Hi UnacceptedRealist:
Sorry if I misinterpreted what you were trying to say. In terms of feeling like you don't have an "issue" because your poor self self-esteem reflects reality - I sometimes feel that way too; like I'm just able to see how objectively depressing my situation is. Then again, I think most normal people over-evaluate their looks. We need coping mechanisms to unrealistically boost our sense of self-worth, otherwise we wouldn't be able to function on a day-to-day basis. So I guess I would characterize my poor self-esteem as rational but not normal, if that makes sense.
I think you're right. I lack the willingness to view myself more favorably than I would someone else in my situation (or, as you put it, coping mechanisms).
That said, functioning on a day-to-day basis is not a struggle for me, and I don't think I need to boost my sense of self-worth. This, I think, is because my "low self-esteem" is confined to a specific component of my life -- intimate relationships. I don't suffer from an overall lack of self-confidence or an inability to discern my weaknesses from my strengths. In fact, I think the latter is something I'm particularly good at; I have the ability (willingness?) to admit my faults and analyze them in an objective fashion. So, in a way, I think the fact that I'm able to acknowledge my faults, and live within my perceived limitations, adds to my overall self-worth. Perhaps, this is my coping mechanism...
I appreciate all the thoughtful replies, guys. And I partially agree with the consensus; specifically, I do think that my self-esteem is 'low' (or at least lower than usual...), but I don't think I suffer from a "self-esteem issue." I guess it depends on your definition of an 'issue', but, in my opinion, my self-esteem -- or lack thereof -- is appropriate. It's the acne, and the other of acne-related ailments, that are the issue. And in my case, many of those issues aren't going anywhere (I mean, realistically speaking, my acne scarring is fairly permanent).
Moreover, I really don't see how it's possible to be 'happy', or 'accept' myself, because I don't like the way I look. And I don't believe this is an inherently irrational concept. I mean, I'll be honest: I wouldn't be attracted to someone if they looked like I do. It's really that simple. I just don't change my standards for myself.
So, I guess my situation is entirely internal; I only have myself to blame and I'm content with that.
Also, to clarify:
My "hypothetical scenario" was, actually, hypothetical. No one has ever 'liked' me and, quite frankly, I don't blame them -- I mean, I don't even like myself...
I guess I'm just weird.
Unaccepted Realist,
I used to have moderate acne and it plagued my everyday life, somehow turning fun events into something I wished I didn't have to go to. Acne definitely can lower self esteem, but try and let it not get in the way of life. If you're going to live with something for a while, you may want to try and be as positive as you can about it. (:
How do you know that no-one has ever liked you?
Unaccepted Realist,
I used to have moderate acne and it plagued my everyday life, somehow turning fun events into something I wished I didn't have to go to. Acne definitely can lower self esteem, but try and let it not get in the way of life. If you're going to live with something for a while, you may want to try and be as positive as you can about it. (:
How do you know that no-one has ever liked you?
In theory, I agree -- being positive is usually a good thing. But, in reality, I just can't convince myself that it's practical; it's extremely difficult for me to be genuinely positive about my appearance because I'm constantly reminded of what I really look like (and trust me, I don't have 'moderate' acne) -- be it mirrors or talking to people who can't make eye contact. I have, however, tried to circumvent this issue by improving areas of my appearance that I can control, and, to some extent, it has worked. I'm proud to say that I consider myself to be in very good shape physically; but still, aesthetically, I'm just not content enough to be genuinely positive.
As for knowing I've never been 'liked', I really don't 'know' that, but I'd be willing to bet that it's the case.
Unaccepted Realist,
I used to have moderate acne and it plagued my everyday life, somehow turning fun events into something I wished I didn't have to go to. Acne definitely can lower self esteem, but try and let it not get in the way of life. If you're going to live with something for a while, you may want to try and be as positive as you can about it. (:
How do you know that no-one has ever liked you?
In theory, I agree -- being positive is usually a good thing. But, in reality, I just can't convince myself that it's practical; it's extremely difficult for me to be genuinely positive about my appearance because I'm constantly reminded of what I really look like (and trust me, I don't have 'moderate' acne) -- be it mirrors or talking to people who can't make eye contact. I have, however, tried to circumvent this issue by improving areas of my appearance that I can control, and, to some extent, it has worked. I'm proud to say that I consider myself to be in very good shape physically; but still, aesthetically, I'm just not content enough to be genuinely positive.
As for knowing I've never been 'liked', I really don't 'know' that, but I'd be willing to bet that it's the case.
What makes you unhappy about how you look?
And I'm 100% positive someone has liked you. As a shy person myself, I usually do not tell the people I like that I'm interested in them. Some of them had acne, some of them didn't. Regardless, I still didn't let it slip that I liked them. You're more than just what you look like. You sound like you have a nice personality and there are plenty of people out there that would be attracted to you. Don't let your un-perfect skin characterize who you are.
What makes you unhappy about how you look?
And I'm 100% positive someone has liked you. As a shy person myself, I usually do not tell the people I like that I'm interested in them. Some of them had acne, some of them didn't. Regardless, I still didn't let it slip that I liked them. You're more than just what you look like. You sound like you have a nice personality and there are plenty of people out there that would be attracted to you. Don't let your un-perfect skin characterize who you are.
Thanks for the kind words.
I'd rather not detail exactly what I don't like about my appearance; but, basically, I have acne and relatively severe acne scarring.
Also, I don't think my skin completely characterizes who I am, but it certainly limits who I can become. It's just reality, appearances matter to most people (myself included) and there's just not much I can do about what I look like. I guess, honestly, I don't want to be happy just to be happy. I'm not happy about how I look; I'll probably never be happy about how I look, and this is okay with me because, considering my situation, it seems like a reasonable outlook.
Although, I don't intend to let my flaws (legitimate or not) impact my life in any overly negative way. I'm still pursuing what I want to do, and I think that I'll ultimately be fairly successful -- even if I'm not truly 'happy' about my appearance.
Unaccepted Realist, you are an individual with your own set of beliefs and values which are inherent to you, nobody else. Everybody has a different outlook when it comes to acne/scarring. Just because you wouldnt find the other sex with similar acne/scarring attractive, doesnt mean everyone will take a similar viewpoint.
Im not saying all of this just to offer words of comfort, Im speaking from experience and what I have witnessed in my life.
I do believe you are on the right track though, improving other aspects of your life will help to diminish the psychological effects that acne has had on you. I wish you all the best!
Unaccepted Realist, you are an individual with your own set of beliefs and values which are inherent to you, nobody else. Everybody has a different outlook when it comes to acne/scarring. Just because you wouldnt find the other sex with similar acne/scarring attractive, doesnt mean everyone will take a similar viewpoint.
Im not saying all of this just to offer words of comfort, Im speaking from experience and what I have witnessed in my life.
I do believe you are on the right track though, improving other aspects of your life will help to diminish the psychological effects that acne has had on you. I wish you all the best!
You're right and I didn't mean to imply that I thought everyone (or anyone, for that matter) shared my views.
What makes you unhappy about how you look?
And I'm 100% positive someone has liked you. As a shy person myself, I usually do not tell the people I like that I'm interested in them. Some of them had acne, some of them didn't. Regardless, I still didn't let it slip that I liked them. You're more than just what you look like. You sound like you have a nice personality and there are plenty of people out there that would be attracted to you. Don't let your un-perfect skin characterize who you are.
Thanks for the kind words.
I'd rather not detail exactly what I don't like about my appearance; but, basically, I have acne and relatively severe acne scarring.
Also, I don't think my skin completely characterizes who I am, but it certainly limits who I can become. It's just reality, appearances matter to most people (myself included) and there's just not much I can do about what I look like. I guess, honestly, I don't want to be happy just to be happy. I'm not happy about how I look; I'll probably never be happy about how I look, and this is okay with me because, considering my situation, it seems like a reasonable outlook.
Although, I don't intend to let my flaws (legitimate or not) impact my life in any overly negative way. I'm still pursuing what I want to do, and I think that I'll ultimately be fairly successful -- even if I'm not truly 'happy' about my appearance.
I think appearance has varying levels of importance depending on the situation. IMO, in a relationship, appearance has little value, but I also tend to date unattractive guys. I find myself more attracted to someone who is intelligent, funny, witty and spontaneous than a good-looking man that doesn't have those characteristics. Some people place more importance on importance, others on personality, but overall personality is a huge factor, especially in long term. In a job setting, you might gain a little advantage over others for having a nice looking face, but overall it is your credentials that you will earn you the job.
Why do you feel like your skin limits what you can do? And hopefully I can help you become happy with how you look. 
I think appearance has varying levels of importance depending on the situation. IMO, in a relationship, appearance has little value, but I also tend to date unattractive guys. I find myself more attracted to someone who is intelligent, funny, witty and spontaneous than a good-looking man that doesn't have those characteristics. Some people place more importance on importance, others on personality, but overall personality is a huge factor, especially in long term. In a job setting, you might gain a little advantage over others for having a nice looking face, but overall it is your credentials that you will earn you the job.
Why do you feel like your skin limits what you can do? And hopefully I can help you become happy with how you look.
Well, considering I've never been in a relationship, I'll take your word for anything relationship-related.
As for my skin limiting what I can do, that's not necessarily what I meant. I'm sure it doesn't help my career aspirations, but what I meant was, actually, who I become -- not what I do. My scarring is severe enough that it is very noticeable and I can attempt to hide it (which I don't see myself doing...), but realistically I can't rid myself of it. That's tough for me because I have most of my life ahead, and I never thought I'd be dealing with this long-term.
And, I don't mean this as an insult, but you're not going to be able to "help me become happy with how I look." To me, it's just not that simple; it's not something I'm going to accept. I'm really not sure why I scarred like I did, and, more than likely, I'll be forever haunted by the fact that I might have been able to prevent it.
I do, however, appreciate your willingness to converse with me. Outside of this site, I have nobody to talk about these issues with. So, for that, thanks again.