I am a picker. It isn't something I do consistently though--I have bouts of extreme picking and then go weeks and months without picking. Recently, to keep my hands busy--so I don't scratch or pick at my face, which leads to the magnification mirror and an extreme picking marathon event--I've been playing games on my mobile/table/laptop. It sounds crazy--as a 41 Y.O. female, but it is just like many of the previous posters mention--I get absorbed--so by getting absorbed in playing a trivial game that levels-up and keeps my finger tips busy--I've gone several days without picking and have no new break outs in two days. Figure out what you can direct your obsessing energy into. I hope this works long term

First post ever. I'm so glad to see I'm not alone in my struggle. I'm not sure if I'll be able to edit my post once I've posted it, but if I can I'd like to start a tally here of days in a row I've gone without picking. I've tried this before (just on a piece of paper), but I'm hoping the motivation I get from being able to mark down a day and have others see it will be what I need. I usually get to 3 or 4 days and then start picking again.

Ok, so here it is:

Days gone without picking: 1

EDIT: Rather than post here I've decided to start a blog where I will track my progress, and record my tally of days gone without picking there. Feel free to check it out and comment with your own tally.

Posted by: @Meggie23

Hi all,

For me, skin picking is just part of a much larger problem -- Body Dismorphic Disorder. The average day for me is awful. From the moment I wake up in the morning, until I go to bed at night I am constantly moving from one mirror to the next examining how awful I look. My main issue has always been with pimples. I have always had problems with whiteheads, blackheads and just plain bright red zits and I will sit in front of the mirror examining every one of them, saying "ok, you're not going to pick them, you know if you do it will get worse." But then all I can think about are how gross and inflammed they are and I begin to get anxiety to the point where I HAVE TO JUST TRY TO SQUEEZE--then, if nothing comes out, I begin to sweat, squeeze more until the point where there is no skin left (sometimes I use small needles to get it out)---then, I will feel ashamed, cry and often stay in the house for long periods of time afraid that make-up cannot cover the damage and everyone will be staring at the horrible scabs I've left on my face. Often, I will go for long periods of time letting my skin heal and not pick but then when PMS comes around I always get new HUGE pimples that I just CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT OR LEAVE ALONE. When a pimple does pop-I get this sense of relief. . . .all the anxiety leading up to popping is released. . . . like "ahhhhhh, all that gross stuff is out...thank God." I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous but this is what I live with on a daily basis. My husband always asks me, "why can't you just leave your face alone, NOBODY cares if you have zits!" And even though I know in my heart this is true, everyone gets them--I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW UGLY THEY ARE AND HOW THEY MUST BE REMOVED. Everyday I wake up I go to the mirror with anxiety hoping there are no new "visitors" that I have to worry about ruining my day. I'm on a pretty good streak right now, but I still have several dark purple scars that take FOREVER to cover up with make-up before I will even think about leaving the house. It really sucks because I can never seem to just get up and go anywhere, as I must spend so much time covering up all the mess I've left from my odd preoccupation. Unfortunately, as I'm getting older (I'm now 29) this obssession with my face is no longer just with pimples, but with dark spots, dry areas etc. that I'm always obssessing over and buying every product available to try and fix. I will say, right now I have been using something that has made more of a difference than anything I've ever used---it's 100% Pure Emu Oil. I did alot of research on this before I tried it, and I must say, all the reviews are right--this stuff is amazing. I haven't gotten any new pimples since using it, hyperpigmentation is diminishing, acne scars are fading and my under eye circles are much lighter. I don't know how long I will feel this way because I do seem to often go through these "good" and "bad" cycles. One month I feel like I'm over the picking and obssessing and the next I'm picking, all scabbed-up and feeling like crap about myself. ...so I guess, we'll see. Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one with this, what they call "dermatillomania"?? For me, it's Dermatillomania with OCD and BDD. Anyone else heard of, been diagnosed with or think they might suffer from Body Dismorphic Disorder??

wow. i have genuinely never related to any statement more in my life.

my skin picking began in middle school- maybe 5th grade at the earliest, but more likely 6th grade. of course, just my luck that i started as soon as i hit middle school. it seriously is very painful for me to go back and look at photos from around that time, just seeing myself posing in a family photo with big ugly scabs on my forehead. i have chosen to believe that my skin picking was first triggered by the amount of stress and pain i encountered at that time- specifically in having a terrible relationship with my parents at the time, having toxic friends, and just giving up in my academics.

all throughout elementary and middle school, i attended a more -as you may call it- "academic-focused, smart children's school." my school quite literally went through elementary on one side of campus, and on the other side of the gate that split the area in 2 was the middle school/high school building- plus the gym on the side, primarily used for the 'upper' side, though the younger kids were sometimes permitted to go and have PE in that area. anyways, back to my academics: i was the straight-As, top of the class, perfect student and perfect child. that is, of course, until i reached upper school and pretty much snapped under the pressure put on my from my parents and even friends at the time.

i never really fit in anywhere, mostly jumping friend group to friend group each year of middle school- but sadly i was never able to find good friends. this next part is sort of funny, some may say, but to me it's something that's always set me apart from the other kids.

that thing, being, i have always been THE tallest girl, tallest student, tallest whatever for my age. picture this: i was around 7 or 8 at the time maybe 9 at peak, (hahaha), and i went to costco one day with my mom. it was after school one day, so i was still in my uniform (yes, we had the most vile looking uniforms EVER lol) and this lady approaches me and my mother, and says to me; "oh! hi there, i just have a quick question- what middle school do you go to sweetie? i couldn't help noticing your uniform and was just curious, haha!" and i look to my mom, and she looks to me- both of us shared a confused look on our faces, i imagine. then my mom turns to the the lady, and says to her, "oh! um.. she's not in middle school.. she's actually in the 3rd grade.. hahaha." and of course, the lady probably looked very shocked as she replied to my mom: "oh! oh my! well then, she's quite tall for her age, isn't she?" (to give some background.. i was 5'2" IN THE FOURTH GRADE, a YEAR later. by 6th or 7th grade (not again lolll) i had peaked at 6'0" and went on to be 6'1" in 8th/9th.. and well, now i'm 6'2"! in sophomore year! whoohooo UGH!!!!!!!

ah honestly, i'm sorry for the ginormous yap session but i've seriously been needing to get this off my chest; at least out somewhere, to someone- for some years now. so if you could imagine, this is very relieving for me. now, ok. back to 6th grade and the first signs of my habit.. picking at my skin has forever been a HUGE, HUGE stress reliever off my chest- and honestly just looking in the mirror, just seeing those giant red bumps or nasty ass whiteheads, plus literally my weakness: a pimple that has begun to rise/turn red with a little pore in the center that i've convinced myself needs to be squeezed out.. and WOW is it the best feeling when i'm digging into my face and come across a really painful or large cyst- and when i go to pop it, it squirts all of the pus/blood out on the mirror. call it disgusting, call it vile, call it stupid. i don't give 2 shits BECAUSE ACNE FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

in 6th grade, i was burdened with something NO ONE EVER, EVER deserves to go through or deserves to know someone going through something like that- especially when you're a huge empath, and 12 years old. 2 of my closest friends, my trio- were both going through extremely, extremely painful situations. one suffered from suicidal thoughts, coming out, and an absolutely horrifying home life- and the other was like me in a way.. she devoted herself to focusing on our other friend, all the time, no matter the situation or time of day. and on top of that, she had something i too was forced to experience. a very crummy and painful relationship with her parents. a year or 2 into my friendship with them- (we were friends beginning in 4th grade) i began to self harm and solely focus on my 2 best friends and try to take away some of their pain. keep in mind, in the long previous years before this, i was always the goodie-goodie; never knew anything deemed as inappropriate for my age or too serious of a topic.

a few months after finding the courage to leave the 2 people i had once made myself the emotional dump to, the ones who was convinced me that it was my fault they had wanted to off themselves, are hurting and suffering- as they outright said it to me. thankfully, what led me to come to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault they were in pain, that no- it in fact wasn't that i hadn't done a good job being there for them, crying for them, letting them mistreat me as they told me/i believed it would take some of the pain away from the terrible hardships they were enduring: was THERAPY. i beg anyone who's hurting, in whatever shape or form it might be, to pleasepleaseplease go into therapy because it helps so much!!!

moving on, the 2 following years i found myself in unhappy situations- and if you hadn't made the connection yet, i was the most horrible people pleaser. thankfully i am COMPLETELY out of that mindset and am now thriving (thankfully i was able to get out of the school for high school- and have made for the most part better connections). in those 48 months, i continued to struggle with being shunned by my peers for a fairly decent amount of time.. and struggled with finding my romantic orientation, as i felt that i was missing out from all of the labels which i never truly understood. of course, my friends made it 10x worse haha, but i am glad to report that i have figured myself out (in some sense, lol?).

back to the skin picking. it of course worsened as the years have gone by, and i've been able to get clear a number of times but never stick with it. the amount that i hate my acne and despise my skin is hard to explain to anyone.. as to everyone else, it's just "oh just stop it's really nothing." NO, no it's not. it's really not.

acne has brought me pain, self hatred, and embarrassment to step foot outside or in front of family/friends. i'm not religious, but i've tried praying. i've tried covering the mirror with towels and blankets. i've tried leaving my self notes or drawings, or taking pictures of my progress or relapses to try and motivate myself. i've tried cussing myself out in the mirror, opening up to people about my pain, and for fucks sake i've tried all sorts of skincare.

what hurts me most is that, my acne isn't even that bad.. or at least so i'm told/try to believe. but i literally make it a trillion times worse and that's the part that really hurts. that I am doing this to MYSELF.

thank you to anyone who's taken time in reading through my story, or put time into replying. i know it's quite the mighty amount of writing, but it's time i try to connect with people like me as we try to heal and learn that we're worth no less than anyone else, are not gross, and not imperfect.

thank you and have the most wonderful day to all. 🙂