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I try and I try to keep going, to keep improving myself, so that one day I might be 'normal', so that one day someone might actually accept me, or even love me, for who I am. I don't believe in giving up. I have made lists of all the positive things in my life and I've been trying to speak positively to myself. I exercise every day, I avoid alcohol as much as I can, I don't smoke, I try and have a good diet. I work exceptionally hard to make my career a success.
And then three painful spots erupt on my neck and all of that hard work falls apart.
I'm 28 and shouldn't be dealing with this teenage angst anymore. Why is it so hard to function like every other normal adult? Everything seems to come so easily to them.
For some reason I haven't had a new spot for 3 days and my face is completely clear. I'm not going to take it for granted or complain about that, but I find it really bizarre.
I am not condoning drinking alcohol every night, not at all, but it's been my birthday and I have consumed a LOT of alcohol this weekend. Each morning I've awoken with clear, non-irritated and healthy skin. Could there be a link with putting a strain on the immune system, therefore preventing inflammation, therefore preventing acne? Since I only get inflamed pustules, it seems like this could be a possibility. But obvious, this wouldn't be a healthy way to keep clear.
So generally I feel good about my acne, but knowing it's not permanent sucks. It would be a huge coincidence if the second I turned 20, I was eradicated of acne. Too good to be true right? The minute I breakout, I will be here ranting, mark my words!
On 6/9/2013 at 3:24 PM, Pianina said:On 6/9/2013 at 3:29 AM, WishClean said:On 6/9/2013 at 12:20 AM, Pianina said:Got an interesting thought.
I read that people with strong immune system forms worst scars. I've been taking vitamin D3 supplements for 3 months and it's then that I noticed that my scarring got worse. D3 boosts your immune system and maybe that's when it responds too strongly to any acne infection..?
Where did you read that? People with weak immune systems are more likely to get acne in the first place. Vitamin C would be better for scarring, and D for active acne. I discovered that D3 supplements make my skin worse, not because of the actual vitamin in them but of the fillers and preservatives needed to make vit. D soluble in the body. Many have some type of fat added, often in the form of oils, that can cause breakouts. Also, if you are deficient in magnesium, vitamin D supplements will not get fully absorbed anyway. And I believe that Vitamin A is the one that can worsen scarring when taken in high amounts...even a doctor who once recommended accutane to me warmed me about spontaneous scarring from high doses of vitamin A, not to mention liver damage.
It was about an overly strong immune system's reaction to acne inflammation and quick scar building. So that would happen when immune system is too vigorous, which is also out of ordinary. But I don't think mine is like that after all, I have no allergies whatsoever and I'm rarely sick so my immune system seems to be normal.
It is more likely that it was vitamin A, but I didn't think the dose was too high, cause 10 000 IU was the recommended intake written on the package.
By the way other scars on my body got more visible as well!
Do you think the scars can get better now when I stopped taking vitamin A?
Yeah, don't worry about your immune system if you don't get sick often or get allergies, that is probably not the issue in your case. Your vitamin A dose wasn't that high compared to how much some people on the forum take, but you never know. If your skin is prone to scarring anyway, it would be good to stop the vitamin A. The issue with vitamin A is that it gets stored in the liver and can take a long time to get rid of it (that's why people taking accutane still feel the effects months after stopping the treatment), and liver toxicity can occur in doses as low as 15,000 IU. I would say just to be safe stop taking the vitamin A and also check to see what ingredients are in your vitamin D. I like to get vitamin A and D from natural sources like food and the sun...might try blue or red light therapy for winter time. Vitamin C is supposed to be good for healing, and people on the scar forum report results with using vitamin C serums.
My aesthetician gave me a serum that is supposed to work for scars in the same way as wrinkles (so treating my scars as wrinkles basically), and it has B5 and hyaluronic acid, and so far it's going well. When the skin repeatedly gets attacked by acne in the same spot, eventually the collagen and elasticity are weakened and hence the scarring is more prominent.
Still trying to keep optimistic, though - acne is only skin deep. c:
My fucking hate is so deep I can feel it aching in my bones. I have become dead inside, a heartless bastard with no empathy for anything unless I put my fucking mask on and pretend like every thing is nice and fucking dandy. It amazes me how looking in the god damn mirror can light the fire of my anger to the point where it feels like my gut is getting stabbed and my blood Is boiling. I can't stand all the hypocritical people who are full of fucking bullshit, my throat tigtens up as I write this shit fuck everything and everybody.
100% understand. i pretty much hate every moment of my existence. i have to fake it when i have to go out and do shit and i hate that i cant be normal. and these scars on my face are going to be with me until i rot away alone in my apartment one day. i think all these negative things all day but for whatever reason im still around. something inside tells me to keep going. im sure you know what i mean. you're comments on here don't go unnoticed. im here for you as much as some anonymous person online can be. much love.
i couldnt agree more with you frank we're in the same boat/apartment. Churchill said If you are going through hell, keep going. maybe one day we will kinda laugh at this scar torture , i live for that day
i love the way the profile picture looks like i have no scars but in the real world theres small medium large devils everywhere
I feel freaking annoyed as crap with my skin today!!!!
I'm so frustrated with the constant breakouts. It makes me feel so dumb for some reason. I am done taking my stupid antibiotics. I have been taking them for about 8 months with no betterment of my skin. In fact, now I'm wondering if it actually made my acne worse. I'm fully over this and done done done!!!!!
:),,, it was worst in the previous week but a clean face today.... 
I have only 1 active pimple today. A bit anxious about my middle-cycle breakout (should be in 3-4 days), just wonder if the higher dose of cyproterone acetate will prevent it this month.
Other than that, I have a few good words to say about my little regimen. I'm using lactic acid face wash and cream and my skin seem to like it a lot, it feels so moist and...well, normal, not dry and flaky like before.
Still no active acne after almost...a week or more.
Today I noticed what I'd thought was a mole for months, was actually a really stubborn blackhead that had turned into a plug. I never get blackheads so I never really assumed it was one. I decided to squeeze it out and it came out pretty easily, probably was a little risky to do that, but I now know why people enjoy squeezing their acne so much.
I hope I haven't damaged the pore or anything, but apparently it's okay to squeeze them once they've hardened. Don't know much about them to be honest. I'm a whitehead guy.
Feeling a bit more positive today. My face and neck are clearing up and apart from some fading blemishes, I have no active spots. My chest however is pretty poor right now. I have a breakout around the sternum area - I get this from time to time but it does go quite quickly. Can`t say I`m happy about this but at least I can cover it up. Not that I would anyway but I certainly won`t be sunbathing or going topless in public for the time being.
Got my fifth session of CBT tomorrow. I have been asked to take along the mirror that I use most to examine myself - just wondering if the therapist is going to tell me to stop using it or even confiscate it!
Felt the tell tale bump of a pimple coming on my lower jaw today. I'm getting closer to that time of the month so I wonder if it's cause of that. But I'm not stressing too badly over it. I've used my blue light on it and iced it, and it already feels a little better. I'm just telling myself that I'm lucky that my acne is not worse - that it could be MUCH worse - and that most people's skin is not perfect. In fact, you can find imperfections with almost every person's skin if you look close enough.
I'm seeing a gyno in 2 weeks, which I'm both nervous and excited for. I'm going to most likely wean myself off the Mino because I don't think it's really doing anything anyway, and I've been on antibiotics for so long. I really do think hormones have a lot to do with my acne, so if I can get on a good birth control or even try Spiro, I think it would help a lot. I just hope it all works for me. I know I probably need to be on birth control at some point anyway so I might as well start now.
SO, here's to not caring about another stupid pimple that will be gone soon anyway, and here's to trying new things. If anything, I can be happy that my acne has definitely gotten milder over the past year or so, which I presume is because I'm getting older/growing out of it. Hopefully by my later years acne won't plague me anymore.
I weight in 135 today
20 more pounds to go.
Another day of 5k calories
Basically 5 big meals per day.
Good luck with the 20 pounds. If you are struggling to get in 5k calories in a day, here is a little trick that I read over at the bodybuilding.com forums. Shots of extra virgin olive oil. It sounds nasty but mix it with a tiny amount of orange juice and it completely masks the taste. 5 TBSP is 600 easy calories. The best part is extra virgin olive oil is actually healthy.
I weight in 135 today
20 more pounds to go.
Another day of 5k calories
Basically 5 big meals per day.
Good luck with the 20 pounds. If you are struggling to get in 5k calories in a day, here is a little trick that I read over at the bodybuilding.com forums. Shots of extra virgin olive oil. It sounds nasty but mix it with a tiny amount of orange juice and it completely masks the taste. 5 TBSP is 600 easy calories. The best part is extra virgin olive oil is actually healthy.
Yeah I do but only 2 tbsp cause it doesn't really taste that good but each spoon is 130 cals.
I also take a shake with protein milk strawberries banana yogurt in the morning easy calories there.
Im also eating a lot of rice.
UGH. I seriously think there's a link between me going to college and breaking out!
I've been acne-free for a whole week, I go back to college and now I have little spots popping up 
Is it stress? Is it the heat in classrooms? Is it the lighting? Omg I'm seriously DONE.
My skin problem seems to have entirely vanished. I guess it was just a combination of probiotic foods and lack of proper skincare, because I've now even lowered the amount of BP I'm using quite a bit with no additional issues. Most of my scars are continuing to fade. I really feel nothing bad about my skin at this point.
I saw my ex boyfriend yesterday (I'm visiting my hometown) and he went on and on about what a goddess I am, how much he regrets hurting me and losing me when we were kids and how I'm the female "physical ideal." He's a REALLY hot guy (women stop and stare in the streets, seriously) so it was SO nice to hear coming from him. He's seriously really hot--looks like an action hero or something lol... We're just friends now but yeah, it's still nice.
As for my current boyfriend...well it's still stressful. We are taking some space from each other while I'm out of town. I still love him, but God... I don't know what to do. I don't want to live in the South anymore, I want to move closer to my family...so basically it's probably not only going to have to come down to him treating me better, but him following me somewhere else if he wants to be with me. I'm still open to being with him if things could change, but I can't sacrifice myself and my needs any longer. It's soooo stressful though... I had nightmares all last night about us breaking up.
Having nice skin makes life a hell of a lot easier, but it sure doesn't make it easy, you know?
Btw, just tell me when my "yay I have good skin" posts get annoying... I love posting here and would miss you guys if I left, but I don't want to seem like I'm bragging when some of you guys aren't doing well... especially new posters who may not realize that not long ago I had HORRIBLE cystic acne and I've come so far.
My skin problem seems to have entirely vanished. I guess it was just a combination of probiotic foods and lack of proper skincare, because I've now even lowered the amount of BP I'm using quite a bit with no additional issues. Most of my scars are continuing to fade. I really feel nothing bad about my skin at this point.
I saw my ex boyfriend yesterday (I'm visiting my hometown) and he went on and on about what a goddess I am, how much he regrets hurting me and losing me when we were kids and how I'm the female "physical ideal." He's a REALLY hot guy (women stop and stare in the streets, seriously) so it was SO nice to hear coming from him. He's seriously really hot--looks like an action hero or something lol... We're just friends now but yeah, it's still nice.
As for my current boyfriend...well it's still stressful. We are taking some space from each other while I'm out of town. I still love him, but God... I don't know what to do. I don't want to live in the South anymore, I want to move closer to my family...so basically it's probably not only going to have to come down to him treating me better, but him following me somewhere else if he wants to be with me. I'm still open to being with him if things could change, but I can't sacrifice myself and my needs any longer. It's soooo stressful though... I had nightmares all last night about us breaking up.
Having nice skin makes life a hell of a lot easier, but it sure doesn't make it easy, you know?
Btw, just tell me when my "yay I have good skin" posts get annoying... I love posting here and would miss you guys if I left, but I don't want to seem like I'm bragging when some of you guys aren't doing well... especially new posters who may not realize that not long ago I had HORRIBLE cystic acne and I've come so far.
Really pleased for you Deja. I go through periods where I am totally clear and you are so correct in what you say about it making life easier. It doesn`t solve everything but it somehow makes everything else somehow more manageable.
Don`t apologise for bragging - you know more than most what it is like to breakout and the emotional turmoil acne can cause.
Had my 5th CBT session today. Going to try to limit myself to looking in the mirror only three times a day. Looking in the mirror constantly really is a vicious circle. I usually do it for reassurance that my skin and blemishes aren`t looking too bad. Sometimes it helps but 90% of the time it doesn`t and it just increases my anxiety and makes me feel more hideous and ugly. The theory is that by avoiding the mirror, my anxiety will reduce and I will possibly stop focusing on my skin as much. We`ll see!
Skin update - face and neck not too bad at all. Few spots on chest and torso but at least they are not on view and will go fairly quickly so not too unhappy about that.
Anyone who reads this, thank you for taking the time to do so. Some of the issues that I post on here are issues that I would be reluctant to discuss with friends and family. It means a lot to be able to post by my own admission some pretty messed up stuff at times and not be judged.
I weight in 135 today
20 more pounds to go.
Another day of 5k calories
Basically 5 big meals per day.
Good luck with the 20 pounds. If you are struggling to get in 5k calories in a day, here is a little trick that I read over at the bodybuilding.com forums. Shots of extra virgin olive oil. It sounds nasty but mix it with a tiny amount of orange juice and it completely masks the taste. 5 TBSP is 600 easy calories. The best part is extra virgin olive oil is actually healthy.
Yeah I do but only 2 tbsp cause it doesn't really taste that good but each spoon is 130 cals.
I also take a shake with protein milk strawberries banana yogurt in the morning easy calories there.
Im also eating a lot of rice.
This is a nice piece of information. I've been wanting to gain a little bit of weight but my super fast metabolism pisses me off
After being on the caveman regimen for 2 months i have had fairly good skin.I always knew exfoliation would break me out by irritating my skin.I was so fed up with the dead skin on my face that i got tempted today.I mixed some honey and oats and applied it on my face.I did it in circular motions all as per prescribed by google and youtube videos.And now it's horribly red.I can feel a slight tinge on my left cheek bone.A big cyst is in the making.I can feel it! Also the clearer part of my face is also red.I don't know what will it be like tomorrow when i get up in the morning,
Screw exfoliation.I'll never put anything on my face.Just water is pure magic.
A bit early, but my middle-cycle breakout is starting...
My boyfriend is leaving in less than a month. I wish I could stay in his mind as a nice looking clear-skinned girl, but no, I'll have to say goodbye tearing all over my pizza face. The best way to remember your girlfriend you won't see for 5 months. :/