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Darth Hideous

How do I get over a crush fast?

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Don't be daunted by the length. The abstract is all you need. Everything else is just me gearing up to write a paper which needs to follow this format.

Abstract

Late last year, I met someone that was perfect to me. I quickly built up what I thought was a friendship, but just as quickly, and for no apparent reason, she stopped being my friend and avoided me. Those first few weeks were the best times I've ever spent with anyone. Now those days are gone and I must move on. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling very good about myself. My acne's gotten worse lately and my teeth are in dire need of straightening which either can't be done (due to a jaw condition) or won't be possible until later. To top it all off, I can't even work out anymore because my joints are completely shot and I've got another skin condition that gets aggravated when my body temperature rises. I'm entirely unattractive physically. Personality-wise, I'm far too unusual to be compatible with most people. She's the only woman who's ever laughed at one of my jokes or even gotten along with me. I've also developed this problem where I see her as some kind of rival that I have to be better than. But she is so much better than me in every way that I'm running in circles trying to compete with her. Given all these constraints, how do I move on within 1 month? The 1 month deadline is important because I will have to see her on a daily basis and I have to be over her by then. Otherwise, my last vestiges of sanity will disappear.

Introduction

She was new to the class. Just by chance I sat next to her and she introduced herself to me. I tried my best to be friendly because I needed a friend. We exchanged IM contacts and I had a few short chats with her. In those first few days, I felt she was an absolutely fascinating person. Not enough for me to have feelings for her but enough to make me want to go to class early every day so I could sit by her and talk to her. I'd never met a woman who'd get all of my references to obscure scifi or geeky things, or who could trounce me in her knowledge of computer engineering. Pretty soon, we worked together and studied together on a few things. And we got work done. Our ideas bounced off each other as we tried to work out one problem or another, or tried to understand the concepts the professor glossed over. Instead of being a chore, studying was something I looked forward to.

I kind of half asked her out to dinner, although I never actually had any real expectation of having a relationship with her. More than anything, I wanted to be good friends with her, but if it led to anything more, that would have been great. For two or three weeks, I'd spend hours just talking with her or watching some TV show or other at her place. That was the first time I'd ever spent any time with a girl. I knew that it was so casual that it really meant nothing, but because of all the interaction with her, I started to really like her. Maybe it was desperation - that I'd like any girl that would be willing to spend time with me - or maybe it was that I really liked her for who she is. I think the latter is far more likely.

And then just as quickly as I became friends with her, she stopped talking to me. In class, she'd make a little joke to a guy sitting next to her, ignoring me the whole time. Then she'd move away and purposely avoid sitting near me. Now my memories of those times aren't very clear and I can't remember any specifics, but I was definitely hurt. Here was the woman I've always imagined meeting, who I've always wanted to meet - and she somehow doesn't want to talk to me. I would have been alright with staying friends with her. That was fine, I never expected her to like me anyway, because I knew she was out of my league. That will be discussed later.

But from that moment forward, I haven't been the same. I feel as though there will be no joy in my life. I am angry with myself for being stupid enough to fall for someone like her. I resent her for being so perfect. And so I decided that I had to get over her. But as we shall see, my efforts have been in vain.

Me vs. My Crush - A Qualitative Comparison

Perhaps I should explain just how she is so perfect and how she is so out of my league, which will explain my impossible wish of trying to be better than her.

Personal qualities

1) She's extremely active and a real go-getter. I'm far more reticent due to my battle with shyness and awkward social skills. She's had several very close friendships with other guys while I have had no close friendships with any women.

2) She has a higher paying job than me, working at an investment firm doing strategic research. I only work at a research institute on biomed engineering - helping with technology to tell people whether they have heart problems for crying out loud. I'm only qualified for stuff like that - medical imaging, signal processing, whereas she's qualified for not only all that financial stuff, but also other private sector engineering work too.

3) She's very creative. She's got far more artistic abilities than I'll ever dream of, she's about to be a published writer while I've been trying to start a manuscript for years and never getting past the first page.

4) She's more intelligent. There were several math problems we were working on which took a brilliant insight on her part before we can solve it. The most I can do is understand a concept a little faster and explain it to her, in which case she'd just run with it and solve everything else.

These things aren't things you can just snap your fingers and change.

Appearance

She is beautiful. Absolutely perfect appearance. I mean, she's not what you'd call "hot" or anything like that, but most definitely pretty and attractive. She's quite fit too, because she plays a lot of sports.

As for myself, well, I've got acne (why else would I be here), crooked teeth, I'm skinny and generally look like a disgusting villain rather than a human. And I can't really do anything about it. Acne is more or less controllable but my face still looks terrible. My teeth can't be fixed any time soon because of this jaw problem and also because I don't have the money. Working out is damn near impossible nowadays. I've got this huge problem with my shoulders and my elbows which hurt when I try to do any form of exercise. The doctors can't tell me what's wrong. And on top of that, my skin tears itself apart when my body temperature rises, so even a light jog will kick my ass. So there's nothing I can do to improve my appearance.

In summary, she's better than me. And I'm very angry at myself for that. Why must I be so pathetic?

Attempts to Get Over Her

I've tried to talk to other girls. That is not going well. I mean, I can sort of talk to them, but it's all business-like.

I've tried to distract myself by doing different things. It's sort of worked, but I'm at an impasse. For example, because she's so much better artistically than me, I tried to learn how to draw but I clearly have no talent. About the only thing that comes close is I know how to do 3D graphics, which is what I've been burying myself in for the last 2 months. Now I'm out of ideas and exhausted from that. And I still haven't mastered 3D to the level that she has mastered (for example) writing. And even if I did, so what? She's still influencing everything in my life.

I've really lined up my schedule for my next semester, hoping that they will distract me enough. I was originally going to plan on joining some sports clubs but since my joint conditions have gotten so bad, it isn't going to work.

Emotional Effects

I think I've covered most of the emotional effects, but mainly it's a feeling of emptiness and also the feeling that I'll never have any more joy in my life. I mean, after comparing myself to her, I feel so bad. She's the type of person that's attractive. It's both her personality and her appearance. I have neither and I'm never going to be good enough for her or anyone else for that matter. So I resent her for being so perfect and I hate myself for being so lacking. I'd like nothing more than for the doctor to tell me that I'll be dead in 6 months.

Conclusions

It would appear that everything that I want to do in order to get over this infatuation with this woman will fail. It seems like Fate or the Universe has decreed that I shall suffer this inane misery by not only making me hopelessly haunted by her existence, but also by making sure that whatever I do cannot possibly work. I have no chance with anyone else due to my awkward personality and bad appearance which cannot be corrected. This keeps me locked in this emotional purgatory because so long as I have no chance with anyone, I'll still think of this one woman who seems to be perfect. In conclusion, unless there's some way out of this, I'm going to lose all semblance of mental stability.

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Guest Shjaker

Before I even start reading...

I'm usually too impatient to stand long reads... but I'm so intrigued with other peoples love lives since I've fallen head over heels.. It's wrong and it's sad. A guilty pleasure you could say.. but love is such a strange and fascinating emotion..

Anyway..

Onto the read!!

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I only read the abstract, and I have a similar situation. This girl, she's my age, in my grade, etc...we were best friends for over 7 years. And as we both got older, I started to like her more and more. We were very close, almost like brother and sister. Now all through this time, she had a boyfriend that I didn't necessarily like and tried to avoid seeing her when she was with him. I had a lot of fun with her, we were awesome together...can go almost as far as saying that I had the best times of my life when I was with her. But that all fell apart, when she and her boyfriend came up to where me and my friends were hanging out-and decided to go on a little stealing spree. Stole my basketball, and stole my friend's body spray. Don't know why she did it, I never got an explanation from her...but she totally turned on me. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month and I guess our friendship is totally over now. I guess some things are not meant to be.

Anyways, I know it's hard getting over a crush...and I'm still not completely over her either. But, just find other things to think about...do something you enjoy, and slowly but surely you'll get over her! smile.gif

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Guest Shjaker

I read it all anyway, mate.

Anywho.. here's my two cents. LONG STYLE ^_^ No abstract pour moi! WAIT WAIT!! I'll put all the Main Points in bold!

Are you sure you don't just like the idea of her? You reiterate how perfect she is and those good times when she was paying attention to you. Are you sure your heart is set on her, not love?

I was head over heels for the same person for 6 years yes 6 years. I thought he was the only one and would only ever be the only one, and I was crushed when I found out her got a girlfriend. Especially after he shared the same feelings with me for a few years, although nothing ever happened [who knows why.. perhaps it wasn't meant to happen].

I was determined to make myself perfect, even beyond perfect, and as good as him so I would feel like I stood a chance. (by the way, true love doens't feel like competition. I finally know.) I thought the problem was with me.

But it wasn't with me.. it was with how I was thinking and what I was really setting my heart on. Or something... I still don't know O_O

I was still battling perfection when I met Ryan [see avatar ^_^] and believe it or not I completely forgot about that guy in what seemed like overnight. After 6 years of doing nothing but think of him.

I wanted so bad all those things I pictured were with the first guy, all the things I thought were the real thing, but not until I met Ryan and he actually showed me and made me realize what I was really after did I realize with Matt it was just the idea of being with him. Ryan gave me the true thing.

Or whatever.

O_O;

Anyway. There's no easy way to get over someone.. the best way I've heard of is to sit down and think about everything really hard and find out what it is your heart is desiring.. or another BRILLIANT way is when you stumble upon someone that's just out of this world and the real deal.

Maybe it's just the idea of her mate.

A true love wouldn't just start ignoring you like that. You were lead on by her 'perfection' per se and now you can't get your mind off it, which is a very awkward situation to be in I know.

You'll see someday, sooner or later, that there's more to this "perfection." My definition of perfection now is connection. Nothing beats a true connection, which I don't think you found with her, so please don't beat yourself up about it anymore.

x_x Done.

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Guest Zitro

wow, shaina ... that was beautiful.

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So it looks like there isn't a way out of this except through that stargate on the other side of those big ugly looking guns that can blow me up in an instant? I'll never make it to the gate. (Damn, this is exactly the type of thing that she'd understand what I meant by).

I'm pretty sure it is her though you could be right about this whole "I'm in love with the idea of her" thing. It's hard to tell because I find it difficult to be objective regarding this issue. It's hard to unravel what I think I feel and what I really feel. Maybe I ought to develop multiple personality disorder so one personality can critique the other. That would be fun, I could pretend to be a different person.

Oh well. Time start running like Hell (or Sokar) toward that gate.

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Guest Shjaker
So it looks like there isn't a way out of this except through that stargate on the other side of those big ugly looking guns that can blow me up in an instant? I'll never make it to the gate. (Damn, this is exactly the type of thing that she'd understand what I meant by).

I'm pretty sure it is her though you could be right about this whole "I'm in love with the idea of her" thing. It's hard to tell because I find it difficult to be objective regarding this issue. It's hard to unravel what I think I feel and what I really feel. Maybe I ought to develop multiple personality disorder so one personality can critique the other. That would be fun, I could pretend to be a different person.

Oh well. Time start running like Hell (or Sokar) toward that gate.

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I used to be chubby-ish when I was younger and now I'm a slim lynx.. acne... MAJOR family issues.. heart breaking crushes.. Jeebus Chips. O_O; But I guess you have to experience true misery to appreciate true happiness?  biggrin.gif]

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Guest Shjaker
Whatever we expierence now will make us stronger in the end.  We will always be able to look back upon it and grow from it.

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Guest Zitro
[PS Hernan... it seems like I've been through everything O_O Ewww lol. I used to be chubby-ish when I was younger and now I'm a slim lynx.. acne... MAJOR family issues.. heart breaking crushes.. Jeebus Chips. O_O; But I guess you have to experience true misery to appreciate true happiness?  biggrin.gif]

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Guest Shjaker
Rather than competing like if she was a rival, admire her for who she is ...

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Alright, so now I have my hands raised and I'm ready to be summarily executed by the evil forces guarding the gate. But what will they do? Will they take me to their leader and want me to give them vital information! Argh... there's no way out!!

I'm not sure I want to admire her; I've done enough admiring of other people, it's useless if you can look but never attain anything near what you want.

Here's what I really want: prove myself to everyone that I'm as good as she is and after I attain that level, she shall become irrelevant. That's what I want; but I'm not getting.

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Here's what I really want: prove myself to everyone that I'm as good as she is and after I attain that level, she shall become irrelevant.

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She liked you at first, but you were too shy to make a move or tell her your feelings so she got the impression that you didnt like her and was no longer interested.

Man, I feel sorry for you.

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Hey,

I think we can all understand your feelings to some degree.

What I get from reading your post (it was a fabulous read by the way) is like already mentioned, you compare yourself too much to others. We all do it, but acne sufferers maybe tend to skew their opinions and think little of themselves ALL THE TIME.

From what i read I see no reason why she is 'better' then you. Thats the first thing you should sort out? Your negative outlook.

Okay, things like this you have to get over, as you already know? There is no easy way to do this as far as I know. There's your major bummer.

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Time is the best way to get over a crush, but since you wanna do it in 1 month, i would suggest keeping busy. Everytime you think of her snap out of it and think about something else. Also try to focus on her flaws, i doubt she's PERFECT, no one is. Well, good luck.

P.S i really do think you should talk to her and ask her why she's been ignoring you. Are you sure she's not trying to get you jealous by talking to the other guy?

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Guest Shjaker

So what you're really saying, Darth, is... that my post was the best ^_^

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