Hey everyone I'm 22 years old, i've been a member here under a different username for a few years, but not been on the site in about a year because i thought my acne had finally cleared up, but low and behold...it hasn't.

I start college in 3 days and all summer i was looking forward to it, i was using panoxyl aquagel 10% and aside from some dryish skin there was hardly any pimples, But i had to stop it about a week ago due to everytime i would go for a shower the amount of dry white flaky skin was rediculous and would take ages to get off, and i know if it rains at college it will look the exact same, so right now i am using nothing but water. i had put on a lot of weight which you might think is just because of normal reasons, but i know for a fact it is because of acne, because before acne i was at the gym 5 days a week was in good shape and had real confidence about myself, that was early 2011 into mid 2011, then late 2011 they discontinued the duac cream i had been on for years which kept my acne at bay, so of course acne came back, around august 2011 i was thinking there must be dietary reasons, so i limited my food intake to roughly 350 calories a day, only eating packet of crisps and can of juice, which i know is bad for you anyway but stay with me.

So this went on for about 2.5 months and i lost a ton of weight which wasn't my intention, i ended up so skinny my parents thought i had an eating disorder, because everytime they would cook meals and would ask if i wanted some i would say my face doesnt deserve it. so 2011 ended on this note, 2012 started and i tried the new duac again = face pure red pimples still there only hidden by redness of face, i ended up getting a job at the end of january 2012 and from there on my life went downhill, pimples never improved from january 2012 until i left march 2015 i left and had a college place secured, thought i have a few months now and can get myself together before college, i started working out again, (in my shed out in my garden) because i hate being at the gym now as i hate being around people because of my acne, which is a real mindfuck because i actually love company but not when i have acne as it makes me really self concious, so i basically have isolated myself from i left work and only saw family members, but i would never let them know how i feel as i dont want to worry them.

I would say and this is a self diagnosis but i have did courses in psychology etc and know all about these disorders, that either i am bi-polar or depressed, it was one night sitting in my psychology class we were going over the disorders and symptoms etc and when the lecturer was talking i was sitting thinking, no enjoyment from things you used to love - check, not seeing friends and being social as much as you used to - check and basically all the symptoms.

It's also ruined one relationship i had (my first) we had talked on facebook for months as i was relucant to meet because of my skin and body, so she inevitably wanted to meet and i decided because i had talked to her for so long and i liked her no i'm going to meet her, and i did and had a good time and was with her for roughly 2 months which and she may not know this but was all down to my acne it ending, i went to cinema and dinner etc with her, but she started bringing up stuff like going swimming and all i could think was yeah chlorine and my skin nope, so it just fizzled out. After it ended i was at a really low low point and as i always do i just endure god for us acne suffers endurance is like a superpower the amount of constant pressure and stress we are under from this and on top of other life issues, which is why i don't judge anyone with acne at all and actually would prefer a girlfriend that had acne and friends that did because they know what its like.

Which is a crazy thing because actually 2 of my closest friends actually had severe acne, and both have been on accutane, this was maybe 3 years ago they got it and they have been clear ever since, they don't need to use topicals, moisturisers, or watch what the eat etc anymore. Mine is i would describe as persistenly mild, as it is always there and always spots in every area but never those big cyst types, but as anyone will know with acne the severity of it doesn't neccessarily correspond with how you feel about it.

Sorry for ranting people, but basically I am starting college in 3 days and god knows how i am going to handle this after months of isolation being in a brightly lit classroom surrounded by people, in my job i just sort of kept to myself and tried to act like it didnt bother me that my face looked disgusting, but i don't know how i am going to handle going back to college for the 2nd time looking worse than i did the first, they say its supposed to get better when you get older, yeah, thats not true at all, and as for doctors, the hatred i feel for them i don't think i could write down here.

So i will be needing alot of support over the next few days and when i start college, just because i have no-one to talk to about this and keeping these feelings inside just make me feel complete rage and anger and also sadness, sorry for the rant people its just this rant sums up the last 4 years of my life, thank you everyone