Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
puma55

Who is right...Me or my dad

Recommended Posts

I have always been a good kid...I have rarely been in trouble, I don't drink or smoke and I almost always get a long with my Dad. I live at home and I am 18. He recently asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I said I had plans

He than says that I have to go to this community center where I have to do a reading in English in front of 300 people Saturday night. He said he signed me up to do it, and everyone in the community is counting on me to do the reading along with others.

The reading is just the poem, and I don't really mind going and canceling my plans but I don't want to do the reading. I told him I didn't want to read and he told me that I had to and I had no choice. When I tried to argue he told me to shutup and that he didn't like my attitude.

I hate reading in front of people. He knows this. I don't know why he signed me up but now I don't know what to do because I HATE reading in front of people and my voice gets really shaky and i get sooo nervous.

Do I have a choice? I don't think I do...and I don't know if not doing this reading is worth my Dad's anger at me.

By the way my dad is a foreigner and he is not that flexible at all.

My argument is that I am 18 and I don't want to read in front of people and he is making me...I would never make my 18 year old son do something like that.

His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Any advice? Thanks for reading

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Shjaker
His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Any advice? Thanks for reading

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, you are still living at home that's the first thing. Unless you are paying your way 100% and have the understanding that you are just a boarder then parents often think they still have some say. Right or wrong that is the way they often see it. The second thing is that you father should have discussed this with you at least a week or so ago. Parents often spring things on their kids (even at 18) and make mistakes by not planning in advance.

What would you be reading? How long would you be up there? Is it because of acne? Who are these people you would be reading to? Are they your age?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have always been a good kid...I have rarely been in trouble, I don't drink or smoke and I almost always get a long with my Dad. I live at home and I am 18. He recently asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I said I had plans

He than says that I have to go to this community center where I have to do a reading in English in front of 300 people Saturday night. He said he signed me up to do it, and everyone in the community is counting on me to do the reading along with others.

The reading is just the poem, and I don't really mind going and canceling my plans but I don't want to do the reading. I told him I didn't want to read and he told me that I had to and I had no choice. When I tried to argue he told me to shutup and that he didn't like my attitude.

I hate reading in front of people. He knows this. I don't know why he signed me up but now I don't know what to do because I HATE reading in front of people and my voice gets really shaky and i get sooo nervous.

Do I have a choice? I don't think I do...and I don't know if not doing this reading is worth my Dad's anger at me.

By the way my dad is a foreigner and he is not that flexible at all.

My argument is that I am 18 and I don't want to read in front of people and he is making me...I would never make my 18 year old son do something like that.

His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Any advice? Thanks for reading

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mom signs me up to volunteer at my sis's school all the time since she organizes stuff and can never find enough people. Then i have to go to college and I work 32 hours a week. I always get her to buy me dinner out tho so it works out! Sorry that you have to read, i hate public speaking myself. I'm sure he had a reason for signing u up tho.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies and advice guys. It doesn't really have to do with acne but I used to have moderate acne and have NEVER liked talking to large groups of people.

I would be up there for like 2 minutes reading a poem about death and recovery to people of my dad's age...for some reason i get the feeling it boosts HIS self esteem so he can tell all his friends "thats my son up there"

I do see some peoples points that I do live in his house so I should listen to him

I think I'm just gonna do the reading...even if it kills me...which it won't...i hope.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks for the replies and advice guys. It doesn't really have to do with acne but I used to have moderate acne and have NEVER liked talking to large groups of people.

I would be up there for like 2 minutes reading a poem about death and recovery to people of my dad's age...for some reason i get the feeling it boosts HIS self esteem so he can tell all his friends "thats my son up there"

I do see some peoples points that I do live in his house so I should listen to him

I think I'm just gonna do the reading...even if it kills me...which it won't...i hope.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
If it is just 2 minutes then go for it.  You are right.  Your dad is proud of you.  Thank goodness he is in your life.  Many times there is no friction in a family because people don't communicate and then there is no argument.  It is better to have a difference of opinion than to not have him in your life.  Good for you for deciding to do it.  It won't kill you - it is just difficult to get up in front of people.  But they will NOT notice your nerves believe me.  They will be happy that a young person took some interest in their lives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't be happy with the situation if that was me in it. I would talk to your Dad and ask him not to make plans for you, but to ask you instead if you want to do it. Also let him know it's inconsiderate for him to demand that you cancel your plans that you had previousally made. I'd say go ahead and do it, but let him know that if he wants you to do stuff like this in the future at least ask.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Amy Lee

Hey puma!

There is no one wrong between you and your dad. Your dad should have informed you in advance, but at least what he's planning is beneficial to you. On the other hand, it's not bad to complain either, in fact it lets you voice out what you want to say. But I think what your dad is suggesting for you to do for the community (reading) is good, I know exactly what you are going through when it comes to following elders' requests or not. I have been unwilling too sometimes to follow their orders. Your dad is right in this.....

His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeh, i would do that if my parents asked, it isn't too hard... If i had to make up a speech or something, then i would be like wtf????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest WhyGOD111
I have always been a good kid...I have rarely been in trouble, I don't drink or smoke and I almost always get a long with my Dad. I live at home and I am 18. He recently asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I said I had plans

He than says that I have to go to this community center where I have to do a reading in English in front of 300 people Saturday night. He said he signed me up to do it, and everyone in the community is counting on me to do the reading along with others.

The reading is just the poem, and I don't really mind going and canceling my plans but I don't want to do the reading. I told him I didn't want to read and he told me that I had to and I had no choice. When I tried to argue he told me to shutup and that he didn't like my attitude.

I hate reading in front of people. He knows this. I don't know why he signed me up but now I don't know what to do because I HATE reading in front of people and my voice gets really shaky and i get sooo nervous.

Do I have a choice? I don't think I do...and I don't know if not doing this reading is worth my Dad's anger at me.

By the way my dad is a foreigner and he is not that flexible at all.

My argument is that I am 18 and I don't want to read in front of people and he is making me...I would never make my 18 year old son do something like that.

His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Any advice? Thanks for reading

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think you have any 'responsibility' to your community. First of all, it's a stupid reading. It's not like a food drive or something; from what you've said it's more of a recreational thing. Second of all, you didn't sign yourself up for it. How can you be responsible for something you had nothing to do with.. that's like my mum getting me a job without my knowledge and telling me now I have to live up to my duties. It's just not fair! Where is the justice!

Anyway. I'm sure he just wants to do something that'll be 'good for you' in a sense, but in all fairness you are not a 'child' anymore, you're 18. You have a choice.

That's my final answer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well I was planning on having a glass of wine before I left lol.

I'm going to do the reading and than talk to my Dad afterwards saying that I don't appreciate him making me do something that I don't want to do...especialy when it's something like reading in front of a large number of people. It just doesn't seem right...

And it's not my own poem by the way...someone else wrote it...

Thanks for all the advice/comments/support everyone...I will update after it's over...I just hope I don't get sooo nervous and my voice cracks or something...AHHHH i can't think like that. I'm going over some tips to stop being nervous right now.

Puma

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, minnymouse,

Does your dad know that the number one fear in the world is not death, injury, or other really bad occurrences, but that it's PUBLIC SPEAKING? As a teacher, I do a lot of it, and mostly it does not bother me. But I'm not typical at all.

My suggestion to you is to think of someone, a friend, who would be willing to do it in your place, or next to you, like a "duet reading." This should be someone who loves to act out, be on stage, be the class clown, etc. Those are the people who do not mind public speaking. Actor types.

Hope this is a viable alternative, that can help you deal with your fear and still keep peace with your dad. ( I have a lot of experience trying to keep peace between my husband and my sons. My hubby was a great guy, but really "stuck" on some things like your dad is.)

Beautilady

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your dad just probably wants to help you get over your fear of public speaking. Trust me, the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel and the less shaky you'll be. I kinda wish someone had pushed me more when I was younger because all my life I've been avoiding that kind of situation and public speaking is a good skill to have.

Anyway best of luck to you. smile.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Me personally I would not do it. I think the only true thing we own in life is our choice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have always been a good kid...I have rarely been in trouble, I don't drink or smoke and I almost always get a long with my Dad. I live at home and I am 18. He recently asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I said I had plans

He than says that I have to go to this community center where I have to do a reading in English in front of 300 people Saturday night. He said he signed me up to do it, and everyone in the community is counting on me to do the reading along with others.

The reading is just the poem, and I don't really mind going and canceling my plans but I don't want to do the reading. I told him I didn't want to read and he told me that I had to and I had no choice. When I tried to argue he told me to shutup and that he didn't like my attitude.

I hate reading in front of people. He knows this. I don't know why he signed me up but now I don't know what to do because I HATE reading in front of people and my voice gets really shaky and i get sooo nervous.

Do I have a choice? I don't think I do...and I don't know if not doing this reading is worth my Dad's anger at me.

By the way my dad is a foreigner and he is not that flexible at all.

My argument is that I am 18 and I don't want to read in front of people and he is making me...I would never make my 18 year old son do something like that.

His argument is that I have a responsibility to my community and I just need to tell myself that I can do it and "stop being afraid"

Any advice? Thanks for reading

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Everybody!!!! I just got back from the ceremony, and I think I did a great job reading...my heart was beating sooo fast but my in my head I was calm and collected...it was really weird. Anyways my dad was happy I did the reading and I felt so good about myself afterwards.

He said that I did a great job and that he was proud of me and I said thanks. I also said that next time he should ask me ahead of time instead of springing it on me on the last second and expecting me to do it.

All in all I think everything went well and I am sooo glad this added stress is over...

Thanks to everyone here! You guys were great in your support and advice and I DID think about you guys right after I finished...I know it sounds nerdy/corny but in my head I was like "YES...i dominated that! Can't wait to tell acne.org" lol

Thanks again everyone!

Puma

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×