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the epiduo is nicely working on my face. i feel like it's working on my scars which makes me happy =) but ah i'm so nervous, i'm seeing this one guy today from hs who i had an on and off friendship with and i'm nervous about him seeing all the holes in my face, esp in day light D: hope to god we hang at night lol.
having some chocolate rice pudding with a tbsp of milk, that i made........
and i'm gobbling it down like no one's business..... whatever the consequences i'm ready for any retaliation!!!!!!
after a long time of no dairy......
yaaaahhhh.......
i'm gonna drink water like crazy to flush everything out!!!
The last Breaking Benjamin song posted in this thread got me through a lot of very dark times in the past.
Today I'm feeling a little upset about my skin. I have some bad cysts and the problem is they get a lot of visible pus under the surface. They are like big white blobs under the skin and it's very noticeable. I'd rather they just be red marks because the pus looks so disgusting. 
But I can't pop or squeeze them because it just drives the pus deeper under my skin and causes it to become more infected and scar. These are the types of breakouts that trigger my BDD the worst because I am so compelled to repeatedly check in the mirror to see if the pus has surfaced enough yet to the point where maybe it could drain.
It makes me feel like a prisoner. I don't want to go out with big white pus-filled blobs on my face and I don't want to cake makeup over them either. So I just stay home and ignore my friends because wtf else am I supposed to do?
I'm hoping if I take a really hot steamy shower, they will pop. I'm sorry, this post is so disgusting. But I'm trying to talk about my anxiety over my skin more instead of just holding it inside and letting it eat away at me.
Not too bad at all! I have a small spot developing under my left eye but other than that, nothing. The fish and chip supper I had last night has not caused an adverse reaction yet (sorry if that sounds totally screwball but I have a pretty messed up head when it comes to food and my skin).
Anyone out there who is not having such a good day - try to keep your chin up.
I was kind of bummed this morning but after a full day of shopping with my mom and a family friend, I do feel a lot better. I have been breaking out lately, but it is mostly mild acne, nothing severe. My zits seem to only last a day or so before they're on their way to healing. The marks they leave behind is the most frustrating--but again, it's nothing that concealer can't cover. And when I think about it, ever since I started getting acne, I've never really had GREAT skin anyway. I've always had at least one or two marks that I would cover with concealer. I just want to know what /changed/. In highschool, I honestly did not care about acne very much at all. When I started getting cystic zits it bothered me, sure, but it never depressed me or kept me from socializing with others. I just kept my head up and within a month or so the breakout would clear up and go away. You'd think after years of having acne, I'd get stronger, but it seems like I've gotten weaker. Now even a mild-moderate zit makes me feel unattractive and want to stay in my room all day. I just don't understand.
I guess a lot of times I look at other people or my friends and think "it's just not fair". That they have perfect skin, all they have to do is wash their face once or twice a day and nothing else. That even though I go above and beyond to take care of my skin, I still get clogged pores and pustules. But I guess we all feel that way. And I suppose people dealing with other things--like being overweight, or having a chronic disease, or who got into a car accident etc etc look at others and think the very same thing. We're all envious of something. We all take for granted what we have, and focus on what we don't. In the scheme of things, acne isn't a huge problem (for me). It's mild enough to be concealed with makeup, and it's never been severe. I don't even get pimples on my forehead anymore, which is great because I used to--maybe it's a sign my acne is calming down in general. My acne doesn't prevent me from getting out and enjoying life. It doesn't prevent me from taking a walk or spending time with loved ones. I need to focus more on what's important and less on my looks. I know I will grow out of my acne one day, mostly because neither of my parents had adult acne and my brother is starting to grow out of his now. It's just a temporary problem and I would be silly to forsake good memories or fun times for it.
I'm giving the Solodyn a few more weeks I guess, since I'm going home for Xmas in a few weeks. Then when I'm home if I want to I guess I can see the derm and discuss other options. I just really hope the Solodyn starts working for me.
Drinking sleepytime tea and sitting here with BP on my biggest problem areas...kinda burns...can't wait to put moisturizer on!
At the moment I've got a really big one above my right eyebrow, a papule on my right cheek, a couple that are almost right on top of each other on my chin (that are healing, yay) and one on my left cheek that I thought was going to be a papule like the other one but seems to be growing. Gah! My cheeks were doing nicely and even my HP was fading significantly...now this? :-/
The last Breaking Benjamin song posted in this thread got me through a lot of very dark times in the past.
Today I'm feeling a little upset about my skin. I have some bad cysts and the problem is they get a lot of visible pus under the surface. They are like big white blobs under the skin and it's very noticeable. I'd rather they just be red marks because the pus looks so disgusting.
But I can't pop or squeeze them because it just drives the pus deeper under my skin and causes it to become more infected and scar. These are the types of breakouts that trigger my BDD the worst because I am so compelled to repeatedly check in the mirror to see if the pus has surfaced enough yet to the point where maybe it could drain.
It makes me feel like a prisoner. I don't want to go out with big white pus-filled blobs on my face and I don't want to cake makeup over them either. So I just stay home and ignore my friends because wtf else am I supposed to do?
I'm hoping if I take a really hot steamy shower, they will pop. I'm sorry, this post is so disgusting. But I'm trying to talk about my anxiety over my skin more instead of just holding it inside and letting it eat away at me.
It sucks having big white heads! They are very visible and people will stare at it. I would stay home all day if it happened to me. I hope you get better soon!! Stay strong~
On 11/25/2012 at 10:53 AM, adhpn7 said:bout to wash my face soon, a little nervous though. I can feel a cyst coming in. NOOO!!
haha, i love lurking tumblr, and for those who love the larry david, I totally related.. Lol
[Edited links out]
my hero <3
haha LD is the best! Sometimes we just don't feel like smiling...simple as that! 
My life is at its all time low. I have never felt so terrible about being me. I have been off accutane about 6 months now and have recently started epiduo. Im breaking out like crazy!! Has anyone else used epiduo? I would appreciate hearing if it has helped yall or not.
I'm using epiduo right now. It helps, in fact it seems to be the best topical I've used compared to Retin-A or Differin, but it can be harsh on the skin because of the bp. You'll sometimes get red, patchy flakes and itchy spots, so my advice would be to use it sparingly.
On 11/25/2012 at 10:53 AM, adhpn7 said:bout to wash my face soon, a little nervous though. I can feel a cyst coming in. NOOO!!
haha, i love lurking tumblr, and for those who love the larry david, I totally related.. Lol
[Edited links out]
my hero <3
I love that show! It is my favorite. I watched it all. I am going to watch it again!
Slept with Desitin on last night, and my skin looked visibly better and less irritated this morning. Still got some PIH but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. No new zits today and my skin just overall feels healthier! I think I might replace my Epiduo with Desitin for a while, just because Epiduo seems to not be working as well anymore..
(and btw, yes, desitin is a diaper rash cream - but it's apparently a miracle for acne/inflammation cause of the zinc oxide and cod liver oil in it)
Feeling more positive overall 
Oh my gosh, at work yesterday a young teenager approached me and staring at my face asked, "what do you use for your acne?"I knew that some suggestions or advice was to be given so I quickly distracted this individual and walked away. I think I've gotten better about handling comments like this than I used to be, but since I haven't had it be brought up in a while, it kind of made my stomach drop and I felt a rush of anxious embarrassment, which led to the neurotic decision to go back to BP until I can clear my acne from the inside :\
