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GuitarSlinger95

My acne & depression is ruining my life.

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To cut a long story short I've had bad skin since I was in grade 9-10 onward. Strangely enough it started on my back back, chest and shoulders as a rash, then my face started to break out in grade 11 and got gradually worse since then. Anyway, along with my acne & other personal issues, I have struggled with depression for as long as I care to remember. After I finished school I basically became a hermit & secluded myself from the world even my parents & I would never find my self able to open up to any one. After about a year of doing absolutely nothing but wallowing in self pity my parents concern grew and grew, yet I would still just freeze up when they tried to talk to me. After a while my depression had made me completely numb inside and along with having severe cystic acne on my face & body I just couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually I decided to go to my doctor about my skin & depression after realizing nothing I was doing or could do was going to help. My doctor put me on doxycycline (antibiotic) for my acne & Zoloft 100mg (antidepressant). He was hesitant about having me take RoAccutane (what its called in Australia) because of my depression, even though my severe acne was a major contributor to my depression. So I spent a while taking Doxy with no real results, apart from reduced redness and maybe less spots forming as usual. I went back to my doctor and he decided to put me on a different antibiotic Minocycline. Now this antibiotic did seem to help, my redness was reduced and it cleared up the painful cystic acne I had, but the severe acne I had all over my back, chest, shoulders and arms was still there and not seeming to get any better. Along with that, my face still had acne, put the inflammation was reduced a lot and I didn't get any large, painful pimples or cysts.The Zoloft also helped remove myself from the numb state of mind I was in. After about 18 moths and more trips to the doctor, I was still on Zoloft & Minocycline.. During this time I had also regained some confidence and I renewed lots of my old friendships and started to become my old social self. I even started a course in Aged Care, Cert III. Where I have met lots of new people, made new friends! Everyone in the class liked and got a long with me! Deep down, under all my problems I am a really social person & have no troubles interacting or making friends.. Unfortunately none of this lasted very long.... In the last couple of months, I was getting sick of taking antibiotics and my doctor not really doing anything at all, so I decided to book an appointment with another Doctor, my dads & brothers GP. As soon as I walked in the door I told him what med's I was currently on and the situation with my skin... The Doc didn't even look twice or ask my anything about my skin, he just instantly referred me to a dermatologist, which I was glad about. While waiting for my Derm Appointment, life went on as normal, I kept attending my course and things were genuinely looking up for me..

After a couple weeks wait I went in to see the Derm. Basically he just asked me a whole bunch of questions, like what medications I was on and a whole bunch of other silly, but required questions. After answering them all he examined my face thoroughly, using a light. He then asked me to show him the rest of my body & he did the same. After doing this he told me the only real choice I had if I wanted to completely clear up my skin was to go on RoAccutane. I was pleased with this at the time & we had a detailed discussion about the drug. So he gave me my script for an antibiotic to take for 7 weeks and two referrals for blood tests. Then after the 7 weeks he would prescribe me with RoAccutane. When I got home that night I felt fine, It wasn't until I sat in my room and all these thoughts started racing through my head. I wasn't scared of taking RoAccutane because of all the stories you hear, its just the fact that I had no real other choice was depressing. I was sick of having to take drugs all the time to be able to function, so I had a mini breakdown. I talked to my dad that night for hours which was good, but ever since that night I haven't been right. The next day I said I didn't want to go RoAccutane, because I was sick & tired of taking drugs to try and solve all my problems. So I stopped taking the Minocycline, (mainly because the derm said to stop) and I'm trying to ween myself off Zoloft. After about a week or so of being off the antibiotics my face has broken out terribly.. it had been over a year since I had any bad cystic acne & I had almost forget what it was like to have. So it hit me hard. My whole face has now broken out with new acne and a cluster of really painful cysts on my right cheek. This has completely destroyed my confidence & self-esteem which was already low. My relatively clear skin was what held me together for the last year to start getting my life in order, but now its broken out again terribly its like the flood gates have opened and all my problems flow out. So for the last couple of weeks I have fallen back down into the deep dark hole which is depression. Once again I have lost all ambitions, desires and I just constantly feel lethargic and tired, its like I don't even have the will to move. All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. To make things worse, I didn't attend my last class & I can't see myself wanting to go back. As much as I want to continue on with it, I no longer am the same person I was whilst attending. I've reverted back to the incredibly depressed person I was. Now as I said before my depression isn't solely caused by my acne, but it is a major factor. My acne is what balances my feelings, if my skin is relatively clear I will have an increased mood and be more inclined to go out socially, if my skin is terrible I don't want to leave the house. My skin is just the icing on top of my issues, I can normally deal with my other issues, but if my skin is really bad its like I just break down mentally. Acne has essentially ruined & is ruining my life, it controls the way I live & the things I do/don't do. Its like being trapped in my own body, my own personal hell. After waking up today and looking at how bad my skin just keeps getting, I asked my mum to go and get my script for the antibiotics (My derm gave me) filled so I can start on the road to taking RoAccutane & hopefully start on the path to recovery, so I can finally live my life without being constrained by my skin. 

I'm not sure if anyone is going to read this... I'm not even sure if this is in the right place, this is my first post & I just needed to get all of this out. Not only that I wan't to share a small part of my struggles, so hopefully others can relate & realize they are not alone in their struggles. If one thing having acne has taught me, its to not take things for granted, because they can be ripped away from you at an instance without warning. If anyone does actually take the time to read this, I really appreciate it & I would like it if you left a comment. Anything at all. And if anyone wants to chat privately, one on one, I am willing to talk. I will update the status of my skin once I start taking RoAccutane, & I will post any side effects etc. Thanks :)

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Congrats on opening up!  Most of us on here have struggled with acne for years!  i myself am currently in my 16th year of battle and it is worse now than it was when i was younger.  With that said, i too go through the rollercoaster of not seeing hope and hating to take pills to treat (not cure) my acne.  But i've realized as you will too, that sometimes, life is not fair.  Sometimes we are called upon to be the people that have to take the long way around to get what we want.  We may or may not achieve what we want but these is always going to be someone better off and worse off than us.  Accutane sucks but for many (even me at one point in time), it can bring you relief.  If you are opposed to taking meds in general, start leading a healthier lifestyle just because.  While your body deals with the drugs, cut out processed foods, exercise, journal.  Also, i too suffer from depression and CBT counseling is helping.   You absolutely cannot base your happiness on the level of your skin.  I never in a million years would think i would still be dealing with acne at 32.  I'm absolutely gutted BUT, i am working with someone to help me find the joy within so that my circumstances don't dictate my level of happiness.

You may need to continue taking zoloft and SLOWLY ween off while you do counseling (i think just popping a pill does not produce a deeper change when it comes to psychiatric maters) but speak to a professional about that.

Thank you for sharing - you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

BTW - Your family seems so supportive so hold on to that when times get tough. 

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Thank you so much for the reply, it means a lot! I'm sorry to hear you have had to suffer with acne for so long, that's terrible :( I can't imagine having the same kind of acne I have right now for another 10 years. Not only does it look horrible, its really painful.

I also have an appointment booked with a psychologist, forgot to mention that in the post. So hopefully she will be able to do the same for me. My parents are very supportive & I feel terrible the way I have treated them during the darkest depths of my depression. I would never open up to them, I would be like a rock. In turn they would get really worried & sad because I was shutting them out completely. I would sometimes get really frustrated & vent my anger on them, when I knew all they were trying to do was help. 

Thank you very much for the advice and for sharing some of your story with me, I appreciate it very much. I hope both of us will be able to kick this horrible condition for good! :) 

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Hi!

I can relate to you so much, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Earlier this year was the worst time of my life. I had insane breakouts all over my body and let it effect me to no end. I would cry every day, I quit my job, didn't leave the house for around 4-5 months, took out my anger on my family, lost communicaion with friends... I even began writing a suicide note.


Then I started Roaccutane (it's the same here in the UK as australia), and although the first few months saw my skin get worse, I finished my 7 month course about a month and a half ago and am so happy. My life has turned around... I have a boyfriend, an amazing social life, my career has really picked up and I'm even moving to japan in the new year. But, what I realised, was I could have done all of this earlier this year, but the confidence push of having clearer (not clear, but much clearer) skin just helped so much.

it's a long battle.. Whenever I get a new breakout I have a breakdown. I cry, I get angry, I get scared, I cancel plans... But ultimately I am learning for ways to cope and deal with it, especially from the amazing people on this forum! It's a hard journey, but you're taking the first steps to get there and kudos for your psychiatric appointment! I had one as well whilst I was on accutane and was prescribed some anxiety tablets which literally are a life saver! Make sure to take pics of your accutane journey so you can compare - it really does help in the future.

Welcome to the forum!

Edited by Lore91

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Thank you for the reply :) That basically sounds like what I've done/do. Its not fair that this horrible condition constricts peoples lives like it has ours at points in times. Thanks for sharing your story, its given me even more confidence and hope for the future! 

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I hope accutane works for you. 

I feel the same way, acne has completely destroyed my self-esteem, and made my depression (which I already struggled with before) worse. I barely ever talk to anyone because of how embarrassed I feel, and it's been a really long time since I've been in a romantic relationship. Even my relationship with my parents is worsening. I, too, had clear skin while taking antibiotics for a few months, but would get a few pimples from time to time. They made me feel horrible, but nowadays, I would have been so thankful to have skin like that again. I'm now taking accutane and hoping it ends this. 

I know it's difficult, but please have hope. Your skin will be better someday. 

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Thank you so much for the reply, it means a lot! I'm sorry to hear you have had to suffer with acne for so long, that's terrible :( I can't imagine having the same kind of acne I have right now for another 10 years. Not only does it look horrible, its really painful.

I also have an appointment booked with a psychologist, forgot to mention that in the post. So hopefully she will be able to do the same for me. My parents are very supportive & I feel terrible the way I have treated them during the darkest depths of my depression. I would never open up to them, I would be like a rock. In turn they would get really worried & sad because I was shutting them out completely. I would sometimes get really frustrated & vent my anger on them, when I knew all they were trying to do was help. 

Thank you very much for the advice and for sharing some of your story with me, I appreciate it very much. I hope both of us will be able to kick this horrible condition for good! :) 

Acne is ruining my life too. I hate leaving my home. I just struggle through work and then hide away the rest of the time. 
It sounds like you have very supportive parents who are willing to listen so i think you should try to open up and talk to them. I wish my parents were more understanding. I also go through periods of depression where i'm so miserable and wish i was dead just to end the suffering. Having some treatment options helps because it gives you hope.

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On 10/29/2015, 8:27:05, Geekgirl13 said:

Acne is ruining my life too. I hate leaving my home. I just struggle through work and then hide away the rest of the time. It sounds like you have very supportive parents who are willing to listen so i think you should try to open up and talk to them. I wish my parents were more understanding. I also go through periods of depression where i'm so miserable and wish i was dead just to end the suffering. Having some treatment options helps because it gives you hope.

I'm sorry to hear that :( Its a horrible way to live. For so long I have done the same thing & still am. But It does help a lot having supportive, caring parents. I've started seeing a psychologist and I am also in my 2nd week of taking Oratane. Which seems to be working already without any adverse side effects yet, or any side effects at all, apart from dry skin. You're right though, being on this treatment now and my dermatologist being very confident that it will clear up my skin completely, it is definitely giving me a lot of hope. And seeing a psychologist is also helping me work through my other issues, its good to have someone outside of friends and family to open up and talk to. Thanks for replying, I wish none of us had to deal with this, but it is very comforting to know other people out there are feeling the same way and there is a community like this where we can all support each other! Take it easy.

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On 10/26/2015, 10:10:52, 102938 said:

I hope accutane works for you. 

I feel the same way, acne has completely destroyed my self-esteem, and made my depression (which I already struggled with before) worse. I barely ever talk to anyone because of how embarrassed I feel, and it's been a really long time since I've been in a romantic relationship. Even my relationship with my parents is worsening. I, too, had clear skin while taking antibiotics for a few months, but would get a few pimples from time to time. They made me feel horrible, but nowadays, I would have been so thankful to have skin like that again. I'm now taking accutane and hoping it ends this. 

I know it's difficult, but please have hope. Your skin will be better someday. 

This sounds very similar to my situation. I'm saddened to read this, I know how you feel. Having bad skin is basically the icing on top for me, on a really bad cake haha. It is also hard for me to want to interact with other people including my friends and family because of my skin, which is horrible, because I consider myself to be a real people person. I love spending time with my friends and family, and interacting with other people in general, unfortunately my personality gets hidden away underneath my skin the majority of the time. Basically feels like I am trapped inside my own body. Regardless of that though, I know that my friends/family and most people I meet like me because of my personality, they don't judge me or focus in on my skin. Because at the end of the day what really counts is whats on the inside. But Acne basically destroys whatever self-esteem you have left which makes it almost impossible to want to go out and meet new people, even though they most likely couldn't care less whether you have ad skin or not. 

I really hope accutane works for you also. Keep me updated! I have been on it for 2 weeks now and it already seems to be working, plus I have had absolutely no side effects. (not yet anyways!) Peace! 

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Well I am 24 year old  and I have been dealing with acne for 8 years. Antibiotics and whatnot...you name it I tried. I am thinking about going to an endocrinologist to check my hormones.

I have severe acne, and came to the point of finally accepting it. But now I have to deal with being overweight too becaue of antipsychotics that were prescribed for my mental illness. It is a frightening cocktail (severe acne and being fat). NOBODY respects you! Your family treats you differently, you cannot get a job. You are hiding ALL the time. I became so depressed I tried to commit suicide but it failed miserably! 

Now I am trying to find myself new hobbies that do not involve being outdoor. Dignity has no price and I am treated like I am some sort of wild animal most of the time. People I scared of me, that is how bad my acne is.

I use to be pretty and fit, with no pimples, now I am this overweight freak that everybody pities or looks down on.

I know and hope I will at least lose the weight (currently working on it) and get some self-respect back.

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I feel your pain. I am 29 years old and have suffered from severe acne , depression and anxiety since I was 8 years old. I was teased for my acne in school and treated horrible. It also has prevented me from living life like a normal person. I've spent my whole life hiding from the world because I am so embarrassed to be seen like this and having to be treated different. Now I regret wasting my life away. I have accomplished nothing in my life, while everyone else my age has graduated college, is married, and has kids. Here I am living with my parents single with no carrer and an embarrassment to them. Please do not waste your life away and let acne get in your way. You're on a right path, and you're seeking the help you need. Do not give up, keep fighting! You deserve to be happy. 

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I too struggle with acne. Acne really does suck. Very much. Whenever I talk to someone, I'm praying to God they don't notice my acne. And it really does make me feel embarrassed and scared to talk to people, it's bad. I even wore a nose mask yesterday because I was so embarrassed at my skin. Oh, I'm also on roaccutane right now. I'm having my initial breakout, that's why my skin is so horrible now. It's my 23rd day on roaccutane and my face is so sad and miserable. I just wish that the initial breakout will end soon and I will see some results.

Good luck on your journey, I wish you nothing but the best! 

Stay strong, we all have to.

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On 12/11/2015, 11:10:49, Dsl17 said:

I feel your pain. I am 29 years old and have suffered from severe acne , depression and anxiety since I was 8 years old. I was teased for my acne in school and treated horrible. It also has prevented me from living life like a normal person. I've spent my whole life hiding from the world because I am so embarrassed to be seen like this and having to be treated different. Now I regret wasting my life away. I have accomplished nothing in my life, while everyone else my age has graduated college, is married, and has kids. Here I am living with my parents single with no carrer and an embarrassment to them. Please do not waste your life away and let acne get in your way. You're on a right path, and you're seeking the help you need. Do not give up, keep fighting! You deserve to be happy. 

Thank you for the reply. I'm so sorry to hear that :( We all deserve to be happy, & its horrible to know that there's so many people out there going through the same thing, when they really shouldn't have to at all. I really hope you can start to move forward also, its never too late. :) 

On 12/13/2015, 2:19:41, marshavanessa said:

I too struggle with acne. Acne really does suck. Very much. Whenever I talk to someone, I'm praying to God they don't notice my acne. And it really does make me feel embarrassed and scared to talk to people, it's bad. I even wore a nose mask yesterday because I was so embarrassed at my skin. Oh, I'm also on roaccutane right now. I'm having my initial breakout, that's why my skin is so horrible now. It's my 23rd day on roaccutane and my face is so sad and miserable. I just wish that the initial breakout will end soon and I will see some results.

Good luck on your journey, I wish you nothing but the best! 

Stay strong, we all have to.

That's terrible :( It really is uncomfortable being in social situations knowing your skin is bad. Going out in public and being around people just drains me of energy! I've been on roaccutane for a bit over 3 weeks now. I'm also suffering from the initial breakouts, my face has been terrible, probably the worst it has ever been. But its definitely drying up! My face feels like the barren Australian Outback at the moment. My lips and eyes are really dry, and even my scalp is super dry! Thankfully that's about the only side effects giving me any trouble at the moment. Thank you for your kind words, I wish you nothing but the best also :) Hopefully this drug can keep our skin clear once and for all! Keep me updated also, I would like to to know how you are getting on later down the line! Peace

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