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squid31

Acne Is Making Me Cynical

Hi. I've had acne since I was about 15-16 ish. It was never severe and I never really stressed out all that much about it. And by the time I was 18, it got so much better that I was thinking less and less about acne. The same year, my dad forced me to go through a treatment that I wasn't willing to go through. They gave me pills and did this thing where they put some weird shots into my acne areas. And later I found out that the pills were accutane 10mg. (It was in a different country so I guess it's approved without the whole ipledge deal?) anyway, the pills cleared up my face entirely. Until about a week, my cheeks started to breakout insanely. They were these hard red lumps that are painful when touched while being itchy as hell. After that, I calmed it down and my acne was back to whatever. Until I moved into a new apartment with roommates. I started to break out a little. Then a lot. Then non-stop. And here I am now. Breaking out non-stop with these itchy little white tops that eventually turn into little red bumps. And I'd have like 5 of them clustered around one area. Now I have about 10-20 active red bumps with a white top. And they itch SO MUCH!! I just feel so hopeless and spend my time wondering what went wrong. My overall face is reding as well. My acne scars are flaring up. And the years of acne gave me LOTS of scars. About 80-90% of my face either have acne or have acne scaring.

Well that's my acne history. (My dad and my sister also suffered severe acne before but they became clear after about the age 21-23).

Anyway, now here I am. A freshmen in college. There is no life for me other than my highschool friends that I'm comfortable with. I have skipped a lot of times to avoid seeing some people while I feel terrible. I'm at the point where I wish I could just be left alone with acne scars and stop getting this nonstop breakout. My roommates were talking about some relationship problems or something and I couldn't stop crying because I felt like such a loser who couldn't relate to anything they were talking about. And I think about how I'm wasting the youth of my life that will never return. All the girls that I took interest in despite the fact that I almost never take interest in girls ( not that I'm gay ). Here I am. With a red bumpy face disgusted. I haven't done anything wrong. I was always respecting and empathetic. What did I exactly do to deserve this? Why can't I just be normal? I want to worry about things like dates and liking someone or just having no problem meeting some new people.

All these negative thoughts weigh me down. And it's turning me into a rather nasty person. Anytime someone talks about some relationship problem, i just want to break someone's leg or start shouting. I just feel like beating the shit out of someone. I feel like punching and kicking things. I just have this burning rage that wants to pick fights and start slugging. Of course I won't... But that's how I feel. And I know it's not okay to feel like this. I'm trying my best every single day to forget about the face and stay positive but I'm just one person. I can't keep it all. I feel so helpless. I've done so much already and I want to give up. It's reaching a point where it's starting to affect my academics. I'm starting to have this "F everything" attitude and been missing a few classes here and there which is adding up quite a bit.

My youth is fading away and my face is continuously rotting.

I'm not sure how much longer I can take. I've been really considering accutane for a long time. But one thing that's drawing me back is the fact that blood tests are required monthly for accutane and I am absolutely terrified of draining blood.

I also have a habbit of keeping my room dark. It helps me forget about my face. I'm really becoming this weird twisting person and I'm really scared .. About everything. I'm scared that I will remain like this forever and that I will never have someone who will love me. I see these movies with touching moments and there are never people with severe acne. And I started to feel that I'm not someone who should be able to relate to it and such. I live such a different life.

Blegh. I'm sure you guys get this really often. Before going to sleep, I stared at the mirror for about 30 minutes and wanted to explode. I'm sorry

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I totally understand. I get the same feeling when someone complains that they got ONE pimple, and they go "UGHHH LIKE OMG I woke up and I had a PIMPLE today. Gross!" I would do anything to have to deal with just ONE pimple on my face. I also like to do things in the dark like you said. I can't go into a room with mirrors with the lights on.

As I've recently been diagnosed with several mental health problems because of my acne, I've started seeing a therapist. It can help quite a bit if you get a good one. They can teach you ways to deal with the emotions, so then you can proceed to help cure your acne with a clear head.

As for the Accutane, I am also terrified of it. I know that if I go on it and it works, I would be my old self again and my eating disorder would be cured. But I'm so afraid it's gonna break me out more/not work/come back. I'm not the Accutane expert so perhaps someone else on here can help both you and me.

If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here!

Edited by TutuPointe

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As I've recently been diagnosed with several mental health problems because of my acne, I've started seeing a therapist. It can help quite a bit if you get a good one. They can teach you ways to deal with the emotions, so then you can proceed to help cure your acne with a clear head.

The sad thing is that I don't see how my acne is ever going to clear up. My face got even worse this week.

Totally know that feeling. :[ My acne has gotten worse this week as well... Deep ones that hurt.

What my therapist is trying to teach me is that even if my acne never goes away, I have to learn to love myself. But it's so hard. :[

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Hi guys, I just wanted to chime in and give you all a little motivation! It does get better. I know how all of you are feeling, I've been there myself. It doesn't feel good to not see any progress admist trying everything under the sun. The frustration, anger, sorrow, resentment to others and yourself is all too familar. You have to persevere through it. Most of the topical and oral treatments only temporarily helps the problem. The real solution is to learn to let it go and not think about it. Time itself is the best cure for acne. Love and embrace yourself during this time and wish for a swift and less painful transition. It's definitely easier to say then to do but I promise it does get better. I've had bad acne throughout my teenage and young adulthood years but it does get better. It was only up until last year that I've stopped worrying about it and just live without carrying about the judgement of others. I'm clear now and even very deep scars that I've gotten over the years are fading.

Embrace and love yourself for who you are at the present because it's only a phase you're going through. Once you overcome it you'll become a much more humble and happy person.

Stick it through I believe in you.

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Thanks for the comments guys.. It means a lot to me to know that there are others out there.

Hi guys, I just wanted to chime in and give you all a little motivation! It does get better. I know how all of you are feeling, I've been there myself. It doesn't feel good to not see any progress admist trying everything under the sun. The frustration, anger, sorrow, resentment to others and yourself is all too familar. You have to persevere through it. Most of the topical and oral treatments only temporarily helps the problem. The real solution is to learn to let it go and not think about it. Time itself is the best cure for acne. Love and embrace yourself during this time and wish for a swift and less painful transition. It's definitely easier to say then to do but I promise it does get better. I've had bad acne throughout my teenage and young adulthood years but it does get better. It was only up until last year that I've stopped worrying about it and just live without carrying about the judgement of others. I'm clear now and even very deep scars that I've gotten over the years are fading.

Embrace and love yourself for who you are at the present because it's only a phase you're going through. Once you overcome it you'll become a much more humble and happy person.

Stick it through I believe in you.

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Hey Squid,

What's interesting is I had the exact same problem. I've had mild acne throughout high school (nothing excessive enough that affected my mental well being). The breakouts actually occured during the end of my freshman year of college so I was around 19 at the time too. It really isn't easy that's for sure. My breakouts would persist for months! I had cystic ones that would cause infections and no matter what I did, it just resided there on my face. Just as some of them would heal others grow in its place. I've refused to look in the mirror because of all the inflamation and scars that are left in it's wake.

Listen, I know how it feels. I was so upset for so many years. Everyday I wondered when it will finally be over. I secluded myself from everyone, friends, family, peers. I was so self concious that I refused to even attend any form of social gathering. I've missed birthdays, parties, countless Friday outings; I rejected them all. It was really the longest five years of my life. It is hard when you're dealing with it but you have to accept it for what it is, a phase, something you will overcome.

The reason I'm posting here now is because I too sought comfort in these forums during those hard years. I remember reading a post from someone that was acne free after many years with it. She said only time can heal it. With time the scars will also fade. She gave me hope and I believed her. I stopped being so self concious and just did my thing! Naturally the acne just... slowly... dispersed....it wasn't any magical treatment. It was five gruesome years and in the end only time cured it. I am now 24 and acne free. The scars that once plagued my face is also slowly fading away( and I mean slowly but I don't mind).

Embrace who you are right now, live life to the fullest. Most of the time your friends are used to your acne and wouldn't even notice. It was really all in my own head.

Note: I have tried everything under the sun but nothing worked. Antibiotics, Accutane, topical, oral, proactive, you name it. I've even had a phase of watching my diet and sleeping on a very strict schedule.

In the end it just cured itself. Shoot me a message if you have any questions or just want to rant. I'll be here for ya just like the previous ones were here for me.

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I wont lie sometimes i just want to get into a fight with someone, because of the anger. Other times i just want to be left alone, but what i want the most is to just be treated like i'm normal & that i'd like every time. But it happens almost none of the time... i need more time.

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Hey Squid,

What's interesting is I had the exact same problem. I've had mild acne throughout high school (nothing excessive enough that affected my mental well being). The breakouts actually occured during the end of my freshman year of college so I was around 19 at the time too. It really isn't easy that's for sure. My breakouts would persist for months! I had cystic ones that would cause infections and no matter what I did, it just resided there on my face. Just as some of them would heal others grow in its place. I've refused to look in the mirror because of all the inflamation and scars that are left in it's wake.

Listen, I know how it feels. I was so upset for so many years. Everyday I wondered when it will finally be over. I secluded myself from everyone, friends, family, peers. I was so self concious that I refused to even attend any form of social gathering. I've missed birthdays, parties, countless Friday outings; I rejected them all. It was really the longest five years of my life. It is hard when you're dealing with it but you have to accept it for what it is, a phase, something you will overcome.

The reason I'm posting here now is because I too sought comfort in these forums during those hard years. I remember reading a post from someone that was acne free after many years with it. She said only time can heal it. With time the scars will also fade. She gave me hope and I believed her. I stopped being so self concious and just did my thing! Naturally the acne just... slowly... dispersed....it wasn't any magical treatment. It was five gruesome years and in the end only time cured it. I am now 24 and acne free. The scars that once plagued my face is also slowly fading away( and I mean slowly but I don't mind).

Embrace who you are right now, live life to the fullest. Most of the time your friends are used to your acne and wouldn't even notice. It was really all in my own head.

Note: I have tried everything under the sun but nothing worked. Antibiotics, Accutane, topical, oral, proactive, you name it. I've even had a phase of watching my diet and sleeping on a very strict schedule.

In the end it just cured itself. Shoot me a message if you have any questions or just want to rant. I'll be here for ya just like the previous ones were here for me.

hey! I sent you a little message. thank you so much for your support

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