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TutuPointe

My Mental Health Is Destroyed... Please Send Good Vibes.

Hey guys.

So at the beginning of last summer, I became obsessed with my worsening acne. I decided to make a change and made the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I read and researched everything there was to know about diet and acne on this website. Before I even knew what happened, all I was eating as cabbage and occasionally gluten free waffles . That was the beginning of my eating disorder.

Months later, I have now been diagnosed with BDD with awareness(basically I know my skin isn't that bad, yet I believe it is. It's confusing and I hate it), OCD, Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, anxiety/social anxiety, and depression, all because of my stupid acne.

All of my dreams have gone out the window, I see no one anymore, and I can't eat anything without having a panic attack, in fear of breaking out. I go into the bathroom with the lights off so I don't have to see myself. If I get one tiny pimple, I fall deeper into depression, regret everything I ate that week, and hate myself even more.

My skin isn't even that bad. I'm working with an esthetician who literally works magic on acne, but I'm still not happy. I'm afraid of screwing everything up and going back to square one.

I am wasting away, losing weight again (down to 90 pounds) and never feel happy. The determined young girl is completely gone. I'm literally a shell.

I am living in hell, a prisoner in my own mind. I'm finally seeing a therapist and I have my first meeting with a dietitian coming up.

Please send your good vibes my way, and I'll send mine to everyone else suffering. I needed to get this off my chest and warn everyone before they start researching diet and acne, PLEASE BE CAREFUL. I was stupid and took EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAID ON HERE way too seriously, and ate myself into a corner. Now I am a different girl than I was. Like I said, a shell of a human being.

Sending my love. <3

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Oh boy you sound a bit like me. I ended up developing Orthorexia nervosa (obsession with healthy eating) because of acne which lead me to waste away physically, I literally ate nothing but spinach for several years.

I also developed a sub-type of OCD too which made me obsess over my skin and weight and even my accent (as silly as that sounds) constantly and drove me to great lengths to try to "fix" those things which literally made me go absolutely insane.

I had myself hospitalized in December for two weeks in a psychiatric ward in a desperate bid for help.

The only thing that has helped me is to pray (to "who" I don't know, I'm agnostic) for mental peace. And to try to allow yourself let go of this mental burden and ignore your physicality. **edit** I should mention I started CBT recently (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it seems to be helping me.

Edited by bubbles55

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Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

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Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

She just said her acne isn't that bad, which likely mean she's dealing with Acne Dysmorphia which is basically a Dysmorphism. Going on Accutane isn't going to help this necessarily, it's her mental state that needs help.

Edited by bubbles55

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Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

She just said her acne isn't that bad, which likely mean she's dealing with Acne Dysmorphia which is basically a Dysmorphism. Going on Accutane isn't going to help this necessarily, it's her mental state that needs help.

Some derms give low dose accutane for mild/moderate acne. Being acne free will be a bigger boost for her mental health.

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i am/was passionate about psychology (though i don't have any training), but i never really understood these diagnoses and focusing on symptoms of symptoms of a problem. i just want to adress the problem. probably starting from animal/human needs.

for example if you can't get a husband(it's just an example), you could get frustrated and eat a lot, or do drugs or drink idk. why would we spend a lot of time treating these issues, when they were the "solution" you found for your real problem. even if you treat them, with what do we replace this unhealthy "solution"? you'll possibly find another one just as bad. why not go to the root of the problem and stop wasting time?

btw i immagined you did some irreversible physical stuff, but luckily this is not the case.

in your case i would just argue that being attractive is not about being beautiful. metaphorically it just doesn't matter what you hide behind the dress, like in a stiptease, it's the hiding and teasing that does the trick. i remember when i was a teenager with my friends, we realised that girls advertise and sell us *something* that we actually don't want.. (to say the least). but even if we know this, this doesn't stop us from getting pleasure from getting what you hold so precious (/what you advertise).

hope you made something out of my comment. i just illustrated the fact that being beautiful (as a girl) doesn't worth 2cents in practice.

so start from where you're good at, develop that, that will make you self counscious of your strenghts > so you'll be optimistic. and if you reach this point, people will see in your eyes that you are something great (that they are interested in).

if people perceive a person subjectively (and they do), and you also perceive yourself subjectively, than who will ever see the objective reality? (if there is such a thing) no one..

and like i explained in another post, a magician can do his trick because people have limited range of attention. if they focus on something, they are blind at everything else. this is the mechanism that can make acne invisible.

so have fun ..really.

Edited by DanTheNewWorld

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Oh boy you sound a bit like me. I ended up developing Orthorexia nervosa (obsession with healthy eating) because of acne which lead me to waste away physically, I literally ate nothing but spinach for several years.

I also developed a sub-type of OCD too which made me obsess over my skin and weight and even my accent (as silly as that sounds) constantly and drove me to great lengths to try to "fix" those things which literally made me go absolutely insane.

I had myself hospitalized in December for two weeks in a psychiatric ward in a desperate bid for help.

The only thing that has helped me is to pray (to "who" I don't know, I'm agnostic) for mental peace. And to try to allow yourself let go of this mental burden and ignore your physicality. **edit** I should mention I started CBT recently (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it seems to be helping me.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. <3 It's literally hell. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I actually have started CBT as well, and it definitely helps a bit. I just feel like I'll never be happy/recovered again until my skin is guaranteed to stay clear. It's the fear of it coming back full force that is freaking me out.

Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

She just said her acne isn't that bad, which likely mean she's dealing with Acne Dysmorphia which is basically a Dysmorphism. Going on Accutane isn't going to help this necessarily, it's her mental state that needs help.

Some derms give low dose accutane for mild/moderate acne. Being acne free will be a bigger boost for her mental health.

I've gone back in forth in my mind about Accutane. I know that taking something that ends up guaranteeing me staying pretty clear, no matter what I eat, would help LOADS. I'd definitely go back to eating what I want. But the possible side effects terrify me, as does the possibility of it making it worse/it coming back after I go off of it. I just don't know what to do. Should I try birth control? Again, I'm afraid of it making it worse/it coming back. I'm lost...

i am/was passionate about psychology (though i don't have any training), but i never really understood these diagnoses and focusing on symptoms of symptoms of a problem. i just want to adress the problem. probably starting from animal/human needs.

for example if you can't get a husband(it's just an example), you could get frustrated and eat a lot, or do drugs or drink idk. why would we spend a lot of time treating these issues, when they were the "solution" you found for your real problem. even if you treat them, with what do we replace this unhealthy "solution"? you'll possibly find another one just as bad. why not go to the root of the problem and stop wasting time?

btw i immagined you did some irreversible physical stuff, but luckily this is not the case.

in your case i would just argue that being attractive is not about being beautiful. metaphorically it just doesn't matter what you hide behind the dress, like in a stiptease, it's the hiding and teasing that does the trick. i remember when i was a teenager with my friends, we realised that girls advertise and sell us *something* that we actually don't want.. (to say the least). but even if we know this, this doesn't stop us from getting pleasure from getting what you hold so precious (/what you advertise).

hope you made something out of my comment. i just illustrated the fact that being beautiful (as a girl) doesn't worth 2cents in practice.

so start from where you're good at, develop that, that will make you self counscious of your strenghts > so you'll be optimistic. and if you reach this point, people will see in your eyes that you are something great (that they are interested in).

if people perceive a person subjectively (and they do), and you also perceive yourself subjectively, than who will ever see the objective reality? (if there is such a thing) no one..

and like i explained in another post, a magician can do his trick because people have limited range of attention. if they focus on something, they are blind at everything else. this is the mechanism that can make acne invisible.

so have fun ..really.

I definitely see where you are coming from with the "improving upon skills that you are good at". I was a dancer for six years, and it definitely gave me a sense of accomplishment. However, about a year before this hellish experience with my skin happened, I got permanently injured and had to quit. I also wanted to be an actress, as I feel like I have the skill set to improve upon. But my acne has destroyed all of my dreams of becoming an actress, and I have lost passion for everything...

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Oh boy you sound a bit like me. I ended up developing Orthorexia nervosa (obsession with healthy eating) because of acne which lead me to waste away physically, I literally ate nothing but spinach for several years.

I also developed a sub-type of OCD too which made me obsess over my skin and weight and even my accent (as silly as that sounds) constantly and drove me to great lengths to try to "fix" those things which literally made me go absolutely insane.

I had myself hospitalized in December for two weeks in a psychiatric ward in a desperate bid for help.

The only thing that has helped me is to pray (to "who" I don't know, I'm agnostic) for mental peace. And to try to allow yourself let go of this mental burden and ignore your physicality. **edit** I should mention I started CBT recently (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it seems to be helping me.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. <3 It's literally hell. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I actually have started CBT as well, and it definitely helps a bit. I just feel like I'll never be happy/recovered again until my skin is guaranteed to stay clear. It's the fear of it coming back full force that is freaking me out.

>

Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

She just said her acne isn't that bad, which likely mean she's dealing with Acne Dysmorphia which is basically a Dysmorphism. Going on Accutane isn't going to help this necessarily, it's her mental state that needs help.

Some derms give low dose accutane for mild/moderate acne. Being acne free will be a bigger boost for her mental health.

I've gone back in forth in my mind about Accutane. I know that taking something that ends up guaranteeing me staying pretty clear, no matter what I eat, would help LOADS. I'd definitely go back to eating what I want. But the possible side effects terrify me, as does the possibility of it making it worse/it coming back after I go off of it. I just don't know what to do. Should I try birth control? Again, I'm afraid of it making it worse/it coming back. I'm lost...

i am/was passionate about psychology (though i don't have any training), but i never really understood these diagnoses and focusing on symptoms of symptoms of a problem. i just want to adress the problem. probably starting from animal/human needs.

for example if you can't get a husband(it's just an example), you could get frustrated and eat a lot, or do drugs or drink idk. why would we spend a lot of time treating these issues, when they were the "solution" you found for your real problem. even if you treat them, with what do we replace this unhealthy "solution"? you'll possibly find another one just as bad. why not go to the root of the problem and stop wasting time?

btw i immagined you did some irreversible physical stuff, but luckily this is not the case.

in your case i would just argue that being attractive is not about being beautiful. metaphorically it just doesn't matter what you hide behind the dress, like in a stiptease, it's the hiding and teasing that does the trick. i remember when i was a teenager with my friends, we realised that girls advertise and sell us *something* that we actually don't want.. (to say the least). but even if we know this, this doesn't stop us from getting pleasure from getting what you hold so precious (/what you advertise).

hope you made something out of my comment. i just illustrated the fact that being beautiful (as a girl) doesn't worth 2cents in practice.

so start from where you're good at, develop that, that will make you self counscious of your strenghts > so you'll be optimistic. and if you reach this point, people will see in your eyes that you are something great (that they are interested in).

if people perceive a person subjectively (and they do), and you also perceive yourself subjectively, than who will ever see the objective reality? (if there is such a thing) no one..

and like i explained in another post, a magician can do his trick because people have limited range of attention. if they focus on something, they are blind at everything else. this is the mechanism that can make acne invisible.

so have fun ..really.

I definitely see where you are coming from with the "improving upon skills that you are good at". I was a dancer for six years, and it definitely gave me a sense of accomplishment. However, about a year before this hellish experience with my skin happened, I got permanently injured and had to quit. I also wanted to be an actress, as I feel like I have the skill set to improve upon. But my acne has destroyed all of my dreams of becoming an actress, and I have lost passion for everything...

Talk to multiple derms. They know what is best for you.

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Oh boy you sound a bit like me. I ended up developing Orthorexia nervosa (obsession with healthy eating) because of acne which lead me to waste away physically, I literally ate nothing but spinach for several years.

I also developed a sub-type of OCD too which made me obsess over my skin and weight and even my accent (as silly as that sounds) constantly and drove me to great lengths to try to "fix" those things which literally made me go absolutely insane.

I had myself hospitalized in December for two weeks in a psychiatric ward in a desperate bid for help.

The only thing that has helped me is to pray (to "who" I don't know, I'm agnostic) for mental peace. And to try to allow yourself let go of this mental burden and ignore your physicality. **edit** I should mention I started CBT recently (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it seems to be helping me.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well. <3 It's literally hell. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I actually have started CBT as well, and it definitely helps a bit. I just feel like I'll never be happy/recovered again until my skin is guaranteed to stay clear. It's the fear of it coming back full force that is freaking me out.

>>

Find a derm that will give u accutane. Everything else is a band aid and will make your life hell.

She just said her acne isn't that bad, which likely mean she's dealing with Acne Dysmorphia which is basically a Dysmorphism. Going on Accutane isn't going to help this necessarily, it's her mental state that needs help.

Some derms give low dose accutane for mild/moderate acne. Being acne free will be a bigger boost for her mental health.

I've gone back in forth in my mind about Accutane. I know that taking something that ends up guaranteeing me staying pretty clear, no matter what I eat, would help LOADS. I'd definitely go back to eating what I want. But the possible side effects terrify me, as does the possibility of it making it worse/it coming back after I go off of it. I just don't know what to do. Should I try birth control? Again, I'm afraid of it making it worse/it coming back. I'm lost...

i am/was passionate about psychology (though i don't have any training), but i never really understood these diagnoses and focusing on symptoms of symptoms of a problem. i just want to adress the problem. probably starting from animal/human needs.

for example if you can't get a husband(it's just an example), you could get frustrated and eat a lot, or do drugs or drink idk. why would we spend a lot of time treating these issues, when they were the "solution" you found for your real problem. even if you treat them, with what do we replace this unhealthy "solution"? you'll possibly find another one just as bad. why not go to the root of the problem and stop wasting time?

btw i immagined you did some irreversible physical stuff, but luckily this is not the case.

in your case i would just argue that being attractive is not about being beautiful. metaphorically it just doesn't matter what you hide behind the dress, like in a stiptease, it's the hiding and teasing that does the trick. i remember when i was a teenager with my friends, we realised that girls advertise and sell us *something* that we actually don't want.. (to say the least). but even if we know this, this doesn't stop us from getting pleasure from getting what you hold so precious (/what you advertise).

hope you made something out of my comment. i just illustrated the fact that being beautiful (as a girl) doesn't worth 2cents in practice.

so start from where you're good at, develop that, that will make you self counscious of your strenghts > so you'll be optimistic. and if you reach this point, people will see in your eyes that you are something great (that they are interested in).

if people perceive a person subjectively (and they do), and you also perceive yourself subjectively, than who will ever see the objective reality? (if there is such a thing) no one..

and like i explained in another post, a magician can do his trick because people have limited range of attention. if they focus on something, they are blind at everything else. this is the mechanism that can make acne invisible.

so have fun ..really.

I definitely see where you are coming from with the "improving upon skills that you are good at". I was a dancer for six years, and it definitely gave me a sense of accomplishment. However, about a year before this hellish experience with my skin happened, I got permanently injured and had to quit. I also wanted to be an actress, as I feel like I have the skill set to improve upon. But my acne has destroyed all of my dreams of becoming an actress, and I have lost passion for everything...

Talk to multiple derms. They know what is best for you.

I've made an appointment with my derm, but I have to wait six weeks... it's the closest she has. :[ I don't know how I'm gonna keep the rest of my sanity that long...

She is gonna wanna put me on birth control or Accutane... I'm just so scared. It feels like a risk.

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