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my skin has actually been getting better, but i think that the better it gets, the more conscious i am that i could have generally pretty good skin sometime soon, which makes me even more hyper-aware of every spot and bump that i have now, and it's just pretty frustrating. going out with friends, i've just been feeling more self-conscious lately; even though it's getting better, my skin isn't great. i know it, and i feel like it's all anyone can see and that it's pretty much all anyone pays attention to.
Went to take photos of my skin today to keep track of how it's doing. I've never really done that before. When I have it makes me upset and I just end up deleting the photos. Deleted most of the ones I took today too but managed to save a few because I would like to have some 'before' photos to show in the event that I get clear someday... I used my phone for some but thought the quality wasn't good enough so found my camera and that showed everything. All the acne and all the red marks / hyperpigmentation. Looks terrible 
I suppose the lighting might have effected it too - and we all know lighting is a bitch.
Omgggg...I know I said I wouldn't post again till Sunday but I just have to vent lol. My skin is SO ITCHY right now that I can't sleep. Wtf?! My eyelids and under my eyes have been itching the most all night. Even Aquaphor isn't soothing it. I think I have found the REAL culprit - my Cetaphil cleanser, which contains sodium lauryl sulfate, proven to be a skin irritant. No wonder I've been having itchier and drier skin! I just started using this 2 wks ago and that's about when it started. Fully planning on buying CeraVe cleanser later which doesn't have SLS in it. I hope it helps cause having itchy, red eyes sucks!!
ahhhhh... I am super hung over from a super fun night with friends... dinner, karaoke, and house warming with a bunch of closest friends. Got super drunk and had some deep talks with some of my best friends and it was truly heart warming knowing that so many people missed me. Not only did I go out and hang out w my friends but I was able to act super confident and enjoy myself. My skin looks good this morning despite me breaking my diet and drinking a shit ton of alcohol so we'll see this week if it affects my skin at all. And to Murph, I am glad you are seeing such nice results like I am.. its def not a coincidence!
I'm still feelin good. I have 1 tiny whitehead that showed up towards the top of my cheek, but it's so tiny compared to what I was getting, so I have to be happy about that. It's normal I've come to realize. I met some of my cousins friends tonight who came over. I talked to them and felt confident for the first time in 7 months. One of the girls, who's engaged, but a beautiful girl, had some tiny "blemishes" on her forehead,and honestly I wouldn't have noticed until I got up close to her, and I was really sort of examining her skin, which I tend to do now because of what I've gone/going through. She was still a beautiful girl didn't change my view on her. I hope that's how people with clear skin view "us"
I go home on Monday back to Cali, and my plan was to go back my aunts in the city tomorrow and take a cab from there to the airport. But, my cousins boyfriend who's a cool black dude, said he could drive me to my aunts in the city, which will be about a 2 hr round trip, to get my clothes and suitcase from her place, and then hell take me back here, and then hell take me to the airport. I mean...really? I've never had any friends that would have offered to do that. Makes me feel good!
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
Maybe you could just trim it and sculpt it up a bit with a beard trimmer? That way you're not looking too scruffy but you still have some growth to cover your cheeks. That's what I always do, I'm always rocking the five o'clock shadow look because it covers the scars on my cheeks nicely.
Update for me: The nose pimple became very small and nothing to worry about, but I got another one of those mini-cysts beneath my chin that I hate with a fucking passion. I thought I was done getting those because I haven't gotten one since I stared eating better, but I guess not. I hope it heals quickly, but I'm not gonna beat myself up worrying about it. I can't afford to do that when I have work and school to focus on.
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
Maybe you could just trim it and sculpt it up a bit with a beard trimmer? That way you're not looking too scruffy but you still have some growth to cover your cheeks. That's what I always do, I'm always rocking the five o'clock shadow look because it covers the scars on my cheeks nicely.
Update for me: The nose pimple became very small and nothing to worry about, but I got another one of those mini-cysts beneath my chin that I hate with a fucking passion. I thought I was done getting those because I haven't gotten one since I stared eating better, but I guess not. I hope it heals quickly, but I'm not gonna beat myself up worrying about it. I can't afford to do that when I have work and school to focus on.
It's not that thick. It's super thin. I wouldn't even consider it a beard. I was thinking about trying to grow it out..
I'm still feelin good. I have 1 tiny whitehead that showed up towards the top of my cheek, but it's so tiny compared to what I was getting, so I have to be happy about that. It's normal I've come to realize. I met some of my cousins friends tonight who came over. I talked to them and felt confident for the first time in 7 months. One of the girls, who's engaged, but a beautiful girl, had some tiny "blemishes" on her forehead,and honestly I wouldn't have noticed until I got up close to her, and I was really sort of examining her skin, which I tend to do now because of what I've gone/going through. She was still a beautiful girl didn't change my view on her. I hope that's how people with clear skin view "us"
I go home on Monday back to Cali, and my plan was to go back my aunts in the city tomorrow and take a cab from there to the airport. But, my cousins boyfriend who's a cool black dude, said he could drive me to my aunts in the city, which will be about a 2 hr round trip, to get my clothes and suitcase from her place, and then hell take me back here, and then hell take me to the airport. I mean...really? I've never had any friends that would have offered to do that. Makes me feel good!
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
You'll have a good time here in cali man. It's just kinda hot still at least in SoCal. But I'm happy that everything is going well for u. I know what its like to see an ex or family that u haven't seen in a long time . Don't hold back!
I'm still feelin good. I have 1 tiny whitehead that showed up towards the top of my cheek, but it's so tiny compared to what I was getting, so I have to be happy about that. It's normal I've come to realize. I met some of my cousins friends tonight who came over. I talked to them and felt confident for the first time in 7 months. One of the girls, who's engaged, but a beautiful girl, had some tiny "blemishes" on her forehead,and honestly I wouldn't have noticed until I got up close to her, and I was really sort of examining her skin, which I tend to do now because of what I've gone/going through. She was still a beautiful girl didn't change my view on her. I hope that's how people with clear skin view "us"
I go home on Monday back to Cali, and my plan was to go back my aunts in the city tomorrow and take a cab from there to the airport. But, my cousins boyfriend who's a cool black dude, said he could drive me to my aunts in the city, which will be about a 2 hr round trip, to get my clothes and suitcase from her place, and then hell take me back here, and then hell take me to the airport. I mean...really? I've never had any friends that would have offered to do that. Makes me feel good!
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
That's great that you're feeling so good!
If it's been so long since you've been back home - everyone's probably going to be more excited to see you than anything else and may not even notice your skin.
As for the beard I say do whatever makes you feel more comfortable and confident. If keeping it as it is or growing it out will make you feel better about your skin then do that - but also know that if you trim or shave it that's fine too because the red marks from the photos you posted were barely visible anyway 
I'm still feelin good. I have 1 tiny whitehead that showed up towards the top of my cheek, but it's so tiny compared to what I was getting, so I have to be happy about that. It's normal I've come to realize. I met some of my cousins friends tonight who came over. I talked to them and felt confident for the first time in 7 months. One of the girls, who's engaged, but a beautiful girl, had some tiny "blemishes" on her forehead,and honestly I wouldn't have noticed until I got up close to her, and I was really sort of examining her skin, which I tend to do now because of what I've gone/going through. She was still a beautiful girl didn't change my view on her. I hope that's how people with clear skin view "us"
I go home on Monday back to Cali, and my plan was to go back my aunts in the city tomorrow and take a cab from there to the airport. But, my cousins boyfriend who's a cool black dude, said he could drive me to my aunts in the city, which will be about a 2 hr round trip, to get my clothes and suitcase from her place, and then hell take me back here, and then hell take me to the airport. I mean...really? I've never had any friends that would have offered to do that. Makes me feel good!
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
You'll have a good time here in cali man. It's just kinda hot still at least in SoCal. But I'm happy that everything is going well for u. I know what its like to see an ex or family that u haven't seen in a long time . Don't hold back!
Thanks. Yeah it'll be nice to be back in sunny so cal. I saw my family in Washington DC about 2 months ago and my skin was awful.
I'm still feelin good. I have 1 tiny whitehead that showed up towards the top of my cheek, but it's so tiny compared to what I was getting, so I have to be happy about that. It's normal I've come to realize. I met some of my cousins friends tonight who came over. I talked to them and felt confident for the first time in 7 months. One of the girls, who's engaged, but a beautiful girl, had some tiny "blemishes" on her forehead,and honestly I wouldn't have noticed until I got up close to her, and I was really sort of examining her skin, which I tend to do now because of what I've gone/going through. She was still a beautiful girl didn't change my view on her. I hope that's how people with clear skin view "us"
I go home on Monday back to Cali, and my plan was to go back my aunts in the city tomorrow and take a cab from there to the airport. But, my cousins boyfriend who's a cool black dude, said he could drive me to my aunts in the city, which will be about a 2 hr round trip, to get my clothes and suitcase from her place, and then hell take me back here, and then hell take me to the airport. I mean...really? I've never had any friends that would have offered to do that. Makes me feel good!
Another thing. I haven't shaved in a while, and I'm starting to look scruffy. I don't care because I like it, but I don't wanna look "dirty". My family is always so clean shaven and what not, and my facial hair grows in patchy. I wanna shave, but I don't wanna have my "faint" reds mark showing more. When someone is clean shave, they are exposing every single thing on their face, and Im not sure if I'm ready to do and be around friends, family,And my ex and whoever I'm going to see when I go back home, to see every flaw I have on my face. My facial hair makes it not to noticeable and kinda "hides" it...in my opinion.
Any thoughts?
That's great that you're feeling so good!
If it's been so long since you've been back home - everyone's probably going to be more excited to see you than anything else and may not even notice your skin.
As for the beard I say do whatever makes you feel more comfortable and confident. If keeping it as it is or growing it out will make you feel better about your skin then do that - but also know that if you trim or shave it that's fine too because the red marks from the photos you posted were barely visible anyway
Thank you thank you. I do feel more confident with some scruff. I think I'm going to leave it for now. I've lays wanted to have a beard so maybe this is a good time to start as I'm not illy comfortable with showing my skin as bare as a babies haha. When I shave, I don't like stubble. I like that shit to be smooth. The past few months I shaved once a week because I wasn't doing anything and I thought it would help my skin heal, but it's not doing anything or bad, so I think I'm gonna keep it for a bit. When my skin was flawless, I always LOVED shaving. It was so nice to have baby smooth skin with nothing bad on it,but im still a bit self conscious to do it right now. Hopefully in the near future ill be able to! I may have to shave when I go in for job interviews in the near future as well.l.
Two nights of heavy drinking, sex, bad food and not following my regimen whatsoever. Woke up with a big pimple under the surface right below my nostril. Could be worse!
I also have this other pimple type thing beside the same nostril that's been there for a week or more. I keep scratching it off and it comes back. Gonna epsom salt the shit out of both of these once my girlfriend leaves.
My skin looks great right now overall. The scab fell off 2 days ago and the mark from it is not bad at all. Will definitely look even better in a few months! I'm relieved, to say the least. I spent the weekend away from school with a family member and it was so therapeutic for me. I haven't felt that relaxed or happy in a while.
Unfortunately, I had some sort of allergic reaction over the weekend I think to something in the house. My eyes became really itchy, in turn becoming red and dry. I had something like this last year except my eyes were even redder/drier/puffier. Thankfully, that cleared up within a few days with the help of hydrocortisone. I used hydrocortisone last night and my eyes feel good today, no itchiness and they don't really look red anymore either. They're just still a bit dry. I'm planning on using a lot of Aquaphor on them for the next few days and hopefully they will clear up. Like I said, I've been getting skin problem after skin problem lately. It's tiring to say the least but I'm so glad I'm starting therapy soon. I really can't wait to begin to get out of this mindset that my skin needs to be perfect.
Face continues to improve. It really looks a lot better than it did a week ago. Apple Cider Vinegar, topically and orally, seems to be doing wonders. Milk Thistle (plus dandelion and turmeric) before bed seems to be helping with oiliness. Glucomannan before dinner is helping with digestion... I'm having 3 "movements" a day, vs. my usual 1 every 3 days. Not sure if the zinc, magnesium and chromium are doing anything but I'll keep taking them for now.
One forming, it is kinda active.. I am sure it will grow a bit more and will have whiteheads. At least it isn't cysts. I was getting cysts like 3-4 months ago, now not anymore.
I still have those marks left from cysts. It will take a while to fade. It's been months and they are still very noticeable.
At the airport waiting to fly back to Cali to see family and friends. Anxiety? What's anxiety? Oh it's thing that shows up at the packed airport. Of course! Had a pimple pop up on my forehead, and I have a blackhead on my chin. Whatever. I'm NOT going to let it consume me. I'm following my dream. And this is the first step. As i look around the airport,there are so many people WITHOUT perfect skin. It's just life!
