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Moonchild11

Feeling Ugly And That My Life Is Over

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I just cannot accept the fact of my indented scarring. I really hope they fade on their own so I can get my life back...

I am so ugly now, where I was once good looking enough to have a boyfriend in the past.

I don't care about art or nature anymore, or my courses.

I stopped studying and am in danger of actually dropping out one course before I finish my degree.

This came out of nowhere. The actually actually wasn't that severe. It was mild-moderate. It started exactly around the time I moved in with my beautiful sister, who constantly calls me ugly. I had maybe 5 zits on my cheeks and she said go to the dermatologist before it becomes permanent. The derm treatments made it progressively worse and now I have indented scarring. Why are all my fears coming true??????????

I desperately want my old face back, so I can get excited about the future again instead of sitting in my apartment waiting to die.

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Having indented scars aren't bad. You can still have a life. When I first noticed my scars after a bad breakout at 21, I was like you, thought my life was over. I was just about to graduate and had no clue how I'd find my first job and more. I'm turning 27. I graduated college with my first degree, had several boyfriends, been proposed to twice, worked a few great jobs. Just take care of yourself right now and don't worry about a boyfriend. Focus on what you can change. See a therapist (they might even be free at your school-so check out what your school has to offer), too. And don't listen to your sister. Sisters can be the worst. I have one. They can sometimes be the best learning experience, though, in blocking out the mean things that people say. And eventually you can get the scars fixed, but learn to love yourself for who you are right now so when you get them fixed you can be an even better person than before. Better than your sister, too.

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You don't have to live with scars though. See people are so quick to react, and suicide is never the answer. You just gotta hang in there and so some research for your type of scarring..

What do your scars look like?

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This is what they look like.

I know they are extremely mild compared to what a lot of other people have, but they are still in no way proportionate to the severity of the acne, or even how long I had it. (I had mild-moderate acne for 2 months)

I had a hard time telling if they were indented or just PIH for a while, but I really think they are indented. I am really hoping and praying they will fade to the point where its not a big deal. I can live with 1 or 2. But I can't live with so many of them all over my cheeks...the most visible area of my face. My make it look so ugly and wrinkled when I smile =(. I would gladly have many on my chin or forehead. The cheeks is the worst location.

I may seem like I am overreacting but this is too much for me because my life is already too much for me. I have no family or friends (literally never did, grew up in an institution), constantly homeless, severe mental illness etc....I am not very bright and I am behind in life, and this might sound bad, but I thought my (formerly) pretty face was the only thing going for me. I would very much like to be normal.

Sorry for the rant. I have absolutely no one to talk to about anything.

Do you guys think I have a chance of them fading to pretty much unnoticeable? The scars appeared in February or March...it is hard to tell...so they are quite new and I am hoping they still have a chance to plump up and heal?

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This is what they look like.

I know they are extremely mild compared to what a lot of other people have, but they are still in no way proportionate to the severity of the acne, or even how long I had it. (I had mild-moderate acne for 2 months)

I had a hard time telling if they were indented or just PIH for a while, but I really think they are indented. I am really hoping and praying they will fade to the point where its not a big deal. I can live with 1 or 2. But I can't live with so many of them all over my cheeks...the most visible area of my face. My make it look so ugly and wrinkled when I smile =(. I would gladly have many on my chin or forehead. The cheeks is the worst location.

I may seem like I am overreacting but this is too much for me because my life is already too much for me. I have no family or friends (literally never did, grew up in an institution), constantly homeless, severe mental illness etc....I am not very bright and I am behind in life, and this might sound bad, but I thought my (formerly) pretty face was the only thing going for me. I would very much like to be normal.

Sorry for the rant. I have absolutely no one to talk to about anything.

Do you guys think I have a chance of them fading to pretty much unnoticeable? The scars appeared in February or March...it is hard to tell...so they are quite new and I am hoping they still have a chance to plump up and heal?

You are not ugly. Scars don't make you ugly

I see that you are a nice person. I love your eyes and your lips. They are so kissable

Could you smile a bit more in new pictures, please? :):P

Edited by AlexanderJ86
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a. i honestly can't spot any scars in those pics. i see some left over red acne marks which have every chance of fading completely over time.

b. as stated above, you are everything but ugly, in fact you're very pretty..i'd even say you have model-like features.

cheer up, finish your degree with full force, and i'm sure everything else will fall into place for you eventually.

:)

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Honey I promise you, you are NOT ugly. And what is ugly anyway? Beauty is totally subjective. Same as "ugly"

I wish my skin looked as good as yours. You are worth MORE than acne or scarring and these things should NEVER make you feel like you have to throw your life away, honestly.

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no offense but this really ticks me off..

if you want to die right now I should be dead about 2 years ago

Go take a look at the gallery and tell me you want to kill yourself again.

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Moonchild, my heart goes out to you. I believe that a lot of these negative feelings you have for yourself have less to do with your skin and more to do with your mind. If it's possible, i would encourage you to go speak to someone about it - if that doesn't help, a combo of meds and therapy could be very helpful. You will always continue to manifest these feelings no matter what your face looks like (and would probably transfer them to other parts of your body if your face wasn't the issue) if you don't get your thought process worked out.

You are beautiful - get out there - get a hobby - give back - make friends

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers hun

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Trust me, you do not have an acne or scarring issue.

There are people with legitimate disfiguring acne. If you're overreacting like this to a minor blemish (which will certainly fade), I have no idea how you'll even handle other issues in life.

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Hey TheBigBernard: I am not sure if you read my above posts, but I have/ do have other issues in life, and stress is cumulative. You cannot properly judge something without understanding it.

To anyone listening: those weren't very accurate pictures at all. I have some pictures that better portray the indented scarring. They are relatively minor and no big deal to most, but I will not accept them because of what they represent to me. I would happily have any other flaw, such as having a crooked nose, being obese, without a limb, facial hair... whatever (yep I am serious), but this one is intolerable to me because it represents the destruction I have caused to myself because the acne was my fault. And since it is on my face, it as if that ugly destructive person is who I have become and it is "set", no turning back. You cannot really psychologically seperate yourself from your face. If you hate your face, it is not a far leap to hating yourself, especially when your the one that destroyed your face.

For some reason, the attachments are not working but I will make them work and post it as soon as I can.

In the meantime, has anyone had very shallow indented scars that went away/ smoothed over over the course of months or years? I am massively confused because my dermatologist and GP said they can go away mostly or completely (respectively). But most forums on here say that they will never go away. I have found some stories of them going away but I really had to dig for them. And of course there are never pictures to back up these stories. The ones who said they went away on their own apparently did nothing to speed up the process, just left their face alone. I am wondering if the ones who see no improvement over time went for treatments too soon in the healing process, thus impeding their skin's ability to heal before it really had a chance to?

I am doing everything I can be to healthy to faciliate my body's healing so that I may have my old face back completely. It is however taking up all my energy and I am searching for enough reasons to believe my efforts will pay off.

These pictures STILL look better than in real life, but hopefully with the greasy face, bad lighting, and head angling you guys can get somewhat of a better idea. The one where I am smiling portrays the wrinkle area in my face caused by the constellation of scarred pores (which seems to get more pronouched the more I smile, so I avoid that now). The last picture of me is my face a mere 6 months ago, when it was normal and I did not look like a shiny, pink porky pig who was poked with a fork 20 times.

Also, it is simply getting worse over time, as if my face is collapsing and I would like to know what could be causing that? For example, they were all just PIH in February, and they only indented months later, long after the zits died.

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Moonchild--Have you tried the AHA from the Regimen? If I understand correctly, the Glycolic Acid is supposed to help generate new skin by chemically exfoliating it, and help with the marks overtime. I am still on the 4th week of the Regimen, so I get to use it next week. Also, as long as your acne is under control, it will help with the marks to fade away, since you don't have any new acne. Stick with it, and I hope you find something that will help.

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Hey TheBigBernard: I am not sure if you read my above posts, but I have/ do have other issues in life, and stress is cumulative. You cannot properly judge something without understanding it.

To anyone listening: those weren't very accurate pictures at all. I have some pictures that better portray the indented scarring. They are relatively minor and no big deal to most, but I will not accept them because of what they represent to me. I would happily have any other flaw, such as having a crooked nose, being obese, without a limb, facial hair... whatever (yep I am serious), but this one is intolerable to me because it represents the destruction I have caused to myself because the acne was my fault. And since it is on my face, it as if that ugly destructive person is who I have become and it is "set", no turning back. You cannot really psychologically seperate yourself from your face. If you hate your face, it is not a far leap to hating yourself, especially when your the one that destroyed your face.

For some reason, the attachments are not working but I will make them work and post it as soon as I can.

In the meantime, has anyone had very shallow indented scars that went away/ smoothed over over the course of months or years? I am massively confused because my dermatologist and GP said they can go away mostly or completely (respectively). But most forums on here say that they will never go away. I have found some stories of them going away but I really had to dig for them. And of course there are never pictures to back up these stories. The ones who said they went away on their own apparently did nothing to speed up the process, just left their face alone. I am wondering if the ones who see no improvement over time went for treatments too soon in the healing process, thus impeding their skin's ability to heal before it really had a chance to?

I am doing everything I can be to healthy to faciliate my body's healing so that I may have my old face back completely. It is however taking up all my energy and I am searching for enough reasons to believe my efforts will pay off.

These pictures STILL look better than in real life, but hopefully with the greasy face, bad lighting, and head angling you guys can get somewhat of a better idea. The one where I am smiling portrays the wrinkle area in my face caused by the constellation of scarred pores (which seems to get more pronouched the more I smile, so I avoid that now). The last picture of me is my face a mere 6 months ago, when it was normal and I did not look like a shiny, pink porky pig who was poked with a fork 20 times.

Also, it is simply getting worse over time, as if my face is collapsing and I would like to know what could be causing that? For example, they were all just PIH in February, and they only indented months later, long after the zits died.

Do you notice that you are the only person here who says you are ugly?

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I don't see why not because they are so shallow. There are stories on here about people's shallow scars filling in after a year. What is the difference between me and them???

If they do not disappear in a year or two I am definately going to dispose of myself.

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At this rate, you might as well give it some time. You can't rush your skin, and doing so might cause more harm than good.

Also, I would take the stories here with a grain of salt. Everyone's skin is different. What worked for them might not work for you. Remember that you are only trying to clear your own skin, not everyone else's. It really doesn't matter what happens to them.

Again, let me tell you: you are not at all ugly. Don't get too down on yourself over this. There are literally millions of people with skin problems and there's nothing abnormal about it.

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Hey TheBigBernard, that is really sound advice. Makes a lot more sense than my analysis paralysis. Thank you.

Thank every one of you for taking the time to respond to my thread. I really appreciate your time and input, and I hope we can all overcome our skin issues very soon!

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Yes. But it is what I think of myself (rather than what others think of me) that determines my well-being.

How is that working for you? Are you actually getting anywhere right now?

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My advice is to stop overthinking this and do whatever you what to do.

Right now you're just mired in your own fears and speculations. It's like fighting an invisible enemy - you're not going to win. Thinking "How is this going to affect me?" is going to eat up a huge chunk of your time and energy, with nothing to show for it.

Accept that you don't have all the answers for now, and just live your life. If you do eventually run into issues as a result of your acne, then at least that's something concrete that you can work with.

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