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Hi, I'm 19 and suffering from acne since 13. I have moderate acne and acne scars. I'm writing this to ask how you guys deal with people. Over the years, after trying to deal with acne without success, I decided to give up fighting. However, I have developed a complex. I can't deal with people sitting beside me, or within 1 metre radius. If they are right across me, I will avoid looking them in the eyes. I don't think I ever look into people's eyes anymore. I stare at everywhere else except the eyes. Occasionally I maintain eye contact to show I'm listening, but for 5 seconds. However, that is after realising that I naturally avoided their gaze for too long. Also, another thing is that when someone sits beside me, I use my shoulder to cover half my face. When people come too close, I pretend to rub my nose. The problem is this: I don't feel a connection with people anymore. Everything feels so empty and I'm so lonely. I have friends in school and stuff but I feel so trapped in my own world. However, if I try to maintain eye contact for more than awhile I feel them staring into my face, my soul and insecurities. As a result, I remained my distances even with my best friends, I don't want them to feel uncomfortable seeing my face filled with blackheads, White heads, scabs, acne and boxcar/icepick scars. There are days where I just talk to people while looking in a opposite direction. Let's say a person is sitting beside me, I maintain a conversation while looking at the front or downwards. The more I like a person, the more I want to get away from him/her. That is because if he/she and I are not as friendly, I can maintain a 2 metre distance and talk normally. I gave up on getting my first love experience years ago, now I am giving up on making friends. Do you guys have the same problem?
I feel that way, too. I don't like to get too close to people because I hate my skin and don't want people to see the things that bother me. A lot of times I will wear my hair down just to cover my cheeks. If I have a bad zit, I'll position myself when I am talking to someone so that the side of my face with the zit is facing away from them. My acne isn't that bad anymore, but what bothers me most is the scars on my cheeks...all the damage left behind from previous zits or skincare products that messed up my skin. Today is my 27th birthday and I am about to go out to have lunch with my family and I really just want to go wash off my make up and lock myself inside the house. I hate that my skin ruins so many things for me.
You have body dysmorphia which seems to primarily center around your skin and this is giving you social anxiety. There is nothing wrong with you, I can totally relate to the feelings and behaviours you describe, i was the same in high school for a good few years.. even suicidal at some point.
I strongly urge to face up to whatever fears you might be having and try to slowly get yourself back to reality. Don't feel ashamed or sorry about yourself, acne (as well as acne scarring) is a common problem and it doesnt define who you are so don't let it.
Practice eye contact and talk to people more, quit looking in the mirror as much and practice mindfulness. But most importantly get yourself on some acne medication. Read my review on tretinoin it has seriously saved my life and confidence.. ive gone from being like you- self conscious, anxious, hated being in public wanting to rip my face off to loving my skin and being a very very vain person lol.
Not sure if i mention it in the review but tretinoin usp is also available to purchase over ebay which is where i get my supply. Good luck on ur journey and dont forget to love yourself