Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Please keep your head up, and don't give up on curing your acne.

As for how you look without acne, you might not look that bad. I grew up thinking I was ugly when I was in elementary school, because everyone seemed to hate me, and treated me like shit. I remember girls acting like I was disgusting. Then when I turned 12 and got cystic acne, this girl saw one of my old pictures from elementary school, and she said "Damn Romeo! (nickname) Is this you?! You were so sexy! What happened?" She sounded so devastated. That was the first time in my life that I realized I might have actually been attractive. It turns out, in elementary school looks don't matter. If you're not popular, you're just an ugly disgusting monster that gets beaten if you come out of your cave.

Maybe showing a girl, or posting a picture of yourself before your acne would give you some credible feedback. If you've confirmed you are ugly and are wondering about some alternatives...

1. You can find a local group of people like you who gets together socially.

2. You can dive into the online video game world. I've been there, and it's amazing. MMO's/Role Playing Games are the best. I played City of Heroes/Villains and it's all about communication, though you can be on your own. It's like a real virtual reality where you can be yourself but without your appearance, I'd be up for hours playing that. One of my favorite games of all time, and it really makes you feel like a part of the community. If you don't get that feeling from a game, then you should probably move on to a different game.

3. You can join the peace corps. They will pay for your living, food, and everything. The people you interact with won't care what you look like because you are there to help. Your acne may even get better with the change of environment, diet (if you want), and less pollution (varies). And these people may even become like family, or at least friends.

4. Move to Alaska. The government can pay you for it, and it may help reduce interactions with strangers, as you may quickly become familiar with the few people you encounter.

5. Live in Rural isolation. Order your food or learn to farm if necessary.

There's many more options for you out there, but don't give up up clearing your acne. Even if you are ugly, you may look much better without acne.

Hey you are hurting and this is the right place to come....many of us have missed out on chunks of our lives because of this dreaded disease....so you've opened your soul to us, but can I ask you to do ONE more step?

ONE more step?....I do think it will help.

You say you've looked at the photos here and 95% are attractive (your assessment) and 5% aren't (your assessment). If we were to conduct a poll and ask members to put themselves into one of the two categories, I'm fairly certain the results would be well OVER 50% thinking they aren't attractive.

that is what this disease robs from us, our self confidence.....so post a photo, of your cheeks, your chin, whatever, even privately to me if you can't put it up on the site.....I'll give you my honest assessment.

if you read my background, I've battled with cystic acne since high school, and I'm long past that....I've always had scars, worse in college- but I KEPT GOING...so I didn't date as much as others, but I studied, got great grades and a great job. Guess what? Employers care more about your brain then your face...

so my point here is, 1) it's much worse to you then to others (just the way it goes) and 2) you need a positive plan, something to work on your active acne if you still have it and a CHEAP way to work on your scars till you can afford more...and you need a life plan, I love what the poster above wrote

but send me that picture, I'll help you honestly evaluate- and consider yourself virtually hugged!

Totally agree with Mrs. Robinson! Plus, many of the photo avatars you see aren't even the actual member. Many choose photos of celebs, etc. to identify themselves on the forum. So definitely don't go by the avatars on here...very, very misleading!!! Acne.Org is a great community with lots of info and support...so please take advantage of what's here! Trust me, we get it. You're among friends here!!!!

Thank you for the feedback.

I read your options Melloman, and don't think I haven't thought and analyzed these options before because that's pretty much all I do. I contemplate which options I might have.

I've tried the gaming option, but it didn't work. The other options sound pleasant, but it doesn't help that I'm a coward too. I should have mentioned that in the original post.

I can't really explain it briefly, but in my opinion, I'm okay with my value (appearance). It wasn't an easy journey, and it's taken half of my life to come to terms with how I look, but I finally embraced and accept my outside appearance. I know this isn't rational, but I just wish I could introduce myself with "Hi, I know I'm ugly and not very pleasant to the senses, but I'm okay with it; I hope you will be too."

It would just break the ice for me, personally. I always feel as if I'm the elephant in the room. Maybe I do need counseling, heck I'm sure of it, but I say I don't need to be around people, but this isn't true. I enjoy interacting. I just haven't come across the right people in real life, and this is what's frustrating.

Mrs.Robinson,

I'll try to send you pictures of myself, and thank you for the hug.

I know this isn't rational, but I just wish I could introduce myself with "Hi, I know I'm ugly and not very pleasant to the senses, but I'm okay with it; I hope you will be too."

 

It would just break the ice for me, personally. I always feel as if I'm the elephant in the room.

Rick, I know you feel your appearance makes other people uncomfortable, but starting the conversation in that way will only cement that, not break the ice. A better ice breaker might be to make a joke about your appearance, make light of it. This is telling people, "Hey, this is who I am and I'm comfortable with it so you should be too." Having and keeping a great sense of humor can be your best friend, and had I followed this advice when I was in high school I probably wouldn't have been teased so much by other kids about my skin. Confidence is attractive and people naturally gravitate towards confident people, regardless of appearance.

Sending hugs your way!!!

I get what you're saying DeLovely, I do, and I actually have tried humor in the past, but I wasn't quite confident in myself at that time to use it. So the results were horrible. But you're right, sense of humor would ease the tension for most people, and maybe I'll give another shot in the future, but honestly, humor is not something I want to use as a tactic.

I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help, and please, don't think I don't appreciate your feedback because I do. However, I want to be honest, as best as I can, because honesty is pretty much all I have at this point.

I want to be able to me, who I am. I want to be the person I am right now at this very moment while in the comfort of this house behind this screen but in public. I would say that I'm very comfortable with my flaws, but I also understand that my flaws make people uncomfortable and awkward. This is the frustrating puzzle that I don't know how to solve.

But, I ask myself what do I want from strangers? Why do I need strangers to accept my face? Why can't I have the courage to go to the corner store without worrying about people's stares? Why do I need their approval? I don't understand.

"What's the matter? You've never seen a handsome man with an ugly face before?"

How about that as an ice breaker? It made me chuckle.

All kidding aside, I think I've figured out my problem.

I'm trying to force people to accept me, and that's wrong for me to do. It should be me to accept people, and their mentality. I can't force anyone to do anything; all I can do is be me, regardless of the results.

And the second thing is what Melloman mentioned: I just haven't found a group or person to connect with. I'm still searching for this acceptance, and I think I always will search for it until it's found.

And the second thing is what Melloman mentioned: I just haven't found a group or person to connect with. I'm still searching for this acceptance, and I think I always will search for it until it's found.

You know, I just realized that there are a lot of orginizations low on membership. Try to find some in your area that need help. Join all of them and see which is the most fun and loving. They will accept you because they need help regardless, and in the process you may slowly grow relationships with them.

Here are some orginizations that are probably very active based on Today's issues in the U.S.

Police Brutality Orginizations (black lives matter not reccomended)

Social Worker

Gang interventionist

These three areas can be the most active. The second are highest recommended, because not all police brutality orginizations are that good.. Gang interventionist is probably best as there really isn't any required education for that.

I honestly don't know too many that are too active. just search for ones in your state. Black lives matter probably isn't as good, because they mostly just call everybody out to rally and then everyone goes home. Not to say they aren't making a difference.

Rick32...I have read what you wrote and I liked what the posters above said to you .

Believe me that we all understand what you are trying to say .

As human beings , we need to feel the welcome , the acceptance that others can give us,sometimes it's not what others think of ourselves but what we think of ourselves, and that reflects the way that we ,ourselves,and others perceive us.

I'm having a really hard time, trying to explain it, but I know that you understand what I'm trying to say.

Sadly, and yes, we live in a world which is pretty much influenced by looks.

My mom used to say this saying in Spanish,"siempre hay un roto para un descocido " , it is kind of saying in English,"there is always a match for a mismatch".

I know that it's true ,if we perceive ourselves like that . Sometimes we are just looking in the wrong places.

have you ever asked yourself ,why do people feel,and receive more love from animals or pets than from other human beings? I have.

Take care.

HI Rick32,

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. As you can see, there's no judging here, and many, myself included, can understand how it feels to just want to be accepted. I like your own realization that you made above, along with others' feedback. First of all, I like that you're approaching this from the inside out - I try and make sure i'm doing this too - like personally i do want to make improvements, but am always trying to check and make sure that I like myself and am not just using outer imperfections as a way to not like who i am AS A PERSON. I feel that we have value simply just because we exist on this planet. I personally DON'T believe in a rating system, where your value goes down as the number of pimples go up. Because given how many people get acne and scars, th at would mean that we are pretty much all are ugly and outcasts. Fortunately, not everyone sees it that way. Not everyone is measuring your worth/right to exist in this world by your appearance. But if you are, then you are the one holding yourself back. I wrote about an example of this somewhere else on this forum but i'll add it here. ONe of my co-workers...her face was covered in acne, and scars too- but that is NOT what fazed me - i've suffered from acne and know others who have and don't see that as abnormal. But what I did not find normal (unconsciously) when I first met her - I was just taken aback because she did not have any ANY MAKEUP on. I later felt bad that that was my initial reaction and thought that i had, but it's what i'm used to. I smother myself in makeup when I have acne and have grown up learning that women hide blemishes immediately, so I was projecting my own insecurities onto her. Well let me tell you, even with her acne not covered up I found her beautiful, but within a few minutes of talking to her (and from then on) I didn't even notice her acne. Maybe what you're referring to in society is right - we're so conditioned to perfection and hiding imperfections, that we're kind of taken aback when someone doesn't seem to mind having what's considered an imperfection, on full display. And it's sad that that that does happen, but again, not EVERYONE you meet is judging you and your face. But anyway...after meetintg her, I honestly felt like she made it seem cool to be walking around with acne..,made it seem totally normal again - yeah when i was younger, I didn't feel like it was a sin to have acne--that quickly changed as I got older. But anyway, everybody at that office loves her. She is an executive assistant and performs her job well and is very happy with herself. Even if she were to try and improve her acne - if that is what she wanted, then that'd be her choice..but it wouldn't matter because she is already so darn secure in herself. Or maybe she had tried and hadn't been able to improve the acne...again, the way she carried herself and loved herself already and everyone was drawn to her amazing personality...all of that happened with the acne. It made me feel like, wow..next time i get a breakout, i would feel ok not having it be fully covered up in that workplace, thanks to her -- we all can be human beings - being human means your body changes - you go through things, you get hurt, banged up, bruised, get rashes, weird things on your body...but like life itself, these things can either change or get better but if they don't, you're still human.

So on that note..something really bothers me - you say you accept that you "look ugly"...has anyone ever said this to your face? Have you ever considered, that because of how you feel (an outcast), your body language makes you behave like an outcast (i still disagree that you are --for whatever reason), and not your appearance, may be what appears to be making them uncomfortable? I say this with great hesitation because you feel certain that they don't like what they see and disapprove. I'm skeptical because I've made many assumptions about how others feel about me and i've been proven wrong wrong, many times. BUT more importantly, like you mentioned above...why are you wanting to be accepted by all thesepeople--especially strangers? You yourself said that you accept your appearance. So why not go out to the store or do whatever it is you like, and if you do get stares, then just continue about your normal way, if you're accepting of yourself?

I personally feel that you don't have to address any "elephant" in the room. Acne/scars are something that happens to anyone who is a human being. You are a human being experiencing a humanly condition. You don't owe any explanation to anyone. But maybe your body language may suggest that you do, and may even make you vulnerable to some pretty emotionally abusive people, who are preying on people with insecurities like that. Don't give off the message that you're an outcast. We should all try to be good citizens and decent to one another, but I don't think we need to receive confirmation of our value from others. Even if you were ______ (enter name of somebody who you think looks very attractive), there will always be at least one person who will find a flaw with some aspect of you. That's because ugly/beautiful..these are subjective and what's beautiful and flawless to one person may be ugly to another and vice versa. Especially, depending on where you live in the world. But again, who cares, because then again you'd be focusing on what OTHERS' opinions are. Maybe bring the focus back on you and how you feel about yourself. IF you truly feel good, then there is no need to worry about offending or "disgusting" others...for whatever reason. You seem like a cool person worth getting to know. THe right people, will see this and appreciate it and see right through to who you are as a person. But I don't think you don't need to move a million miles to find them. Because insecurities follow us. And if you give off the same vibe, then even good people can feel uncomfortable as they might feel like they can't have a normal conversation with you if you consider yourself on such a different, lower level than them. Try staying where you are, and focusing on all the qualities you like about yourself, and the right people will be drawn to you, and when they do, I hope you will accept them and not be skeptical of their intentions because you feel you don't deserve it. You have value and are as valuable to this world as anybody else, but if you discount or dismiss yourself, then others may just do the same. Not everyone will, but some do for sure.

Thank you Snowflake for your response. Your point of view is pretty much spot on with my own. Unfortunately, I do contradict myself, a lot. It's one of the many factors that go with "introspection." But, I'm learning, and I think progressing.

Although, these contradictions aren't restricted within my own mind. I also understand the world consists of many contradictions of its own, and this is what keeps me in my shell. Like you mentioned( about judgment depending on the individual), I don't know which human being I'm going to face, so I automatically assume every individual has this "value system" embedded in their mind, which assumptions is another trait I'm trying to understand and control.

I'm not going to lie; I started my life(and still do but I'm trying to control and understand it) judging only the exterior. I'm obsessed with outer image. I don't know why. My only excuse is to put blame on someone or something else(television, music, etc.) But, I'm adapting and learning to what actually matters in my life. In the past, I didn't have this understanding and grasp of my thoughts as I think I do now. My thoughts would overwhelm me to the point of severe depression. Now, I still get flooded with thoughts, but I feel that I can remove them from my mind and dissect them (I would like to think I can anyway). I just get confused a lot because the bottom line, so it seems, is that it all really doesn't matter, but somehow it does.

And maybe, my body language does present negativity, which I'm constantly trying to improve also, but I also want to be "me"(whatever that means). I don't want to create a facade anymore. I don't want to walk with my chin up and act like I'm worth a million dollars because if I don't feel that way, I don't want to pretend that I am. I want to present to people who I am with every single flaw. I want to learn to accept who I am while in public.

It's funny because right now I have so much "confidence," but as soon as I step outside and into the public eye, I completely shut down. Who knows maybe in my mind right now I'm walking with my head held high, and that's possibly how I'm always walking within my own mind; I just don't present myself to the world that way, and I think I know why. It's because of something similar you mentioned with your co-worker. People expect shame. I'm expected to be ashamed(which I am but I'm working on that too) of my appearance, so I oblige. We all create a facade anyway, so I tell myself, this will be my facade. I will present myself to the world as expected.

Oh boy! I sure do have a lot of work to do to solve my own riddles, but I'm learning.

You are welcome Rick32. I just wanted to respond to something you said. I agree with you...you don't need to change your body language...for anyone. I was just saying to suggest that, if it seems like people are uncomfortable, it could be also be because of the vibe you put out, rather than it meaning that they have a problem with your appearance. But more importantly, I was saying that certain weak, defeated body language makes you vulnerable. I am against putting on a facade and pretending to be the most confident person in the world, but I know for sure that when you go out into the world automatically expecting to be shamed, that almost magically draws out the tendency in some people to start shaming you, if they have it in them to do so. I'm basically saying, there are good and not so good people out there. And I think it's good, as a rule of thumb, to make an effort to think positively of yourself when you go out into the world, NOT to please others, but to make yourself less vulnerable to emotionally manipulative people. Then, maybe when you have a close circle of people you trust, be yourself 100% with them, knowing that they would probably never prey on any insecurities you may have. Strangers might, but someone we've taken a while to get to know and trust...those are the best people to be 100% ourselves with. Also I've experienced anxiety being in social situations along with my friend...we discovered that social anxiety is an actual (common) condition that can be dealt with. I always read psychology articles in hopes of understanding myself better and they seem to help. In any case.. I agree..always be yourself...whether you're feeling happy or sad or whatever...and if you are going to be paying attention to others, do it not because they could judge you, but rather, because a very low self image is more at risk of being targeted by manipulative people. Don't be skeptical...just cautious and aware.

Understood.

Beauty is subjective.

The people you find attractive, other people may not.

You don't find yourself attractive, but other people will.

Don't kill your self esteem with your thoughts. There is more to life that looks, do not value yourself on this!

My image obsession goes beyond acne and scars because even before puberty, I remember being self-conscious about my appearance. Ive noticed lately that a self-image is stored in my mind. This self-image has been created since early childhood, I believe. Although, I dont think this self-image has an actual appearance from what I understand. Its somewhat of an aura or simply a mold of what I sense I should look like. Its a presence I feel that I display for everyone to see, but its obviously not apparent to anyone but me. Ive been trying to figure out how this image formed. How was this self-image created in my mind? Is it simply my own ego? Or could it be influenced by media, family, friends or environment? Should I have spent more time looking at my own reflection as I aged to understand exactly what I present to the world instead of relying on this false self-image?

I think this is the reason for my confusion and frustration when I look in the mirror and photographs and in the past resulted in anger and depression. I couldnt accept flaws. But now, I can consciously notice my physical flaws, and Im aware of how these flaws are perceived, but my ego doesnt understand flaws. My ego or this self-image that has been created in my mind is flawless, and it doesnt understand anything else. I have to force my own ego to understand what flaws are.

Its like Im aware of internal worth, but Im also aware of external worth, and they collide constantly. I cant find a balance between the two, and I consume myself with these thoughts. These thoughts become addicting because I want to figure out the reason why or find out the fundamental principles of these two worlds.

What is the truth? Which value has more significance?

This inner value or the external value?

Am I worth what other people say Im worth? Or am I worth what I feel Im worth?

And during all this contemplation how does one stay humble?

snowflake01 you didn't address your question at me but I would like to know what you think about comments someone had made to me about 9 months ago that haunt me to this day. This came from someone I considered a friend. We have a strictly professional relationship but years ago he sexted me drunk and it was embarrassing for us both. I used to like him but then it fizzled out. Which is ok, I get it with how I look and everything. Now 9 months ago before I came to see this guy for the professional service, I was in Vegas and there was this one guy hitting on me wanting to go up to my room. I assumed he just needed a place to crash and was maybe going to rob me on his way out. He was very drunk! I asked him nicely to go away but it took a bit of time before he actually went away. Now, I was telling my friend that there was a guy in Vegas hitting on me and the first thing out of his lips, "was he very drunk?" I told him yes and he just said, "well that makes sense!" I didn't dwell on it at the time but then it dawned on me that he meant only a drunk man would find me attractive because his vision would be blurry and he may not see my acne scars the same way sober men do. What bothers me the most is this so called friend never told me straight up, you're a nice person but your skin's horrible. Instead it was made into a joke. Like, who are you kidding? A guy'd have to be wasted to go for you! He didn't even consider that this guy might have been far worse looking than me.

What's your opinion about the comments I got?

iamscarred4life,

I was actually just reading one of your comments on another post and was intrigued so I clicked on your profile to see other posts you've made and that is how I just saw your comment above! I'm still getting used to this website because apparently it doesn't email me when someone replies on the the same threads I've commented on..anyway glad I finally saw this.

I don't know your guyfriend very well and the details of your history but i feel like maybe he liked you but you didn't feel comfortable getting close because of skin issues, maybe that's why things fizzled out? I may be wrong but I think it's a possibility because I actually avoided a coworker I liked too because of scars...and things fizzled out because my low self confidence at the time made my behavior come across as pretty uninterested.

Anyway I know I haven't addressed your question yet but I said all that to help answer it. If there were any mutual feelings between the two of you at some point, or he is definitely your good friend, then I actually interpreted his words to mean something totally different. I've learned that guys communicate differently than women. I feel like they're very direct. Like you said...if he really wanted to make a statement about your skin....and a rude one, at that! He just might have. But I didn't see it that way. Instead I think maybe either:

1) he still likes you, and the thought of some other guy near you made him jealous. So he was trying to get more information. By establishing that it was just "some guy" ...nobody special...made him feel better that he doesn't have to worry you've met somebody amazing and fallen in love and moved on.

2) Or he sees you as just a friend but still cares for you so was concerned about who might be around you. His first reaction, as many guys' would be upon hearing that this was in Vegas and it was late and a dangerous sounding person almost violated you...so he was thinking...that guy had to have been drunk! What other kind of guy would do such a thing? I might have asked you the same thing as a friend and then said oh wow...that makes sense that this creep was drunk because only a creepy drunk person would harass a woman like that!

I don't know your friend well enough to know if he's ever made cruel jokes in the past (about other things besides skin) so I'm not sure if he would say something like that and have it imply something so cruel like what you were thinking. If he's ever been emotionally abusive toward you before, then that's possibly what he meant but otherwise there's no reason an otherwise good, generally respectful guy friend would make such a cruel back handed comment. If he is that bad a person...please don't let him back in your life. But if not, it just sounds to me like he was concerned and pointing out how incredulous it was that the guy was behaving that way that the only explanation/primary reason had to have been was that he was drunk out of his mind.

Update- I just read your comment again and remembered you mentioned that he had sexted you while he too was drunk! So maybe he was even relating to the guy, since he has made some poor choices himself while drunk! But most likely it was one of the other reasons above.

Rick32, just wanted to apologize. Didn't meant to hijack this thread with an unrelated post.

It's fine; I feel honored actually.

It's fine; I feel honored actually.

Hehe ok, well I think you really started an interesting topic/thread here. I hope you have been doing well. Any new insights you care to share with us?

Rick, from reading your posts it's literally as if I wrote them myself. Like you, I'm suffering from immense self-hatred towards my image and feel like one of the ugliest people. When I look at pictures of others on this site, I honestly regard myself as being one of the worst...sure, that person might have more active acne, but their 'underneath' skin is clear, or they're not that red, or they have no red marks/scars, or the acne is just in one place, etc... I can see the positives in EVERY single other person and place them so much higher than myself. I too feel like the .0001%. Haha.

I am starting to realize though, that I do suffer from BDD. I think it is possible to suffer from both acne/scarring in varying severity AND still have BDD. I've recently been looking back at old photos. Last year was the best for my skin, literally seemed flawless, so I was a bit upset...but then I carried on going back. In almost every picture I could find I had visible acne of some kind. Sometimes it would be a cluster, sometimes it would be just the one or two. I think I look worse now than I did then, but I realized something...that in the past I had left the house with acne and was happy and continued to live my life. It didn't even bother me in the slightest, to the point where I never thought I even had acne before this year! Looking back, that's not the case...

I think I have a false image in my mind that I looked 'perfect' before, and I never did. As someone said on a thread of mine; yes acne is unattractive, but so is going bald, or having a wonky nose, or having overgrown nose hair, or having that one toe larger than the other, etc. Basically, everyone has something that they don't like and everyone has something that is conventionally 'unattractive'.

I lived my life in the past with acne and no-one cared or mentioned it, I never had any problems, and I never let it worry me. I was even extremely sexually active in the past and didn't shy away from intimacy. Fast forward to today, I haven't even left the house in SIX MONTHS because I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of how I look, let my friendships fall apart and can never, ever, see myself even going on a date, let alone getting intimate with how I look. Funny thing...when I told my friend about my problem, she turned around and said "You're skin looks 100 times better than when we were at college!" -- when I honestly thought before this year my skin was great! The truth of the matter? I just didn't care.

Yes, I have acne and scarring, but I feel like even though I do have these problems, my BDD is the main issue here - I'm noticing EVERY imperfection and seeing the good in everyone else...maybe if I could just reverse that and see how we're all normal and have our own problems, I could move on.

Still...baby steps...

I'm going to keep track on this thread, I'd love to hear how you're faring.

You're right Lore. I'm sure I have some form of BDD. I just hate to admit it because I feel BDD is a diagnosis for the attractive spectrum. But, regardless of the appearance, if one isn't satisfied with their outer image, I'm sure it could classify as some sort of disorder, which I have. In the past, I tried living my life as if acne wasn't my main focus, but every time someone would mention my flaws, I would crumble and cower away from the situation. This resulted in quitting jobs. You mentioned you haven't left your home in six months; I haven't left my parents' house in years. I quit my job in 2012 because of these same mental issues. I really want to get back into the workforce, but I'm just now starting the baby steps. In the recent past, I would have never been able to grocery shop alone, but a few weeks ago, I did and nothing happened to me. I wasn't ridiculed, and I didn't allow stares to consume my thoughts. I think (maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me), I might have even received a smile. I guess I could say that I'm more understanding of my thought process, but I still let negative thoughts consume my mind. It's definitely an ongoing process, but I'm trying to stay focused.

Snowflake, as far as any new insights go, I'm trying desperately to accept everything about me. I'm trying to accept what I am and how I look. Just yesterday, I completely broke down. I didn't have a good outlook on things, but with the help of some friends, I was able to bounce back from the gloom. Like Lore mentioned, every individual has their own insecurities and what could be perceived as flaws; I just need to stop comparing myself to others. It's very difficult to do. Because once out in the real world, I see how other people are treated, and I always seem to be left out in the cold. But looking back, regardless if the scenarios were true or not, it was my own fault for allowing these thoughts to flood my mind. I could still have a job right now if I didn't let negativity overwhelm me. I'm trying to overcome this mental torment. That's pretty much all I can do at this point.

This is going to sound silly, but I just wish I had a specific talent or skill to distract myself from my own thoughts, but the only thing I enjoy doing is writing down these thoughts. My interests only gravitate toward the "negative," it seems. I enjoy philosophy and psychology, but these subjects always remind me of my insecurities. I understand that it's all mental, but I can't break this habit. It's just a vicious cycle. I want the answers, but I don't even know the questions. ( I was trying to be philosophical, but I don't think that makes sense.)

I just realized that I never really tried improving my skin. I guess because in the past, in my mind, I tried everything, and with visiting a few dermatologists, I thought if they can't repair it, how could I? For some reason, I thought my skin would magically improve on its own. I was just tired of having to apply so many chemicals growing up and seeing no results, and when I would read topics here about regimens, it all seemed complicated. So I gave up, and I haven't been strong enough to try again. But, I'm going to try. I finished reading an article mentioning raw honey and its benefits for my type of skin texture, so hopefully I see some sort of results within a few weeks, and at the very least, I'm trying something. I just feel so darn defeated, all the time. It's a mental nightmare.

Check out the scar forum, and be sure to check out my scar journey here:

(also check out the before & afters as well as the studies/clinicalpapers

If you don't mind, I suggest you upload a picture of your scarring. Doesn't have to be your whole face, just part of it, it would give us insight on what you're dealing with and then users like myself can suggest things for ya.

"Real user before & Afters that inspired me - (scroll for pictures or click here) - (scroll for pictures or click here) - (scroll for pictures or click here) - (scroll for pictures) -

Clinical Papers/Studies/Surveys - One - Two - Three - Four "

Thanks Robert for all the links, and I posted some pictures of my scarring a few days ago.