I noticed that now, whether I'm watching a movie, show, or just going outside, I always notice what skin everyone has, the first thing I notice about them. And seeing people who are wearing 0 makeup obviously (i would know, im a fucking veteran at that) and looking perfectly normal, makes me feel so shitty about myself. It's a constant reminder of how unlucky I am. How gross I am. It makes me wonder what random people would say if they saw me without makeup. It's an enormous, endless burden physically and mentally.
This was me last night in particular.
I was out with family for dinner and a girl I went to school with a few years ago happened to be there. She's lucky to be very pretty and I couldn't help but notice on top of that, she's also lucky enough to have clear skin. I was noticing this more than I normally would because I was already having a bad day skin-wise and already feeling quite down about my skin and how I look. It just made me fall into a negative way of thinking for the rest of the day - about how ugly and gross I look
If I'm having a 'good' day where my skin is a bit more under control or I just happen to be feeling good, the state of other people's skin wouldn't get to me - but when I'm already feeling down about my skin / appearance, then it can sometimes get to me and it then makes me feel worse.
I know I've had issues with comparing myself to other people in the past - it actually took me a while to realise that I was comparing myself to others - so it's something I really try not to do. It doesn't help anything, there's no point to it and it just makes me feel upset. I know, somewhere / somehow, there are things about me to like - I just forget this sometimes and sometimes it's hard for me to see