I had a major acne breakout when i was 21, and it ruined my life. I don't eat much junk food, ran thrice a week, hit the gym twice a week, slept early and was on a low carbo diet which consisted of meat, eggs, vegtables and lots of fruits. (I avoided dairy) I wash my face daily, always made sure my pillowcases and bed were clean, avoided touching my face and avoided picking any little pimples i have but the acne just hit me at full force and stayed there for months. BP didn't work for me, and by the time i sought a dermatologist (3 months into my acne), my face was horrendous.

She put me on Differin, Clindoxyl and a Triclosan facewash which kept my acne under control, and it eventually subsided. However, it left my face full of scars and it really lowered my self esteem by alot.

I can't recount the number of times acne and the aftermath scars has prevented me from being the happy person i once was. There were so many times i was so looking forward to go to an outing with my friends, but I hated my face so much that i lied about being busy and stayed at home. Then there were times i excused myself from photographs, and all i could do was watch my peers take a selfie or group photo with their flawless faces. I wouldn't want to ruin the beautiful photographs that turn out anyway.. I could sit all day watching my friends eat delicious looking foods while i restricted my diet in fear of breaking out again. I could sit by the street all day and yearn for the perfect skin everyone that walked by seem to have. Even though i do see people with acne or scars sometimes, i know that they were suffering inside just like me, and i pray for them with all my heart and soul that they would be able to lead normal lives once again. Seeing the smiles of happy couples inside the mall, i can't help but remind myself that i won't ever get to experience something as sweet as finding a partner. After all, how can i bring myself to confess to the girl i love so much in such a sorry state? Even if she accepted me for who i am, i can never ever ever bring myself to be with her with these hideous scars plastered on my face. I can only hope she finds a good guy who can make her happy for the rest of her life.

Sometimes i question why was life so unfair to me. I was never mean to people unless they were really rude. I never made fun of anyone's looks.. I stood up for people with acne before my breakouts. I hung out with people who were ostracized by others. I don't know what did i do to deserve this.

I guess i took everything i had for granted. I can only hope that these god damn scars will miraculously disappear, then everything might go back to normal. Waking up has always been a nightmare for me ever since the day acne condemned me for life.

I hope i get another chance to live again. I'm just so tired of this.