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Sometimes i wake up and i think to myself, "wow, i've really had acne for this long?" and i expect it to have been all a dream.

Many on here know my story by now, and for those of you who don't , well it is very similar to that of the many sufferers on this site.

I'm sorry, i'm really truly sorry for the hurts you have felt because of this "harmless skin disease" you suffer from. Harmless is far from true. The emotional and physical effects of acne can be devestating. I often wish god would give me the power to clear people's acne away with one wish. Even if it meant i would have to be the only sufferer left on the earth lol. It isn't really me being selfless, i just can't stand the thought of people suffering what i went though. I mentally tortured myself for so long about my acne that i didnt have a way out either. And, if you're feeling like that right now, let me tell you that things will get better. It's a hollow promise at first, but believe me. You see, maybe you can see ahead of you or maybe you can't. Maybe you believe in god, maybe you don't. Maybe you plaster on acne cream every night and go to bed with that little bit of hope that in the morning you will wake up clearer...

I like to think that god has picked me, not picking on me lol. If it wasn't for my depression thru acne i wouldn't have moved from england to california. Strange i know, but my extended family live out here and they wanted me to live out here because i was becoming more and more mentally ill from the torture of severe cystic acne for years and years. I dropped out of college and locked myself in my room for pretty much 6 months straight. Thinking about it...the person i was, i feel like crying for that person, i feel like hugging my former self and saying "God, why the hell are you putting this young man thru this hell?" All around me, people are enjoying life, and having fun, getting girlfriends and having a life, while i was locked away in my bedroom with my own demons tormenting me.

Always on this board i see the same comments. "why me?" or "What could i have done to deserve this?" My answer is...i really don't know why. Please don't see that as being discouraging though, because it is just something you personally have to find out for yourself. Though my acne i haved moved to california, have my own place to live, a car, a job, a loving family and bunch of friends who would move the earth for me. Yes, i still have acne, and it reminds me every day never to judge other people and to be as helpful to fellow sufferers as i possibly can. I don't know why i still have acne at 20, i dont know why i have this horrible skin disease. I wish to god i didn't, i truly beg him and i've tried just about everything. At least now i dont have cystic acne and it is just a mild array of white heads that sorround my chin area. I don't know what the future holds for me tho...even today.

Sometimes i get very scared, and i don't have a single clue what to do next or how to handle another day. But, somehow, i always manage to get through.

Last saturday i had a full-on muscular seizure. It was the most painful thing i had ever gone through and i'm still not sure why i had it. As i lost feeling to all parts of my body and my arms cramped into the most painful position they could, tearing all the muscles as they did, i remember as i was pleading with the paramedics to help me, that acne is so stupid. WHat if i were to remain paralysed forever? Would i ever be able to live with myself after letting acne stop me from doing so much in the past. Now that i'm truly unable to do nothing.

Luckily, tho, i recovered. It was the most painful and frightening experience of life but i remember how bad i felt about my acne...the two are close in comparison. I guess i can live with a few spots if i get the full use of my body!

I guess i'll close now, but please have hope. Please hold on another day and look to the future which will be so bright for you if you can just get past this little hiccup. Please keep trudging on past all the bullshit and the pain and the seemingly endless hoping and praying that one day you won't have to deal with this "harmless skin disease" anymore.

thanks for reading you guys. Believe me when i say that i hope and pray that every last one of you finds a way out of this.

Matt

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Guest tenshigirl25

i like your post, it was inspirational..but its good that u can see all the positive that has come out because of your acne, u become a more compassionate type of person because u know how it is to suffer. im 25, and still have acne, only very mild now but 5 years ahead of u. i beleive u dont have to live with it, there isnt a cure but u can find your own way to control your particular type of acne. i can say at 25 i wish at 20 i hadnt messed with my face so much, and tried things like a better diet, accutane, the pill etc..my skin is doing well now but like u it has made me see another side of myself and appreciate what i have.

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Matt, that was an awesome post! Yes, we should all hold on to hope. Without hope, its hard to achieve anything. My skin is sometimes a rollercoaster- good skin day, bad skin day, etc.- but I am still holding onto my hope that this will end soon. Again, thanks for your awesome post. Welcome to the US of A!!!

Vivian

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Guest Craigems

Thanks for sharing your story mate, as you said most of us will relate to this story one way or another!

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Your post was very inspirational....and I agree. When something tramautic happens (as things often do in my life), we tend to think of ourseleves as selfish because we've been worrying over something as silly as acne when we have taken for granted the fact that we are still alive on this earth. You have a great attitude-stay postive and I am sure you will have brighter days....^_^

-Jessica

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no problem you guys, thanks for responding so positively yourselves.

i'm here to lend support to anyone who needs it, my PM is open any time.

i know i've been away for a while but i hope now i am back to lend a hand. We all need a little light in the darkness.

good nite all

-matt

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Excellent post Matt. I'm sorry to hear about your seizure, I hope you are feeling better and don't have any long-term consequences.

And welcome back, it's so nice to have you back here. smile.gif

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i don't think it will, but thanks for your concern. It's nice to be back btw. Hopefully i can give these guys some hope. I'm a true walking testement to the fact that acne isnt the end of the world.

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How old was you when you didnt go out for 6 months? im going through that now, well I only go to the gym and swimming. If i dont socialise properly until after my chemical peel it will have been about 8 months that i didnt properly go out.  confused.gif  doubt.gif  My family are really supportive but im in a bad mood most of the time and its like im pushing those away too like everyone else ive pushed away, i even had a fight with my sister yesterday because we had a disagreement and she then decided to insult me telling me im mental and need to get a life, that im going to be thrown out the house then she called me ugly, horrible and pinched me .. so i slapped her!

she's 25. weve never really got on.. but i know my depressed moods dont help.

Im just sick of all of this.. i cant wait for this shit to be over im so stressed out all the time.

Your lucky that you had family is the usa so you could get away and make a fresh start somewhere different, id really love to move there when im like 20, maybe i could go to uni over there! Idk..but its something id love to do.

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aw i'm sorry. It happened from when i was 19 to about close to 20. It wasn't fun, and i know what you are going through. I kept thinking "well in a couple more weeks it will be gone so if i just wait..." and next thing i knew 6 months had passed.

I hope you find a way out of this, you can always PM me if you're feeling bad.

matt

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you can check out my gallery in the old gallery from the main homepage of acne.org, (MATTOB) but i have actually come off the regimen. About 6 months ago i stopped doing it because i was just actually fed up of all the hassle and i decided to live with my acne. To my surprise it never really came back like it did. Now i get monthly outbreaks like a period (Yes, men go thru monthly cycles too lol) and this causes a break out but i remain about 95 percent clear these days and i just live with the rest!

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Thanks buddy. My goal is to just give people that little bit of hope to cling on to. It can be so hard, like sanding sifting thru your fingers, and you will have setbacks and down times and depression and it will all seem so pointless but then when the good times come and things start to go your way, you can be happy once more

god bless you

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