I've been on the Spiro for 4 months now, cant believe its been that long lol especially when your battling acne and just waiting n waiting for the meds to work! My derm told me to hang in there and that's what im doing and im glad I am because I seriously cant believe im clearing up! Am I dreaming or is this real lol !! Good luck on your spiro journey I know you will have great results from it too!!

Ran out of spiro when I was in Brazil and it took 6 days for me to get the pills again. I guess it's the same as starting them anew :/

It's gone, after years and years, but the difference is not that I became happy once my acne was gone. Instead, I became happy while I still had acne. My marriage suffered from my insecurities, so finally I realized I was loved no matter what, and I let them go. It was liberating.

This may surprise one or two of you who know how obsessed I am with diet normally but of late, due to being so depressed I`ve stopped caring for myself as much and I`ve been eating a lot more junk food. Although I do have some blemishes, surprisingly enough my skin isn`t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be given the amount of crap I`ve been eating. Maybe I`ve been over obsessing all along and haven`t needed to be anywhere near as strict as I have been. Think the key thing I`ve learned is "everything in moderation is okay".

Up to an hour ago, I was having a better day than I have in a long time. I was going to stay indoors/in bed but my sister persuaded me to go out with her and my nephews today. My sister has recently divorced and she has been telling me of late that my nephews need me a lot at this time in their lives. Anyway, I went out with them and ended up having a nice day.

However since I got in an hour ago, all the negative thoughts, self-loathing, shame, feelings of repulsiveness and lack of self-worth are kicking in again. The thoughts are so bad that I`m actually experiencing physical pain in my stomach. Not only that, every mistake that I`ve made and everything that I`ve lost as a consequence over the years just keeps playing itself out in my mind in glorious technicolor. My sister is wrong - my nephews deserve a better uncle than me. Even if I`m a good person 90% of the time, there is a 10% element that is horrible and nasty (usually when I`m depressed and paranoid) and because of this I`m not worthy of and don`t deserve anything. I deserve to be sad and lonely.

I thought it would be easier to make friends when your skin clears up, but no.. acne or not, life is still the same. I've been trying to date, but girls never reply to me.

Yesterday, I deleted all dating sites, I am so done. I've decided to just focus on my career and ignore the girls. They are waste of time. I don't know if it is because of my acne scars or being a vegan... not sure. After what I experienced on dating a few girls. I prefer to be alone for a little longer, hah

This may surprise one or two of you who know how obsessed I am with diet normally but of late, due to being so depressed I`ve stopped caring for myself as much and I`ve been eating a lot more junk food. Although I do have some blemishes, surprisingly enough my skin isn`t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be given the amount of crap I`ve been eating. Maybe I`ve been over obsessing all along and haven`t needed to be anywhere near as strict as I have been. Think the key thing I`ve learned is "everything in moderation is okay".

Up to an hour ago, I was having a better day than I have in a long time. I was going to stay indoors/in bed but my sister persuaded me to go out with her and my nephews today. My sister has recently divorced and she has been telling me of late that my nephews need me a lot at this time in their lives. Anyway, I went out with them and ended up having a nice day.

However since I got in an hour ago, all the negative thoughts, self-loathing, shame, feelings of repulsiveness and lack of self-worth are kicking in again. The thoughts are so bad that I`m actually experiencing physical pain in my stomach. Not only that, every mistake that I`ve made and everything that I`ve lost as a consequence over the years just keeps playing itself out in my mind in glorious technicolor. My sister is wrong - my nephews deserve a better uncle than me. Even if I`m a good person 90% of the time, there is a 10% element that is horrible and nasty (usually when I`m depressed and paranoid) and because of this I`m not worthy of and don`t deserve anything. I deserve to be sad and lonely.

Take those feelings of responsibility and use them to power your elimination of that 10% you don't like. Everybody is an idiot sometimes. Don't beat yourself up too much for being human.

The BP is slowly getting rid of my breakout

 

This may surprise one or two of you who know how obsessed I am with diet normally but of late, due to being so depressed I`ve stopped caring for myself as much and I`ve been eating a lot more junk food. Although I do have some blemishes, surprisingly enough my skin isn`t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be given the amount of crap I`ve been eating. Maybe I`ve been over obsessing all along and haven`t needed to be anywhere near as strict as I have been. Think the key thing I`ve learned is "everything in moderation is okay".

Up to an hour ago, I was having a better day than I have in a long time. I was going to stay indoors/in bed but my sister persuaded me to go out with her and my nephews today. My sister has recently divorced and she has been telling me of late that my nephews need me a lot at this time in their lives. Anyway, I went out with them and ended up having a nice day.

However since I got in an hour ago, all the negative thoughts, self-loathing, shame, feelings of repulsiveness and lack of self-worth are kicking in again. The thoughts are so bad that I`m actually experiencing physical pain in my stomach. Not only that, every mistake that I`ve made and everything that I`ve lost as a consequence over the years just keeps playing itself out in my mind in glorious technicolor. My sister is wrong - my nephews deserve a better uncle than me. Even if I`m a good person 90% of the time, there is a 10% element that is horrible and nasty (usually when I`m depressed and paranoid) and because of this I`m not worthy of and don`t deserve anything. I deserve to be sad and lonely.

Take those feelings of responsibility and use them to power your elimination of that 10% you don't like. Everybody is an idiot sometimes. Don't beat yourself up too much for being human.

The BP is slowly getting rid of my breakout

Thanks Spotthedifference. Just been speaking to a friend by PM and they have given me a massive reality check on the beating myself up front too which has really helped.

It`s good news that the BP is clearing your breakout.

This may surprise one or two of you who know how obsessed I am with diet normally but of late, due to being so depressed I`ve stopped caring for myself as much and I`ve been eating a lot more junk food. Although I do have some blemishes, surprisingly enough my skin isn`t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be given the amount of crap I`ve been eating. Maybe I`ve been over obsessing all along and haven`t needed to be anywhere near as strict as I have been. Think the key thing I`ve learned is "everything in moderation is okay".

Up to an hour ago, I was having a better day than I have in a long time. I was going to stay indoors/in bed but my sister persuaded me to go out with her and my nephews today. My sister has recently divorced and she has been telling me of late that my nephews need me a lot at this time in their lives. Anyway, I went out with them and ended up having a nice day.

However since I got in an hour ago, all the negative thoughts, self-loathing, shame, feelings of repulsiveness and lack of self-worth are kicking in again. The thoughts are so bad that I`m actually experiencing physical pain in my stomach. Not only that, every mistake that I`ve made and everything that I`ve lost as a consequence over the years just keeps playing itself out in my mind in glorious technicolor. My sister is wrong - my nephews deserve a better uncle than me. Even if I`m a good person 90% of the time, there is a 10% element that is horrible and nasty (usually when I`m depressed and paranoid) and because of this I`m not worthy of and don`t deserve anything. I deserve to be sad and lonely.

Gunkke, I think maybe you just shouldn't be by yourself too much because the negative thoughts overwhelm you. It seems like your sister and nephews really need you, and that might be one of those things that pulls you out of the depression. At this point, it's best to stay busy and have less time by yourself to reflect and analyze so much.

I was staying with my sister and nephews at the beginning of last week. However, my sister works and my nephews often spend time with their dad so it`s not always possible to see them more regularly. Even if I`m in company, I can still get overwhelmed by negative thoughts so I`ve really got to find a way to deal with them period.

I`ve been a bit selfish and self-centred on here recently. Hope everyone out there is doing okay and if there are any of you currently struggling with acne or anything else right now, hang in there. It can and will get better and in the meantime, try to remember that it doesn`t define you or make you any less of a person.

Breaking out a little on my right jawline today. Not totally surprised given the amount of crap I`ve been eating, lack of care with my cleansing routine and being very stressed.

As I was told to do so by my counsellor on Friday, I made an urgent appointment to see my GP today. Explained in detail how low I have been of late to the extent that I no longer want to be here. Was kept there for an hour or so whilst the GP made several phone calls. The GP gave me a 24/7 number to contact for the Rapid Response team if I get in a really bad state and sent me home saying that the Crisis Team (at least that`s what I think he said) would be in contact later today to arrange a time to visit me so that some sort of ongoing treatment plan can be put in place. Well it`s coming up to eight pm UK time and I`ve still not heard anything. The NHS mental health services in the UK really are pants and the last thing I really want to be doing in my present state is chasing my GP or whoever up trying to find out what is going on which is what I will probably have to do tomorrow. It`s not just me. I`ve heard of other people who have had massive problems getting the NHS to acknowledge their mental health problems. Sorry, I realise this last paragraph isn`t acne related - I just needed to vent.

The NHS can be useless with mental health issues. I used to suffer from post traumatic stress and despite having what appeared to be a breakdown in the GP's office, explaining how suicidal and aggressive I was feeling and then promptly storming off to a busy road when she wasn't treating me seriously enough I never got a referral for help, I just had to deal with it on my own.

Yep, the NHS usually doesn't give a sh*t about mental issues. You have to be really lucky to find the few professionals that actually care about patients there. I had to deal with them when I lived in the UK for 3 years, and their answer for everything (eating disorders, acne, hormonal issues, exhaustion, anxiety) was the same pill! I just had to deal with it on my own. I suppose the alternative would be private health care, where they care more because they get paid more.

There are so many different NHS mental health organisations/bodies such as Wellbeing Services, Crisis Resolution Teams, Community Mental Health Teams, Rapid Response Teams etc,etc and from my experience, they all fail to communicate with each other. There is a serious lack of joined up thinking. To actually get any of these people to acknowledge that you have a problem and need help is virtually impossible unless you actually attempt the "S" word. Although I`m depressed and very low, I`m fortunate enough to be in a rational and coherent enough state to be able to use the phone and fight my corner. However, I`m sure that there are other people out there that badly need help but are continually being fobbed off who are so ill or have such severe anxiety that they cannot use the phone or fight their corner in order to get the help that they need. It`s horrible to think that way but it does make you wonder how many people fall by the wayside just because they are unable to prove to or convince the NHS mental health people that they are ill and need help. The NHS mental health services really need a severe overhaul (and with that I`ll get off my soap box).

There are so many different NHS mental health organisations/bodies such as Wellbeing Services, Crisis Resolution Teams, Community Mental Health Teams, Rapid Response Teams etc,etc and from my experience, they all fail to communicate with each other. There is a serious lack of joined up thinking. To actually get any of these people to acknowledge that you have a problem and need help is virtually impossible unless you actually attempt the "S" word. Although I`m depressed and very low, I`m fortunate enough to be in a rational and coherent enough state to be able to use the phone and fight my corner. However, I`m sure that there are other people out there that badly need help but are continually being fobbed off who are so ill or have such severe anxiety that they cannot use the phone or fight their corner in order to get the help that they need. It`s horrible to think that way but it does make you wonder how many people fall by the wayside just because they are unable to prove to or convince the NHS mental health people that they are ill and need help. The NHS mental health services really need a severe overhaul (and with that I`ll get off my soap box).

All of this is so true, except for the fact that I now know that even if you attempt the "s" word you still don't get help any quicker. They still send you back out into the world and back onto your 3-4 month waiting list. And the real hilarity of the situation is that that is known as being "fast-tracked".

 

There are so many different NHS mental health organisations/bodies such as Wellbeing Services, Crisis Resolution Teams, Community Mental Health Teams, Rapid Response Teams etc,etc and from my experience, they all fail to communicate with each other. There is a serious lack of joined up thinking. To actually get any of these people to acknowledge that you have a problem and need help is virtually impossible unless you actually attempt the "S" word. Although I`m depressed and very low, I`m fortunate enough to be in a rational and coherent enough state to be able to use the phone and fight my corner. However, I`m sure that there are other people out there that badly need help but are continually being fobbed off who are so ill or have such severe anxiety that they cannot use the phone or fight their corner in order to get the help that they need. It`s horrible to think that way but it does make you wonder how many people fall by the wayside just because they are unable to prove to or convince the NHS mental health people that they are ill and need help. The NHS mental health services really need a severe overhaul (and with that I`ll get off my soap box).

All of this is so true, except for the fact that I now know that even if you attempt the "s" word you still don't get help any quicker. They still send you back out into the world and back onto your 3-4 month waiting list. And the real hilarity of the situation is that that is known as being "fast-tracked".

You`re right Moonlit, if being "fast-tracked" means that there is still a 3-4 month waiting list for you to be seen, it is indeed a joke. There should be something in place to enable the people who desperately need help right now to get it immediately.

I wouldn't blame the NHS as an organisation. Both my grandparents were psychiatrists and I can't stress enough the burden of good that they left on many patients (they worked for the NHS).

I've seen both public and private psychiatrists and really it comes down to the individual. I was deeply saddened to read some of your stories- because I think it reflects badly on a system made up of good and bad doctors.

The only advice I can give is keep trying- there's never going to be one doctor seeing every out patient, and for every 'bad' psychiatrist, there's probably 5 'good' ones.

I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon to talk about bi-polar, because my mood over the last couple of years has been more of a wrecking ball than a steady stream of sadness.

I don't know if there are any veteran roaccutane people on here- but I'd be interested to hear whether you thought it had a lasting effect on your psychological well being. I know that I haven't been the same since I took it a few years ago (although I did have a toxic amount of it in my system by the time I came off it..)

Unfortunately, the couple of years of clear skin that I had were wasted by my drug taking and depressive tendencies- especially the crazy palpitations that I've only recently managed to ward off.

I haven't had an easy life, and my constant breakouts just feel like an extra kick in the balls that I could really do without, I missed a whole term of university because I wasn't comfortable going in looking the way I did. I feel like people don't really consider acne as a serious problem when it can quite literally tear your life into shreds and force you to pick up the pieces.

I'm really grateful that I've found a community of people who understand, I hope you all have a bearable day at the very least!

I wouldn't blame the NHS as an organisation. Both my grandparents were psychiatrists and I can't stress enough the burden of good that they left on many patients (they worked for the NHS).

I've seen both public and private psychiatrists and really it comes down to the individual. I was deeply saddened to read some of your stories- because I think it reflects badly on a system made up of good and bad doctors.

The only advice I can give is keep trying- there's never going to be one doctor seeing every out patient, and for every 'bad' psychiatrist, there's probably 5 'good' ones.

I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon to talk about bi-polar, because my mood over the last couple of years has been more of a wrecking ball than a steady stream of sadness.

I don't know if there are any veteran roaccutane people on here- but I'd be interested to hear whether you thought it had a lasting effect on your psychological well being. I know that I haven't been the same since I took it a few years ago (although I did have a toxic amount of it in my system by the time I came off it..)

Unfortunately, the couple of years of clear skin that I had were wasted by my drug taking and depressive tendencies- especially the crazy palpitations that I've only recently managed to ward off.

I haven't had an easy life, and my constant breakouts just feel like an extra kick in the balls that I could really do without, I missed a whole term of university because I wasn't comfortable going in looking the way I did. I feel like people don't really consider acne as a serious problem when it can quite literally tear your life into shreds and force you to pick up the pieces.

I'm really grateful that I've found a community of people who understand, I hope you all have a bearable day at the very least!

Fudge1, I`m sure that within the NHS mental health services there are numerous psychiatrists, therapists, psychologists and other medical professionals who are very good at their jobs. However, it`s not them that is the problem, it`s the overall system. There are far too many different bodies, there is far too much bureaucracy and far too much red tape. Waiting lists are ludicrous and there doesn`t appear to my knowledge to be any scope for people who have severe mental illnesses to be fast-tracked to receive immediate treatment and help.

I know of people who are severely ill who currently are receiving little or no support and it makes my blood boil that due to the inefficiency of the services as a whole, people out there are having their lives put in danger. I`m sorry to vent a bit but right now, this is a subject that is pretty close to my heart.

I`m really sorry that you have severe anxiety and depression and I hope that your appointment with your therapist went well today. My father has bipolar and I know how hard an illness it is to live with especially when he is in a manic episode. For anyone who doesn`t know what that is like, if you can imagine a hyperactive child and multiply that by ten and then factor in the frequent bouts of verbal and very occasional physical abuse, then you may have some idea.

I`m really sorry that you are suffering with your skin and the psychological impact of that too. I know myself that in terms of the physical aspect although cysts can be painful, they are not life threatening but in terms of the psychological aspect, it can really impact on your self-esteem and quality of life.

I never taken roaccutane myself so I don`t have any experience of that but I have been through a lot of the other issues that you are going through. You sound like you are going through a rough time at the moment - if you ever want to chat or vent, feel free to PM me.

Started to breakout a bit more today. It must be all the junk I`m eating. The plus side though I suppose is that I`ve put on some weight. Either way, I don`t really care anymore. There`s nothing to look good for or to be presentable for anyway.

I saw my GP on Monday and STILL I haven`t heard from the crisis team or whoever it is that is supposed to contact me. I phoned the GP yesterday and they assured me they would chase it up but I heard nothing. I`ve phoned the GP again this morning. They took my number so that they could make some enquiries and call me back. I was phoned a little earlier and I`ve been assured that someone will call me today. They`d better have! I`ve got to go to see my GP again tomorrow to get a sick-certificate and if I`ve not heard anything, I intend to make a big fuss.

Started to breakout a bit more today. It must be all the junk I`m eating. The plus side though I suppose is that I`ve put on some weight. Either way, I don`t really care anymore. There`s nothing to look good for or to be presentable for anyway.

I saw my GP on Monday and STILL I haven`t heard from the crisis team or whoever it is that is supposed to contact me. I phoned the GP yesterday and they assured me they would chase it up but I heard nothing. I`ve phoned the GP again this morning. They took my number so that they could make some enquiries and call me back. I was phoned a little earlier and I`ve been assured that someone will call me today. They`d better have! I`ve got to go to see my GP again tomorrow to get a sick-certificate and if I`ve not heard anything, I intend to make a big fuss.

I was referred to the crisis team last Monday and didn't get to see them until the Thursday. In the meantime they had the nerve to tell me off for ending up in A&E on the Tuesday night after having a complete meltdown and still didn't see me the next day even though they assured me they would (for the 4th time) so believe me, you are not alone!

 

Started to breakout a bit more today. It must be all the junk I`m eating. The plus side though I suppose is that I`ve put on some weight. Either way, I don`t really care anymore. There`s nothing to look good for or to be presentable for anyway.

I saw my GP on Monday and STILL I haven`t heard from the crisis team or whoever it is that is supposed to contact me. I phoned the GP yesterday and they assured me they would chase it up but I heard nothing. I`ve phoned the GP again this morning. They took my number so that they could make some enquiries and call me back. I was phoned a little earlier and I`ve been assured that someone will call me today. They`d better have! I`ve got to go to see my GP again tomorrow to get a sick-certificate and if I`ve not heard anything, I intend to make a big fuss.

I was referred to the crisis team last Monday and didn't get to see them until the Thursday. In the meantime they had the nerve to tell me off for ending up in A&E on the Tuesday night after having a complete meltdown and still didn't see me the next day even though they assured me they would (for the 4th time) so believe me, you are not alone!

I can well believe that I`m not alone. Sorry that you`ve had your own negative experiences with your own crisis team. The word "crisis" seems a bit ludicrous seeing as they take so long to see people. I`m really sorry you ended up in A&E and as for them telling you off - what else did they expect you to do. Everyone I speak to says to go to A&E if things are desperate.

As it happens, I have now been contacted. They aren`t coming to see me though, I`ve got to go and see someone to be "assessed" at the hospital near to where I live tomorrow at 1pm. They are apparently aware that I need to be seen before the weekend. Hope they have something positive to offer me because I`m really struggling today.

I can well believe that I`m not alone. Sorry that you`ve had your own negative experiences with your own crisis team. The word "crisis" seems a bit ludicrous seeing as they take so long to see people. I`m really sorry you ended up in A&E and as for them telling you off - what else did they expect you to do. Everyone I speak to says to go to A&E if things are desperate.

As it happens, I have now been contacted. They aren`t coming to see me though, I`ve got to go and see someone to be "assessed" at the hospital near to where I live tomorrow at 1pm. They are apparently aware that I need to be seen before the weekend. Hope they have something positive to offer me because I`m really struggling today.

Yeh, they don't even bother seeing me anymore even though I'm still suicidal on a daily basis and tomorrow is my new date. I said this to the one who called me last night (the same one who told me off for going to A&E) and he just said they'd phone back on Thursday evening and that they "hoped I'd still be around to talk to". I was clearly wrong when I imagined it was their job to make sure I stay alive. The reality of the matter is that they don't care.

My experience of their "assessment" was having large amounts of diazepam thrown at me and the promise of referrals that will take 3-4 months to come through. Sorry to be negative but that was just my experience. On the plus side diazepam is brilliant at dampening down the physical pain you get from those emotions so it is helpful but you can only take it for a couple of weeks. Hope it goes well for you tomorrow.

On 1/22/2014 at 7:44 PM, MoonlitRiver said:

On 1/22/2014 at 6:50 PM, GUNNKE said:

I can well believe that I`m not alone. Sorry that you`ve had your own negative experiences with your own crisis team. The word "crisis" seems a bit ludicrous seeing as they take so long to see people. I`m really sorry you ended up in A&E and as for them telling you off - what else did they expect you to do. Everyone I speak to says to go to A&E if things are desperate.

As it happens, I have now been contacted. They aren`t coming to see me though, I`ve got to go and see someone to be "assessed" at the hospital near to where I live tomorrow at 1pm. They are apparently aware that I need to be seen before the weekend. Hope they have something positive to offer me because I`m really struggling today.

Yeh, they don't even bother seeing me anymore even though I'm still suicidal on a daily basis and tomorrow is my new date. I said this to the one who called me last night (the same one who told me off for going to A&E) and he just said they'd phone back on Thursday evening and that they "hoped I'd still be around to talk to". I was clearly wrong when I imagined it was their job to make sure I stay alive. The reality of the matter is that they don't care.

My experience of their "assessment" was having large amounts of diazepam thrown at me and the promise of referrals that will take 3-4 months to come through. Sorry to be negative but that was just my experience. On the plus side diazepam is brilliant at dampening down the physical pain you get from those emotions so it is helpful but you can only take it for a couple of weeks. Hope it goes well for you tomorrow.

Really sorry to hear that things are so bad for you at the moment Moonlit. I know tomorrow is a big day for you and I really hope that you are given some positive news which will at least give you a purpose and some hope going forward. Good luck. I think all round, the crisis teams are a waste of space and I`m not surprised that they`ve given you the impression that they don`t care.

Someone I`ve been speaking to on here has mentioned Diazepam because the thoughts I`m getting are so emotive that I`m actually getting physical pain in my stomach. Thanks for wishing me well, I`ll see what happens at the assessment tomorrow. Hope they can at least do something because today has been a disaster and thanks to my erratic behaviour this afternoon, my sister is now threatening to stop me from seeing my nephews until I`m better. Life couldn`t be much worse than it is right now.

Acne wise my neck is really starting to break out tonight but I`m past caring really.

My sister has given me a reprieve but has warned me that a repeat of my behaviour today and I won`t be allowed to see my nephews until I am well. I did two things which are a bit out of the ordinary but I don`t think they are terrible:-

1) I felt so low, unmotivated and lacking in energy that I didn`t play with my nephews like I normally do.

2) The doorbell rang and I ran upstairs because I didn`t fancy the thought of speaking to a friend of my sister that I didn`t know.

According to my sister these actions equate to erratic behaviour and she doesn`t want my nephews to be subjected to my moods again in the future - apparently it is disturbing for them to see!

I really hate depression, it ruins everything.

Today hasn't been the best day in terms of acne. I'm breaking out a bit around my mouth / chin mostly and 1 or 2 on my cheeks. One particularly painful spot just slightly away from the corner of my mouth. It physically hurts to speak, eat, smile etc. I'm really hoping it calms down a bit for tomorrow as I have a presentation to do at uni. My forehead is typically always clear when using BP - so the regimen is amazing for that and it does help control everything else. I think I'll 'start over' with the regimen in a way and just go back and really make sure I'm following each step exactly and start working back up to applying in the AM as well as in the PM. I don't think I can emotionally / mentally afford to switch acne treatments right now and try something else - I don't think I could handle my skin going back to how it was right now - especially with uni being busy and the fact I'll be in the clinic seeing patients...

I hope it calms down for you soon Lily. I think the stresses of Uni have a big part to play in creating acne; I'm in my final year now and it's made both my friends and I start breaking out again. I'm doing much the same things at the moment - wash, treatment (although I'm skipping on the moisturiser) and just hope it gets better soon. I'm quite lucky that most of my work is meant to be done at home so I can use BP quite frequently without worrying about anybody seeing the flakes etc.