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GuardedlyOptimistic

Saw my face in the mirror at a club

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Hi guys,

I really am feeling disgusting about myself. Just when i thought my scars were improving, I saw my face in a mirror at a dance club tonight and it made me want to cry. Acne has destroyed my face. I'm currently on accutane, i wish I had gone on it long time ago if it would have meant saving my face. I don't know what i'm going to do a year from now, but if revision can help these scars I will very fearfully attempt it. cry.gif I feel completely awful about myself and I wonder if i can't love myself, why would it matter if anyone else did?

As I stared at my skin first by gently brushing away the hair from my face, the neon lights above the sinks in the nightclub washroom illuminated tens on tens of craters. And, I turned to the bathroom attendant ready to cry. She of course with porcelain skin looking at me wondering if I was ok. She was probably thinking to herself, "Poor girl. I'm glad that's not me". I know, because at some point I was probably much like her.

I need some major support and am hoping some of you could share your experiences with me. And, no! I'm not depressed because of the accutane. But, wouldn't you be sad if you knew you were scarred for life?

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I've been relatively clear for about two years now thanks to Dan's regimen, but the occasional breakout always seems to come out at the worst time you can imagine, and full-force too, which adds to the suckiness of it all.

Por ejemplo, after being clear about a year, BOOM. Ultra-breakout in the days of and leading up to high school graduation. My "official" graduation pic has me smiling with spots all over the bottom part of my face.

Not good.

Now I've never considered going on the Tane, but tons of folks here are on it, and most of them from what I've read are happy or at least can tolerate their results. If you're looking for support, you came to the right place. Just be sure to pay no attention to the occasional self-righteous cyber-douche. smile.gif

Much love,

Marc

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i wish we were all as beautiful on the outside as we all are on the inside.  i wish we can take away pain with mere words.  i wish we can all wake up and see that our daily functions matter whether or not we have acne or not.  i wish we could just find peace within ourselves to say that people who love us dont care if we have spots on our face or not,, they act like it is insignificant to them because they see so much more in us besides the acne on our skin.  the being inside of us is what matters so much more,, the sadness inside you that makes you vulnerable to all of this shows your compassion to life itself.  the support you lens involves heart and that heart inside your chest is what beats and keeps you alive.  the spots come and go often but that amazing heart is what keeps you going,,, acne or not.

be strong GO.  you started your journey and within 12 weeks you will be crying because you were brave enough to at least try and kill of your biggest fears and were big enough to love yourself and take the ultimate plunge and do what you were most afraid of doing.

<3

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its all good man...no matter what the fuck i do....i cant stop my skin from breaking out...i just dont know what to do anymore..Dan's reg worked for me, but it causes scarring and makes my face develop these wierd ass zits that fuck everything up..SA stops that...but now i breakout pretty regularly...every 2 days or so..i love acne..if it werent for this shit...i'd have such a shitty life.

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o it is indeed me E..

sorry...sometimes i just get a little PO with the way my skin is treating me...for some reason no matter what i do..shaving has been breaking me out..in the same damn spots on my right and left chin...its so friggin stupid..and i cant stop it..nothing works. the only thing i can think of doing again is adding Vinegar into the mix..that seemed to help before..ill see though.

a dumb rant is what it was in short biggrin.gif

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It's so true that Acne causes some major psychological problems. When I was clear for five years I still had a hard time looking in the mirror because in my head it (the acne) was still there even though I could see for myself in pictures that my skin was flawless. Just when was starting to become a little more confident and then bam my acne comes back. I My close friends and bf try to comfort me, but nothing helps at all. I am very uncomfortable in my skin right now. I will always see the acne whether it's there or not.

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Thanks for the support guys. I really appreciate it. But, if i get resurfacing done in a couple of years I wonder what that will do? Only 50% improvement for the cost and pain. I don' t know sad.gif

I feel like an ugly monster

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hey dont worry about it elsa...believe me, mine is NOTHING like what it used to be...its just the fact that i still break out thats pissing me off...

and accutane works for a lot of people too, i just happened to be one of the unlucky ones i guess... eusa_doh.gif

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G.O - i know how you're feeling.. i avoided going out tonight with friends because of my skin and damn red marks and dips and bumps.. Its frustrating.

Things will get better though, skin rejuvanates itself and scars can be treated, its just momentary unhappiness.

Also, i suppose its important to remember that it looks worse to yourself because you know its there and other people arent really bothered. But i know thats easier said than done, cos otherwise id be out tonight with friends.

BUt...C'est la vie.. and it will get better, im confident of this!!

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hey dont worry about it elsa...believe me, mine is NOTHING like what it used to be...its just the fact that i still break out thats pissing me off...

and accutane works for a lot of people too, i just happened to be one of the unlucky ones i guess... eusa_doh.gif

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i took accutane almost 3 years ago now...i was like 17 i think..yea it didnt totally work for me...but i guess i have to just live with it now dont I..its not really that bad anymore...its just i STILL HAVE ACNE... eusa_doh.gif

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damn i feel the frustration too. Why oh why do these fucking things keep on rising out our skin. What does it take to kill this shit dead? It's not enough that i never touch my face, change my pillow cases every day, carry out a full regimen ever day, use the bp gel and never a dirty towel and never pick of squeeze or anything.

acne has to be the most persistant disease on earth. I'm wouldn't be surprised if, after a nuclear war, the only living thing would be roaches and P.Acnes bacterium.

what else can we do?

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Guest brokencocoon
acne has to be the most persistant disease on earth. I'm wouldn't be surprised if, after a nuclear war, the only living thing would be roaches and P.Acnes bacterium.

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Well at least the general lighting (or lack thereof) in clubs is fairly scar friendly. But when they put on the lights at the end of the night, that's a different story...

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The clubs I've been to it seems like the bathrooms are always dark. In fact everywhere in the club is dark, which is nice when you are unhappy with your skin.

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The lights were so bright in the bathroom. Like office lighting from above. Every single portion of my skin that was uneven cast a shadow. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. Needless to say, I left the club immediately. Nice. Good times smile.gif

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Hi GO,

I'm mustering up lots of determination to AVOID all mirrors in brightly-lit places. Rather not see and not know and be happier than see & feel horrified.

eusa_angel.gif

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i have a real issue with lighting.. and yes...club toilets are always brightly lit, especially when contrasted to the darkness of clubs.. but i make sure im intoxicated enough to not bother!! well... i used to, not now im on accutane, cos i havent been to a club for months or drunk!!

But the worst thing is when they turn the lights on at the end of the night... i just run and hide and pull my hair over my face!!

I hate lights.. day light is just as bad for me!!Aaargh...damn acne from HELL

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ha yea my dorm room is always dark, theres a light above the sink that would be detrimental to my confidence if it was ever turned on and i looked in it! confused.gif

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LOL G.O i think im turning into a vampire. I went to a club with a few mates on saturday, the first time in just over 3 years. it was dark and i sat in the corner with the bad side of my face, well-the worst side of my face against the wall. i had a great time and got absolutely wasted. a girl was talking to me but i was kinda shielding my face subconsciously. i was feeling confident, the best ive felt for years and completely forgot about my skin. i went to the toilets and caught my reflection in the mirror. ninja.gif completely devastated at the realisation of how awful my skin is. if that wasnt bad enough, as i left the toilets it was closng time and the lights came on. this girl who had been chatting me up for 2 hours saw my face without my hand in the way and she looked disgusted, said she had a headache and left. her mates asked her "what the fuck were you doing with him" and i was completely humiliated. Never going out again.

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