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Today, an era that started on here back in August ended and I feel truly sad and lonely this evening. Skinwise, I`m fine.
Glad you're doing ok w/ your skin; i saw your previous post. Whats causing these feelings? Think therapy is worth considering again? My skin has been relatively ok (just ok, nothing dramatic) so Ive been able to deal w/ it and never completed the CBT.
Hope you can shake this slump
My husband and I were speaking today about self-pride and self-worth. What you are born with and how your body reacts to environmental factors are not things to be proud of nor are they things to be ashamed of. They just are. If you are born with skin that always tans, for example, and never burns.... does that make you better than someone who is born with easily burned skin? No...you didn't have control over that. It was just chance.
The things that matter are how you treat others, what you strive to do in life, and your motivation behind your actions. Try to convince yourself that your worth is not placed in your looks, your ailments, your "imperfections." Life is better than that. You are better than that.
Yesterday was a bit difficult. Woke up with about 3 or 4 new hard active acne breakouts - some on jaw, some on neck. Quite red too and painful if I touched them. I was also a bit anxious about the clinical work I was starting for uni yesterday. The clinic rooms are designed for teaching / training purposes so they have a camera to record the session so we can learn from it, and an observation room next door to it - so other students can watch from there. Because of the observation room, it has that one way mirror / glass in it - quite a large 'window' of it too nearly taking up the whole wall. So when you're in the clinic / therapy room, you're on the mirror side. And I spent most of yesterday on that side. Couldn't help but catch my reflection a number of times and then faced with thoughts of how ugly and hideous I looked and how I just wished I was pretty like the other women I was working with. The thing that worries me about that is that I was too far away from the mirror to see my acne. That was my first reaction to just me overall. Which is sad really. My body image is really ok majority of the time, it's just anything to do with my face I guess... not just acne.
So being in that sort of room is going to take some getting used to...
Today, an era that started on here back in August ended and I feel truly sad and lonely this evening. Skinwise, I`m fine.
You've seemed to make so much progress in the past with CBT. If you did it once, you can definitely do it again. As someone with chronic depression, i can tell you that it really is a lifelong battle but there's hope.
Keep your head up
Lilly, you're really gorgeous, and I don't just say that because you're feeling down. I'd kill for your eyes and mouth! 
I do know how you're feeling though. I'm purging at the moment, which I suppose is a good thing - all the clogged pores that accumulated from recent hormonal fluctuations are actives now, which is wonderful in the sense that it means they'll heal and go away and terrible in that they're more obvious. I went to see a friend recently with no makeup on and they commented on how 'beautiful' I was - I know they wouldn't lie, but I just can't see it personally, especially with the way my skin's behaving at the moment.
My husband and I were speaking today about self-pride and self-worth. What you are born with and how your body reacts to environmental factors are not things to be proud of nor are they things to be ashamed of. They just are. If you are born with skin that always tans, for example, and never burns.... does that make you better than someone who is born with easily burned skin? No...you didn't have control over that. It was just chance.
The things that matter are how you treat others, what you strive to do in life, and your motivation behind your actions. Try to convince yourself that your worth is not placed in your looks, your ailments, your "imperfections." Life is better than that. You are better than that.
I agree wholeheartedly; this is completely what matters. I think everyone knows this (deep inside). I've always really admired the people who seem to live their life to their fullest, even if they have acne, some disfigurement, some disability. Everyone is unique, acne or not. Ultimately, it's what you do in life that matters, not really how you look doing it.
That said, on a superficial note, I woke up at 8:57 AM for a breakfast date with a few friends that was supposed to be at 9AM. I had literally five minutes to throw something on and show up. No make-up, nothing. And I got a "I could never roll out of bed looking that good," from a friend. I really liked that one, lol 
Lilly, you're really gorgeous, and I don't just say that because you're feeling down. I'd kill for your eyes and mouth!
I do know how you're feeling though. I'm purging at the moment, which I suppose is a good thing - all the clogged pores that accumulated from recent hormonal fluctuations are actives now, which is wonderful in the sense that it means they'll heal and go away and terrible in that they're more obvious. I went to see a friend recently with no makeup on and they commented on how 'beautiful' I was - I know they wouldn't lie, but I just can't see it personally, especially with the way my skin's behaving at the moment.
Thank you - that's really kind of you to say. Honestly not used to hearing anything like that. I saw this reply last night and couldn't reply then as I was getting teary. Stupid I know. But, more often than not, it's my reaction to people being nice to me etc. Like you mentioned with you're friends comment (and they're right by the way ), I can't see it yet. But thank you, really. Hopefully one day I'll have restored how I see myself...
I love that you have a positive spin on the current purging you're experiencing. Definitely harder to do but it helps I think.
Hope it does heal soon
I Was feeling quite positive yesterday but honestly today I want to give up:(. I have been sleeping for 12-13 hours a day and have not wanted to wake up. My face has been breaking out like crazy especially on the right side:(. On Thursday my skin was ok now its look awful. I have been dealing with this for 10 years now. I'm due to be prescribed accutane but im terrified of more bad breakouts and i really dont know if mentally I have the strength to deal with my skin getting even worse:( feel totally lost one minute im strong and positive the next like now I don't see any hope. Im not bothered about having spotless skin im bothered about breaking out every day clearing a bit then breaking out again and again:(.
Hi Rob,
As a 32 year old male still dealing with acne, I can emphasise with you. I have recently started a third course of Accutane and wanted to give you some encouragement/advice. Firstly, Accutane is way more effective than anything else out there. Secondly, it is the only treatment that can give you remission. So although you might have a tough 5 months, it's possible to have a lifetime of clear skin thereafter. Acne is also almost always milder after tane even if you don't get remission. Also if you're not happy with the current situation, you have to try something else otherwise nothing will change. I am now in my third month of tane and I'm still terrified it won't give me remission, but at least I have a chance by taking it. I was worried about bad breakouts, bad side effects and none of these have happened. I also have the same fluctuating moods of positivity and hopelessness, you can get through it!
Lastly, a couple of points on worrying about initial breakouts.There are a few strategies to minimise this you could discuss with your derm (keeping in mind not everyone gets one). People often take an oral antibiotic concurrently for the first couple of months of their course to combat any initial breakout. You can also look at starting off with a lower dose and then increasing it as time goes on as a strategy. There's also prednisone which can be given if you do get a bad initial breakout. I'd say discuss the concerns with your derm and see what they think/what strategies they have.
Good luck
I Was feeling quite positive yesterday but honestly today I want to give up:(. I have been sleeping for 12-13 hours a day and have not wanted to wake up. My face has been breaking out like crazy especially on the right side:(. On Thursday my skin was ok now its look awful. I have been dealing with this for 10 years now. I'm due to be prescribed accutane but im terrified of more bad breakouts and i really dont know if mentally I have the strength to deal with my skin getting even worse:( feel totally lost one minute im strong and positive the next like now I don't see any hope. Im not bothered about having spotless skin im bothered about breaking out every day clearing a bit then breaking out again and again:(.
Not only does my skin have an in built sensor for when something important's about to go down; it's also had 20 years to plot against me. The day after tomorrow is such a ridiculously important day for me I can't even begin to fathom it. Naturally the skin on my jaw decided to remind me that it, too, is excited.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It sucks doesn't it to put it bluntly?. When did you start having acne? I was around 18 and in my first year of uni when i started breaking out badly. Ive had periods where ive been virtually clear but then it always returned with my cheeks being the main problem area. Its so depressing I definalty think its making me miss out on some of the good things in life. Ive altered my regimen a little over the past week or so but yes i do need to do something more drastic. Im trying to get positive about accutane but i struggle. Im so afraid of the initial breakout especially as im breaking out more than usual now. But yeah im going ask the derm those questions and maybe see if theres any sortof topical i could use to help with the inflammed zits. Im quite encouraged by you saying that you havent had any bad breakouts so far. what were you using before accutane? I also enjoy working out and im a bit worried about join pain do you experience this at all?. Anyway thanks alot for the advice and I hope you continue to progress:).
Hi Rob,
As a 32 year old male still dealing with acne, I can emphasise with you. I have recently started a third course of Accutane and wanted to give you some encouragement/advice. Firstly, Accutane is way more effective than anything else out there. Secondly, it is the only treatment that can give you remission. So although you might have a tough 5 months, it's possible to have a lifetime of clear skin thereafter. Acne is also almost always milder after tane even if you don't get remission. Also if you're not happy with the current situation, you have to try something else otherwise nothing will change. I am now in my third month of tane and I'm still terrified it won't give me remission, but at least I have a chance by taking it. I was worried about bad breakouts, bad side effects and none of these have happened. I also have the same fluctuating moods of positivity and hopelessness, you can get through it!
Lastly, a couple of points on worrying about initial breakouts.There are a few strategies to minimise this you could discuss with your derm (keeping in mind not everyone gets one). People often take an oral antibiotic concurrently for the first couple of months of their course to combat any initial breakout. You can also look at starting off with a lower dose and then increasing it as time goes on as a strategy. There's also prednisone which can be given if you do get a bad initial breakout. I'd say discuss the concerns with your derm and see what they think/what strategies they have.
Good luck
I Was feeling quite positive yesterday but honestly today I want to give up:(. I have been sleeping for 12-13 hours a day and have not wanted to wake up. My face has been breaking out like crazy especially on the right side:(. On Thursday my skin was ok now its look awful. I have been dealing with this for 10 years now. I'm due to be prescribed accutane but im terrified of more bad breakouts and i really dont know if mentally I have the strength to deal with my skin getting even worse:( feel totally lost one minute im strong and positive the next like now I don't see any hope. Im not bothered about having spotless skin im bothered about breaking out every day clearing a bit then breaking out again and again:(.
I`ve started to break out a little on my temples and neck today so I think that my clear spell has unfortunately come to an end. However what`s bothering me more right now is the feelings of loneliness, sadness, emptiness and being completely lost that I have. I have commented on it extensively on another thread that I started so it is well documented that I have recently lost a friend that I made on these forums. We used to "chat" most evenings and I really miss no longer being able to talk to them. Haven`t yet found anything to fill the void that has been left. Furthermore, we both used to belong to a website that supports people with depression and mental health issues. Thanks to my betrayal of my friend and my despicable actions in the aftermath, I no longer feel able to log on to that website because I`m pretty sure that people will remember me for what I did and won`t want to know me. I`m really reaping what I have sown right now and just hope that in the long run, I can learn from these mistakes and the consequent feelings of shame and be a better person in the future.
It's been more than 2 months since I started Spiro, and it doesn't seem to work for me so far. I will give it 1-2 months more and then there's not much left to do but to take Accutane. I have no more time to play around with bcp and supplements, cause of scarring, which is my biggest problem right now.
Makes me sad that it will costs so much to fix this shit...
Hi Pianina, i am sorry to hear that.. just wondering, are you sure you are not trying too much? I mean you are on bcp, spiro and peppermint tea. When i was on 100 mg (only 25 more than now) i broke out every other day. Now, excluding a comedone that i picked, i have had no breakouts in 9 days-unfortunately i still have to limit dairy. I wish everyone finds an effective treatment soon and a great and clear 2014!
Hey Maria, I think you're so right about trying too much. I take peppermint tea only occasionally, but 100 mg of spiro and bcp is too much for my organism too handle. Also, you maybe have noticed how people tend to forget about how bad their skin used to be and even when it's much better, they keep on whining? 
I think it's my case. After all, it's scars I have to deal with now.
How about you, did Spiro finally start working for you again?
It's been more than 2 months since I started Spiro, and it doesn't seem to work for me so far. I will give it 1-2 months more and then there's not much left to do but to take Accutane. I have no more time to play around with bcp and supplements, cause of scarring, which is my biggest problem right now.
Hi Pianina, i am sorry to hear that.. just wondering, are you sure you are not trying too much? I mean you are on bcp, spiro and peppermint tea. When i was on 100 mg (only 25 more than now) i broke out every other day. Now, excluding a comedone that i picked, i have had no breakouts in 9 days-unfortunately i still have to limit dairy. I wish everyone finds an effective treatment soon and a great and clear 2014!
Hey Maria, I think you're so right about trying too much. I take peppermint tea only occasionally, but 100 mg of spiro and bcp is too much for my organism too handle. Also, you maybe have noticed how people tend to forget about how bad their skin used to be and even when it's much better, they keep on whining?
I think it's my case. After all, it's scars I have to deal with now.
How about you, did Spiro finally start working for you again?
I hope the reduced dose will work better for you! Things are going to improve! I am now more than two weeks clear but i have been avoiding "pure" dairy though i had a few desserts made with dairy and they didn't seem to affect me. Basically now i have the sword of comedones hanging over my head but i am confident i will find the solution for this too.
Yes it sucks big time. I started at 14 but it was mild then, got bad around 17 or 18. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd still be dealing with it at 32. I really wouldn't worry too much about the initial breakout. Here's some info about it from the FAQ that biggs881 did for this site:
An acute flare of acne early in a course of Isotretinoin is a recognised problem in about 6% of patients and is clinically significant in half of these. The physician should inform patients accordingly and provide a fast track follow up should this problem occur as these flares can be very aggressive, producing physical and psychological difficulties. Pre-disposing risk factors for a flare include the presence of macrocomedones and nodules.
The oral antibiotic erythromycin can be administered along with Accutane to reduce/minimise the initial breakout. Alternatively, if a severe flare occurs, oral prednisolone should be given in a dose of 0.5-1.0 mg/kg/day over a period of 23 weeks, and the dose slowly decreased over the next 6 weeks. The Isotretinoin should either be stopped or reduced to a dosage of 0.25 mg/kg/day depending on the severity of the problem. If stopped, the drug can be slowly re-introduced at a dose of 0.25 mg/kg/day, and then increased or decreased as response and side effects dictate.
I did a course of Accutane at 18 and another at 19. 60mg/day for 5 months both times. The only side effects I had were extremely dry lips and skin. I then pretty much used Dan's Regimen for a good 12 years, thinking it was always just a matter of a little more time till I grew out of it. I got fed up about a year. Tried epiduo with clindamycin - worked okay but not as well as I would like, so I decided to go down the Accutane route again, but low-dose this time. I have taken 60mg/week for the first 2 months, and now I'm on 100mg/week (as of 2 weeks ago). Again the only side effects I have had have been dry lips and skin (not nearly as dry as my first 2 courses). I was worried about a bad initial breakout, but it didn't come.
I think most people have a good outcome from taking the drug, although it can take time. If the worst does happen and you get some side effects you can't cope with, you can always stop the course. But yeah, talk to your derm, let him know your concerns, ask how common the side effects are etc. These are only my experiences. He's probably prescribed it to thousands of people over the years and can give you an idea of how prevalent various side effects are.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It sucks doesn't it to put it bluntly?. When did you start having acne? I was around 18 and in my first year of uni when i started breaking out badly. Ive had periods where ive been virtually clear but then it always returned with my cheeks being the main problem area. Its so depressing I definalty think its making me miss out on some of the good things in life. Ive altered my regimen a little over the past week or so but yes i do need to do something more drastic. Im trying to get positive about accutane but i struggle. Im so afraid of the initial breakout especially as im breaking out more than usual now. But yeah im going ask the derm those questions and maybe see if theres any sortof topical i could use to help with the inflammed zits. Im quite encouraged by you saying that you havent had any bad breakouts so far. what were you using before accutane? I also enjoy working out and im a bit worried about join pain do you experience this at all?. Anyway thanks alot for the advice and I hope you continue to progress:).
Hi Rob,
As a 32 year old male still dealing with acne, I can emphasise with you. I have recently started a third course of Accutane and wanted to give you some encouragement/advice. Firstly, Accutane is way more effective than anything else out there. Secondly, it is the only treatment that can give you remission. So although you might have a tough 5 months, it's possible to have a lifetime of clear skin thereafter. Acne is also almost always milder after tane even if you don't get remission. Also if you're not happy with the current situation, you have to try something else otherwise nothing will change. I am now in my third month of tane and I'm still terrified it won't give me remission, but at least I have a chance by taking it. I was worried about bad breakouts, bad side effects and none of these have happened. I also have the same fluctuating moods of positivity and hopelessness, you can get through it!
Lastly, a couple of points on worrying about initial breakouts.There are a few strategies to minimise this you could discuss with your derm (keeping in mind not everyone gets one). People often take an oral antibiotic concurrently for the first couple of months of their course to combat any initial breakout. You can also look at starting off with a lower dose and then increasing it as time goes on as a strategy. There's also prednisone which can be given if you do get a bad initial breakout. I'd say discuss the concerns with your derm and see what they think/what strategies they have.
Good luck
I Was feeling quite positive yesterday but honestly today I want to give up:(. I have been sleeping for 12-13 hours a day and have not wanted to wake up. My face has been breaking out like crazy especially on the right side:(. On Thursday my skin was ok now its look awful. I have been dealing with this for 10 years now. I'm due to be prescribed accutane but im terrified of more bad breakouts and i really dont know if mentally I have the strength to deal with my skin getting even worse:( feel totally lost one minute im strong and positive the next like now I don't see any hope. Im not bothered about having spotless skin im bothered about breaking out every day clearing a bit then breaking out again and again:(.
I`ve started to break out a little on my temples and neck today so I think that my clear spell has unfortunately come to an end. However what`s bothering me more right now is the feelings of loneliness, sadness, emptiness and being completely lost that I have. I have commented on it extensively on another thread that I started so it is well documented that I have recently lost a friend that I made on these forums. We used to "chat" most evenings and I really miss no longer being able to talk to them. Haven`t yet found anything to fill the void that has been left. Furthermore, we both used to belong to a website that supports people with depression and mental health issues. Thanks to my betrayal of my friend and my despicable actions in the aftermath, I no longer feel able to log on to that website because I`m pretty sure that people will remember me for what I did and won`t want to know me. I`m really reaping what I have sown right now and just hope that in the long run, I can learn from these mistakes and the consequent feelings of shame and be a better person in the future.
It WILL get better, I promise. Mistakes are proof that we've tried. The person who dies having made no mistakes is the person that never learnt to live.
Trying to workout to distract myself from the current flare-up. I love whoever invented makeup. Bring it on, tomorrow! (Eeeeeep!)
I`ve started to break out a little on my temples and neck today so I think that my clear spell has unfortunately come to an end. However what`s bothering me more right now is the feelings of loneliness, sadness, emptiness and being completely lost that I have. I have commented on it extensively on another thread that I started so it is well documented that I have recently lost a friend that I made on these forums. We used to "chat" most evenings and I really miss no longer being able to talk to them. Haven`t yet found anything to fill the void that has been left. Furthermore, we both used to belong to a website that supports people with depression and mental health issues. Thanks to my betrayal of my friend and my despicable actions in the aftermath, I no longer feel able to log on to that website because I`m pretty sure that people will remember me for what I did and won`t want to know me. I`m really reaping what I have sown right now and just hope that in the long run, I can learn from these mistakes and the consequent feelings of shame and be a better person in the future.
It WILL get better, I promise. Mistakes are proof that we've tried. The person who dies having made no mistakes is the person that never learnt to live.
Trying to workout to distract myself from the current flare-up. I love whoever invented makeup. Bring it on, tomorrow! (Eeeeeep!)
Thanks spotthedifference, I really do hope it gets better. I`m feeling desperately low tonight and if I`m honest, I don`t think I have anything to live for. Everyone who ever gets close to me either gets pushed away or hurt or they abandon and distance themselves from me. I`ve already phoned the Samaritans on one occasion in the past few days so I cannot really phone them again and as I explained before I cannot go on to the website that I`ve gone to for support previously because:- a) my friend goes on there regularly and I`d hate to make them uncomfortable with my presence. b) after my betrayal and the way I behaved the other night, I probably wouldn`t be welcome because I`m sure everyone really dislikes me on there now. What`s more I`m starting to breakout a little as well. In normal circumstances I would be really bugged by it but I honestly don`t care if my whole face erupts right now.
Hope your current flare-up clears up soon. Working out is a really good idea in terms of distraction, being good for you and also releasing endorphins which naturally lift your mood. Haha, doesn`t do that much for me personally but I`m pretty sure that there are a lot of people out there who would agree with you on make-up being an absolute god send.
I dont understand why me? Had pretty alright skin, one or two spots here and there (even though i complained about those a lot), now its the worst skin of my life. Closed comedones all over my cheeks/chin, weird lumpy rash on my other cheek, spots on forhead which are leaving marks.
Feel depressed all the time, dont want to go out, just want my life back!!
I`m breaking out at the moment because I`m eating crap and not looking after myself. Today I feel truly disgusting inside and out. I`m a thoroughly horrible person both physically and emotionally. Maybe this world would be better off without me because then I wouldn`t hurt and upset anyone. I`m a complete a******e.
I dont understand why me? Had pretty alright skin, one or two spots here and there (even though i complained about those a lot), now its the worst skin of my life. Closed comedones all over my cheeks/chin, weird lumpy rash on my other cheek, spots on forhead which are leaving marks.
Feel depressed all the time, dont want to go out, just want my life back!!
Keep trying-- you'll get your life back! In fact, try to go out and "forget" about your acne for a while! The only way to get your life back is to not let it affect you so much and to continuously try to treat your acne until you find what works for you!
I`m breaking out at the moment because I`m eating crap and not looking after myself. Today I feel truly disgusting inside and out. I`m a thoroughly horrible person both physically and emotionally. Maybe this world would be better off without me because then I wouldn`t hurt and upset anyone. I`m a complete a******e.
If you were a truly horrible person, you wouldn't feel guilty about feeling horrible. You wouldn't realize that you hurt people-- you would just do it and be done with it. Trust me, you deserve to be in this world and you deserve to be happy. You'll get there again, you just need a moment to snap yourself back into positive progress.