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awwdear

How Acne Has Made Me A Better Person

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I know a lot about anxiety, depression, self-hate and feeling of hopelesness connected to acne. I've been through it, I was diagnosed with serious body dysmorphic disorder, I'm still on therapy and still not totally sure of my self-worth. But still, after a year of struggle, I can say that acne has made me a better person than I was before. Maybe some of you will relate to my story and maybe it will bring hope for the ones who feel disgusting and useless.

I used to be quite a mean person. I wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally but I didn't really care about other's feelings and I didn't feel bad when I accidently made someone upset. In my school, I was probably one of the most popular people. I was considered very intelligent, sarcastic, funny and easygoing. But I was a realist and I was sure that people do not like me so much only because of my personality - my looks also mattered quite a lot. I was never a splendid beauty but still, I was one of the prettiest girls in my class. I was very thin, I dressed up well and, what's very important, I had perfectly clear and flawless skin. Most of my friends were boys but I wasn't a tomboy at all, quite the opposite. They thought that I'm attractive and what made me even more attractive was the fact that I acted like looks don't really matter to me. It was a lie, of course. I was freaking out when my hair looked too flat or a single pimple appeared on my forehead. And when I looked good, I felt superior to everyone else around me. I used to look down on people with acne or people with weight problems. I didn't make fun of them but every time I thought "I'm glad I don't look this way". I was very confident and sure of myself. I knew that it doesn't matter what I would do or say - people will forgive me anyway because of how cute, pretty and cool I am. My life was perfect - I had a group of close friends, great social life and a loving, wonderful boyfriend. Until acne started.

I was sixteen when I started having skin problems. My acne was never severe but it ruined my self-worth, which was mainly based on my looks. This year was tough - depression, BDD, therapy, various skin treatments... In the process, I realized that my friends do not care at all about my skin. They were worried because I was unhappy, not because I had a few pimples. I was still considered attractive, only a little less so because I was crying all the time. My boyfriend loved me just the same and the only times he was anyhow upset with me, were the ones when I had fits of rage because of my "disgusting skin". I was so afraid that he would leave my when my skin started to get bad - he himself had this flawless, dry skin, without a single imperfection. It actually turned out that he used to suffer from very severe cystic acne before we had met and his skin now looks so great because he had been through a course of accutane. For him my mild acne was really unnoticeable. Acne was essential for me to let go of my wrongful view of the world. I discovered that looks aren't everything and there's so much more to every person than how their skin or body looks like. It was a lesson of humbleness for somebody, who used to feel like the world belongs to her because of how perfect she is.

Now I'm on a low dose accutane treatment and my face finally looks closer to what it used to. I'm happy that acne is gone but now I know that my skin isn't everything about me. I don't freak out when a zit appears. I don't use make up to cover up my imperfections. I don't get mad when my profile picture on fb do not get over hundred likes. I don't judge other people because of their looks and I don't feel better than they are. I try my best to prove that I'm not only a pretty girl who knows how to draw attention to herself. I didn't change, but I've discovered more about me. And if acne comes back, it won't be so devastating for me and my self-worth.

Edited by awwdear

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I am glad you realized that a person is more than the acne they have. It can be one of the most isolating things to go through. We all just need to stick together and treat each other how we all want to be treated. It is really that simple :)

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