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User466839

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The harsh reality is, yes, acne is an 'ugly' trait. It's not exactly a pretty or desireable thing to have on your face.

One thing I would suggest, however, is maybe on your online dating profile use an un-edited photo -- I mean that way if someone is interested in you, it's actually for you and not a 'fake'-you.

And on that forum where they posted the 'pizzaface' comment...I'd love to see their reaction if you said you don't want to be kissing a girl with a face full of make-up. ;P

If it is effecting you, maybe wear some makeup? I use bare-minerals foundation powder. It's very light coverage but it does even it up ever so slightly.

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But surely that's better than going on a date and feeling like you're 'fake' and the other person is 'disappointed' (which they're probably not) when they see the real you. I'm sure someone would respond to you.

Or, like I said, maybe look into some makeup so you feel you look more like your edited photos.

Edited by Lore91

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Lower your standards. The things you judge women for, reconsider. Just like how you want these women to reconsider how they view the flaw you have, which is acne. The women you're looking are out of your league. That or wait until your skin clears up to try to attract the women you desire. You simply don't match up with them right now.

Women with bad skin are looked down on way more than men. It's scientifically proven that men are more visual when it comes to sexual attraction. That's why you always see these drop dead gorgeous women with below average looking men. Beauty standards are 10xs higher for women in pretty much every culture. That's probably why you're having a hard time. You want a gorgeous girl because you're a man and physical attraction is naturally very important to you. Unfortunately, you're aiming too high right now. So either lay off dating until your skin is better or consider women who are not as pretty as you'd like but have caring, nonjudgmental personalities.

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I don't agree with anything Kay24 said.

To respond to be original poster, I think it's discusting that people have called you ugly for something you cannot control on your face. I absolutely understand your pain and it totally makes sense for you to feel self concious and anxious over this, especially since people have been total douchebags to you. Let me say that I met my boyfriend online and he has some pretty moderate acne going on plus some fairly serious scarring on his chest and I could care less. I love him because he's him. When I first met him, I wasn't fixated on his skin. Trust me, there are women out there willing to accept any "flaw". And again, the people who have been mean to you are jerks. Screw em

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This is an area I have given up on entirely or at least have postponed indefinitely. To me, the two simply do not mix. If you accept the universal truth that women are fundamentally attracted to confidence, and if you consider how debilitating acne is in regards to one's self-esteem, it quickly becomes apparent that dating with acne is something of an enigma. Partly as a result of this kind of thinking, and partly from my own resentments, I have never been able to take anyone claiming to suffer from acne but being involved in a relationship very seriously. I just do not see how it is possible, how one can venture away from a perpetual state of isolation, and into something greater, while still dealing with chronic illness.

I am of the belief that the very act of courting, particularly post-graduation, involving copious amounts of alcohol and the process of assimilating into complex social hierarchies and settings, is in stark opposition to living with acne. For one, alcohol is counter to the detoxification process that is critical in regaining one's health. Similarly, large social settings are a catalyst for anxiety and related fatigue. While it's true that "nothing changes if nothing changes," it is very difficult to entertain the notion of entering into large social scenes and the concept of dating with an enflamed golfball sized cyst on one's forehead and feeling exhausted and physically miserable. It is not a state that is receptive towards accepting other people, let alone projecting oneself.

As it is now, all of my time, energy, and money is devoted towards resting and healing and taking a greater stake in my health, which is to say supplements, appointments, literature, clean eating, etc. It is a lot of responsibility just caring for myself. To do so for someone else as well, however less so, is scarcely comprehensible. I could literally write volumes on why I will forever remain single while battling acne. Most of us in this predicament, as I suspect, are not open to the idea of intimacy and drawing closer to another person when we have never accepted ourselves to begin with. My interest is neither in obtaining love. It is in getting better, and yet, I know, deep down, however contradictory, that everything I do to get better is an attempt to move closer towards one day sharing something meaningful with someone else.

Edited by John457

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I have acne, im 29 nearly 30 and have suffered from moderate to virtually non existent acne for 11 years of my life now. I have dated some great looking and highly intelligent girls in my liftetime and currently im dating a pretty, intelligent and lovely women at the moment. The blunt truth is I think that yes some girls/women are put off by it. It is logical to suggest the more severe your acne is, the more chance that a potential partner will find it an unattractive feature. That said ive seen some guys with severe acne with good lookiing girls and vice versa. I think most women value somebody who is intelligent, ambitous and in confident with themselves. Also somebody who is honest. Theres nothing wrong with admitting that you have acne, showing that you are trying to do something about it whilst at the same time getting on with your life. For me after numerous failed treatments, I know that ance is something that im never going to be totally clear of. Im ok with that as long as most of it is under control. In the meantime Ill keep on trying my best to treat and researching trying new things, reaching out to people and being honest with how im feeling about it. Many people have features which are unattractive..For exaple alot of men my age look considerably older than me, are balding, going grey or are really out of shape. Yet, they carry on with thier lives. Sure these features cannot be compared with say the stress of severe ance and the detriment that can make to your appearance, but no one is perfect. So I guess in short carry on trying to find someone to date, carrying on doing whatever you can to treat your acne and be honest about it with potential partners. Most women are not increadibly shallow people and you must ask your self the question why would you want to be with somebody who is?

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Ask yourself, if a girl won't date someone/comments on someone because of their skin condition, are they a girl you would want to date?

I honestly don't think acne matters that much on a guy and you're just finding judgemental people.

Girls will go around saying this stuff, but just remember what they look like with out make up!

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You are absolutely correct, Lucas. Girls these days are waaay too shallow. I am like this:

1) Does she have acne? => No problem.

2) Is she a bit overweight? => No problem.

3) Is she shorter? => No problem.

And so on. You get the drift. You probably think like me, because you are a guy. I do have standards though. I don't like walking skeletons and whales. That is where my borders lie. I think that is where the borders lie for most men. Men are attracted to women just for them being women. I am dead serious. All the makeup and shaving stuff is bullshit.

You are not going to find girls who think like us. Ever.

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To me in short, your are looking or trying to attract attention from the wrong crowd of people. Sure I occasionally lust for someone whose probably way better looking, but that's often where it ends. While the girls I have met look amazing I actually have a better relationships with "normal" flawed human beings like the rest of us. Because after the initial lust for a super hot girl dies down what's left isn't always as great as someone with a exceptional personality that many not be model material.

To me stop trying too hard. Be who you are. People will accept you or not. Don't get hung up on those who care for superficial bs.

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But surely that's better than going on a date and feeling like you're 'fake' and the other person is 'disappointed' (which they're probably not) when they see the real you. I'm sure someone would respond to you.

Or, like I said, maybe look into some makeup so you feel you look more like your edited photos.

No one responds if you have visible acne in your photo.

Maybe online dating isn't for you?

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Lucas, I don't believe you need to lower your standards. I feel that because of the way you feel about yourself you are only noticing the shallow girls out there. There will always be shallow, girls...and guys. These are the people who were raised to hate the flaws in themselves, so they cant accept anybody else's imperfections either. But the joke's on them. Because nobody in this world is in fact perfect.not even them.

There are also people who are deeper and more genuine than that. But If you go out into the world feeling self hatred, you will be especially receptive to and on the lookout for people who confirm your self rejection and hatred.

I agree with whoever said to be yourself.

Don't give up with seeking treatments because many of us here are living proof that acne and scars can be improved. But regardless, I think if you weren't upset about your skin you would be fixated on a different imperfection. I know because I've been there. One problem solved, but as a perfectionist you just don't believe you deserve happiness until you have achieved perfection in your appearance and every other aspect of your life. I learned a big lesson myself recently. I accepted a job that put me front and center, around people while I felt insecure about scar. I even experienced a guy getting to know and like me the same way other guys did when I didn't have scars. it taught me a lot. I never gave up hope of improving my skin, but I learned that if I love myself un- conditionally, without conditions, other people will too. Give it a try :)

Edited by snowflake01

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..............................................................................

Edited by Lucas89

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