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Darth Hideous

I feel like dying is the only answer

Deep depression isn't something you can turn off like a light switch and there's not a lot people can say to change the matter.

There are sometimes where depression can be controlled and other times when it cannot. If you feel that you can't control your thoughts to the point of nearly commiting suicide, I would seriously get some professional help. It could be a chemical imbalance in your brain that you have absolutely no control over.

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Deep depression isn't something you can turn off like a light switch and there's not a lot people can say to change the matter. 

There are sometimes where depression can be controlled and other times when it cannot.  If you feel that you can't control your thoughts to the point of nearly commiting suicide, I would seriously get some professional help.  It could be a chemical imbalance in your brain that you have absolutely no control over.

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(1) Your mind: Therapy, ideally in conjunction with an aggressive course of Prozac and Xanax

(2) Your teeth: Braces, then oral corrective surgery, tooth filing and porcelain veneers, followed by bleaching

(3) Your skin: Repeat Accutane

(4) Your body: Join a sports team however informal (social element, getting outside your own head, mood-elevating endorphins, physical self-improvement) or somehow ensure you get regular excercise, such as working out in conjunction with a high-protein diet to improve yourself physically

(5) Your heart: Find the love of a good woman, but first, find the love of Darth Hideous (or whatever his name is in real life) for himself

(6) Your life: Do what makes you feel least "useless"

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suicide is a cowards way out. Dawg its not the end of the world im guessing your my age 18 everything that you have can be treated and fix you just got to get a job save all the money you get and go step by step spend everything all the money you save on your body and pretty soon a year from now ull be lookin like brad pitt

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I'm sorry. Did you ever try to get help? Sometimes we are a little guilty of indulging in the pitty party we create for ourselves. You need some hobbies to make you happy, to accomplish things on the side will not only make you feel good about yourself, but take your mind off of your other problems. Karate, etc there's plenty of other things you can get involved in. Plus, helping others like in habitat for humanity etc. Let you realize that some people barely have a roof over their heads, you learn how to build a home and feel some kind of appreciation for the work you did for others. Do SOMETHING! The worst thing is having so much time on your hands to indulge in the negative thoughts that are repeating in your mind.

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I have a strong suspicion most of you have never stepped within a mile of deep and chronic depression. Its a condition, and for some can be almost impossible to get out of and devastating. NOTHING anyone says makes an iota of difference. nothing anyone here can say. Its all completely futile.

Its all good and well to say, 'theres worse off than you in the world', which by the way, is'nt in any way shape or form concelation, in fact it just makes you feel worse, like you are now being overdramatic and belittled at best, to feeling like no one wants to listen or cares at worst.

Antony, you made a good and informative post earlier in this thread, one many would nod there heads at, basically saying 'snap out of it'. From reading that i can tell you have never experienced true chronic depression or what this guy or many others have felt (myself included). If you think you have, you really havnt.

Its very easy to just say, change this and change than in your life, but as i said before, NOTHING anyone can say along those lines helps at all, even if it makes perfect sense.

Darth, if you havnt already, you must seek a counselor, a good one! one who will work with you, not one you must work to seek understanding from. There are specialist counselors who are better trained than others for people in specific situations.

Telling someone all you have said here, who can help, will be of great assistance for you. I personally arent a huge fan of counselors as sometimes, even their words mean nothing and are of no to little use. I have a medical condition causing me depression and making every day a painful struggle that absolutely no words will help, non whatsoever. Only the words 'we have developed a cure' will help.

A good counselor will be able to guide you with some much needed medication to ease your thoughts. As antony said, prozac and xanax will be of enormous releif for you.

At the moment its hard/impossible to imagine you will ever be happy again, ever enjoy living again and that there is no possible way out of the hole you are in. You will look at others and their problems and wish for them and not your own and be critical of others who feel the same way as yourself who have seemingly far smaller problems. This is very very very common and almost all experincing chronic depression feel EXACTLY the same. You need proffesional help and the right mental aids to show you the light at the end of the tunnel you are in.

please stop posting about your thoughts here and say them to a councelor who will help you. Posting it here is a negative act and only compounds/confirms and reassures you of your misery and suffering, its very counter productive and pushing you further down.

The reason you havnt killed yourself, is because deep down you know your life is worth living, you just know it. Things simply cannot continue to get worse and worse. I suspect the reason they have been is because of your own self destructive attitude which is in keeping with your chronic depressive symptoms. In a way, you dont see how life could be worse, so what the hell, ill just add to my problems somehow and be even more miserable. I beleive some people cling to their misery, and almost dont want to get better. Their problems give them a strong reason to moan and is somehow a comforting thought. Its an endless cycle really. You need to 'want' to get better (i know theres a part of you that doesnt want to). Medication will make this change, and from that point things WILL get better.

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Is your physical appearance your only problem? You might try to apply for a plastic surgery show or some plastic surgeons do pity work if it's that bad. But it seems everyone gets overworked on their appearance on this board when there is not much wrong with them. 1800suicide talk to somebody if you have no friends and family to confide in. They can refer you to somebody. Prescription meds are very addictive and can have bad effects, so be careful. A doc could help prescribe something that would be right for you. But you might have to go through many different meds to find the right one that works. It's not fun and one of my last relationships ended because my ex changed completely after being put on some meds. But since you are not in a relationship, you don't have to worry about it. The thing is, he didn't need the meds. He just wanted a quick fix instead of trying to change things in his life. Now he pops xanax every day and all he does is sleep. It'll prevent your suicide by making you pass out, but you can't help your problems by sleeping through them. Eventually you'll have to deal with reality. And whether you have any type of "deep" or "chronic" depression is up for the docs to decide. First you need someone to talk to to find out. GL

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All I's got to say is...when you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

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things are NEVER bad enough to kill yourself! honestly, i used to be depressed and suicidal and i learned this!!!! anyone who has every survived trying to kill themselves always says that the first thing that goes through there mind after they slit their wrists or jump off a bridge or o.d. on medications is that they wish they hadnt done it...and then they got their second chance...

if you dont kill yourself then that makes you strong, and thats one thing you can be proud of.

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The reason you havnt killed yourself, is because deep down you know your life is worth living, you just know it. Things simply cannot continue to get worse and worse. I suspect the reason they have been is because of your own self destructive attitude which is in keeping with your chronic depressive symptoms. In a way, you dont see how life could be worse, so what the hell, ill just add to my problems somehow and be even more miserable. I beleive some people cling to their misery, and almost dont want to get better. Their problems give them a strong reason to moan and is somehow a comforting thought. Its an endless cycle really. You need to 'want' to get better (i know theres a part of you that doesnt want to). Medication will make this change, and from that point things WILL get better.

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hey..dun despair..i feel the same way tt u do too..sigh.sux man life..but we still need to live on..perhaps somedae we will all be clear and truly enjoy life

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what i suggest is getting a Rx of wellbutrin from doc

it does nothing for acne, but is definetly got me out of the deepest depression i had (about 8 months) and as a result my skin cleared up b/c i wasnt as stressed

GIVE IT A TRY!

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Guest David

Darth, what are you saying here? Ugly people have no reason to live?

I would not describe you as inadequate. For one thing, you can write quite eloquently.

If you really are so bad looking and cannot bear to live this way why not try plastic surgery. Teeth can be straightened and whitened. Noses can be straightened. Floppy ears can be pinned back. Get a fake tan. Dress better. Get a nice haircut and spend time learning how to style it. Improve your posture. Lose weight. Become fit.

Don't give me that bullshit saying you can't do this stuff because you can. The only thing that might stop you is money. SO save up money. Make it something to focus on. Something to live for, while you make small improvements to yourself. In the meantime immerse yourself in work and hobbies.

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Guest one_day

You say there are things that are wrong with you, that medical science can't fix. What exactly are those things? Coz honestly if your appearance is holding you back that much, just look into plastic surgery.

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hey man, have you considered moving to a buddhist monestary? i know it sounds totally alien, but they can teach you zen meditation and true freedom from all the bullshit that is your current world.

and read some krishnamurti...you'll understand things a lot differently.

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And dude, theres a lot more to life than money...Theres also Mescaline. Seriously fuck what people tell you about it. No one educated has ever been against it.

Heres a story about a guy from vietnam, with all kinds of issues, talking about it, interesting shit...

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=590

you need to do research on shit in life, maybe drugs wont interest you...but there are SO many ridiculous things in life out there to check out. Trust me dude, you dont know 5% of what the world has to offer (neither does any human) In our short 80 or so years on life, all we can do is try to grasp at as much shti we can, but shit dude, all this ego bullshit...money, women, cars...its all bullshit.

so anyway, look into shit man, I recomend Mescaline.

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I've come to the conclusion that people don't read before they post.

So many people suggest exercising and working out. But I can't do that. My fucking joints are messed up to the point that I get tremendous amounts of pain if I have to use any force at all. The rest of my skin bursts out in blisters and hives if I get hot enough to sweat. And you know what, after seeing countless specialists and doctors, not one has been able to do anything.

Plastic surgery, you say? With my luck, it will simply make things worse. Much worse. Anything I do to try and improve things for myself ends up making my situation worse. Besides that, it only fixes appearance, not the billion other things wrong with me. Is there surgery to make me smarter? I don't think so.

As for everything else. I'll only say this. Normal people don't have to make capitulations in their lives. They don't have to accept that they're going to be alone, they don't have to accept that they've reached their limits. The thought never crosses their mind. The fact that these things have crossed my mind show that I'm already screwed.

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Darth.

What are we going to do with you? *tsk tsk tsk*

I say what the hell - take some drugs.

Either you'll find meaning.

Or you'll die.

At the point you've reached - what have you got to lose, either in permanent brain/body damage from drugs -

or Death?

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wooooh

Heated convo.

Darth i think u need help. Serious proffesional help. But if u dont want to go to sumone i suggest reading thr book "As A Man Thinketh" an amazing book.

It basically says that life is as good as you make it. If u think of it badly it will be bad if u think of it in a good way you will be happy.

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Darth doesn't WANT help. He is doing exactly what he wants - wallowing in his own solution - writing out about the uselessness that is He.

If it makes him happier - why the hell not? It may be a depressing read, but at least it's well written.

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mm I love some good cactus:)

thanks for the reminder memoria, if nothing else it let me sort out how I felt about my life, organize it and be more relaxed for several months.

not to mention that the trip on a beach was beautiful, something I'll never forget can still hear my music playing.

its even good for colds:)(at least my peruvian torch was)

seriously darth, I would recommend getting a newsreader(or groups.google.ca)

and head on over to alt.drugs.pyschedelics(or however you spell it) and erowid.org

the folks there are for the most part kind, except the resident troll, and are generally nice unless you annoy them too often.

fuck knows mescaline was the best thing I've ever done although it isn't for everyone for me it took the filters off my eyes for several hours and that was what I needed most.

if nothing else, you'll have a blast.

hope you realize that joy can be had no matter what.

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Why would you need to become smarter? Don't see anything wrong with your thinking process.

As for surgery making your appearance worse, well I don't see it as a big deal if you're going to kill yourself anyway.

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