Breaking up with him because one of your flaws wouldn't be very nice. Especially since the fact that he's willing to introduce you to his family which usually means he thinks pretty highly of you and takes his relationship seriously with you. Sounds like meeting his family means a lot to him and by you not showing up and bailing on him you risk the chance of him breaking up with you and why do that over something so stupid as acne. You can't hide behind makeup forever, people are going to see you eventually and they may care or not care. But you'll never know unless you put yourself out there and go. I think you should go and make the most of it because you'll probably regret not going

in my personal opinion

u shouldn't break up with him over something like that

i think you should ....and if you're not comfortable showing ur acne .....then try to cover it up by waking up earlier ....and do what u said in your post

its just 2 weeks .....and if he deserve it ....then do it ....it make the holiday less fun ....but it will be okay

or you can talk to your bf and see what he has to say about this

good luck

Be honest? Call him over the phone instead of in person that way you have control of the situation to an extent.

Go to Montreal.

Hi there,

First off I would like to offer some advice regarding the forehead acne. You mentioned that you always wear a bandana/hat when you go out in public and to exercise, along with wearing concealer underneath. While I completely understand that you feel uncomfortable without it, it's among the worst possible things you could do. You're spreading the bacteria because you sweat underneath the hat and it exacerbates everything, combined with the fact that your pores are all clogged up from the makeup while this is occuring. You are not allowing your skin to breathe and heal, which is going to cause a never-ending cycle of forehead acne. I had the same problem, and I feel your pain. However, I'd recommend giving up the hat/bandana for 2-3 weeks and I guarantee you'll find that your breakouts will become less frequent. In the grand scheme of things, a couple of weeks of your life without a hat is not the end of the world (even though I know it feels that way right now).

Regarding your boyfriend, I've been in a similar situation myself. I actually had clear skin at the time because I was on Accutane, but the first night I arrived at my (ex) boyfriend's family cabin, I broke out like crazy. Luckily it improved quickly, but I wouldn't let him or his family see me until I had gone to the bathroom and covered it up. At night, I'd turn off all the lights and then go take off my makeup in the bathroom. It was a hellish experience because I was so stressed the entire time that it caused me to break out in the first place. Christmas is not a time to be stressed about this kind of thing, so I wouldn't go if I were you.

Does your boyfriend know that you struggle with self-esteem issues due to acne? If he does, I'd be honest about it and say you don't feel comfortable. If not, well.... Maybe you shouldn't be with someone that you can't be open with regarding your feelings and struggles.

Thanks everyone for the response. I'm just so torn right now because I really, really want to go on the trip and I feel like it's a right step to our relationship but a few days ago, my acne decided to flare up heavily in the middle of my forehead, I'm talking maybe about 10 red inflamed bumpy cysts and I just broke down and cried. The worst part is, I have CrossFit with my boyfriend Monday-Thursday and now I can't go because of how terrible the acne on my forehead is right now and I really don't want to wear a bandana over it after hearing your responses. Now I'm going to have to go do my own WOD (workout of the day) by myself before the CrossFit class. If I can't spend 1 freaking hour without feeling horrible about my skin in class with my boyfriend, how the hell am I going to endure 2 weeks...? I'm delaying dates and hangouts with my boyfriend because it's so horrible but the thought of bringing up this topic with him mortifies me because he seems me as a very confident person so confiding in him with my acne really, really, really embarrasses me. I never want him to know, I never want him to understand. I just want to hide this forever until it gets better.

Please, tell me how you get over this emotionally? Share your experiences with this debilitating disease and how you deal with it with your SOs.

You should go. A few years ago, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to spend the weekend with him and his family up North. He told me he would really appreciate and love for me to go. I said I couldn't. I came up with a lame excuse, but he knew better. He was crushed. I felt awful for doing that, but I was so absorbed with how I looked.

I know it sounds hypocritical for me to tell you to go, but if I could turn back time, I would have gone in a heartbeat. It would have been nice.

There's no easy way to deal with how you're feeling. It is quite debilitating and I know you want to hide out, I get it.

I would tell you to talk to your man. Are you able to confide in him about this? It sounds like you don't want to, but maybe you would feel some relief...

I really wish the best for you and your relationship. I lost that relationship a few years ago because of my insecurities and how anti social I became. That's no way for a relationship to survive.

Anyways, I hope you choose to go, and if you don't, I sadly understand.

You have a sad way of rationalizing your behavior. Point blank, this entire site is based off of people who share the same problems and who seek advice and encouragement. It is an outlet for many who don't know where to turn. All you seem to do based on your rude posts, is kick someone while they are down.

It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with someone's feelings. You don't have the right to tell someone they have nothing to "cry" about. If that's truly how you feel, don't post? Why waste the energy to be rude? Is your life that boring?

^ You two need to take this banter elsewhere because there is a heavy emotional problem that is being discussed here, and any additional conflict is not only irrelevant but also unfair to this young woman who is seeking advice for a personal issue. Thank you.

OP, to answer your question I never really got "over" my emotional issues caused by acne. I don't think many people do, unfortunately.

As for boyfriends, I was with the same guy from age 15-20. My acne became severe when I was 18. It had a very negative effect on our relationship as my self-esteem was in the sh*tter so to speak. I never cancelled plans, but I would refuse to be intimate unless the lights were off. I would be in a rubbish mood the majority of the time. I wouldn't sleep over anymore. I was able to be completely open with him about this since we essentially grew up together. He was an absolute angel about the whole thing, didn't care about my acne and was always very comforting and understanding. Sadly, I still hated myself and there was nothing he could do to help the situation.

Then I had a boyfriend who I did not feel I could be open about my struggles. It was a very uncomfortable and awkward relationship because of this. When I went on the trip to his parents cabin, I finally confessed my skin insecurities. But he wasn't supportive or comforting, he just simply brushed it off. He left me 2 weeks later.

Again, my advice to you is be open with your boyfriend. If you can't, I personally do not feel you should be with him. Your acne isn't going to magically clear overnight I'm afraid, and hiding this from your SO is not only emotionally exhausting but it's straight up wrong... Relationships are about being open.

my acne is the reason im still a virgin. i just try to enjoy life and watch things that make me laugh.

i concentrate my energy on solving my problem. i suggest you cure your acne naturally. see a naturopath or just get some tests run. Check for food sensitivities, as food is the most common cause of acne.

ignore the bullshit docs and derms feed you. their job is to keep you missinformed and make you give them money for meds that mess up your system in the process of temporarily getting rid of your problem.

I think you would be making a big mistake to say no because of your acne--that is, of course, if you think your boyfriend is a good person. If you think he's the kind of jerk who will break up with you or be ashamed of you because of your skin, you shouldn't be with him, anyway, and the sooner you find out, the better.

A lot of people advise discussing the matter with him, but honestly, I think it can be a mistake to expose your lack of confidence. There's some truth to the notion that a person is as attractive as he/she thinks she is. I would recommend the "fake it till you make it" strategy. Don't mention your skin. Don't act like it's a big deal. Don't get up early just to "hide it" from anyone. Follow your normal routine and act like you feel beautiful and confident even when you don't. You shouldn't take any disrespect, but there's no reason to invite it, either. You are with someone you trust, after all. I doubt he's suddenly just now going to notice it (cystic acne is hard to miss), but if he is tactless enough to mention it, you could just say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've had that since you've known me." Which would be true, I presume.

*Mod Edit* - off topic comments have now been removed. Play nicely children.

AyeAye - Acne.org moderating team.

You should go. A few years ago, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to spend the weekend with him and his family up North. He told me he would really appreciate and love for me to go. I said I couldn't. I came up with a lame excuse, but he knew better. He was crushed. I felt awful for doing that, but I was so absorbed with how I looked.

I know it sounds hypocritical for me to tell you to go, but if I could turn back time, I would have gone in a heartbeat. It would have been nice.

There's no easy way to deal with how you're feeling. It is quite debilitating and I know you want to hide out, I get it.

I would tell you to talk to your man. Are you able to confide in him about this? It sounds like you don't want to, but maybe you would feel some relief...

I really wish the best for you and your relationship. I lost that relationship a few years ago because of my insecurities and how anti social I became. That's no way for a relationship to survive.

Anyways, I hope you choose to go, and if you don't, I sadly understand.

Thank you, I'm so sorry about your relationship. Yeah, it's hard to enjoy yourself when you're constantly thinking about how bad your cane looks, especially when you're spending 2 weeks with your SO and his family. How severe was your acne if I may ask?

^ You two need to take this banter elsewhere because there is a heavy emotional problem that is being discussed here, and any additional conflict is not only irrelevant but also unfair to this young woman who is seeking advice for a personal issue. Thank you.OP, to answer your question I never really got "over" my emotional issues caused by acne. I don't think many people do, unfortunately.

As for boyfriends, I was with the same guy from age 15-20. My acne became severe when I was 18. It had a very negative effect on our relationship as my self-esteem was in the sh*tter so to speak. I never cancelled plans, but I would refuse to be intimate unless the lights were off. I would be in a rubbish mood the majority of the time. I wouldn't sleep over anymore. I was able to be completely open with him about this since we essentially grew up together. He was an absolute angel about the whole thing, didn't care about my acne and was always very comforting and understanding. Sadly, I still hated myself and there was nothing he could do to help the situation.

Then I had a boyfriend who I did not feel I could be open about my struggles. It was a very uncomfortable and awkward relationship because of this. When I went on the trip to his parents cabin, I finally confessed my skin insecurities. But he wasn't supportive or comforting, he just simply brushed it off. He left me 2 weeks later.

Again, my advice to you is be open with your boyfriend. If you can't, I personally do not feel you should be with him. Your acne isn't going to magically clear overnight I'm afraid, and hiding this from your SO is not only emotionally exhausting but it's straight up wrong... Relationships are about being open.

^ You two need to take this banter elsewhere because there is a heavy emotional problem that is being discussed here, and any additional conflict is not only irrelevant but also unfair to this young woman who is seeking advice for a personal issue. Thank you.OP, to answer your question I never really got "over" my emotional issues caused by acne. I don't think many people do, unfortunately.

As for boyfriends, I was with the same guy from age 15-20. My acne became severe when I was 18. It had a very negative effect on our relationship as my self-esteem was in the sh*tter so to speak. I never cancelled plans, but I would refuse to be intimate unless the lights were off. I would be in a rubbish mood the majority of the time. I wouldn't sleep over anymore. I was able to be completely open with him about this since we essentially grew up together. He was an absolute angel about the whole thing, didn't care about my acne and was always very comforting and understanding. Sadly, I still hated myself and there was nothing he could do to help the situation.

Then I had a boyfriend who I did not feel I could be open about my struggles. It was a very uncomfortable and awkward relationship because of this. When I went on the trip to his parents cabin, I finally confessed my skin insecurities. But he wasn't supportive or comforting, he just simply brushed it off. He left me 2 weeks later.

Again, my advice to you is be open with your boyfriend. If you can't, I personally do not feel you should be with him. Your acne isn't going to magically clear overnight I'm afraid, and hiding this from your SO is not only emotionally exhausting but it's straight up wrong... Relationships are about being open.

It's different with every guy I guess but the last one sounded like an asshole. I don't think I'm ever going to confess my insecurities to my boyfriend though, even though he is very supportive of me, I just don't feel comfortable complaining about my acne to people, even my friends and family, well besides on this site of course, ha. Maybe one day I'll be confident enough to be open about it with him.

my acne is the reason im still a virgin. i just try to enjoy life and watch things that make me laugh.

i concentrate my energy on solving my problem. i suggest you cure your acne naturally. see a naturopath or just get some tests run. Check for food sensitivities, as food is the most common cause of acne.

ignore the bullshit docs and derms feed you. their job is to keep you missinformed and make you give them money for meds that mess up your system in the process of temporarily getting rid of your problem.

Totally agree, I was on birth control recommended by my derm for 3 months in the summer which contributed to making my acne more severe. I didn't feel comfortable taking it. I want to take a food sensitivity test but it's too expensive. Have you taken one before and if so, what were you sensitive to?

my acne is the reason im still a virgin. i just try to enjoy life and watch things that make me laugh.

i concentrate my energy on solving my problem. i suggest you cure your acne naturally. see a naturopath or just get some tests run. Check for food sensitivities, as food is the most common cause of acne.

ignore the bullshit docs and derms feed you. their job is to keep you missinformed and make you give them money for meds that mess up your system in the process of temporarily getting rid of your problem.

Totally agree, I was on birth control recommended by my derm for 3 months in the summer which contributed to making my acne more severe. I didn't feel comfortable taking it. I want to take a food sensitivity test but it's too expensive. Have you taken one before and if so, what were you sensitive to?

Hey! below is a list of my reactions from sensitive to a little to not at all sensitive:

2. i know i'm sensitive to:

Almonds

Coconut

Filbert/Hazelnut

String Green Beans

Lima Beans

Green English Peas

Peanuts

Soybeans

Celery

Histamine

Buckwheat

Corn

Rice

I'm Barely sensitive to:

Eggs (white and yolk)

Milk

Cinnamon

Garlic

Ginger

Pecan

Pistachio

Walnut, Black Food (wtf? black walnut?)

Green Pepper

Mushroom

White Potato

And I'm Not sensitive to:

Oats

Rye

Whole Wheat

Poppy Seed

Apple

Orange

Peach

Tomato

Brazil Nut

Cashew Nut

Kidney-Pinto Beans

Lima Beans

Carrots

Saline

A lot of people advise discussing the matter with him, but honestly, I think it can be a mistake to expose your lack of confidence. There's some truth to the notion that a person is as attractive as he/she thinks she is. I would recommend the "fake it till you make it" strategy. Don't mention your skin. Don't act like it's a big deal. Don't get up early just to "hide it" from anyone. Follow your normal routine and act like you feel beautiful and confident even when you don't. You shouldn't take any disrespect, but there's no reason to invite it, either. You are with someone you trust, after all. I doubt he's suddenly just now going to notice it (cystic acne is hard to miss), but if he is tactless enough to mention it, you could just say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've had that since you've known me." Which would be true, I presume.

In a perfect world, this would be nice. However, OP has explained that she can't be seen without a bandana on, so I'm inclined to say that she lacks the ability to "fake" self-esteem. I'm sure there are many strong-minded individuals who have the power to do what you are suggesting, but it is certainly not commonly doable. My concern for OP would be that she take your advice and attempt this while away at this Christmas gathering, but after a couple days of trying to "fake it," she has a complete meltdown. Meltdowns while in a foreign place aren't exactly ideal, to say the least.

As far as exposing her insecurities, that really depends on how shallow one's relationship is. If you've only been dating for a short while I would completely agree, but I would think their relationship is quite serious since he wants to bring her on this trip. It seems absurd to me that someone should be severely suffering in silence while pretending to be completely fine in front of their partner. One of the greatest things about relationships and marriages is that you can conquer problems as a team and support one another through difficult times. I can't imagine a wife on a hospital bed, in extreme pain, looking absolutely horrid while giving birth should be concerned about "exposing her lack of confidence" to her husband, haha.

 

A lot of people advise discussing the matter with him, but honestly, I think it can be a mistake to expose your lack of confidence. There's some truth to the notion that a person is as attractive as he/she thinks she is. I would recommend the "fake it till you make it" strategy. Don't mention your skin. Don't act like it's a big deal. Don't get up early just to "hide it" from anyone. Follow your normal routine and act like you feel beautiful and confident even when you don't. You shouldn't take any disrespect, but there's no reason to invite it, either. You are with someone you trust, after all. I doubt he's suddenly just now going to notice it (cystic acne is hard to miss), but if he is tactless enough to mention it, you could just say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've had that since you've known me." Which would be true, I presume.

In a perfect world, this would be nice. However, OP has explained that she can't be seen without a bandana on, so I'm inclined to say that she lacks the ability to "fake" self-esteem. I'm sure there are many strong-minded individuals who have the power to do what you are suggesting, but it is certainly not commonly doable. My concern for OP would be that she take your advice and attempt this while away at this Christmas gathering, but after a couple days of trying to "fake it," she has a complete meltdown. Meltdowns while in a foreign place aren't exactly ideal, to say the least.

As far as exposing her insecurities, that really depends on how shallow one's relationship is. If you've only been dating for a short while I would completely agree, but I would think their relationship is quite serious since he wants to bring her on this trip. It seems absurd to me that someone should be severely suffering in silence while pretending to be completely fine in front of their partner. One of the greatest things about relationships and marriages is that you can conquer problems as a team and support one another through difficult times. I can't imagine a wife on a hospital bed, in extreme pain, looking absolutely horrid while giving birth should be concerned about "exposing her lack of confidence" to her husband, haha.

I have no idea how not to quote this entire thing. :/

I expected I might get a little flack for my post. Let me assure everyone I did not write it with stars in my eyes--I know about as much about the "ideal world" as the next person. I started breaking out when I was ten, I'm now approaching thirty, I've been on Accutane, tried the BC pill, and I've got the permanent scars to show for it all. I've also had body issues which crippled my self esteem FAR beyond even cystic acne and which I may never be truly comfortable with.

I rather thought "faking it" would work better withIN a relationship than in a shallow one. I've done the headband thing, too--in public. At home, with people I trust, I don't feel the need to hide my face, though I often prefer to wear makeup simply because it is less depressing to me. I suppose my age may have something to do with this. Maybe I have simply run out of give a damns. I hope the OP one day will, as well.

I think expressing an insecurity about one's looks cannot really be compared to extreme physical suffering. In fact, I am having trouble grasping how labor pains can amount to a "lack of confidence." What I'm talking about in terms of "faking" confidence is simply doing YOURSELF the courtesy of not drawing attention to what you perceive as a flaw. "Have you noticed my acne? It's pretty bad, right?" Someone who really has bad self esteem is not going to believe the person who answers, "No, of course not! I can barely see it!" anyway, so why bring it up? That's all I really mean.

 

A lot of people advise discussing the matter with him, but honestly, I think it can be a mistake to expose your lack of confidence. There's some truth to the notion that a person is as attractive as he/she thinks she is. I would recommend the "fake it till you make it" strategy. Don't mention your skin. Don't act like it's a big deal. Don't get up early just to "hide it" from anyone. Follow your normal routine and act like you feel beautiful and confident even when you don't. You shouldn't take any disrespect, but there's no reason to invite it, either. You are with someone you trust, after all. I doubt he's suddenly just now going to notice it (cystic acne is hard to miss), but if he is tactless enough to mention it, you could just say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've had that since you've known me." Which would be true, I presume.

In a perfect world, this would be nice. However, OP has explained that she can't be seen without a bandana on, so I'm inclined to say that she lacks the ability to "fake" self-esteem. I'm sure there are many strong-minded individuals who have the power to do what you are suggesting, but it is certainly not commonly doable. My concern for OP would be that she take your advice and attempt this while away at this Christmas gathering, but after a couple days of trying to "fake it," she has a complete meltdown. Meltdowns while in a foreign place aren't exactly ideal, to say the least.

As far as exposing her insecurities, that really depends on how shallow one's relationship is. If you've only been dating for a short while I would completely agree, but I would think their relationship is quite serious since he wants to bring her on this trip. It seems absurd to me that someone should be severely suffering in silence while pretending to be completely fine in front of their partner. One of the greatest things about relationships and marriages is that you can conquer problems as a team and support one another through difficult times. I can't imagine a wife on a hospital bed, in extreme pain, looking absolutely horrid while giving birth should be concerned about "exposing her lack of confidence" to her husband, haha.

I have no idea how not to quote this entire thing. :/

I expected I might get a little flack for my post. Let me assure everyone I did not write it with stars in my eyes--I know about as much about the "ideal world" as the next person. I started breaking out when I was ten, I'm now approaching thirty, I've been on Accutane, tried the BC pill, and I've got the permanent scars to show for it all. I've also had body issues which crippled my self esteem FAR beyond even cystic acne and which I may never be truly comfortable with.

I rather thought "faking it" would work better withIN a relationship than in a shallow one. I've done the headband thing, too--in public. At home, with people I trust, I don't feel the need to hide my face, though I often prefer to wear makeup simply because it is less depressing to me. I suppose my age may have something to do with this. Maybe I have simply run out of give a damns. I hope the OP one day will, as well.

I think expressing an insecurity about one's looks cannot really be compared to extreme physical suffering. In fact, I am having trouble grasping how labor pains can amount to a "lack of confidence." What I'm talking about in terms of "faking" confidence is simply doing YOURSELF the courtesy of not drawing attention to what you perceive as a flaw. "Have you noticed my acne? It's pretty bad, right?" Someone who really has bad self esteem is not going to believe the person who answers, "No, of course not! I can barely see it!" anyway, so why bring it up? That's all I really mean.

Wow, that sucks. I suggest you figure out what's wrong naturally and internally. You should see a naturopath to check for gut health and food sensitivites. Alleegies and sensitivities aren't the same thing.

I know you're probably tired of advice, but the truth is, everything doctor's give you are just temporary fixes. they make your health even worse in the end. It sounds like there is something really wrong with your body. I'm certain it could be solved in less than a year with the proper guidance.

 

Talk to him about your situation with acne and how it affects your mentality. A healthy and successful relationship requires constant communication between both partners, if their is no communication, then the relationship won't last. You must talk about each others problems, and work to solve them together as a team. It's hard to communicate about something that is very personal to you, but for the health and stability of your relationship, you must dissolve all pride and insecurities for the betterment of the relationship.

I think this is actually a good test to see if this man is a good boyfriend for you. If he sees you with acne and reacts in a negative way, then he doesn't deserve you. If he truly loved you, he will look past all of your imperfections and love you unconditionally. Why would you want to be with a guy who's in it based solely on the looks? That's asking for trouble and unneeded drama down the rode. And he should understand that you're a woman going through a highly hormonal stage in her life, obviously acne would be present.

Don't let acne prevent you from experiencing the joys of life. Life is short. One day you'll look back with regret for not experiencing life to the fullest, because of a common disease that affects everyone at some point in their lives. You're young, live life, go explore what life has to offer. Go to Canada, and make happy memories with your boyfriend and his family.

P.S

I know what you're going through. I had severe cystic pimples when I was 14 and was mentally traumatized by it. I didn't go to social events, parties, family gatherings, club meetings, and even skipped school because of acne. I regret not being strong enough to enjoy life during that time. So go to Canada! Go live!

Goodluck!

If hes worth anything he will accept your condition and want to help it improve.