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I feel Like a ghost one huge cyst right next to my nose under my cheek, exactly where I have my deep icepick scar on my smile line. I really wish I was a ghost so that nobody can see me: for reals I really think gluten has messed up my skin because I ate 4 pieces of super sweet cake that other day. I suspect gluten to be an enemy so I am cutting it same as dairy.
Dejaclairevoyant - Thankyou. It's really hard to not touch your face, isn't it? It feels great when you're doing it then when you look in the mirror afterwards sometimes your face just looks so much worse.
The antibiotics are for the acne. The dermatologist said he classifies mine as mild so he thinks they may possibly reduce the problem, although he was very upfront that it might just come back when I come off them. I'm on Duac cream as well. Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to take some probiotics regularly.
I'm glad you're making such good progress in how you're feeling. It's great that you've not got cysts at the moment, and not looking in the mirror a lot is obviously a brilliant stratergy to help with the picking.
You're very brave so even walk into that room by the sounds of it. I can't stand looking in mirrors at the hospital, so I can't imagine what a brightly lit room with lots of mirrors can do. Is there any way of maybe covering your face while you're cleaning the mirrors so that you don't get another attack? With a head scarf or a hairstyle or something?
Unicorntears - Good on you! When you care less the rest of the world does too.
adhpn7 - Congratulations on your date! It sounds lovely. I'm sure you can't look as bad as you feel or you wouldn't had instant success (by the way, we all knew you would). 
carp351 - Sorry to hear that cakes might be a problem. They always make me feel sick so I think I'm a little intolerant to them too, but since it's only really a birthday thing etc with me I just ignore it.
I feel a lot better about this essay than I did yesterday. I do actually know some things about it, even though I don't think I'm going to get a very good mark for it. I had lots of little clogged pores on my cheeks this morning - I don't know if it's my skin purging or just continuing to break out, but in a non inflamed way. I'm really considering some kind of chemical exfoliant, but the problem is my skin hasn't responded amazingly well to salicylic acid in the past and I'm nervous of AHA.
my skin looks sooo bad right now D: i haven;t broken out this bad, ever. i have 14 or more nodules on one cheek/jaw and 15 on the other. they're hard and cystic like and hurt =( i feel so ugly right now. i don't know what to do, i wish i could go on accutane.
on a postive note, my speed dating went well. i met one guy. he was the first person i talked to and the only person that we talked to. lol, we just figured "hey, i already found what i was looking for" and then we left went to dinner. despite my bad break out, he said i had a cute face, so thats good.
i guess.. i'm just nervous that he really thinks that my acne is ugly and lumpy and creepy looking. ugh.
hope this stupid break out heals, it hurts and stings so much..
You are so gorgeous, I didn't even notice your acne in your pictures, I just saw how beautiful you are. You look better than me naturally and with makeup! Lol. 
)
So my acne has gotten better and also worse this month. I have many, many, many scars which make my complexion look just as bad as if there were still acne there. I do have a lot of active acne though, I have maybe 3 cysts and a lot of smaller red zit like pimples. I continuously think of my acne 24/7, therefore it makes it hard to be happy, so I'm just trying to not look in the mirror until I wash my face at night. I wanted to look in the mirror when I woke up to see if my face got any better overnight, but I'm just going to try to keep myself from looking in that mirror lol. I guess it doesn't help being on acne message boards, but typing about my feelings and trying to help others (since I can't help myself), brings my mood up a little.
I went to Walmart the other day with my boyfriend, who I'm living with, and every time I go I am always anxious because of my acne and because I usually don't wear makeup til I see my friends or family or if I'm going to bigger events..so when I walk in there I feel paranoid like everyone is looking at my acne and thinking how ugly I am next to my good looking boyfriend. A few times it wasn't just paranoia though, I have caught people staring at me or taking a second glance in disgust, but it's whatever..I'm not on this planet to please them.
SO I guess I'm in between with how I'm feeling about my acne. I have a feeling that is between the not hopeful and hopeful..so I guess that's better than not hopeful lol.
Here's a picture of my acne from a few days ago. Please note that my hair is greased back in a bun and I have absolutely no makeup on, therefore I look hideous lol.
Gah. My first day back at work and I have to call in sick. Woke up around 3am with my throat practically swollen shut and a fever. I desperately needed sleep today and my a**** neighbor above decides to blast his bass-heavy mexican mariachi music all morning. I swear, I'm not a violent person but I think I would murder the @^@&^@ bastard if I could get away with it. We've been dealing with this for months now, have called the cops multiple times, talked to the landlord and the most anyone will do is tell him to turn it down and then the next day he does it again. It sickens me that people can be so disgustingly inconsiderate.
I wish something horrid would happen to him. And I'M NOT SORRY for that.
My skin is blah. I look sick and miserable. And I'm supposed to be back at work at 8am tomorrow and I don't know if I'm going to be well enough.
SOMEONE SHOOT ME.
my skin looks sooo bad right now D: i haven;t broken out this bad, ever. i have 14 or more nodules on one cheek/jaw and 15 on the other. they're hard and cystic like and hurt =( i feel so ugly right now. i don't know what to do, i wish i could go on accutane.
on a postive note, my speed dating went well. i met one guy. he was the first person i talked to and the only person that we talked to. lol, we just figured "hey, i already found what i was looking for" and then we left went to dinner. despite my bad break out, he said i had a cute face, so thats good.
i guess.. i'm just nervous that he really thinks that my acne is ugly and lumpy and creepy looking. ugh.
hope this stupid break out heals, it hurts and stings so much..
You are so gorgeous, I didn't even notice your acne in your pictures, I just saw how beautiful you are. You look better than me naturally and with makeup! Lol.
So my acne has gotten better and also worse this month. I have many, many, many scars which make my complexion look just as bad as if there were still acne there. I do have a lot of active acne though, I have maybe 3 cysts and a lot of smaller red zit like pimples. I continuously think of my acne 24/7, therefore it makes it hard to be happy, so I'm just trying to not look in the mirror until I wash my face at night. I wanted to look in the mirror when I woke up to see if my face got any better overnight, but I'm just going to try to keep myself from looking in that mirror lol. I guess it doesn't help being on acne message boards, but typing about my feelings and trying to help others (since I can't help myself), brings my mood up a little.
I went to Walmart the other day with my boyfriend, who I'm living with, and every time I go I am always anxious because of my acne and because I usually don't wear makeup til I see my friends or family or if I'm going to bigger events..so when I walk in there I feel paranoid like everyone is looking at my acne and thinking how ugly I am next to my good looking boyfriend. A few times it wasn't just paranoia though, I have caught people staring at me or taking a second glance in disgust, but it's whatever..I'm not on this planet to please them.
SO I guess I'm in between with how I'm feeling about my acne. I have a feeling that is between the not hopeful and hopeful..so I guess that's better than not hopeful lol.
Here's a picture of my acne from a few days ago. Please note that my hair is greased back in a bun and I have absolutely no makeup on, therefore I look hideous lol.
Aw thank you =) Unfortunatley the acne is still their and noticable! that's why i wear so much eye makeup, so i can distract people away from it hehe =)
and what are you talking about?? You're gorgeous yourself! =)
my skin looks sooo bad right now D: i haven;t broken out this bad, ever. i have 14 or more nodules on one cheek/jaw and 15 on the other. they're hard and cystic like and hurt =( i feel so ugly right now. i don't know what to do, i wish i could go on accutane.
on a postive note, my speed dating went well. i met one guy. he was the first person i talked to and the only person that we talked to. lol, we just figured "hey, i already found what i was looking for" and then we left went to dinner. despite my bad break out, he said i had a cute face, so thats good.
i guess.. i'm just nervous that he really thinks that my acne is ugly and lumpy and creepy looking. ugh.
hope this stupid break out heals, it hurts and stings so much..
You are so gorgeous, I didn't even notice your acne in your pictures, I just saw how beautiful you are. You look better than me naturally and with makeup! Lol.
So my acne has gotten better and also worse this month. I have many, many, many scars which make my complexion look just as bad as if there were still acne there. I do have a lot of active acne though, I have maybe 3 cysts and a lot of smaller red zit like pimples. I continuously think of my acne 24/7, therefore it makes it hard to be happy, so I'm just trying to not look in the mirror until I wash my face at night. I wanted to look in the mirror when I woke up to see if my face got any better overnight, but I'm just going to try to keep myself from looking in that mirror lol. I guess it doesn't help being on acne message boards, but typing about my feelings and trying to help others (since I can't help myself), brings my mood up a little.
I went to Walmart the other day with my boyfriend, who I'm living with, and every time I go I am always anxious because of my acne and because I usually don't wear makeup til I see my friends or family or if I'm going to bigger events..so when I walk in there I feel paranoid like everyone is looking at my acne and thinking how ugly I am next to my good looking boyfriend. A few times it wasn't just paranoia though, I have caught people staring at me or taking a second glance in disgust, but it's whatever..I'm not on this planet to please them.
SO I guess I'm in between with how I'm feeling about my acne. I have a feeling that is between the not hopeful and hopeful..so I guess that's better than not hopeful lol.
Here's a picture of my acne from a few days ago. Please note that my hair is greased back in a bun and I have absolutely no makeup on, therefore I look hideous lol.
Aw thank you =) Unfortunatley the acne is still their and noticable! that's why i wear so much eye makeup, so i can distract people away from it hehe =)
and what are you talking about?? You're gorgeous yourself! =)
You're very welcome! And I know what you mean..it's like anything we do it just won't go away, and lol I do the same thing when I go out to places! I wear a crap load of concealer around my eyes where I have dark patches, and I wear bangs and a lot of brown eye shadow in my crease. And thank you for saying I'm gorgeous, although I don't think so, it really lifted my mood when you said I am, it made my day. Hope your acne progress gets better, keep me update or PM if you ever want to talk about it! I have a lot of really bad acne in my Gallery images, look at those and they'll make you feel better! XD
I have a little dry patch near my lip today...I'm wondering if it's from the epiduo. Gonna moisturize like crazy with aloe vera and hope that it goes away. Most of the stuff on my forehead was small and it's clearing up nicely, but there's a big nodule/mini-cyst on my cheek now that's gonna take foreverrrrrr to heal. Shit! Gotta keep my head up.
Realizing I dont come on here much anymore. My life is pretty much the best it has been in a very long time. I just signed a lease for my own apartment in NYC. Im so incredible excited and blessed. I feel like a normal person again. No, my skin is not perfect. I get pimples every now and then, but you know, so does the majority of the population. I would seriously say every other person I see on the subway or in person in NYC, has acne/pimples/zits/red marks/scars. Its life! I had a humungous cyst on my cheek, super super super noticeable, and I still went to work, and acted like it didnt effect me, because people dont care! They may notice it, but who cares!
My point to this is that I just urge every one of you to push through all the insecurities you have about your skin, and live your life, and move forward. I remember someone on here saying you really have 2 choices when it comes to dealing with acne. You can hide and be miserable and be stagnant in life, and "wait" to do things and move forward in life because of the quality of your skin, or you can just say FUCK IT. Im not going to let my skin define me. I am much more than what the skin on my face looks like. I have seen some gorgeous girls and some good looking guys with bad skin, and it doesnt change their attractiveness, in my opinion. SOme people, as we all know, are shallow and will judge you based on your skin. But is that someone you want in your life? FUCK NO!
You're always going to be self conscious about something. Whether its your skin, your weight, your height, your nose, whatever it may be. There will always be something you nit pick about yourself that you dont like. Acne sucks, no doubt. Its sucks BIG TIME. But dont let it control your life anymore. Ive been guilty of this for the past 6 months or so. Within the past 2 months, ive started to feel comfortable in my own skin, and im liking who I am becoming
Much love to you all!
On 11/30/2012 at 4:56 AM, Murph89 said:Realizing I dont come on here much anymore. My life is pretty much the best it has been in a very long time. I just signed a lease for my own apartment in NYC. Im so incredible excited and blessed. I feel like a normal person again. No, my skin is not perfect. I get pimples every now and then, but you know, so does the majority of the population. I would seriously say every other person I see on the subway or in person in NYC, has acne/pimples/zits/red marks/scars. Its life! I had a humungous cyst on my cheek, super super super noticeable, and I still went to work, and acted like it didnt effect me, because people dont care! They may notice it, but who cares!
My point to this is that I just urge every one of you to push through all the insecurities you have about your skin, and live your life, and move forward. I remember someone on here saying you really have 2 choices when it comes to dealing with acne. You can hide and be miserable and be stagnant in life, and "wait" to do things and move forward in life because of the quality of your skin, or you can just say FUCK IT. Im not going to let my skin define me. I am much more than what the skin on my face looks like. I have seen some gorgeous girls and some good looking guys with bad skin, and it doesnt change their attractiveness, in my opinion. SOme people, as we all know, are shallow and will judge you based on your skin. But is that someone you want in your life? FUCK NO!
You're always going to be self conscious about something. Whether its your skin, your weight, your height, your nose, whatever it may be. There will always be something you nit pick about yourself that you dont like. Acne sucks, no doubt. Its sucks BIG TIME. But dont let it control your life anymore. Ive been guilty of this for the past 6 months or so. Within the past 2 months, ive started to feel comfortable in my own skin, and im liking who I am becoming
Much love to you all!
That kicks ass Murph! You Rock Man!
Realizing I dont come on here much anymore. My life is pretty much the best it has been in a very long time. I just signed a lease for my own apartment in NYC. Im so incredible excited and blessed. I feel like a normal person again. No, my skin is not perfect. I get pimples every now and then, but you know, so does the majority of the population. I would seriously say every other person I see on the subway or in person in NYC, has acne/pimples/zits/red marks/scars. Its life! I had a humungous cyst on my cheek, super super super noticeable, and I still went to work, and acted like it didnt effect me, because people dont care! They may notice it, but who cares!
My point to this is that I just urge every one of you to push through all the insecurities you have about your skin, and live your life, and move forward. I remember someone on here saying you really have 2 choices when it comes to dealing with acne. You can hide and be miserable and be stagnant in life, and "wait" to do things and move forward in life because of the quality of your skin, or you can just say FUCK IT. Im not going to let my skin define me. I am much more than what the skin on my face looks like. I have seen some gorgeous girls and some good looking guys with bad skin, and it doesnt change their attractiveness, in my opinion. SOme people, as we all know, are shallow and will judge you based on your skin. But is that someone you want in your life? FUCK NO!
You're always going to be self conscious about something. Whether its your skin, your weight, your height, your nose, whatever it may be. There will always be something you nit pick about yourself that you dont like. Acne sucks, no doubt. Its sucks BIG TIME. But dont let it control your life anymore. Ive been guilty of this for the past 6 months or so. Within the past 2 months, ive started to feel comfortable in my own skin, and im liking who I am becoming
Much love to you all!
I like the part where you said FUCK NO! It made me laugh, good job.
Lots of different people told me at different times this morning that I looked really nice. My makeup, hair and outfit was exactly the same as normal so I presumed it was my skin, but when I asked what made them say that one person said 'you're smiling lots today' and another said something about me acting differently, in a good way.
My skin's looking tonnes better recently. I'm still trying to quit picking though, it's delaying my results so much. I'm picking at things that I don't even think are spots anymore and causing loads of little cuts on my face. Unfortunatley my day went rapidly down hill which didn't help with the picking.
I'm just so stressed out right now. My tutor had a serious argument with me this afternoon despite me being the only person putting the work in in the class and trying to answer his questions. I got called a bad student, poorly organized and (basically) stupid, something that as a person who gets firsts a lot and is usually teacher's pet I'm not used too. Then I waited outside for half an hour in the freezing cold because my lift home forgot I existed while some dudes laughed at me for 'standing around like a prostitute'. Being outside in the winter for a long time of course made my Reynauds flare up and my hands got stuck holding my freezing cold phone which wouldn't get signal. I came home and got bombarded with questions from my friends about if I had finished my two 3,000 words essays yet, one of which is due in on Friday and the other on Monday. My antibiotics are messing up my moods and stomach and when I came on here I found people criticizing me for lifting 'too light' weights which are hard to me. To be quite honest I'm just sitting here crying and trying really hard not to scrape my skin off. I know this is all such a 'first world problem', but damn it, I've been just about keeping it together these last few months.
wtf. where are the dudes. im gonna smash their faces in D:<
man, not a good night. 3 more cysts, and i've got a date tomorrow. my skin looks horrific. thinking about canceling.
and, the guy from speed dating... rejected me.
i give up. i'm starting to think at this point i should just have cats. they'll love me unconditionally, cuddle with me, and won't care about my acne =)
@ adhpn7...
ugh..... what a stupid guy.... his lost not yours.... coz you're gorgeous!!!!
it still is freakin hot here...... that plus the sides of accutane= uber dryness..... i'm trying a new organic aloe vera moisturizer and so far ... me likey!
still got a lot of bumps and i'm trying soo hard not to mind them.... jonathan safran foer is keeping my mind off of my face haven't even gotten to the 20th page and i'm already laughing soo hard.... ayaaa
Realizing I dont come on here much anymore. My life is pretty much the best it has been in a very long time. I just signed a lease for my own apartment in NYC. Im so incredible excited and blessed. I feel like a normal person again. No, my skin is not perfect. I get pimples every now and then, but you know, so does the majority of the population. I would seriously say every other person I see on the subway or in person in NYC, has acne/pimples/zits/red marks/scars. Its life! I had a humungous cyst on my cheek, super super super noticeable, and I still went to work, and acted like it didnt effect me, because people dont care! They may notice it, but who cares!
My point to this is that I just urge every one of you to push through all the insecurities you have about your skin, and live your life, and move forward. I remember someone on here saying you really have 2 choices when it comes to dealing with acne. You can hide and be miserable and be stagnant in life, and "wait" to do things and move forward in life because of the quality of your skin, or you can just say FUCK IT. Im not going to let my skin define me. I am much more than what the skin on my face looks like. I have seen some gorgeous girls and some good looking guys with bad skin, and it doesnt change their attractiveness, in my opinion. SOme people, as we all know, are shallow and will judge you based on your skin. But is that someone you want in your life? FUCK NO!
You're always going to be self conscious about something. Whether its your skin, your weight, your height, your nose, whatever it may be. There will always be something you nit pick about yourself that you dont like. Acne sucks, no doubt. Its sucks BIG TIME. But dont let it control your life anymore. Ive been guilty of this for the past 6 months or so. Within the past 2 months, ive started to feel comfortable in my own skin, and im liking who I am becoming
Much love to you all!
I think 90% like you..
man, not a good night. 3 more cysts, and i've got a date tomorrow. my skin looks horrific. thinking about canceling.
and, the guy from speed dating... rejected me.
i give up. i'm starting to think at this point i should just have cats. they'll love me unconditionally, cuddle with me, and won't care about my acne =)
Fuck him. I hope he gets run over by a truck.
I'll go ahead and hate him for you since I'm feeling hateful anyway. Plus, it might actually happen. When my ex cheated on me and dumped me for another girl, I wished that he would get run over by a truck.
He didn't. But two weeks later he did get run over by car. *evil laugh* (seriously, he really did. He survived but was hurt pretty bad)
Moral of the story: I have evil mind powers. Don't fuck around.
Me:
I'm feeling pretty miserable today. My period is getting close, and after last month (when my skin was still improving leading up to my period) I was thinking maybe my body and hormones were calming down. But this month I felt incredibly inflamed and I'm not sure what is going on. It pisses me off because I know there is something wrong with my ovaries (I have a lot of pain in them) but since I have no medical insurance I can't get help. I could have cancer and not even know it. It's a fear of mine because I lost my grandma ovarian cancer. 
I have lots of cysts and they are very painful. I couldn't even sleep on my side last night because of the pain. And the other day I bumped my chin while brushing my teeth and it hurt so bad I almost puked and then cried a LOT...who the fuck can live like this?
I admit I am often thinking about suicide again. I feel stupid since I'm always trying to help other people not feel that way and make myself seem like I'm this strong, healing person. The only thing that keeps me going is the prayer and hope that this probiotics/gut healing stuff I'm doing is going to work. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I would do. I'm afraid I will just slip down into depression and die. Or be forced to go back on BP or other skin stuff to get it back to 80-90% controlled like it was then. And suffer all the wrinkles and nasty aging skin and then probably feel suicidal over that instead.
The only good thing right now? I'm sick as hell with some sort of cold or flu bug. Fever, sore throat, horribly congested. It's misery, but it got me out of my cleaning job this week, which means NO MIRRORS and NO panic attacks being out in public with my skin this bad. So there's that.
*sigh* Someone please tell me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for us...
Even tho I only have scars now that really don't affect me I realize Im still not happy, I used to think man all I want is to be sort of clear and I'll be happy, but shit don't work like that. I wish There was a restart button were I could restart my life back over, and not have acne. Where would I be and how different my life would be. Maby I would be doin the same shit who knows.
I just washed my face, and I'm happy to see that the left side is finally clearing up. Knock on wood. My right side, still painful.
Feeling pretty crappy in general. I can't handle 2 rejections in 2 days lol. I went on that date, and technically I didn't deny him, just was honest, and he walked out on me, and then sent me a couple of texts and one of the texts said "whatever, you're ugly and a loser anyways"
lol, I was like, no shit dude, we don't need to point out the obvious hurr, but what does that have to do with this situation? He probably saw my bad breakout and was grossed out.
fuck relationships for a while and people. i don't need it..