while on the pill.  No clear skin.  No regulated cramping.  No PMS control.  No light periods.  What a sh*t shoot.

Anyways, the first three months off of contraceptives were fine.  I like to deem this the "trick" period.  When you're on hormones for that long, after you quit your last pill, you will have traces of synthetic chemicals still in your body, so for a few cycles, your body will still be acting like it's controlled.

And then, it stops.  All normalcy I mean.  3 months in, the skin starts to break out.  Your face.  Your chest.  Your jawline.  Your back.  Places you've never had acne before.  I have NEVER had a problem with cheek, jawline, or neck.  These are the key spots which indicate that your hormones are out of balance.  For the past 1.5 years, my jawline has been imploding with nodules the size of quarters.  It's only started to calm down the past 3 months, meaning the entire jawline (both sides) are not lined with 5 or 6 nodules, now it's only 1 or 2 here or there.  The acne is back from your teenage years, only you're not a teenager anymore and you're supposed to look presentable at your 9-5, but instead now have your boss and coworkers looking at your forehead, at your chin, at your pimples.  And you're breaking out, but part of your face is also dry as a tundra, because this is also another side effect of your body coming off the Pill.  Dry skin.  My forehead for maybe 9 months was so dry, that I was applying 3 different types of moisturizers to affected area, and it would still peel, and my makeup would still settle in, and cake and emphasize the fact that my skin was the sh*ttiest of all.  It would itch, and I'd be itching my skin, and flakes would peel off.  Funny thing is, I don't even have dry skin.  I don't have combo skin, my skin is pretty fing oily.  So irony beats me.

  There's basically an unsaid agreement that you quite possibly have the worst skin in the office.  And there's only so much you can defend yourself with, "This is not normal!  I'm coming off the pill!  Just give it some more time, I promise you won't have to look at my beat face like this!"  The scars are bad too.  I hope to God they are not permanent and my topicals and creams and dietary habits will heal them over, but there™s some good icepick ones in there that look like somebody has been poking my skin for the fun of it.  When people look at you, they look at your scars all around your face.

And there's the judgment from your family.  Your mom and your grandparents who remind you, every time they see your face, that your skin sucks.  In a nicer, but no less annoying, tone.

There's the acne, that's one thing.  And you would think, you would THINK that would be the main reason why I am writing this overly drawn out post.  Well that and I'm on a forum called acne.org.  But no, it doesn't stop there.  Where should I begin next?

The hair.

Ladies, the hair.  I have been known as the girl with, the hair.  Quite nearly all my life.  Rupunzel-esque hair, nearly flowing well past my bra line, sometimes nearing my waist and it being shiney, and thick, and I would get complimented on it frequently.  Hair is and was and will be my œsafety blanket in terms of self-esteem and I™m not afraid to admit it.

Well, another thing they don™t warn you after coming off the Pill, while I™m on the brink of tears writing my experience over the past 2 years.  When your body goes through a major hormonal adjustment (pregnancy, quitting synthetic hormones for example), your body enters a kind of œshock.  Meaning your hair will fall out.  And it won™t fall out immediately after quitting, because the growth phases of hair are generally delayed 4 months or so after the change in your life is made. 

My hair enters Exogen (or Shedding phase) maybe 8 months after quitting the Pill.  My hair falls out at a rate so shockingly excessive for perhaps ~3-4 months or so that I no longer style my hair because every time I touch it, hair falls out.  After showering, my hair falls out.  When combing my hair, my hair falls out.  Chunks of hair are coming out.  I touch my head, and not a strand or 2 come with it, maybe 15-20 hairs, in tufts come out and I™m thinking f*, I™m going to be bald at this rate.  I quit blow-drying my hair for perhaps a month, quit putting ANYTHING in it, that will involve me touching my hair because of how few strands I have left.  There was one point where I looked in the garbage, and the entire bin was filled with my hair.  After one shower.  I have pictures to prove it because I went to the UK during this time, and I have never looked so ghastly ill in my life.  A Paleur, with thinning hair, and losing weight from the depression.  At 25 years young and counting.

I believe that I have come through from the Telogen phase (resting stage) and in the past month, my hair is finally starting to regrow, a healthy re-growth.  That™s after about 14 months.  Beginning to grow.  Let me add in that, I have never had extensions in my entire life.  I got them 2 months ago.  I paid $600 to have a woman put human hair into my hair because of how depressed, self-conscious and anxious I was to have no hair left.  I cannot wait to have a full head of hair of my own again.

So there™s that.  And then, there™s the emotional/psychological aftermath.  The PMS, anxiety and insomnia are incomparable.  I think for the entire year of 2015, I did not sleep one soundless night.  I have bags under my eyes, and fine lines which have developed, and been frequently commented, that I look tired.  Aged.  I have always been mistaken as the œbaby-faced girl, with the big eyes, and the clear, light skin, didn™t look like I worked a day in my life.  Now, over the past year, I am getting none of that.  I have been propelled and aged by 10 years?  That people are saying I look 30+?  Cause my skin is horrible, and the splendid physical blessings of youth have vanished.

I am beginning to sleep through the nights and wake up with the alarm clock.  I might attribute it to a new house, but waking up 3-4 times a night, sometimes every hour last year did not help.  Felt aged, look aged.  My anxiety was also triplefold.  I would worry and suffer from paranoia, and feel like everyone was against me.  And the racing thoughts.  The thoughts where I would hold my head in my hands because it was painful to have to bear.  The anxiety and mental stress added to the hair shed.

The dietary changes.  Nothing too dramatic here, but dairy now exacerbates my acne and my face and it™s never been a problem for me in the past.  I used to drink glasses of milk a day and it contributed to my strong and shiny hair and poreless skin and now I can barely drink 2 glasses a week without my face imploding.

Another important thing is the libido.  But perhaps this was one of the positive reasons I quit.  While on the pill, I did not have an inkling of a desire to be with men.  No sexual drive, happy as a bird (maybe because I had clear skin, good hair, nonetheless, huh!) to be single.  Coming off the pill, maybe when 3-5 months, my libido starts up with a BANG.  That sex drive I knew in high school.  I have been attracted to nearly every.  Man.  In.  Sight.  Men I wouldn™t have liked before, certain races, ethnicities, height, etc.  The attraction is strong, and it™s almost of a quality of a pre-pubescent boy humping nearly everything in sight, and it doesn™t help that I have looked horribly grotesque that I can™t get a guy to hit on me for the past year +, that my standards are dropping lower and lower due to extremely high libido.

Anyways, that felt good to get off my chest.  I am beginning to see the storm let up, and I™ve read extensive stories of women who have quit, and one notably on this board that said the acne let up after 11 months.  After 11 months, I was hoping that would have been my hard deadline as well, but it™s been about 17 months for me to see *slight* improvement and hair regrowth.  A year and a half.  Ain™t too shabby isn™t it?

This entire experience feels like the real life version of the movie Limitless, with Bradley Cooper.  The Pill is the equivalent of the NZT drug, you are SO focused, you are so regulated, physically, mentally, you™re controlled sexually, you don™t have anything to worry about and you LOOK great at the same time.  Your boobs maybe even increased a size or 2.  And then, the moment you come off of it, you even tried to quit once or twice in the past to no avail.  The moment you decide to go au naturel, everything comes falling down.  The Pill is literally the NZT for women, I have some days where I want to call up my pharmacy and down a whole pack just to get that œpromised feel back again, but I know that will never be forever and I will have to face this dreaded re-adjustment phase sooner or later.

It™s been a hoot.