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Hello e-world,

I've tried consulting friends and family for personal problems but sometimes I feel that they are being biased. Plus, the truth is hard to pull out from them when they happen to know the other party. So maybe you guys (indifferent) can give me advice.

I've just gotten back from hanging out with a friend over a lunch and on the way back, I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the last guy I was seeing. (so cliche!) Not only is he tall, dark and handsome (perhaps this is why I'm always extra self conscious around him), but he also knows what he wants and goes for it. His strength of presence and sense of humor is amazing. He and I have amazing chemistry (physically & mentally) but I never felt 100% comfortable with him bc of my skin. He wanted to go to the beach but I said No bc it would be disgusting to wear full on makeup in the blazing heat. We would have sex and he would want to take a shower together afterwards, or sleep over which both requires taking off my makeup and I would always refuse so that he'd never see me with makeup. He told me he likes me too much to care about my skin (plus, he "doesnt think its THAT bad). Regardless of what he thought about my skin, I never let him see me without makeup. I know this is an issue I have, I know I should get over my self consciousness and let things go the way they are. We're not together anymore and I feel like I've let a great relationship opportunity to pass because of this.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

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did you break up because of some of the things you listed, like how you didnt want to shower with him or go to the beach

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did you break up because of some of the things you listed, like how you didnt want to shower with him or go to the beach

We ended the relationship just because I couldn't afford one right now. I have too much with work and I travel often. But the skin issues was a minor factor, and I want to do something about it before I come across another relationship in the future.

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Guest beanz

I can't give much advice on this because I won't exactly be "practicing what I preach". I've never not worn make up in front of my boyfriends. If anybody understands where you're coming from, I do. You can't hide from them forever. And saying they can't spend the night or shower with you probably makes them feel like they're the problem, which does nothing but hurt the relationship. My advice on this is to ease them into it. Try wearing the least amount of make up possible around them (maybe only foundation, then only a little concealer) and see how they react. I know make up does wonders for your face but it doesn't make everything disappear (well...I know mine doesn't) so they probably have an idea what you're dealing with. I know how much it hurt my ex that I wouldn't let him see the "real" me as he put it. So I'm gonna *try* to change for my next boyfriend. It's true what everyone says tho, if they really love you, they will still love the natural you. :angel:

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This is going to sound funny but this is kind of like knowing when it's the right time in a relationship to fart in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you think you are going to be with that person forever then you're going to have to eventually expose the real you. That means showing yourself with no makeup. If they don't like you without it, then they aren't liking the real you. I think it seems almost as if you're scared to show the other person that you aren't perfect. But when you have a strong enough relationship with a person, things like this won't matter which is why I always say, if you are comfortable enough to fart in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend then you should cherish that relationship because THAT is truly something special, haha.

Hope I've helped, or at least gave you a little chuckle.

Take care.

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I know its not the same thing but when i went to uni and was sharing a flat with people I could never let any of them see me without make-up this meant wearing make-up almost 24/7 until one day you jus gotta think fuck it. I jus didn't wear make-up one day and no one noticed and since their i never wear it round them when in the house. Its funny how much more relaxing is not to worry about having to wear make-up all the time infront of people you know. But I do get the whole make-up thing as I still will never go out with out make-up on not even to the shop I jus feel better with it on. I think you really should say something to this guy as what beanz said he probably already has an idea of what your skin is like as make-up can't hide everything.

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My sudden onset of acne 6months ago helped to stick a wedge in the already crumbling remains of my last relationship too. (we were drifting apart anyway, and we get along better and see each other more now that we are not going out lol)

I feel 100% self-concious about my skin all day. But the way I get around the 'make-up' thing now - is that I don't wear any. Ever. Maximum I wear is some eyeliner/mascara, I never paste my face with foundation or conceler anymore. Why? Because i've come to the conclusion that..

If you have mild acne, make-up will probably make it invisible (and to be honest if you have mild acne theres no reason to be too self-concious anyway, I never was when I had it - most poeple have the odd spot)

But I now have moderate/severe acne and my skin looks a damn site better when it is NOT caked in layers of make up. I hated the way foundation would go 'cakey' by midday and feel thick on your skin. So I go without. I just keep my chin up and hope no little kids start crying and screaming when I walk paste haha.

If people can't accept me without make-up then they can f***off for all I care.

Follow the advice that has already been given. Slowing start wearing less makeup. Do it gradually and people won't even notice. You're skin will thank you for it!

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I have never let any guy I've dated see me without makeup, including my boyfriend of two and a half years. As recently as half a year ago, my skin was disgusting, not in the amount of acne but in its size, redness, and very visible locations. Now that my skin is clear, I can't seem to let go of wearing makeup every day and I don't know why. It's not like I have much to cover; just some faded post-inflammatory redness and minor broken capillaries around the nose and jaw. Anyway, my boyfriend has asked to see me without makeup many times, and each time I distract him away from the subject even though I know he would never cease involvement with me based on my physical appearance. Every time he or someone else tells me I'm beautiful and remark on what great skin I have, I feel guilty because I don't believe they would say that if they saw me without makeup. However, I feel that what has really preserved my relationship with my boyfriend is a certain level of openess about my skin and psychological issues. What I mean is that if you can't be honest about revealing your skin, be honest about why you can't reveal your skin. If your boyfriend or anyone else really cares for you, than they will accept your insecurities and do their best to help you with them. Even though I've never revealed my bare face to anyone since I was thirteen, my boyfriend has helped me a lot with my self confidence and I can honestly say that I am closer to accepting my skin than I have in a long time, and not just because it's finally clear. There have been a few days now where I almost felt good about my skin and would have been willing let my boyfriend see me without makeup had he been present at the time. Maybe that doesn't sound like much of an improvement, but for me it is.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Hello e-world,

I've tried consulting friends and family for personal problems but sometimes I feel that they are being biased. Plus, the truth is hard to pull out from them when they happen to know the other party. So maybe you guys (indifferent) can give me advice.

I've just gotten back from hanging out with a friend over a lunch and on the way back, I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the last guy I was seeing. (so cliche!) Not only is he tall, dark and handsome (perhaps this is why I'm always extra self conscious around him), but he also knows what he wants and goes for it. His strength of presence and sense of humor is amazing. He and I have amazing chemistry (physically & mentally) but I never felt 100% comfortable with him bc of my skin. He wanted to go to the beach but I said No bc it would be disgusting to wear full on makeup in the blazing heat. We would have sex and he would want to take a shower together afterwards, or sleep over which both requires taking off my makeup and I would always refuse so that he'd never see me with makeup. He told me he likes me too much to care about my skin (plus, he "doesnt think its THAT bad). Regardless of what he thought about my skin, I never let him see me without makeup. I know this is an issue I have, I know I should get over my self consciousness and let things go the way they are. We're not together anymore and I feel like I've let a great relationship opportunity to pass because of this.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I think it's hard to tell you otherwise, given that it's an issue of self image. Obviously people telling you it's not bad doesn't impact on your self image, so i'm at a loss to see how myself, or any other e world chum for that matter, is going to change what you're feeling.

In my opinion, and it's probably not that great, you can change your mindset by putting yourself in these undesirable situations. I've found that the only way i can break my phobias is by facing them head on. Take small steps though, the last thing you want to do is fail and be too scared to attempt it again.

There's no point in crying over spilt milk either. Regretting what happened with this gentleman will only make you feel worse. Most people with acne that develop these phobias forget the power of a simple smile and giggle, it makes me feel quite sad to be honest.

Also, that small font made me squint really hard! :|

:razz:

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Hi...When I read your msg I felt like I was reading my own thoughts...I can relate to your situation so much, it's scary! I've struggled w/ this problem for many years but I guess as I get older it becomes more clear to me what my face looks like compared to my friends & it's haunting. I took some time off from relationships & it was nice to not worry about being at home & checking the mirror every hour...not worrying about make-up right after the shower or what I looked like right before bedtime. But now I'm in the BEST relationship of my life, butterflies & everything, & I feel I spend the majority of our beautiful time together worrying about my facial appearance. My bf is amazing, & sincerely loves me for ME, but I feel I have this "secret" obsession w/ the question, "does he notice my acne/scars?" I don't suffer from the crazy acne problems I used to, but the aftermath left scars all over the left side of my face (at least I have the right side to be confident about!) I try so hard to be comfortable around my bf, but honestly, it only 100% works if the lighting is right or if he's on my right side, where I don't have problems on my face...I just wanted to say to you that reading your msg made me feel like I'm really not the only one out there that feels this way & that's nice to know. I agree that if the person you're with truly loves you, they won't care about stupid things like this...God, it's a lot different though when you're the one w/ that 'stupid thing like this', isn't it! I've got to keep trying to lesson the amount of times I pull out my compact/mirror from my purse when we're out & the amount of times I run to the bathroom to do a little make-up revision...and I've really got to stop looking at other poeple walking by & WISHING like crazy I had their skin. It's like a never ending battle, but we're not alone. Thank you for listening!

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I have not worn make-up around my boyfriend before (at about 2-3 months and I was freaking out about it too) and he says he actually prefers me without the make-up, but I continue to wear it all the time anyway because I like the way I look better with it on. I do not have severe acne anymore though, I get like one little pimple. Before people used to tell me they didn't think I had real bad acne because supposedly I was good at concealing it. I think they were just trying to be nice though. Anyway, he on the other hand does have some acne (and VERY oily skin!!), but it doesn't bother him. It's refreshing to see someone not all self-conscious about it, so it doesn't bug me. If they were whiteheads though... ::Shivers.:: I can't stand looking at those things, I'd probably pop them while he slept (haha).

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Hello e-world,

I've tried consulting friends and family for personal problems but sometimes I feel that they are being biased. Plus, the truth is hard to pull out from them when they happen to know the other party. So maybe you guys (indifferent) can give me advice.

I've just gotten back from hanging out with a friend over a lunch and on the way back, I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the last guy I was seeing. (so cliche!) Not only is he tall, dark and handsome (perhaps this is why I'm always extra self conscious around him), but he also knows what he wants and goes for it. His strength of presence and sense of humor is amazing. He and I have amazing chemistry (physically & mentally) but I never felt 100% comfortable with him bc of my skin. He wanted to go to the beach but I said No bc it would be disgusting to wear full on makeup in the blazing heat. We would have sex and he would want to take a shower together afterwards, or sleep over which both requires taking off my makeup and I would always refuse so that he'd never see me with makeup. He told me he likes me too much to care about my skin (plus, he "doesnt think its THAT bad). Regardless of what he thought about my skin, I never let him see me without makeup. I know this is an issue I have, I know I should get over my self consciousness and let things go the way they are. We're not together anymore and I feel like I've let a great relationship opportunity to pass because of this.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I know how you feel. I never ever would go makeup free around my BF for years. I remember the fist time we went on a cruise and we went snorkeling I had a terrible day because I felt so down about not having any makeup on to cover my acne. After about three years of us living together I started to go evenings w/o wearing makeup. He would actually comment on how much he likes it when I don’t have any makeup on. Now days (after 7 years of living together) I usually never wear makeup in the evenings when were just sitting around at home. Its not so much the acne and red marks that I have to deal w/ anymore though..its the scars, and you cant really cover those up. I always feel insecure about my skin and ugly 90% of the time because of my scars. Sometimes I wonder how on earth he could be attracted to me because he’s so good looking..and talented...and confident…I always feel like he is probably looking for someone better…w/ better skin….but I know that’s all because of my insecurity.

It’s just hard to be in a relationship when you are insecure in general, regardless of what it is you are insecure about. People are attracted to confidence plus insecurity makes people jealous which is another really unattractive trait. Insecurity makes people think crazy things too, and it makes you feel inadequate for your S/O. I may not be confident but I try my best to not act insecure. I’ve had people tell me before that they admire me because I never seems like I have a worry in the world, and they think I don’t get upset by much and that I’m really down to earth. Little do they know that inside my head I’m pumping w/ hundreds of thoughts of insecurity and sadness! Everyday I just try to tell myself to not take everything so seriously and if I can’t feel beautiful on the outside then I’m going to try my best to be a beautiful person on the inside. I’ve met gorgeous women who had such vile personalities that it made them ugly and vice versa.

Anywaayyy, If you feel like you are missing out on something special w/ this guy then push those insecurities down and go after him!

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You let it go because you couldn't afford a relationship, YOU SAY! But honestly it sounds like an excuse so you won't have to deal with his desires to do the things you're uncomfortable with due to makeup issue. You're gonna have this makeup issue no matter what we say or who you meet, so you should've just kept the one who told you he didn't care about your skin! My last boyfriend wore me down with constant reassurance and I'm glad he did. I felt much closer to him after I cleared that hurdle. Chemistry is hard to find, but 100% acceptance even harder.

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hmmm..... i kno how you feel... i used to be the same way around my boyfriends.... but you kno when you get to know them better and they know you and you truly like each other, it doesn't matter really what you look like, it's the way the person is that matters. i kno sounds lame, but my boyfriend adores me and i feel like he wouldn't care if i really had terrible pimples on my face. i've taken showers with him and been without make up a million times. he tells me i'm beautiful, so fuck acne. good luck, girl.

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THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR FEEDBACK/ADVICES & SUPPORT. THANK YOU.

"Every time he or someone else tells me I'm beautiful and remark on what great skin I have, I feel guilty because I don't believe they would say that if they saw me without makeup. "

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My current boyfriend is always touching my face and telling me i am beautiful while looking into my eyes... i learned to accept that hes going to KEEP touching my skin and KEEP saying it to me so hey, now I am not as self conscious. I believe him. I am so happy he can look past my scars and skin and see the real me underneath.

The last guy I dated was the same way... and when I wore less make up to cover my skin he said to me- remember how you always piled on your makeup to cover your skin? LOL

Just try not to be so self conscious. We are our worst critics.

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