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ComebacKid

I Just Don't Know Anymore...

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I've struggled with acne since I was about 12 and Im 20 now (going to be 21 in a few months). Even when I had acne for those yrs I was still attractive and girls would ask me out, flirt with me, etc (not to toot my own horn just telling my story). When I got to college I just had a terrible breakout in my freshman yr after having a rare summer of close to perfect skin. It sucked but I eventually recovered toward the end of that yr and although I still had some acne and marks I was still somewhat attractive.

Fastforward till now, the actually acne has decreased tremendously (I pray this is the ending of it) but now I have dark marks on my cheeks and little ice pick scars & rolling scars (which aren't too bad because they aren't easy to see).

But what really bothers me now is that some people won't even look me in the eyes anymore. I sometimes feel maybe because I'm 'ugly' now or whatever the case may be. I still manage to do some public speaking and in fact I won a top spot at a conference because I presented well but then I still feel that feeling of not being good enough because of acne. Even then there are some girls who say they are attracted to me but I've just been so down because of this acne I don't even know what to believe anymore. It sucks that not even my parents really look me in the eyes anymore (even when they told me always look people in their eyes when talking).

I just feel really down, like is it because of my acne people don't look me in the eyes I just don't know but its really getting to me.

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We have something in common which is suffering for 8 years, My story started when i was 16 but it really got the best of me from the first day it happened to this day.

I think they dont' look you in the eyes becuase they are considerate. unintentionally they are going to stare where the scars are located on your face so it would make us feel that we aren't normal or something so they just don't look. After so many years i realized something "That i don't want to get rid of acne and scars because i wan't people to see how beautiful or clear my skin is" but because i would like to look at my face in the mirror and get back my confidence and self-esteem for the sake of "Me" not the world.

You seem that you have always found a way to crush the feeling that you have acne and find girls who find you attractive regardless whether you have acne or not so you gotta keep that positive attitude that you still have confidence to be a public-speaker.

Please for the love of god don't you put yourself in my screwed up situation i know it hurts when you look in the mirror "Red spots here and there and scars that makes you wonder why wouldn't i have a clear face like 99.999% of the people i know" but the best behavior when you get these thoughts is to make a list of the things you have not the things you don't or wished for and always compare yourself to the people who are suffering more for example like me.

Because I'm a sensitive person to an unimaginable extent it made me lose my friends i do nothing but playing video games/watching movies/going for my exams when i feel like it. sometimes i don't go out for 6 months or even more. I don't hope for anyone to suffer like me even my worst enemies "If i had enemies of course" and that's why i would like you to keep being occupied by life and society and stop thinking about it.

Please take my advice, I consider myself a top 10 sufferer I know what it's like to give up for depression and get dragged into your own darkness. (Don't give up to your negative thoughts while you still have a chance to diminish this feeling"

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Don't worry buddy it will get better . I've been dealing with acne for almost 10 years now & even though my face is almost acne free i still have acne scars in both cheecks. They are not as severe as you would think , but they are still unattractive and under a dark thick of lighting they look terrible ( so I tend to stay away from being above lights right above me ) . I know how it feels when people look at your acne/scars and not you . It feels terrible & lowers your self esteeme. To top it all of I have hypertrophic scars in my chest, shoulders, and one on my left side of my neck . It sucks I can't ever take my shirt off . Not even at home . I have to look at myself in the mirror everyday after I shower & just stare at myself with these scars and ask " Why me ? " and today I woke up with a hugggggge blemish under my right side armpit and it's so painful . And I just recently strained my back & I'm in so much pain .

It sucks man it really does , but I always pull myspef together and don't let acne or whatever dictate my life . Don't let it dictate yours. Stay strong . There's many people out there who have it 10x as bad. Just be you and have hope that one day you will solve your acne/scar problem . I know you will !

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Thanks alot for the help guys really encouraging. And trust me I know exactly how you guys feel because I've felt the same way. I've just gotten to the point where I have that "I dont care" attitude and I just act as if it doesn't bother me. Last week I was having a conversation with a girl that was interested in me so we talked for some time. Then some lady that I knew who saw me for the first time came up and she said "What happened to your face?" and I just glared at her and said "Whats wrong with my face?" and she just looked shocked and said "Is it the money that you made this summer thats making you look so good" then she walked away and I continued talking to the girl and even when I didn't want to talk anymore she came close and kept wanting to talk. But my point is I just stopped caring too much and have confidence no matter what and never back down from people who try and shoot you down. Rise up, look them in the eyes and show them your fearless. I know that these marks and scars will improve over time (hopefully) but for the time being i've started to see them as a part of me, they kind of make me look intimidating so I play to these in my favor and don't shy away from it. It's different because I used to be more smiley and laughing alot but now instead of smiling I smirk and don't laugh too wide because the marks on my cheeks look worse then but now it makes me look more serious. So you can try and use acne and marks to your strengths tho I know its not easy.

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Thanks alot for the help guys really encouraging. And trust me I know exactly how you guys feel because I've felt the same way. I've just gotten to the point where I have that "I dont care" attitude and I just act as if it doesn't bother me. Last week I was having a conversation with a girl that was interested in me so we talked for some time. Then some lady that I knew who saw me for the first time came up and she said "What happened to your face?" and I just glared at her and said "Whats wrong with my face?" and she just looked shocked and said "Is it the money that you made this summer thats making you look so good" then she walked away and I continued talking to the girl and even when I didn't want to talk anymore she came close and kept wanting to talk. But my point is I just stopped caring too much and have confidence no matter what and never back down from people who try and shoot you down. Rise up, look them in the eyes and show them your fearless. I know that these marks and scars will improve over time (hopefully) but for the time being i've started to see them as a part of me, they kind of make me look intimidating so I play to these in my favor and don't shy away from it. It's different because I used to be more smiley and laughing alot but now instead of smiling I smirk and don't laugh too wide because the marks on my cheeks look worse then but now it makes me look more serious. So you can try and use acne and marks to your strengths tho I know its not easy.

The fact that you came up with such technique to deal with your condition proves that you're a genius, I admire people like you who didn't get shy to confront their fears instead of someone like me who spent almost 35% of his life span saying to himself "I won't live normally unless i get rid of my issue 100%" I know that i was being unrealistic and i still am.

I know it's not gonna be easy to start facing people and not care about the thing that i thought it ended my life but I'm gonna start doing it for a change. The only thing I'm glad for that i suffered from acne is that i'm sure without my condition i would have been a very shallow person in every aspect life has to offer but it also has a side effect, It made me a very complicated person but what the hell i always wanted to be different in some way ordinary is boring or at least that's what i gotta convince myself with in order to keep on living.

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