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Two or three small spots have appeared on my left temple today. It is not bad acne and they will probably be gone in a couple of days but it still has the ability to make me feel gross - pathetic really but that`s me. Just got to do my best to fight the negative thoughts.
I was walking through the mall today, stopped at a little pizza shop to pick up a few slices, and a random girl came up to me and said "I like your sunglasses!" and then she kinda hung around like she wanted me to start a conversation with her. This happens to me sometimes where a girl will come up to me in the local mall (super small town) and compliment me on a clothing item or something, one time a girl said something about my hair....and I always don't know what to make of it. I always wonder if they're flirting with me...or are they trying to make fun of how I look somehow? They always seem genuine and act perfectly normal around me, but I guess I have such a skewed/warped image of myself that I overthink things way too much...it's pretty bad that I have to over analyze little things like this because of how I feel about my skin. Like I can never tell if a girl is giving me a compliment because she finds me attractive, or if she's doing it to be mean because of my scars...I'm always left confused afterwards.
I was walking through the mall today, stopped at a little pizza shop to pick up a few slices, and a random girl came up to me and said "I like your sunglasses!" and then she kinda hung around like she wanted me to start a conversation with her. This happens to me sometimes where a girl will come up to me in the local mall (super small town) and compliment me on a clothing item or something, one time a girl said something about my hair....and I always don't know what to make of it. I always wonder if they're flirting with me...or are they trying to make fun of how I look somehow? They always seem genuine and act perfectly normal around me, but I guess I have such a skewed/warped image of myself that I overthink things way too much...it's pretty bad that I have to over analyze little things like this because of how I feel about my skin. Like I can never tell if a girl is giving me a compliment because she finds me attractive, or if she's doing it to be mean because of my scars...I'm always left confused afterwards.
If that happens to me, I just say thanks and stay quiet, ha ha. I suck at starting conversation. That's why I've been single for ever ;\
I remember those single days and the trouble me and my friends got into, so I thank god for my girlfriend of 3 years to keep me planted on me feet and not to to do crazy dumb stuff anymore and she does'nt even think I have a acne problem. I know she does not have an acne problem, her skin is crystal clear. She is just the coolest! I Love her so damn much! 
I'm feeling more hopeful today. I posted about what I'm doing with diet here:
At this point, I'm just happy that I'm not in as bad pain as yesterday. The pain is the worst part about this.
I have to get back to work tomorrow, but luckily this is my work-from-home job and I don't have to go back to the other job until Thursday. I hope I'm a bit more clear by then, before I have to face the dreaded mirrors! lol
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I was walking through the mall today, stopped at a little pizza shop to pick up a few slices, and a random girl came up to me and said "I like your sunglasses!" and then she kinda hung around like she wanted me to start a conversation with her. This happens to me sometimes where a girl will come up to me in the local mall (super small town) and compliment me on a clothing item or something, one time a girl said something about my hair....and I always don't know what to make of it. I always wonder if they're flirting with me...or are they trying to make fun of how I look somehow? They always seem genuine and act perfectly normal around me, but I guess I have such a skewed/warped image of myself that I overthink things way too much...it's pretty bad that I have to over analyze little things like this because of how I feel about my skin. Like I can never tell if a girl is giving me a compliment because she finds me attractive, or if she's doing it to be mean because of my scars...I'm always left confused afterwards.
Don't overthink it! They are totally flirting with you! 
Don't doubt it, enjoy it!
Today was a bit of a random day. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning feeling pretty down about everything in general but randomly my dad said he wanted a day out with the family and decided we were going to an archery class 
I really didn't want to go and with the way I was feeling I didn't think it would be the best idea for me to have a weapon in my hands 
But he dragged me along anyway and I'm glad I went - it turned out to be pretty fun. None of us were very good but somehow I managed to hit the bullseye Getting out and doing something random really helped to pull me out of the slump I was in. I was completely distracted from thinking about my skin and I went without makeup. So I'm feeling pretty good at the moment.
I was walking through the mall today, stopped at a little pizza shop to pick up a few slices, and a random girl came up to me and said "I like your sunglasses!" and then she kinda hung around like she wanted me to start a conversation with her. This happens to me sometimes where a girl will come up to me in the local mall (super small town) and compliment me on a clothing item or something, one time a girl said something about my hair....and I always don't know what to make of it. I always wonder if they're flirting with me...or are they trying to make fun of how I look somehow? They always seem genuine and act perfectly normal around me, but I guess I have such a skewed/warped image of myself that I overthink things way too much...it's pretty bad that I have to over analyze little things like this because of how I feel about my skin. Like I can never tell if a girl is giving me a compliment because she finds me attractive, or if she's doing it to be mean because of my scars...I'm always left confused afterwards.
I agree with what nfamousjade has said - don't over think it! Try and continue the conversation - just small talk - you may find you'll really hit it off with someone you meet randomly like that. If nothing else I think that sort of thing would help build confidence for anyone.
Wouldn't go as far as to say i'm sad or anything but i am very annoyed.
My usual brand of benzyol peroxide is undergoing new management. As a result i can't get it anywhere as everywhere is out of stock.
So the only other brand i trust is the acne.org brand. So have been forced to order and pay the shipping charges. It being close to xmas that is money i did not want to spend.
Editing because I feel I was too negative this morning. I'm on day 2 of my no-sugar plan and am feeling better in some ways but just got a really intense headache plus weird feelings of emotion. I'm pretty sure it's candida die off. This is the first time in my life I've ever tried the no-sugar thing, which seems stupid considering how long I've known that my gut is part of the problem. Anyway though, I'm pretty sure the candida is making me whacky and I'm also having a bad day with the BDD stuff... that was why I wanted to edit the post. This morning I wrote that I was breaking out terribly again, but really it's not much different than yesterday. But I looked in the mirror this morning and all I felt was disgusting, inflamed, broken out, sick-looking. I'm going to try and refrain from making too many posts or comment about my skin until I'm thinking straight again.
Weirdly enough, I seem to be thinking really clearly as far as non-emotional stuff. I've already finished two freelance writing assignments so far today and working on my third. Maybe whatever was wrong in my gut was affecting my mind, too. I've felt scattered and had ADD-type symptoms for a long time now.
On 12/3/2012 at 1:05 PM, dejaclairevoyant said:Hey guys, I've been working on a blog about acne, obsession with skin, anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc. It took me a few days but I finally finished it! I hope you check it out and that it helps some of you.
[Edited link out]
Dejaclairvoyant, thank you for posting the link to your blog.
I no longer have bad acne but I am still completely obsessed with my skin and how I perceive it to look. I am currently waiting to commence CBT - fortunately I am from the UK so I can get it for free via the NHS (although there is a wating list and priority is given depending on the severity). In the meantime, some of the tips that you mention and some of the links to resources are very useful - I shall certainly be referring to them from time to time. I would definitely recommend to anyone who is diagnosed with or thinks that they may have BDD/acne dysmorphia to take a look your blog.
By the way, good luck with the no-sugar eating plan. I know from reading some of your posts that you are having a tough time of it with a current breakout. Hopefully it will work for you - however just try to stay as positive as possible and keep persevering.
On 12/4/2012 at 3:33 AM, GUNNKE said:On 12/3/2012 at 1:05 PM, dejaclairevoyant said:Hey guys, I've been working on a blog about acne, obsession with skin, anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc. It took me a few days but I finally finished it! I hope you check it out and that it helps some of you.
[Edited link out]
Dejaclairvoyant, thank you for posting the link to your blog.
I no longer have bad acne but I am still completely obsessed with my skin and how I perceive it to look. I am currently waiting to commence CBT - fortunately I am from the UK so I can get it for free via the NHS (although there is a wating list and priority is given depending on the severity). In the meantime, some of the tips that you mention and some of the links to resources are very useful - I shall certainly be referring to them from time to time. I would definitely recommend to anyone who is diagnosed with or thinks that they may have BDD/acne dysmorphia to take a look your blog.
By the way, good luck with the no-sugar eating plan. I know from reading some of your posts that you are having a tough time of it with a current breakout. Hopefully it will work for you - however just try to stay as positive as possible and keep persevering.
Thanks! Good luck with your therapy as well.
On 12/3/2012 at 1:05 PM, dejaclairevoyant said:Hey guys, I've been working on a blog about acne, obsession with skin, anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc. It took me a few days but I finally finished it! I hope you check it out and that it helps some of you.
[Edited link out]
Just wanted to also say that this was a terrific read. It was super informative and parts of your story really tugged at my heart strings. I think that I'm similar to GUNNKE because even though I still have breakouts I believe most of my scars are mental scars because when I look into the mirror I see a warped image of myself, I perceive my appearance differently than other people perceive my appearance because in the past I dealt with many years of struggling with acne and scarrring. I've never heard of EFT before, and after reading your blog I'm very intrigued by that and I'm going to do some research on it. Great job and thanks for sharing!
Had a terrible migraine all day yesterday and all last night, and still do. Slept horrible. So I got my first pimple in a week. I think it's the L-Carnitine, but it's too early to be sure. I could very well just be sick.
So the "pimple" was actually just an odd, irritated spot, possibly from shaving the night before. It went away within hours after waking up. I expected as much, since it was itchy and looked different from the usual pimple fare. SO this means I've had no new pimples in a week or so. Ok, well I'm lying because I have 3 or 4 new ones on my forehead but they're tiny and I know they're just from purging. Instead of having my usual massive clump of little bumps and redness, I have a small clump of little bumps plus a few slightly larger pimples, with little to no redness. Looks much better overall.
I took another Acetyl-L-Carnitine tonight. I still have a bit of a migraine/it came back to a degree, but:
-It's not nearly as bad
-I'll probably stop getting them after my body gets used to the supplement
-It could just be left over from yesterday's migraine, the advil has surely worn off
-I took it without food this time so maybe that's the key
SO, if you're wondering, here's my current regimen:
-Separate food and water by 1-3 hours.
-Get decent sleep. I take melatonin now, and I bought a dark sheet to cover my window.
-Take 2000 mg of Pantothenic Acid, 500 mg of Acetyl-L-carnitine, 1000 mg of Vitamin C, and 2000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day.
-30-45 minutes in the sauna once or twice a week.
-Avoid sugar, grains and carbs, to a degree. Not nearly as strict as I used to... I've been eating a dozen Arrowroot or Oatmeal cookies a day. Plus some healthy, multi-grain but not gluten-free bread, whereas I used to eat gluten-free bagels only.
-Eat a lot of veggies.
-Cook with coconut oil.
-Drink a few tablespoons of apple cider vinegar every day.
-I still can't decide what to do about face washing. I'm leaning towards only water most nights, nothing in the morning. Perhaps facewash once or twice a week.
I'm going to stick to this for the foreseeable future. I'm thinking of taking hemp seed oil internally too.
On 12/4/2012 at 5:20 AM, FlaggLives said:On 12/3/2012 at 1:05 PM, dejaclairevoyant said:Hey guys, I've been working on a blog about acne, obsession with skin, anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc. It took me a few days but I finally finished it! I hope you check it out and that it helps some of you.
[Edited link out]
Just wanted to also say that this was a terrific read. It was super informative and parts of your story really tugged at my heart strings. I think that I'm similar to GUNNKE because even though I still have breakouts I believe most of my scars are mental scars because when I look into the mirror I see a warped image of myself, I perceive my appearance differently than other people perceive my appearance because in the past I dealt with many years of struggling with acne and scarrring. I've never heard of EFT before, and after reading your blog I'm very intrigued by that and I'm going to do some research on it. Great job and thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading! That is the thing with bdd and what makes me know I have some form of it. I know that other people see me differently. They have to, because if they saw what I saw they wouldn't even come close to me. My boyfriend is attracted to me, and I can tell that he genuinely means it. Not just a love me for who I am inside and puts up with my ugliness sort of thing, but he's genuinely attracted to me. I literally don't see how that could be possible when my skin looks the way it does, which is weird, because I KNOW it's possible. I've been attracted to people with acne before. I know it shouldn't matter. So why do I look in the mirror and see ugly, disgusting, horrifying, hideous? Why do I see worthless?
Are we seeing years of suffering that no one else can see? Years of stress and pain? I'm not sure what it is, or why it translates to ugly horrible and worthless in my mind. It's sickening and I'm trying so hard to work on it.
It took me ages to write that blog because this is such a huge subject for me and I could go on and on about it for days. I am working on it though. I did a long session of EFT today and it made me feel more calm for a while afterwards. I found a practitioner on youtube who has some free videos. Here is one specifically for skin problems:
^She's good, although she goes a bit too fast and doesn't really do the tapping points the way I learned them so it was a bit weird for me. I like to tap much slower than that and really feel the change. But she should give you some idea of how it's done. She has another video about leaky gut and candida which I found helpful too because clearly my body and digestive track relating to acne is something I have been trying to figure out for years. There is a lot of stress and frustration surrounding not knowing exactly what is wrong with you.
spotthedifference - you look so adorable! you remind me of one of my friends, haha. your skin looks really good.
anyway i'm feeling not too good about my skin today. i don't have too much active acne, just one or two pimples really that i'm not TOO bothered about but my dark marks are so fucking stubborn fhhaueuywh
Feeling ok today - just trying to stay cool - which is pretty much impossible in this heat!! It was about 38 degrees Celsius earlier today (about 100F i think). As an experiment people were actually frying eggs on the concrete in the city - it was that hot. Apparently the concrete was about 60 C. Hoping tomorrow is a little cooler!
dejaclairevoyant - I also appreciate your blog post and found it helpful. My uncle told me about EFT a few years ago - it's something I tried back then but I think I'll try it out more seriously again. I also wonder if bdd or something like it is an issue for me - like you said in your post above people seem to see me differently to how I see myself. I've 'pushed away' people because I couldn't understand why they'd be attracted to me and I assumed they were just joking/messing with me. Maybe that was the case, I don't know... Anyway - thanks for taking the time to write that blog post, I can understand it would have been hard to write.
Wow wow wow. My skin is looking fantastic. Better than it has in, dare I say, years. And I know it's only going to get better. I feel like I've finally beat acne for good. I would always get SO jealous of people who would post that they cleared their acne on here, and none of their methods ever worked or made sense for me. And I totally understand being unwilling to drop your regimen for another one. But if you have oily skin, redness, flushing, possibly rosacea, pimples everywhere but mostly your T-zone, not a lot of cystic acne... I encourage you to try my regimen. Or at least the bolded parts.
-Separate food and water by 1-3 hours. 8 glasses of water each day. This should greatly improve digestion and provide regular bowel movements.
-Get decent sleep. I take melatonin now, and I bought a dark sheet to cover my window.
-Take 2000 mg of Pantothenic Acid, 500 mg of Acetyl-L-carnitine, 1000 mg of Vitamin C, and 2000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day.
-30-45 minutes in the sauna once or twice a week. Or find some other way to make yourself sweat out toxins.
-Avoid sugar, grains and carbs, to a degree. Not nearly as strict as I used to... I've been eating a dozen Arrowroot or Oatmeal cookies a day. Plus some healthy, multi-grain but not gluten-free bread, whereas I used to eat gluten-free bagels only.
-Eat a lot of veggies.
-Cook with coconut oil.
-Drink a few tablespoons of apple cider vinegar every day.
-Avoid hot food, and chew slowly. Don't binge eat.
-Work on your breathing. I tend to hold my breath a lot and take shallow breaths. Anxiety, probably.
-Exercise is surely beneficial, though I don't get much of any since I'm still recovering from thoracic surgery.
-Wash face with just water, and only at night. Soap the odd time I feel my face has actually gotten dirty or germy.
-Positive thinking. The placebo effect is completely real, the mind-body connection is completely real. Try not to stress out. Take medication for stress if you must.
I work with a woman who I get along with quite well. There is nothing romantic (she is married with two kids) but we are a similar age, have a few things in common and we chat to each other quite regularly. At the moment, I have one or two (fading spots) on my left temple and a couple of small spots on my cheek. Nothing major but me being me, I feel super conscious of them. Anyway, when I came back from my lunch break today, the aforementioned lady looked up and smiled. Instead of smiling back, my first thought was "I don`t want you to see my spots" and I turned away very quickly. She didn`t speak to me at all during the rest of the afternoon. I feel like a fool and an idiot. I just hope I haven`t ruined a friendship because of my stupid obsession and insecurity.
Today I was trying on boots in Wal-Mart. With "those" lights overhead. I try to avoid mirrors in public places at all costs, because my skin always looks relatively terrible and it really bums me out. But this time I was actually surprised at how good my skin looks. Such a huge difference in such a short amount of time. B5 and Acetyl-L-Carnitine for life.