I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with BDD almost a year ago, when my acne has started. My skin problems are objectively very mild and generally people do not notice it but all the time I feel disgusting, anxious and not good enough. Luckily, I have an amazing therapist which really helps but still, it's not possible to just get over this disorder quickly. It's awfully difficult to change how you feel but it's a bit easier to change how you behave. What helped me is that I invented a concrete plan for managing my BDD-related actions. For example, I can complain about my skin to my loved ones for only 15 minutes a day. I can miss a social event because of my bad skin anxiety only once a month. I only touch my face twice a day - in the morning and evening, while washing and putting/removing makeup (it's because I have an obsessive-compulsive habit of picking and squeezing everything on my face). I also set myself limits for crying (in front of others). At first it was difficult to stay true to what I had decided but later I just got used to it. Now I can't imagine talking about how disgusting I feel for more than 15 minutes to anyone except for my therapist. And I feel better because people around me are happier and more relaxed in my presence and they show me how much I mean to them. I just don't have enough time to think about my skin anymore. Of course, when I'm on my own I get sad and anxious frequently but this is when I call my therapist or just try to occupy myself with something. I think that the most important thing about BDD is that while you cannot totally heal yourself, you must not let the disease ruin your whole life, your ambitions and your relationships with people.

If you're feeling sucidal you should definetely talk to an expert. Believe me, there's a reason to live. There are so many beautiful things and feelings waiting for you that will overwhelm all of your pain - and I say it as a person who also has BDD so that means something. Stay strong. Everyone suffers in one way or another. We have this way.

You can always write me a priv message if you feel lonely.

Yes, I thought about killing myself several times today (and do a lot). I would never go through with it, but somehow thinking of it makes me feel relieved. I think of all different ways I could do it. I'm pretty sure I have BDD too, though I am not diagnosed. I have skin damage also, and I know it could be worse, but it makes me extremely depressed, especially when I think of what my skin used to look like. My heart rate goes up sometimes when I am about to look in the mirror. It's a horrible feeling. I get so down and hopeless some times. You are not alone. I am also here if you need someone to talk to.