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On 1/5/2013 at 6:17 AM, Lapis lazuli said:And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say. [Edited image out]Please don't take that as criticism.
It's not a black and white issue, though. It's not as though people care about just looks or just personality. Both matter. Even people that value personality much higher typically are going to care about looks to an extent, even a small one. There are very few people that care strictly about personality. Even the people here who have acne care about looks to some extent. Acne just happens to be something they're empathetic/forgiving of because they had deal with it themselves. You don't need to look like a movie star or be perfect because pretty much no one is, but if you're just downright unpleasent to look at you're just extremely unlikely to even get a chance. And I don't think that makes them bad people, that's just the way humans are.
And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say.
Please don't take that as criticism.
It's not a black and white issue, though. It's not as though people care about just looks or just personality. Both matter. Even people that value personality much higher typically are going to care about looks to an extent, even a small one. There are very few people that care strictly about personality. Even the people here who have acne care about looks to some extent. Acne just happens to be something they're empathetic/forgiving of because they had deal with it themselves. You don't need to look like a movie star or be perfect because pretty much no one is, but if you're just downright unpleasent to look at you're just extremely unlikely to even get a chance. And I don't think that makes them bad people, that's just the way humans are.
You should go up to some women and tell them about your insecurity regarding your acne. You'll probably feel a lot better once it's out in the open and you've actually heard what some women think. 
Seriously, give it a try.
On 1/5/2013 at 7:11 AM, nakedsmurf said:You know what I was actually getting more chicks while my acne was at its worst.(mild)
My acne right now is light but now I'm getting no chicks
Unless I have alcohol in my system
Idk why I become a shy guy all the sudden.
[Edited video out]
"I don't want somebody loving everybody. A shy guy is the kind of guy who will only be mine." [Edited image out[
On 1/5/2013 at 7:03 AM, Lapis lazuli said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:53 AM, stickstickley said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:17 AM, Lapis lazuli said:And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say. [Edited image out]Please don't take that as criticism.
It's not a black and white issue, though. It's not as though people care about just looks or just personality. Both matter. Even people that value personality much higher typically are going to care about looks to an extent, even a small one. There are very few people that care strictly about personality. Even the people here who have acne care about looks to some extent. Acne just happens to be something they're empathetic/forgiving of because they had deal with it themselves. You don't need to look like a movie star or be perfect because pretty much no one is, but if you're just downright unpleasent to look at you're just extremely unlikely to even get a chance. And I don't think that makes them bad people, that's just the way humans are.
You should go up to some women and tell them about your insecurity regarding your acne. You'll probably feel a lot better once it's out in the open and you've actually heard what some women think. [Edited image out]Seriously, give it a try.
I believe it would be difficult to get honest answers that way; most people won't say things like that directly to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. However, like I said, my mother would make negative comments about my skin; and she's someone who has no reason to even care about my looks at all so I know that I have it to the extent where it's a very negative trait.
It's really hard to find studies on this, however, it's really easy to find studies on height, for example. There are plenty of women (not all, but still a lot) who won't date a guy shorter than them or, more rarely, even just below a certain height. So, if it's so common for guys to be disqauilified based on their height I don't see why people want to deny the same things happens for acne/scars.
I think even though I suffer from acne, that doesn't give me a biased opinion. I used to be overweight and WAS NOT attracted to overweight guys. I always found thinner guys to be more attractive and still do. I know what attractive is....and I don't think that acne (unless it is deforming) detracts from a guys appearance. Perhaps those things might be a deal breaker with some girls, but I think it depends on the girl. My tastes might be strange as I prefer asymmetrical things on a guy...like a crooked smile or whatever.
On 1/5/2013 at 7:33 AM, stickstickley said:On 1/5/2013 at 7:03 AM, Lapis lazuli said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:53 AM, stickstickley said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:17 AM, Lapis lazuli said:And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say. [Edited image out]Please don't take that as criticism.
It's not a black and white issue, though. It's not as though people care about just looks or just personality. Both matter. Even people that value personality much higher typically are going to care about looks to an extent, even a small one. There are very few people that care strictly about personality. Even the people here who have acne care about looks to some extent. Acne just happens to be something they're empathetic/forgiving of because they had deal with it themselves. You don't need to look like a movie star or be perfect because pretty much no one is, but if you're just downright unpleasent to look at you're just extremely unlikely to even get a chance. And I don't think that makes them bad people, that's just the way humans are.
You should go up to some women and tell them about your insecurity regarding your acne. You'll probably feel a lot better once it's out in the open and you've actually heard what some women think. [Edited image out]Seriously, give it a try.
I believe it would be difficult to get honest answers that way; most people won't say things like that directly to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. However, like I said, my mother would make negative comments about my skin; and she's someone who has no reason to even care about my looks at all so I know that I have it to the extent where it's a very negative trait.
It's really hard to find studies on this, however, it's really easy to find studies on height, for example. There are plenty of women (not all, but still a lot) who won't date a guy shorter than them or, more rarely, even just below a certain height. So, if it's so common for guys to be disqauilified based on their height I don't see why people want to deny the same things happens for acne/scars.
I found that mothers like to say negative things for no particular reason. Or maybe that's just my mother.
On 1/5/2013 at 7:33 AM, stickstickley said:On 1/5/2013 at 7:03 AM, Lapis lazuli said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:53 AM, stickstickley said:On 1/5/2013 at 6:17 AM, Lapis lazuli said:And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say. [Edited image out] Please don't take that as criticism.
It's not a black and white issue, though. It's not as though people care about just looks or just personality. Both matter. Even people that value personality much higher typically are going to care about looks to an extent, even a small one. There are very few people that care strictly about personality. Even the people here who have acne care about looks to some extent. Acne just happens to be something they're empathetic/forgiving of because they had deal with it themselves. You don't need to look like a movie star or be perfect because pretty much no one is, but if you're just downright unpleasent to look at you're just extremely unlikely to even get a chance. And I don't think that makes them bad people, that's just the way humans are.
You should go up to some women and tell them about your insecurity regarding your acne. You'll probably feel a lot better once it's out in the open and you've actually heard what some women think.
Seriously, give it a try.
I believe it would be difficult to get honest answers that way; most people won't say things like that directly to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. However, like I said, my mother would make negative comments about my skin; and she's someone who has no reason to even care about my looks at all so I know that I have it to the extent where it's a very negative trait.
It's really hard to find studies on this, however, it's really easy to find studies on height, for example. There are plenty of women (not all, but still a lot) who won't date a guy shorter than them or, more rarely, even just below a certain height. So, if it's so common for guys to be disqauilified based on their height I don't see why people want to deny the same things happens for acne/scars.
This is, I suppose you'd call it a pet peeve? Don't get me started on the fact some women see the fact that a guy is short as a dealbreaker. Aaargh. I hate it. It's just so...offensive. If I was to say I wouldn't ever date a women with red hair would I be a jerk? Yes I would and it's the same thing. It's the same thing... I could on about this but 1) I'll just write a bitter rant and 2) I'm watching a movie at the moment (30 days of night which is quite good) so I'll be back later to reply some more (regarding other things).
I believe it would be difficult to get honest answers that way; most people won't say things like that directly to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. However, like I said, my mother would make negative comments about my skin; and she's someone who has no reason to even care about my looks at all so I know that I have it to the extent where it's a very negative trait.
I suppose people may be a bit hesitant to be brutally honest. If I was to ever see a photograph of you I would be surprised if I saw what you meant though; so many times people here are less attractive to themselves than they are to other people.
It's really hard to find studies on this, however, it's really easy to find studies on height, for example. There are plenty of women (not all, but still a lot) who won't date a guy shorter than them or, more rarely, even just below a certain height. So, if it's so common for guys to be disqauilified based on their height I don't see why people want to deny the same things happens for acne/scars.
Well this comes down to the same thing; if their standards are not yours why would you care about them ignoring you?
Well this comes down to the same thing; if their standards are not yours why would you care about them ignoring you?
Because the original question was whether or not it matters; which I'm saying that yes it can if you have it bad enough. I was just using the height example to show physical things that you have no control over can work against you. When you have severe scarring or acne, finding someone that doesn't care at all is like finding the provervbial needle in a haystack.
Well this comes down to the same thing; if their standards are not yours why would you care about them ignoring you?
Because the original question was whether or not it matters; which I'm saying that yes it can if you have it bad enough. I was just using the height example to show physical things that you have no control over can work against you. When you have severe scarring or acne, finding someone that doesn't care at all is like finding the provervbial needle in a haystack.
Paul McCartney married a woman with one leg. If he could have snapped his fingers so that she had two again would he have done so? Yes. Why? Well first and foremost because he wants his wife to be as happy as she can be. Would he think to himself "Cool. Now I've got a two-legged wife again."? I don't think so because he wasn't concerned with things that don't matter; physical imperfections are insignificant to people who love you.
Well this comes down to the same thing; if their standards are not yours why would you care about them ignoring you?
Because the original question was whether or not it matters; which I'm saying that yes it can if you have it bad enough. I was just using the height example to show physical things that you have no control over can work against you. When you have severe scarring or acne, finding someone that doesn't care at all is like finding the provervbial needle in a haystack.
Paul McCartney married a woman with one leg. If he could have snapped his fingers so that she had two again would he have done so? Yes. Why? Well first and foremost because he wants his wife to be as happy as she can be. Would he think to himself "Cool. Now I've got a two-legged wife again."? I don't think so because he wasn't concerned with things that don't matter; physical imperfections are insignificant to people who love you.
She's also an attractive woman, though. And having one leg isn't a genetic condition that can be passed on to children; I believe that acne is, at least to some extent which I think may partially factor into it. You have to understand, though, I'm not angry abouth this. I mean, I do feel upset about my situation, but I'm not angry at women over this. I would even agree that most women value personality way more than looks. However, there typically still has to be some small amount of physical attraction and no one really wants to look at a guy with his face half covered in scars every morning when they wake up and I don't blame them for this or consider it to be shallow. If mine was mild then sure, but as severe as it I don't blame women for not wanting to be with me. I mean, it hurts but I'm not angry at them over it.
Paul McCartney married a woman with one leg. If he could have snapped his fingers so that she had two again would he have done so? Yes. Why? Well first and foremost because he wants his wife to be as happy as she can be. Would he think to himself "Cool. Now I've got a two-legged wife again."? I don't think so because he wasn't concerned with things that don't matter; physical imperfections are insignificant to people who love you.
An important part of why he married her is that she was a famous attractive model that was 26 years younger than him. She could walk and she was even on dancing with the stars. Apparently he didn't love her enough because they got a divorce. If a supermodel loses part of her leg, men will still find her extremely attractive especially if she's 26 years younger than them.
Yes, most women do care. You're recieving a biased response here since the people the post here will understand and be empathetic, but in the real world it does matter to people.
not really.
Then why is this site so popular? Why do so many people put so muchwork into getting rid of their acne (yourself included judging by your sig) if people don't care about it?
Yes, most women do care. You're recieving a biased response here since the people the post here will understand and be empathetic, but in the real world it does matter to people.
not really.
I didn't care about acne on a guy before I developed it myself.
As for acne - I'm not saying it's a positive quality, but it's not the terrible negative that everybody thinks it is when they first get it either. Everybody tries to improve themselves all the time, and since acne is a skin condition people want their skin to be healthy again for reasons such as getting rid of pain, reducing scarring and thus damaged collagen etc.
All of the boys I've dated (only 3 ha) have had acne!
even when i didn't have acne when i was 15 and dated my first boyfriend who had it pretty severely didn't bother me at all!
in my head... boys are "suppose" to look more ruggid and tough!
boys with flawless skin, while good looking, honestly don't appeal as much to me..
doesn't have to be acne.. but i like facial hair or something! and flaws like acne or scarring don't bother me at all
they add character in a way!
i'm being completely serious by the way.
so boys! don't worry so much
There are nice girls out there who will definitely look beyond acne. Hope you're doing well!
First of all, not all women think the same. So the question "Do girls like X, Y, and Z?" is frankly, seems a bit sexist, as it implies that all women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. It's also pretty degrading to refer to adult women as girls (unless of course, you're talking specifically about children/adolescents). I'm not trying to attack the original poster, it's just something to think about.
Second of all, don't feel like you owe it to anyone to act confident or happy with yourself. It is perfectly okay to feel insecure over your acne, to be anxious, or to be depressed. You don't have to put on a happy front for anyone- I've tried doing that and it would not only fail miserably, but it would make my mental health issues even worse.
I highly recommend finding online communities to reach out to people if you're too anxious/insecure to do so in person (like this website right here!) I've made wonderful friends from a dorky little band forum, including my significant other. Being a total hermit can be beneficial sometimes!
If a girl likes she likes you.
This is where women are superior to men. 
In my experience women are far less concerned about the surface and more concerned with the personality.
Im not saying guys are not the same way, i certainly know a bad personality can ruin a nice a face. But for men the physical is more important, at least it is in our youth. As i have got older (almost 29) i have learned not to just go after the first pretty face i see. In fact it may be the second or third prettiest face i see with the better personality and compatibility for me. This is what women also generally look for
So no. Acne just doesn't come into it. What comes into it is how you deal with acne and how your confidence comes across.
First of all, not all women think the same. So the question "Do girls like X, Y, and Z?" is frankly, seems a bit sexist, as it implies that all women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. It's also pretty degrading to refer to adult women as girls (unless of course, you're talking specifically about children/adolescents). I'm not trying to attack the original poster, it's just something to think about.
I think the OP was 16 (I say "was" as he has left after having posted. He even spoke to the mods about wanting this thread deleted.). So he's talking about girls, alright.
I think you're slightly overreacting though. He says things like "Do girls like this or that?" because it's just the way people his age talk. People his age who more often than not haven't grown to the point where they start thinking things through a lot and start questioning ideas. So I wouldn't take offense too soon. He's just a kid.
First of all, not all women think the same. So the question "Do girls like X, Y, and Z?" is frankly, seems a bit sexist, as it implies that all women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. It's also pretty degrading to refer to adult women as girls (unless of course, you're talking specifically about children/adolescents). I'm not trying to attack the original poster, it's just something to think about.
I think the OP was 16 (I say "was" as he has left after having posted. He even spoke to the mods about wanting this thread deleted.). So he's talking about girls, alright.
I think you're slightly overreacting though. He says things like "Do girls like this or that?" because it's just the way people his age talk. People his age who more often than not haven't grown to the point where they start thinking things through a lot and start questioning ideas. So I wouldn't take offense too soon. He's just a kid.
16 is old enough to think critically- so why not point out sexism to get him to start thinking about it early? I mean I hate to be a bummer, but women have to experience sexism from birth. It doesn't seem like too much to ask an adolescent male to check himself.
I realize that sexism and racism can usually be found everywhere, including here, so I'll call people out a bit less to keep people from getting too angry or uncomfortable. Although I must admit that I don't appreciate being told I'm overreacting by a (most likely cis) man.
On 1/19/2013 at 11:49 AM, twerp said:On 1/15/2013 at 6:52 PM, Lapis lazuli said:On 1/15/2013 at 2:17 PM, twerp said:First of all, not all women think the same. So the question "Do girls like X, Y, and Z?" is frankly, seems a bit sexist, as it implies that all women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. It's also pretty degrading to refer to adult women as girls (unless of course, you're talking specifically about children/adolescents). I'm not trying to attack the original poster, it's just something to think about.
I think the OP was 16 (I say "was" as he has left after having posted. He even spoke to the mods about wanting this thread deleted.). So he's talking about girls, alright.
I think you're slightly overreacting though. He says things like "Do girls like this or that?" because it's just the way people his age talk. People his age who more often than not haven't grown to the point where they start thinking things through a lot and start questioning ideas. So I wouldn't take offense too soon. He's just a kid.
16 is old enough to think critically- so why not point out sexism to get him to start thinking about it early? I mean I hate to be a bummer, but women have to experience sexism from birth. It doesn't seem like too much to ask an adolescent male to check himself.
I realize that sexism and racism can usually be found everywhere, including here, so I'll call people out a bit less to keep people from getting too angry or uncomfortable. Although I must admit that I don't appreciate being told I'm overreacting by a (most likely cis) man.
You seem very angry. [Edited image out]
Someone said once "In a perfect world men and women would be different but equal". But it's never going to be a perfect world. Let's face it; it's 2013! [Edited image out] If people were ever going to evolve to the point where you wouldn't see all the problems we see today we wouldn't be seeing them today. There will always be people who unlike you and me discriminate and/or are sexist. It's never going to change.
But what I meant was that the kid who started this thread may not actually be sexist. He might just be a parrot or someone who hasn't started thinking about things (despite being 16) and instead is still reacting to impulses or is letting himself be led by his emotions. If he grows up, he'll speak differently about women and look at them differently. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt though. But why shouldn't I? And why shouldn't you?
If you truly are concerned with the rights women have (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt as well as there are a lot of phonies out there) then in and of itself it's only admirable that you speak passionately about it (having said that I think it's pointless as you can't change anyone's mind about anything, they can only do that themselves and you can't help them with it) but I do have to wonder why you're so focussed only on women's rights? Why not call yourself a human rights activist instead? [Edited image out] That's a question not advice.
On 1/19/2013 at 11:49 AM, twerp said:Although I must admit that I don't appreciate being told I'm overreacting by a (most likely cis) man.
This reeks of misandry. 
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Misandry doesn't make sense. Imagine a world with only lesbians in it... It wouldn't make sense nor last.
The real worry is first impressions.
People think acne will initially put the opposite sex off you and will never get a chance to know the "real" you. Because you have low self confidence and a poor image of yourself, you project that into what you "think" the opposite sex are thinking of you, ultimately you don't think you have much hope because you end up not blaming them for the thoughts that you "think" they have. I know i probably am not making much sense here, but acne sufferers just don't think they are worthy because they project their poor image of themselves onto other people.
"I think i am ugly, so others obviously must think the same when they see me"
What's the root cause of the above?, confidence! Now it's a hard spiral to get out off, because acne will naturally kill confidence, hence the above spiral happening.
One of the best ways is to meet people online first, there is no worry about the initial first impression of your face, thinking what they are thinking about you. You think you're ugly so its easy to accept and believe they think the same. If you chat online this goes away, they get to know the real you, if they want a date then the whole date becomes easier as they will know about your acne before hand, they will actually want to know more about YOU!
Now acne IN a relationship is totally different. My GF has generally beautiful skin but she can get the odd spots here and there, she just asks me to try pop them for her, she doesn't care what i think, she knows i love her. Same for me, i had a breakout which i have never had since being with her. She didn't care and loved trying to pop spots on my back! I know she loves me for me, so i just don't care.
Once you are in a relationship and he/she accepts your acne, it just doesn't matter what the world thinks anymore. I don't care what mr random thinks because i know im loved and accepted for who i am now. In the dating scene you don't have that, you only have the "i think im ugly so everyone else will to" syndrome.
I guess the best tips are to stop looking for a partner if you have issues about your self confidence. If you don't love yourself you will never be able to allow others to love you.
I was single for over a year purely to build my confidence and sort my head out. If you want an easy approach to dating first try online, and build confidence up more from that.
I believe life success is 90% confidence, so make sure you have that foundation in your character before perusing anything like a relationship.
I went from 0% confidence, not wanting to answer a phone or open the front door to managing a business. If anyone wants tips on confidence building feel free to message me!
Life is what you make it guys, be confident, walk your own walk and good luck!
My recommendation is to not to take relationships too seriously when you're so young. I bet you have heard of the phrase that children are the most cruel, and how true that is. I'm not just talking about actual children, but up until the age of 16-17, people are still pretty cruel. Even some adults remain very cruel and will judge you by your appearance.
There's no need to rush into dating. You can't force it anyway.
You're lucky that we're living an age now when girls/women are becoming more willing to make the first move and approach a boy/man. This has helped insecure and shy guys a lot I imagine. So don't feel like you always have to make the first move, because this can lead to more rejection than you'd like. I think a lot of guys make the mistake of going up to girls when there's no sign that the girl is even interested in them. This can lead to a guy becoming jaded very early in his life and later on get an attitude/manner that is very unattractive to women.
What I'm saying is that don't put yourself out there unnecessarily. Drop hints and be subtle. There's no need to go up to any random girl and say 'I want to go out with you' without any previous flirtations or conversations or any type of contact, because that is not showing you have confidence, it's showing that you are willing to go out with any girl who you think looks cute or maybe you have heard her talk to your friend and thought she sounded nice. That does not make a girl feel special. It makes her feel like you are going for anything you can get and it will make her think you are creepy. And trust me, you'll never shake that reputation. A guy who has been once labelled creepy just by one girl will be known as 'that creepy guy' until you finish school.
The way you are going to get girls is by making casual conversation first and judge their reaction towards you during that conversation. If they don't seem interested, keep further contact casual. If they seem interested, slowly start becoming more friendly with them. If they seem to get along with you, then you can start flirting with them. Don't play stupid mind games though because girls don't like that despite what some men might tell you. And if all goes well, then you can ask them to go out with you on a date. This way, you are unlikely to get rejected. You never know, the girl might even ask you if you want to see her outside of school before you get a chance to ask her on a date.
So basically this is my advice that you keep things casual until a girl shows romantic interest in you. But don't be so casual that she thinks you only want to be her friend.