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Yep, it's happening again; the scarring and the fucking bullshit game of cystic whack-a-mole. The gut sickness, the countless pills and supplements that don't really work, the fatigue, the stomach and digestive problems from dieting restrictions, the blue balls from not masturbating for a week at a time. I hate having invisible genetic illnesses that doctors and derms can't even fix and won't even bother TRYING at because they just want to write prescriptions and tell me to fuck off and because I don't live in Calabasas or Palos fucking Verdes. Doctors have been this way to me every time I even try, and I've tried for like 3 decades, even the non-mediCare doctors have done this to me. I HATE my body. I HATE my mind. I HATE being judged for shit I have ZERO control over and FUCK YOU if you're someone who does this. I'm tired of nothing working. I feel like a fucking prisoner trapped in this shell of pain and ugliness, where everyone else wins and I don't even get a CHANCE. Where I'm lucky if some asshole even feels SORRY for me. Maybe those who hate(d) on me and tried keeping me down were right... maybe my dreams ARE stupid, maybe I AM wasting my time and I should just give up on them. Was it too much to ask that nature take the desire away in the first place though, so I can at least be a NUMB doormat? Guess so. The only positive thing I can say about myself is that at least I refuse to have children; it's one thing my parents carelessly brought me into this bullshit world where there is NOTHING good about it (just because something sucks less than something else doesn't make it good BTW) but I would NEVER forgive myself if I seeded a child and they end up with this painful fucking half-invisible curse of body acne, especially a male.  

At this point since I really want to die anyways and I'm sure even Dr. Pimple Popper probably couldn't help me, maybe I SHOULD take the accutane plunge. Maybe it'll expedite my death so I can finally be freed from this worthless existence. The only non-accutane possibilities I have left are estroblock and DIMs. 

I'm sorry. I just wish I could be a normal, happy person and accept this curse and give up on my dreams like I'm supposed to. Sorry if I ruined your day with my "negativity."

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I'm honestly surprised you haven't tried accutane. I don't know how you can say nothing is working when you haven't even tried the most effective option. I don't mean this in a hurtful way. I just mean that you really have nothing to lose if you're suffering at this level.

Once the acne is gone, you can start to address the scars. Personally, I will only ever excise my scars, since it's the only option that works. I can also feel better about a face full of linear scars than one with pits.

Anyways, I'm always here to talk if you need someone to vent with. I know your struggle and understand your pain. I actually tried the dieting and nofap stuff too, with limited but appreciable success. I'm on my third month of accutane now, because I feel that a life with those restrictions is no life at all (at least for me).

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