Hi everybody, thanks for listening I'll try to keep it short! I've had acne for about 5 years now and right now it's better than a few years ago and I'm mostly struggling with a few nodules and lots of scars but it's still 'moderate acne'. I recently met someone online, it's not typical of me but it just happened. Point is that this guy is incredible. I've never had such a connection with someone, he's pretty much everything I've ever hoped for. He's seen pictures of me on facebook but my pics on fb don't really show my acne at all because I wear makeup and usually take pics on a good face day. We go to the same university and right now are not in the same town but will be the upcoming semester. I'm terribly afraid that he won't like me. He calls me beautiful and perfect all the time and I am so afraid to disappoint. I am pretty without acne but feel so inadequate and ugly with it that my confidence shatters. I know that if it doesn't work out when we meet it will be solely because of my skin because everything else is so great and knowing this is going to break me into pieces if he does not like me.
Any words would help, thank you all so much.
I think I know how you feel.
My skin was perfect once. I felt confident, attractive and happy, especially when I started a wonderful relationship with my first boyfriend. He was older, intelligent, and very good looking. I wasn't self-concious at all because I didn't have anything to worry about - I wasn't a stunning beauty but I was alright and I liked my looks. But a few months after we started dating, I've deveoped first signs of teenage acne. It was objectively mild but for someone who had absolutely perfect skin (really, I wasn't even washing it, I was just taking a shower every day) it was the end of the world. Soon my acne got worse (though still not severe) and I was really depressed because of it. I was diagnosed with BDD and started therapy. I hated myself, cried every day and didn't want to live but most of all I was afraid o my boyfriend's reaction. I felt like I have disappointed him or even cheated on him (he wanted to be with a girl with normal skin, not full of acne). He was living in another city back then so I've only got to see him once a week. It was so stressful and he obviously noticed that I'm depressed and anxious. Once, when I was really upset, I decided to tell him about my problem. Then, to my surprise, he told me that he totally gets me because he had suffered from severe acne for six years. I didn't knew that because when I met him he was after a course of Accutane and his skin got significantly better. He said that my looks are only 1% of the reasons why he's attracted to me and that the condition of my skin is only 0,01% of my total looks. He also said that he believes that love is something that lasts despite any obstacles or misfortunes. Now, I'm still struggling with BDD and often I spend days crying on his shoulder and telling him how much I hate myself, but I know that he loves me and that he'll love me no matter what happens with my appearance. I'm sure that if the boy you've met is a good, loving and sensitive person who searches for a real relationship he won't care about your acne at all. If he doesn't like you because of it, he's just not worth dating. And if you feel anxious around him because of your skin - tell him. You don't need to do it right away, but if it still bothers you after some time, tell him and I'm sure that he'll be happy to tell you how beautiful you are to him. People love you for what you do and who you are, not what you look like. I know it's hurt to believe and I know exactly how it is to feel self-concious. Just be brave - it may be the best thing that happens in your life.
Oh goodness, I have the perfect story for you!! I met my amazing boyfriend online a few months ago. My pictures on facebook make it extremely difficult to tell that I have moderately severe acne and I cover it with as much makeup as possible. Unfortunately, our first day was during one of the worst breakouts I had ever experienced. My boyfriend didn't even seem to notice because he was too busy talking to me and getting to know ME, not my face. I have since discussed how self conscious my acne makes me feel and he is incredibly supportive. Remember girl, our acne is not as bad to other people as we think it is and we have SOOO much more to offer than bumps on our face that we can't control!! Chin up and go get him!
Hi BlessGirl,
DISCLAIMER: This is going to sound really corny and cliche, but I've grown alot since my undergrad days. So, trust me!
I say go for it! If he flips the switch after seeing you with acne, is that really the type of guy you want around anyway?
I think you need to remind yourself of what you have to offer as a person and an entire package. If you can confidently say that you are a good, funny, intelligent etc., then you will not have anything to worry about. When I obsess over my skin, my girlfriend tells me, "You're the handsomest man I've ever met." At that point I realize that my skin isn't perfect, but I have other aspects that I can take great solace in knowing are awesome.
I agree with jensweetone: "Remember girl, our acne is not as bad to other people as we think it is and we have SOOO much more to offer than bumps on our face that we can't control!! Chin up and go get him!"
Just what I needed to hear.
The only way to find out is to actually meet him. I had some experiences with online dating, where the connection seemed to be "there" but, in my case, the few people I met online turned out to be psychos. I realized it had nothing to do with my acne, and everything to do with who they were as people.
So, be careful, take a chance but be aware that if rejection does happen, it's for the best in the long run. Either way, it will have nothing to do with your skin so just be yourself and don't let your acne hold you back.