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I Don't Know What To Do Anymore...

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I just don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Idk why I am even posting this. But I guess I can start this off by saying I hate myself. I have had severe acne since I was 13. Its to the point now that my face is nothing but scars, cysts and bright red and purple infected pieces of crap. To properly describe what my scars look like. Imagine lava veins on the surface....Thats what it looks like. Im a highschool dropout :) and don't have a vehicle to drive up to the GED courses. I've been literally staying in my moms place home alone for the past year and half. I have no friends, I don't talk to anyone. I just play games and watch youtube because that is all I can do. I consider myself an athlete, but ever since I dropped out... I have had no desire to do anything. It hurts to sleep at night, and it feel even worse to wake up in the morning and see pools of blood and pus from pimples that burst over night. My dad had Bactrim SD pills prescribed to me, and they helped a lot with the cysts and infections....But guess what, I'm part of the 3% of people that are allergic to it. Can't use it anymore. I really really just want to die, but every time time I'm about to. I just stop, and I hate myself even more because I am too scared to just end the pain. People say its selfish to leave your family behind. But isn't it just as selfish to look at the pain of someone and force them to endure it just because YOU want them around. I JUST FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING!post-420652-0-45455300-1409758406.jpgpost-420652-0-68705200-1409758408.jpgpost-420652-0-41221100-1409758411.jpg

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Hey man don't beat yourself up so damn hard on this. You look young man , don't give up just because things aren't looking well at the moment . Your acne does not define who you are . Remember that . I've had my bad share of severe acne at the age of 18 and guess what I did at that age. I got a job at a company where every fucking person had clear skin . Now imagine how I felt walking into the building and seeing all these people. I fucking hated any contact with anyone for 2 fucking years . I still get my bursts of bad acne at 22 and it still bothers me. But guess what ? I'm still here , still living my life because you know what ? Fuck what other people think about you . My life outside work wasn't easy for me either . I like you isolated myself , I've lost friends as well man . I know how that feels. Now I'm going to be honest with you . Your acne,from what I see in the pictures , is not that bad . I've seen worse, and get this they were outside . Living their lives just like you should! You said that you consider yourself an athlete right ? Well get out there and work out man , run around your block , get your body moving ! I began running every morning morning at the age of 19 and I still do it. You what to know why ? Because it clears my mind it's therapeutic . Give it a try , get your ass up and run . It feels good to feel sore . It feels good to forget shit for an while . Ask your mom to give you a ride to get your GED man . You need that to get a job . You don't want to end up jobless wandering around after your mom kicks you out because she's had enough of you just sitting in your room . You can do it man . Many other people who have it worse than you are doing it why can't you ? Give it a try ! Look man , we're young we have a loong way to go in life. Now these thoughts of suicide , I've had them too . I've felt as there was nowhere to go . But I'm still fucking here and I'm glad you are too dude. Seriously man , get out and enjoy life . I have acne right now . 3 fucking huge pimples on my face . One on my lip , and two on my cheek . I know it's not as bad as yours but i still catch people looking at them . It pisses me off but fuck them man . At the end of the day they won't be there affecting my life . Everyone has insecurities. One last thing , consider me your friend . Seriously man , I'll be your friend . Why ? Because I know how it feels to not have any . I'm serious when I say I made 3 friends this year . They're the only real friends I've ever had to be honest . Things will get better man. Message me anytime you feel like taking man.

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hi man - it must be really hard what you're going through, but remember - you're still young, your acne is likely to go away at some point.

honestly from looking at your picture, you're pretty handsome, and yeah you have acne on top of it, but it's not everything about you, it doesn't define you, I can look at your pics and see more than acne.

hang in there.

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I look at your photo and see a handsome young man. I have taught high school and can really see beyond the acne you have right now!!

(I also empathize with you because I too wake myself up in the night from the painful cysts and find blood on my pillowcases). I developed acne as an adult.

You have got to get that GED. Ask your mom for a ride, find out about getting a bus pass, something to get yourself up and out and get that GED. Does your school district offer an online GED course??

The world is really your oyster...think about what career you would like to have...start looking into colleges and trade schools that can teach you those skills.

Bad skin sucks!! But don't let it put you in a box!!

I can tell you that once you get into college or trade school people aren't as judgmental about looks...high school is just really bad for anyone who looks different!!

People will always say things, dumb things, and it is okay to be down now and then. I get down abut my face too, but looking at the big huge scheme of things it will get better. I have personally seen a whole lot of young people just like you blossom and go on to bigger and better things. I am sending you a motherly hug sense I am old enough to be your mom. Hang in there and get moving one small step at a time!!

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honestly, as stated above me, you're a good looking guy, even with your acne, so you have everything to be optimistic about because your acne and scars will diminish with the years and so will your looks improve even more. heck, once you're able to grow some beard that will take away the focus from any marks or acne you might still have.

i know all of us here are good at giving advice but struggle to implement it fully in our lives, and that's kind of normal i guess, it isn't the easiest afflictions to live with, as it carries a psychological aspect that usually grows and becomes a heavier burden with no correlation to our acne itself, or how it progresses.

that said, i hope you are not seriously contemplating taking your own life. i mean, you are still very young, and you've got all the time in the world to improve your life, as slowly as you wish. i understand high school can be a stressful environment having acne, but you dropped, and maybe that was the right thing for you at this time, but, as people suggested - there are other means of getting your education/diploma and you should pursue those, as slowly as you wish and in ways that make you comfortable....let time heal and do what it does best, but don't spend that time hiding away from the world in your room, because that's when dark thoughts enter our minds the most.

all the best mate and i'm sure in a few years time you'll be able to look back and laugh at all of this.

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Hi there. I am 39, female and am still struggling with terrible acne. Or at least I think it's terrible. To me my face does not look much different than yours and I don't think it's worth wanting to end your life over. However I don't see you as you see yourself. If we could only see ourselves through someone elses eyes I bet we would both feel very differently. I feel so many negative emotions which are mostly related to how I look. Ugly, discusting, and even worthless at times. I have sadly let it define my life but am working on it not having control over my happiness and feelings as I truly value living and am thankful that I am. However, If I didnt have to work, I would be happy at times to stay home, indoors and not let anyone see me. There are times during the weekends that I won't see anyone and I won't go to the store. I feel sometimes that is all people are looking at which I know is really not true. But my mind gets the better of me alot. I understand how you feel. Please know that you are not alone. I have severe red marks where every blemish was and is. Even if I never touch the blemish it leaves a mark. I don't know how much scarring I truly have as it is hard to tell through all the redness. I literally feel my acne. Some of them feel like they are throbbing and many itch. I have spent well over $10,000.00 on treatments, medications and products. I refuse to give up the search until I find something that works for me. I've been suffering from acne for over 20 years. I would also like to add that I did a trial in a skin renewal clinic which combined levulan (it a solution applied to the skin) and laser therapy. I also took accutane. I had almost perfectly clear skin for approx 8 years. It's been since the end of May of 2014 that my acne came back full force. With that being said, please give other treatment options a try and do not give up trying. There have been many moments that I wanted to break every mirror and felt miserable and everything else. However I refuse to let it completely take control. I also decided to attend counseling which has helped me greatly as I have a low self esteem and have a habit of negative thought patterns. I feel much better emotionally and practice every day what I have learned so far. I truly want to be happy regarless of acne and other things that I cannot control.

I recently started the acne.or regimen and have hope that it will work.

Sending positive thoughts your way that you will find something that will be helpful both medically and emotionally.

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Hey man hang in there!! Btw I'm not gay or anything but I am super jealous of your eyes!!! I have some basic brown eyes and I wish I had eyes like you!!! Anyway like I said hang in there. It will get better yourstill young like me so there is plenty of time . Just remember it's always darkest before the dawn.

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