Sorry for the long post.
Basically I started getting very mild acne in eighth grade, nothing that scared. Then, in the second of half of sophomore year, my acne became cystic and painful. Took a while to get into a dermatologist, tried months and months of antibiotics, acne was the worst in the winter of my junior year. I was offered accutane toward the end of my junior year but declined because I could tell the acne was getting better and was wary of the side effects. The following summer, it significantly calmed down and was very manageable thru my senior year. I thought I had permanently beat acne, and although I had some scars, I felt that I could live with them or at worst treat them easily enough. Here's the worst part: right as I went away to college, I had the worst breakout of my life. Lasted months, and while I did the IPledge and even picked up my accutane prescription, I again did not take the medication because of the horror stories I read online. I was just a scared teenager who wouldnt take risks. The acne got better but finally my sophomore year I was just sick of it and finally took accutane.
Anyways, the point of my post is regret. First, I 100% should have took accutane my freshman year of college, but I already had significant scarring and dont think I would be in much of a different place mentally if I had. What I'm hung up on is the fact that I turned accutane down in high school. If I had, I never would have been living in this nightmare. My scars have not drained away my confidence in social situation, but they have taken my sense of self-worth and my motivation to do well in life, to work hard and achieve my goals. Plenty have worse scarring than me, but my skin is noticeably sad, and I just wish I could turn back time and tell junior year me to just take the stupid drug. All drugs have scary side effects, just trust your doctor and take it. If you get an unfortunate side effect, that's just a bad luck of the draw yaknow.
Recently I've spent so much time looking back on old pictures of me and videos offered lme trying to rationalize my decisions, but man I just feel regret. It sucks. If I had taken initiative, sucked it up for 6 months and stopped worrying so much about erectile dysfunction, losing my hair, ulcerative colitis, etc. I would not even have to worry about my skin now. Now, I just continually compare myself to others and think of what could have been. I know it's just skin, but it's less about how others see me and more about how much it affects my own view of myself.
Anyone have any tips regarding the regret, or any thoughts about my post? Anyways, thanks for listening.
Hello jimb, you can read my post. I hope my face is worse than yours. Yeah you should have taken it. But past is past, all you can do now is to treat your scars. Believe me, after your scars has healed and filled in time, your self worth and confidence will be back. Ive undergone worse, i had depression, and i was studyingmedicine that time. I think what really bothered you is that you are regretting for not taking accutane, its ok. Some people i know did not take it and did go through worst, but they did move on. I hope for the best for you
@stefanohero I attached some pictures of my scars in bad overhead/sunlight for reference. Inside, and in well lit places my face looks nearly smooth, it's just outside and in bad lighting it looks awful. I also have some keloids on my shoulders, so I'm weary to do scar treatment and even if I do, I know I wont get the skin I used to have. Yeah your scars look much better than mine, and I'm glad you've improved! Anyways, thanks for the kind words.
@Jimbo292Thanks man. But hey ive seen worse than your scars. You still look good though. Those scars will be more shallow in time. You can have invasive treatments like lasers. Try consulting your derma.