...

It's funny, because I would likely feel that way about YOU! (too pretty, threatening, make me look bad by comparison, etc).

I relate to your insecurities, but it just goes to show that there are people who would kill to look the way you do.

I do think you're right to be cautious. Other than MY best girl friend, the only girls who have ever tried to be "friends" with my man were attempting to steal him from me. One of them swore she was only interested in him as a friend, only to write him a 3-page long, handwritten letter declaring her love for him a few months later. I told her to back the fuck off and she was scared away, lol.

There are males and females who are just friends, sure. But be wary of any new girls coming around your guy. Women don't usually befriend guys who are in relationships and then attempt to hang out with them alone. If these girls are interested in being friends with BOTH of you--that's different. But I don't think it's appropriate for a guy in a relationship to be making one-on-one relationships with other females where they hang out alone. Not unless it's a lifelong friend he already had or something.

Every relationship is different, of course. But in mine, no one is hanging out with members of the opposite sex without both of us there. It isn't a trust thing. It's just, what would be the point of that? Then again, neither of us are very social, so yeah. Anyway. The point I'm making is that I don't think you're necessarily wrong in being suspicious or jealous. Just because you're jealous of a girl because she's pretty doesn't necessarily mean she's a good person. Try to move past your insecurity and be open to people, but keep your eyes open too, you know?

It's funny, because I would likely feel that way about YOU! (too pretty, threatening, make me look bad by comparison, etc).

I relate to your insecurities, but it just goes to show that there are people who would kill to look the way you do.

I do think you're right to be cautious. Other than MY best girl friend, the only girls who have ever tried to be "friends" with my man were attempting to steal him from me. One of them swore she was only interested in him as a friend, only to write him a 3-page long, handwritten letter declaring her love for him a few months later. I told her to back the fuck off and she was scared away, lol.

There are males and females who are just friends, sure. But be wary of any new girls coming around your guy. Women don't usually befriend guys who are in relationships and then attempt to hang out with them alone. If these girls are interested in being friends with BOTH of you--that's different. But I don't think it's appropriate for a guy in a relationship to be making one-on-one relationships with other females where they hang out alone. Not unless it's a lifelong friend he already had or something.

Every relationship is different, of course. But in mine, no one is hanging out with members of the opposite sex without both of us there. It isn't a trust thing. It's just, what would be the point of that? Then again, neither of us are very social, so yeah. Anyway. The point I'm making is that I don't think you're necessarily wrong in being suspicious or jealous. Just because you're jealous of a girl because she's pretty doesn't necessarily mean she's a good person. Try to move past your insecurity and be open to people, but keep your eyes open too, you know?

I'm sure you wouldn't think that about me... How could anyone think it. Don't look at this picture, it's tons of makeup, good lightning and phothoshop. Otherwise there's absolutely nothing to be jealous of me. And knowing how it feels to be insecure and overshadowed, I always act very modest and reserved with other girl's boyfriends. Being a child of a broken family, where I saw my dad cheating on my mom, I absolutely hate girls who try to steal someone's love. Building your happiness on someone else's tear is low!

My boyfriend is on the contrary, exteremely social, helpful, pleasant. Nothing he likes more getting to know different people. And they just love him, his charisma and friendliness. Also, if he meets some "cool girl" as he says, he immediately tries to make me become friends with her. Invites me to hang out and when he's alone with some of them, answers calls, says he's with her, studying or whatever. So it seems i have no reason to feel anything...

But I totally understand what you mean Dejaclairvoyant, about keeping an eye. Even if my boyfriend says he wouldn't continue friendship if a girl liked him in that way, i think men have it hard to notice sometimes....

You wouldn't have this tension if it was an open relationship.

I think all sorts of tensions are inevitable in monogamous relationships. There are always many different people you meet who you are attracted to. I think most (romantic) relationships also have life spans. That's just the way it is. People change (it's a clich© but it's true). In any case the odds are against you as far as staying together "forever" is concerned. If you were to accept the fact that every relationship likely will end at some point then it will also be different as far as a lot of these fears are concerned.

It's also somewhat irrational to think he's going to consider dating someone else just because they are "prettier". I mean, if he's in love with you then that wouldn't ever happen. And I assume that you assume he is (in love).

Lapis lazuli....what.

Forever relationships are HIGHLY possible. People change, but it's a beautiful thing when they can adapt and grow together.

Anyway,

I am also a highly jealous person. BUT. You have to remember that your boyfriend is with YOU. I am jealous every time my boyfriend talks to other girls...but if your boyfriend is a happy, stable person, he probably has no intention of cheating on you. He loves your personality and the familiarity of you. You are his special one, not some other girl. There are plenty of pretty girls in the world, you included. He is bound to talk to some pretty girls (but like dejaclairevoyant said, he shouldn't be hanging out with them one-on-one). But he probably thinks you are the prettiest Which, by the way, you are absolutely beautiful!!

Try to change the way you think about yourself. Try to think "He is the lucky one to be with ME!" You are beautiful. Remind yourself of that. Acne or acne scarring is not you. Your facial structure, your personality, your body, your soul-- those are YOU. Use them. You have an amazing figure. He probably thinks it's incredible, too. I would kill for your body! haha, I'm a little jealous! And I get upset when someone with a great figure "flirts" with my boyfriend...but it shouldn't truly affect the relationship...and I won't let it.

You are one of the beautiful people. Include yourself in that category. There is no reason to be jealous of other girls, I promise! Let him know that YOU are the one to be lusted over! The only way to fight this is to combat those negative thoughts.

Just remember this, if he doesn't love you, then he wouldn't be with you. Guys are really simple, they only like to be with people that they like.

It's good that you are acknowledging the problem, try to think at a third person perspective whenever you are having those jealousy feeling before making any moves.

The goal of being in a relationship is to be HAPPY together, so do your best to be positive!

I am very insecure too, I would tell my BF who to not hang out with, but that's just because I know those people have an interest in him. Other than that I let him have all his freedoms.

This sounds stupid and very selfish, but I would make my BF do stuff for me to prove that he loves me, like taking me to places that I want to visit, shop for clothes etc. That's just me, haha.

But I mean, he wouldn't dare to cheat on me, he has invested too much already, hahaha! >;P

From a guy's perspective, if I were dating a girl who harbored insecurities such as yours I would definitely want to know. Maybe your boyfriend already does, and if not, can possibly relate. We have hangups too, and it could go a long way in bringing you closer together. I understand you get down on yourself, but looking for support on here as opposed to the person you're closest to will only prolong your current state. Again, I may be wrongly assuming you've masked your feelings, but in my own past relationships the only times that I've even looked at other women was when my partner and I weren't doing so hot on the communication front.

Surely you acknowledge that the negative foreshadowing of your relationship does nothing to improve your struggle. Trust that it's often far easier to cast doubt rather than hope for any improvement. Your first step I truly believe is to fight your every impulse to put yourself down. You carry what sounds like the majority of blame in sabotaging a relationship you've affirmed is very important to you. And why? Obviously you offer so much as a girlfriend in a positive way, why not focus on those qualities? Your heightened self-esteem will only follow suit.

Acne only takes away your previously higher self perception if you let it. Don't wait for the day when it's gone to magically turn everything around. You're still the positive force in this world you've always been and you have to believe that. My biggest regret since the clearing of my skin is the way I alienated myself from society when things were worse. This was also compounded with self deprecation akin to yours. The residue of such thinking can be quite hard to shake afterwards. For yourself, do the best you can to embrace the challenge you've been faced with and grow from it, instead of letting it ruin the aspects of your life you should commend yourself in attaining.

I can understand the jealousy, it's really just a natural thing to feel when a boyfriend/girlfriend gets along well with another girl/boy. But you have to remember, he's with YOU for a reason. He's made the conscientious decision to be with you because he likes you for you, and any other girl that comes along isn't going to be as special to him as you are. You're gorgeous in your pictures, skin issues or no skin issues, and I'm sure your boyfriend recognizes that and appreciates it.

Hon, be thankful that you have a boyfriend. It's awesome to have that kind of support system in your life and have that person that can be there for you through the toughest of times and be that rock or shoulder to cry on or whatever you need. Definitely make the most of the relationship and the happiness that comes with it.

It's been almost four years since I've had a girlfriend because of skin insecurities, and believe me, it's not fun trying to go through these acne struggles alone.

Forever relationships are HIGHLY possible. But RARE

Lapis lazuli....what.

Forever relationships are HIGHLY possible. People change, but it's a beautiful thing when they can adapt and grow together.

All these fears and problems that Pianina is speaking of...are inherent to any monogamous relationship. People getting upset if their partner notices another woman or if he even spends time with another woman one on one? Doesn't that strike any of you as odd? If you're so sure you are going to be together forever then why get upset? It just reeks of fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. And for what? For the possibility that your guy leaves you? Stop for a second and think about that; what does that say about how much you trust your partner? And how much should your partner trust you? With how much certainty can you say you'll never leave your partner for someone else? You can't say it with any certainty...at all. Not that I'm saying people are measuring with two sticks it's just that you have to realize that things do indeed change over time. And isn't it wiser to be realistic and to subsequently accept the reality of things instead of pursueing some fantasy perfect "forever you and me and no one else our entire lives" relationship which you won't ever find anyway?

You can't tell me that your current partner is the only person you've ever met whom you were attracted to. Plus if by chance you would have met someone else prior to your current partner you wouldn't have given the people who you currently are with any attention at all... Do you see how odd that is? That in monogamous relationships it's a first come first serve thing? That isn't how love should be if you ask me. Not that I'm saying every monogamous relationship is necessarily based on other things than love it's just that when you think about it it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to reject someone you are attracted to just because "you are already with someone".

Also, think about this; you meet someone who has just become single again. You say "So if Sarah hadn't broken up with you, you wouldn't be sitting here with me?" and they go "That's right" and you go "So I'm actually a second choice?" and they go "Yes you are. If she hadn't broken up with me I'd still be with her.".

So I guess what I'm saying is that if you are going to be monogamous then certain things come with the territory; if that's your decision, if that's what you believe in, then you must accept the consequences. It's not what I believe in; relationships shouldn't have to be "a lot of hard work".

I'm not lecturing. I'm just stating my opinion and how I feel these problems are best solved.

Good luck with everything.

Sincerely,

Lapis

I don't think these things come with monogamy. I think being in a relationship in general you will have some problems (but that's ANY close relationship to another person, whether it best girlfriends, boyfriend-girlfriend or whatever else) My boyfriend doesn't hang out with other girls or make me jealous. 99 percent of the time, he's at our house with me, or he's working.The times other girls were hitting on him, he was annoyed and disgusted by it.

My parents have been married 33 years and are best friends. My boyfriend's parents have been married around the same length of time and still have that sickeningly in love, crazy about you, us-against-the-world type of relationship. My best girlfriend has been with her man over 6 years now. Still happy as can be. To say someone won't ever find that is just not true.

It also wouldn't be true to say that because person A wouldn't be with person B unless person C broke up with them, person B is a "second choice." Not true at all. I'm from California. I live in North Carolina. I wouldn't be in North Carolina unless my life in California had gone to shit and I got in my car and left one day. Does that mean I don't like California as much as North Carolina? Hell no. I like North Carolina way more!

As far as being attracted to other people, for me it's like a switch. When you're in a relationship, your radar when it comes to other people should be switched off. You can notice people being physically beautiful, sure. But you shouldn't be developing feelings for them. Developing feelings for a person takes time, connection, bonding, doing things together, etc. If someone develops feelings for another person while in a relationship, I guarantee it's because they were doing things that they shouldn't have been doing anyway, such as hanging out with the person one-on-one, talking to them behind their partner's back, being "close friends" with them, etc. The truth is, there are millions of people on this Earth who we could be attracted to or even fall in love with if we put ourselves in the position to do so, but you don't do that while in a relationship! You devote your energies to your partner. It's not fate or magic--it's a choice. That's why a partner spending time with other women one-on-one is a major red flag. You can't cheat if you don't put yourself in that position.

edit--wanted to add that I'm not saying monogamy isn't difficult. It's VERY difficult. Not so much the not cheating aspect, but just getting along with another person. There are plenty of reasons to avoid monogamy if that's what works for you. I don't deny it's not for everyone. I'm just saying that it isn't impossible and it isn't something that you either get lucky with or not. It's a choice and it takes hard work and compromise every day.

I do agree there are difficult times in a monogamous relationship. But I can't imagine the strain or the sense of sadness in a polygamous relationship-- always trying to be the "best" person that someone is with. It would be too much.

Anyway, I don't think that polygamy is going to solve the problem of jealousy. In fact, I would think that it would make it worse. Think of it: A woman is dating a man, but also dating three other men. All of those men are going to want to be her favorite, and when she showed a little more liking to one, the others would feel cheated. Now that doesn't seem ideal to me at all.

I am not denying that I have never felt physically attracted to another person. I have. But I have respect for myself and my boyfriend and would not act on those feelings. Pianina, I have a feeling that if you're in a relationship in which you are emotionally invested, I assume your boyfriend has that respect for you, as well.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. I am 22 now. We are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship and we love each other's company. We are best friends. We would rather spend time with each other when we're not working. This is not a rare thing. Lots of people are with the loves of their lives. It is possible. People are intelligent, thoughtful, considerate beings (for the most part). Your boyfriend does not sound like someone who will jump at any pretty face that he comes across. Hopefully he is not that shallow.

"It doesn't make sense to reject someone you are attracted to just because "you are already with someone"" -- Yes it does. If you are in a beautiful relationship with someone that you are attracted to AND connect well with, it makes sense to CONSERVE that, despite an attractive "other" person.

If anyone wants to watch a great movie that explores the idea of monogamy, check out "Take this Waltz." It has Seth Rogen (who is awesome) although he isn't the main character and it isn't a comedy really. It's about a young married chick who has been with her man for a while. She goes on a trip for school or something and meets a guy and there is just instantly this soul-mate connection. It's a rare situation where you think "what if this happened to me?" because they meet on a plane--it wasn't like she was out at a bar, asking for it or anything. When they get home from the trip, they realize they are actually living in the same neighborhood and just never met. Of course, in such a situation and despite loving her husband, she ponders what that means...

I won't tell you the entire movie but I will say that I felt that it really, REALLY portrayed a reality of long-term relationships that I felt was very realistic. They are hard. You even get bored sometimes. But (and this is the main question the movie was addressing) you have to consider, wouldn't you just get bored again with the next new "exciting" person after 5+ years with them?

I'm curious if anyone in this discussion has seen the movie, because I think you could take the movie two ways. 1) Monogamous relationships are stupid because you will always eventually get bored with the person and be attracted to someone else or 2) Monogamous relationships are worth fighting for--for the same reason. Considering you'd be equally bored with anyone after a long enough period of time shouldn't you just commit to a person you love and make it work with them? It takes work and it's a choice. The girl in the movie makes choices, and you can really see the moments where she could go either way and still have a good life. It's a really beautiful movie in the end.

@ dejaclairevoyant & heitea: I appreciate you having taken the time to reply. I'll see if I can reply later as I don't have much time now but your posts are interesting.

@ Pianina: I agree with people here who have said you are attractive. You look like Jodie Foster. What scarring you have doesn't change that a bit. Also, sometimes my posts are somewhat intense or passionate but I hope you don't interpret that as me being disrespectful.

I don't think these things come with monogamy. I think being in a relationship in general you will have some problems (but that's ANY close relationship to another person, whether it best girlfriends, boyfriend-girlfriend or whatever else) My boyfriend doesn't hang out with other girls or make me jealous. 99 percent of the time, he's at our house with me, or he's working.The times other girls were hitting on him, he was annoyed and disgusted by it.

My parents have been married 33 years and are best friends. My boyfriend's parents have been married around the same length of time and still have that sickeningly in love, crazy about you, us-against-the-world type of relationship. My best girlfriend has been with her man over 6 years now. Still happy as can be. To say someone won't ever find that is just not true.

It also wouldn't be true to say that because person A wouldn't be with person B unless person C broke up with them, person B is a "second choice." Not true at all. I'm from California. I live in North Carolina. I wouldn't be in North Carolina unless my life in California had gone to shit and I got in my car and left one day. Does that mean I don't like California as much as North Carolina? Hell no. I like North Carolina way more!

As far as being attracted to other people, for me it's like a switch. When you're in a relationship, your radar when it comes to other people should be switched off. You can notice people being physically beautiful, sure. But you shouldn't be developing feelings for them. Developing feelings for a person takes time, connection, bonding, doing things together, etc. If someone develops feelings for another person while in a relationship, I guarantee it's because they were doing things that they shouldn't have been doing anyway, such as hanging out with the person one-on-one, talking to them behind their partner's back, being "close friends" with them, etc. The truth is, there are millions of people on this Earth who we could be attracted to or even fall in love with if we put ourselves in the position to do so, but you don't do that while in a relationship! You devote your energies to your partner. It's not fate or magic--it's a choice. That's why a partner spending time with other women one-on-one is a major red flag. You can't cheat if you don't put yourself in that position.

edit--wanted to add that I'm not saying monogamy isn't difficult. It's VERY difficult. Not so much the not cheating aspect, but just getting along with another person. There are plenty of reasons to avoid monogamy if that's what works for you. I don't deny it's not for everyone. I'm just saying that it isn't impossible and it isn't something that you either get lucky with or not. It's a choice and it takes hard work and compromise every day.

Certain problems you only get in a monogamous relationship though. Like e.g. always being on your guard for that "other" person. They might just come along and when your partner really likes them, your partner might just leave you; oh no! Whereas in an open relationship it's different. Then, it is so that anyone can come along that your partner may really like but you can rest assured that your relationship with them won't change in any way.

That's what I tried to convey. In an open relationship there's no need to fear anything like that. Other people coming along is no threat to your relationship. Hence there's no need to be jealous or nervous or fearful or anything like that.

I also think that friendships between men and woman are perfectly possible. Where things are platonic. It's just unfair and unreasonable to ask of your partner to comprimise their social life out of "consideration" for the fact that you get nervous whenever he even speaks to another woman. I mean come on, people... It's silly. So you won't befriend any men as long as you're not single? Out of consideration for your partner?

To say that you can just flip a switch and set your "radar" as far as other people are concerned to "off" is easier said than done, I would say. It's impossible to prevent getting to know anyone to any degree unless you are a true recluse... And when feelings blossom, let's say, it's impossible to stop or deny. And that's what I meant; to say that it is a choice that you make...is true I feel; you choose to deny the feelings so therefore you would have also chosen to deny the feelings for your current partner, had they met you when you weren't single. And that's not a nice thing for your partner to realize I think. And it works both ways; your partner would have denied their feelings for you as well. And that's not a nice thing for you to realize either I think. And that, to me, is also in part what the whole idea of open relationships is about; acknowledging the feelings you have for people.

The whole person A, B and C thing... What I meant was that A dumps B. And then you ( C ) sit with B, who states that he wouldn't be with you if A hadn't dumped him. So that right there is second choice for sure (whether the people involved see it that way or not) and I can't imagine someone with respect for themselves liking being seen and treated that way. That really is another thing that can only happen in a monogamous "setting", if you will. And it's not good.

And the "together forever" thing... I think that earlier in the world things were different. Like e.g. also out here people used to have the same job at the same place their entire adult lives. They had security. Now they work here for a year then there for a month... They get fired all the time. Not because they suck at their job it's just that things are different now. And you know, I think that as time has passed people and relationships... That has changed too. I'm not reinventing the wheel with that... It's pretty obvious. But the whole "get married and then it's that one person your entire life" thing is more a thing of the past than it is a modern thing. lol Seriously I think a lot of people mimic things that stem from past generations without coming up with their own thoughts about things; tons of peope get married but if they were brought up in exile from society I doubt they would have come up with the idea of marriage themselves. Like they'd go "You could be called... I've got it! You're the "groom". ". And guy would go "Uh, ok..." and the girl goes "Yeah, and we could also have a...pie. A wedding pie!". And guy goes "No, I think a cake would be better.". Anyway, of course it happens (that some people end up together for years or perhaps their entire lives) but honestly...I think there is always a real chance it's going to end at one point or another. A very real chance so why not...just accept that as a possiblity and prevent yourself from being surprised and subsequenty falling into some depression every single time you end up single again, seeing it as a "failed" relationship while it's just one that ended?

I do agree there are difficult times in a monogamous relationship. But I can't imagine the strain or the sense of sadness in a polygamous relationship-- always trying to be the "best" person that someone is with. It would be too much.

Anyway, I don't think that polygamy is going to solve the problem of jealousy. In fact, I would think that it would make it worse. Think of it: A woman is dating a man, but also dating three other men. All of those men are going to want to be her favorite, and when she showed a little more liking to one, the others would feel cheated. Now that doesn't seem ideal to me at all.

I am not denying that I have never felt physically attracted to another person. I have. But I have respect for myself and my boyfriend and would not act on those feelings. Pianina, I have a feeling that if you're in a relationship in which you are emotionally invested, I assume your boyfriend has that respect for you, as well.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. I am 22 now. We are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship and we love each other's company. We are best friends. We would rather spend time with each other when we're not working. This is not a rare thing. Lots of people are with the loves of their lives. It is possible. People are intelligent, thoughtful, considerate beings (for the most part). Your boyfriend does not sound like someone who will jump at any pretty face that he comes across. Hopefully he is not that shallow.

"It doesn't make sense to reject someone you are attracted to just because "you are already with someone"" -- Yes it does. If you are in a beautiful relationship with someone that you are attracted to AND connect well with, it makes sense to CONSERVE that, despite an attractive "other" person.

You're assuming a heck of a lot. Like when you say that all these men will want to be her favorite. First you say that, and then later you say that most people are thoughtful, considerate and intelligent. haha Which is somewhat of a contradiction. Seriously... It would only turn into a competition if the people involved wouldn't exactly be cut out for open relationships. I mean... The whole idea is that you don't get in each other's way, you know?

Also, sure if you have respect for yourself and your partner and you are in a monogamous relationship you wouldn't act on the feelings you mentioned (when you spoke of the physical attraction). As you would have made a deal with your partner at the beginning of your relationship where you said "We won't be intimate with anyone else as long as we are a couple" just before you shook each other's hands. So a promise is a promise. I agree. But you only make a deal like that in a monogamous relationship...

You've twisted my words around a bit there when you quoted me, saying it does make sense to reject someone etc. as what I obviously meant was that it isn't good to not think things through and to reject someone you like just because "you are already taken"; there has to be a good reason to reject someone and not having questioned the convention of monogamy is not a good reason. You have to be able to give a good argument. A good reason. It many sound like I'm trying to be confrontational but I'm just voicing my opinion.

And what does it say about that relationship if it were to fall apart if one person acknowledged the feelings they have for someone else? It's like your partner would say to you "I couldn't deal with you being with him. So you have to make a choice. It's either me of him.". I mean... I couldn't ever say that to anyone I'd be in a relationship with. To someone I loved... I just wouldn't ever say that.

Anyway, that said, I'm very happy for you. That you've been together with your boyfriend that long is great. It's always nice to see people being happy.

I do agree there are difficult times in a monogamous relationship. But I can't imagine the strain or the sense of sadness in a polygamous relationship-- always trying to be the "best" person that someone is with. It would be too much.

Anyway, I don't think that polygamy is going to solve the problem of jealousy. In fact, I would think that it would make it worse. Think of it: A woman is dating a man, but also dating three other men. All of those men are going to want to be her favorite, and when she showed a little more liking to one, the others would feel cheated. Now that doesn't seem ideal to me at all.

I am not denying that I have never felt physically attracted to another person. I have. But I have respect for myself and my boyfriend and would not act on those feelings. Pianina, I have a feeling that if you're in a relationship in which you are emotionally invested, I assume your boyfriend has that respect for you, as well.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. I am 22 now. We are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship and we love each other's company. We are best friends. We would rather spend time with each other when we're not working. This is not a rare thing. Lots of people are with the loves of their lives. It is possible. People are intelligent, thoughtful, considerate beings (for the most part). Your boyfriend does not sound like someone who will jump at any pretty face that he comes across. Hopefully he is not that shallow.

"It doesn't make sense to reject someone you are attracted to just because "you are already with someone"" -- Yes it does. If you are in a beautiful relationship with someone that you are attracted to AND connect well with, it makes sense to CONSERVE that, despite an attractive "other" person.

You're assuming a heck of a lot. Like when you say that all these men will want to be her favorite. First you say that, and then later you say that most people are thoughtful, considerate and intelligent. haha Which is somewhat of a contradiction. Seriously... It would only turn into a competition if the people involved wouldn't exactly be cut out for open relationships. I mean... The whole idea is that you don't get in each other's way, you know?

Also, sure if you have respect for yourself and your partner and you are in a monogamous relationship you wouldn't act on the feelings you mentioned (when you spoke of the physical attraction). As you would have made a deal with your partner at the beginning of your relationship where you said "We won't be intimate with anyone else as long as we are a couple" just before you shook each other's hands. So a promise is a promise. I agree. But you only make a deal like that in a monogamous relationship...

You've twisted my words around a bit there when you quoted me, saying it does make sense to reject someone etc. as what I obviously meant was that it isn't good to not think things through and to reject someone you like just because "you are already taken"; there has to be a good reason to reject someone and not having questioned the convention of monogamy is not a good reason. You have to be able to give a good argument. A good reason. It many sound like I'm trying to be confrontational but I'm just voicing my opinion.

And what does it say about that relationship if it were to fall apart if one person acknowledged the feelings they have for someone else? It's like your partner would say to you "I couldn't deal with you being with him. So you have to make a choice. It's either me of him.". I mean... I couldn't ever say that to anyone I'd be in a relationship with. To someone I loved... I just wouldn't ever say that.

Anyway, that said, I'm very happy for you. That you've been together with your boyfriend that long is great. It's always nice to see people being happy.

I think we're arguing for the same thing here... which is people should do whatever is going to make them happy-- whether it be a monogamous or open relationship. They just have to know what they're emotionally capable of. Of course you should leave someone if you do not love them and move on to someone who fits your standards of wonderful. It just makes sense. That being said, if both parties in a relationship can maintain a jealousy-free, happy lifestyle, then that's fine for them. I guess monogamy works for me because my boyfriend is not only my best friend, but the most attractive, interesting, intelligent person I know. I suppose I don't know what it's like to wonder if there's someone out there who's better for me.

And I'm sorry that it seemed as though I was assuming things...as always, the Internet is not always the easiest way to discuss and interpret thoughts and opinions.

I saw your profile; you are a very attractive woman.

Fuck what they think, what the world think, you real.

just let him know that and explain him it would really make u feel better if he can do it less and in a more moderate way when you're with him ( i mean physically )

I do agree there are difficult times in a monogamous relationship. But I can't imagine the strain or the sense of sadness in a polygamous relationship-- always trying to be the "best" person that someone is with. It would be too much.

Anyway, I don't think that polygamy is going to solve the problem of jealousy. In fact, I would think that it would make it worse. Think of it: A woman is dating a man, but also dating three other men. All of those men are going to want to be her favorite, and when she showed a little more liking to one, the others would feel cheated. Now that doesn't seem ideal to me at all.

I am not denying that I have never felt physically attracted to another person. I have. But I have respect for myself and my boyfriend and would not act on those feelings. Pianina, I have a feeling that if you're in a relationship in which you are emotionally invested, I assume your boyfriend has that respect for you, as well.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. I am 22 now. We are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship and we love each other's company. We are best friends. We would rather spend time with each other when we're not working. This is not a rare thing. Lots of people are with the loves of their lives. It is possible. People are intelligent, thoughtful, considerate beings (for the most part). Your boyfriend does not sound like someone who will jump at any pretty face that he comes across. Hopefully he is not that shallow.

"It doesn't make sense to reject someone you are attracted to just because "you are already with someone"" -- Yes it does. If you are in a beautiful relationship with someone that you are attracted to AND connect well with, it makes sense to CONSERVE that, despite an attractive "other" person.

You're assuming a heck of a lot. Like when you say that all these men will want to be her favorite. First you say that, and then later you say that most people are thoughtful, considerate and intelligent. haha Which is somewhat of a contradiction. Seriously... It would only turn into a competition if the people involved wouldn't exactly be cut out for open relationships. I mean... The whole idea is that you don't get in each other's way, you know?

Also, sure if you have respect for yourself and your partner and you are in a monogamous relationship you wouldn't act on the feelings you mentioned (when you spoke of the physical attraction). As you would have made a deal with your partner at the beginning of your relationship where you said "We won't be intimate with anyone else as long as we are a couple" just before you shook each other's hands. So a promise is a promise. I agree. But you only make a deal like that in a monogamous relationship...

You've twisted my words around a bit there when you quoted me, saying it does make sense to reject someone etc. as what I obviously meant was that it isn't good to not think things through and to reject someone you like just because "you are already taken"; there has to be a good reason to reject someone and not having questioned the convention of monogamy is not a good reason. You have to be able to give a good argument. A good reason. It many sound like I'm trying to be confrontational but I'm just voicing my opinion.

And what does it say about that relationship if it were to fall apart if one person acknowledged the feelings they have for someone else? It's like your partner would say to you "I couldn't deal with you being with him. So you have to make a choice. It's either me of him.". I mean... I couldn't ever say that to anyone I'd be in a relationship with. To someone I loved... I just wouldn't ever say that.

Anyway, that said, I'm very happy for you. That you've been together with your boyfriend that long is great. It's always nice to see people being happy.

I think we're arguing for the same thing here... which is people should do whatever is going to make them happy-- whether it be a monogamous or open relationship. They just have to know what they're emotionally capable of. Of course you should leave someone if you do not love them and move on to someone who fits your standards of wonderful. It just makes sense. That being said, if both parties in a relationship can maintain a jealousy-free, happy lifestyle, then that's fine for them. I guess monogamy works for me because my boyfriend is not only my best friend, but the most attractive, interesting, intelligent person I know. I suppose I don't know what it's like to wonder if there's someone out there who's better for me.

And I'm sorry that it seemed as though I was assuming things...as always, the Internet is not always the easiest way to discuss and interpret thoughts and opinions.

I never said that one shouldn't leave someone if they find they don't love them. I said something entirely different... lol Anyway, I could write another book about all of this but I shouldn't.

I agree the internet isn't always the easiest way to discuss and whatnot... Took me ages to write those replies as I tried to ensure I wouldn't be misunderstood and hence risking offending anyone.

Anyway, thanks for replying. It's appreciated.