Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Meli55a

How Would You Feel About Your Ex Bf/gf Seeing Your Acne?

Recommended Posts

Imagine the awkward moment you bump into your ex - do you worry about how you're looking and what they're thinking?

If you saw them first and was worried about what they might think about your skin, would you avoid them completely? Or would you be confident and calm and take the situation on?

Well I don't have the option of avoiding my ex - we have a daughter together and he comes round to my house to see her twice a week as well as taking her to his on Saturdays.

When we were a couple I didn't have acne...I would get a few spots now and then until I had a very mild attack of acne which I was prescribed Erythromycin for and it soon cleared. He was never bothered by it, but it still made me feel paranoid and knocked my confidence.

Then we split up 7 months ago, but have remained in regular contact for our daughter. When I had my current sudden break out of angry, cystic acne I did my best to conceal it from him using heavy concealers, it worked for a while until the acne got so bad I couldn't cover it any more. I even put a makeshift bandage made of sterile dressing and micropore tape over my chin area before he came around to see our daughter! I didn't want him to be disgusted by me, but the 'bandage' was still embarrassment enough for me so I gave it up and finally let him see my face invaders...I feel like crap and look like crap. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it, I've tried talking to him for a bit of support but he doesn't know how to help me. He must have been talking to his parents about it because he said his mum suggested I see a dermatologist, so this made me even more paranoid that he's talking about me and my acne to other people.

Since Tuesday this week, me and my acne have been at an all time low - it's the most horrendous it's ever been and so painful I can't even open my mouth properly so I have avoided him completely, I got my mum to answer the door when he came to pick up our daughter yesterday. I know I can't do this all the time, so i'm going to cover it with sterile dressing next time, until I get my acne under control. I just feel so sad that someone who once thought I was beautiful must now think i'm a disgusting mess :(

I would love to hear how other people feel about their acne and relationships?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there, dear.

I know exactly how you feel. The type of acne you are describing is very similar to the type I experienced about 4 years ago. I remember once not being able to open my mouth very wide, because I had such awful infection in my lower left cheek, near my mouth. Oh, it was so bad.

I would not doubt if your acne has become worse since you have been feeling low, and down in the dumps.

And yes, I can totally relate to having acne affect your relationships. It's very embarrassing, it makes you self conscious, and you wonder it the person you're talking to is looking at YOU, or your messed-up skin. You have nothing but my deepest sympathies.

I wouldn't doubt if your ex mentioned your acne to his mother simply because you had expressed your frustration about it to him. I seriously doubt he's going around, talking to friends about it, if he has any shred of decency.

You have not mentioned visiting a dermatologist, even though you said your ex's mother suggested you should. It probably is the last thing in the world that you want to hear coming from your ex-boyfriend's mother, but if you have not been yet, I strongly suggest you go.

I have no idea what is causing your cystic acne, it's caused by different things for different people, but please don't ignore your acne, thinking it will go away. I allowed that to happen to me for several months when my acne took a turn for the worst, and it was just horrible by the time I made myself go to the doctor. Don't let it go, don't let it get really bad until you're ready to seek a doctor's care. The sooner you see a derm, the sooner you will be able to treat your acne and move on with your life.

I hope this helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, thanks for replying.

I'm sorry to hear that, that is exactly how mine is as of today - I couldn't even eat my lunch! How did you treat your acne?

You're right about it being worse since I've been feeling down, but I think there may be other factors that made it more angry recently such as my monthly cycle, a change in diet and certain new skin products and makeup but as all of this happened at the same time i can't pinpoint it to just one thing.

I have an appointment with my Dr tomorrow morning (I made the appointment last Monday when it wasn't even half as bad as it is today) and I am definitely going to ask for a referral to a dermatologist, it's not something I've dismissed before it just takes a long time to see your Dr around here ;)

I guess you're right about my ex as well, I hadn't thought of it like that and he is a decent guy, it just goes to show how letting acne get you down can screw with your head!

You have been incredibly helpful let me tell you, and some helpful advice from a couple of other members on here today has really lifted my spirits and made me feel a little bit stronger.

I'm literally counting down the hours til I see my Dr tomorrow, I will let you know how I get on :)

Thanks again x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there.

You are so welcome!

I really am glad I got on this forum, actually. It's a wonder I never thought about doing something like this sooner. I have had so many respectful, well educated responses to some of my questions here on acne.org. It has helped me so much to talk to people who have and are experiencing the same types of issues I've dealt with. It's almost like the support group I should have always gone to.

I feel like I'm the only girl I know who has had these types of skin issues. My mom and sister have nearly poreless skin, and let me tell ya. It's not easy to deal with when the other females in my family have what seems to me to be nearly-flawless skin, and mine looks like, uh, my dad's.

To answer your question, I treated my acne with very STRONG antibiotics to clear the infection in my skin (if you end up going this route, eat yogurt with active cultures every day you are on the antibiotics, and take acidophilus supplements), and took a combination of topicals called vanoxide in the morning, and tazorac in the evening, and ancanya sometimes on my spots, depending on how inflamed they were.

Now I will be honest, I looked at your pictures in the gallery, and although I did have a little spottiness on my chin, the majority of my acne was in my lower cheeks and jawline. You probably will be able to tell by looking at the location of the scars I now have in the pics in my gallery that everything was mostly in my cheeks. So, your acne could be caused by a different reason than mine. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, and not nearly smart enough to ever be one. I just know what has worked so far for me.

Now, I still do get the occasional breakout of maybe 4 spots a month, maximum. It's usually around 2 spots. It's mostly due to stress, or what's going on with my body in terms of my monthly cycle. But it's nothing like the rashes I had covering my jawline and cheeks that I had about 4 years ago. To tell the truth, I'm amazed that I was able to clear the acne, and make it out of that period of my life with as little scarring as I have now.

I wish you all the best in regard to your upcoming appointment! I hope you are able to find a trustworthy derm, and that they will help you find the skincare regimen that is right for you.

I'd love to hear updates from you if you ever feel like sharing in the future!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I definitely understand where you're coming from. For whatever reason, none of my old girlfriends ever really seemed too concerned about my acne. I've had girls approach me and tell me I'm "cute" and I think to myself that they must be crazy or something. I think about my skin all the time, especially how girls will view it. I will never understand how anyone can be okay with my skin and not mind it, so you are very right...it fucks with your head!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@CherrySoda08, I agree the forums are wonderful! I've learned so much since finding acne.org...I totally know what you're saying, my mum and sister have great skin too, in fact there's not a single person male or female in my family who has had problem skin...and they all have followed a simple 'soap and water' only skin care regimen whereas I have been the one suckered into buying all sorts of lotions and potions since being a teen.

I saw my GP today who said I had infected glands underneath my chin which was causing the infection to manifest through the underlying acne I had on my chin and now I have infected boils on top of my acne. We need to treat the infection before the acne, so he has prescribed me a strong antibiotic I have to take for 7 days, I see him again on thursday to monitor the progress. When the infection is clear, we can work on the acne possibly with dianette as he is certain it's hormonal and a topical such as Duac. I'm just so happy we've set the wheels in motion to kick this thing :) Thanks x

@FlaggLives, I totally know what you mean, we are our own worst critic. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, If we like someone though, we notice all that is good about that person and don't even see their flaws, kinda like looking through rose-tinted glasses if you know what I mean?! lol, i've never been good at explaining what I mean rolleyes.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@CherrySoda08, I agree the forums are wonderful! I've learned so much since finding acne.org...I totally know what you're saying, my mum and sister have great skin too, in fact there's not a single person male or female in my family who has had problem skin...and they all have followed a simple 'soap and water' only skin care regimen whereas I have been the one suckered into buying all sorts of lotions and potions since being a teen.

I saw my GP today who said I had infected glands underneath my chin which was causing the infection to manifest through the underlying acne I had on my chin and now I have infected boils on top of my acne. We need to treat the infection before the acne, so he has prescribed me a strong antibiotic I have to take for 7 days, I see him again on thursday to monitor the progress. When the infection is clear, we can work on the acne possibly with dianette as he is certain it's hormonal and a topical such as Duac. I'm just so happy we've set the wheels in motion to kick this thing smile.png Thanks x

@FlaggLives, I totally know what you mean, we are our own worst critic. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, If we like someone though, we notice all that is good about that person and don't even see their flaws, kinda like looking through rose-tinted glasses if you know what I mean?! lol, i've never been good at explaining what I mean rolleyes.gif

Hey, girl. It's me again.

Did your GP give you any indication of what has caused your most recent bout of acne? Probably a good idea to load up on yogurt every single day to deal with the effects of those antibiotics while you're on them. They can really, really mess you up if you don't eat the yogurt, or take an acidophilus supplement.

I know alot of folks on acne.org are very anti-dairy, and yes, I do avoid cow's milk when I can. But if you're going to be on something like an antibiotic, I don't see how one can avoid yogurt. I guess if you just do the acidophilus supplements. Man. Yogurt is just so delicious, though. As long as you are taking something alongside those antibiotics, you won't run into the same issues I did when I went a day without those active cultures. Not fun.

Best of luck, and keep us posted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hiya,

Well what I failed to mention on this forum is that I had been having trouble with my glands (the ones centred underneath the chin and jaw) last year, I had antibiotics for it but whenever my acne came back, so did the lumps in my glands. Last week when I made the appointment to see my GP, the glands had swollen a lot and it looked like I had a puffy double chin lol, it was quite painful as well but I figured it was due to the infection on my chin...today the Dr said if the glands were infected and had never been fully treated, then the infection on my chin is coming from the infected glands. So it's the glands causing the infected acne- he said it's possibly an MSSA infection! not MRSA! He brought another Dr in for a second opinion, to make sure there was no abscess...hopefully with these antibiotics, it will clear otherwise i'll have to have the glands scanned at the hospital.

Thanks, what happened to you if you didn't have your yogurts? i've been taking ActiMel probiotic yogurt everyday for the last two weeks since I finished my last course of antibiotics and i'm going to continue taking it as i'm aware of the gastro trouble they cause! I usually only get bloating from antibiotics but it's best to include some friendly bacteria if i'm on them...also i'm slowly re-introducing dairy into my diet, I just can't live without a 'proper' cup of tea and cheese forever lol. I'm not drinking glasses of cow's milk, just a drop in my brew now and then, i'll stick to rice milk on my cereals though.

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I didn't take my yogurt or acidophilus supplements, I'd get one mother of a yeast infection. Yes, that's embarrassing to say. But it's better to be honest about it, and pass the info along, than not warn other females about how jacked up the natural flora in their bodies can become as a result of those strong antibiotics.

And to be honest, I have never heard of glandular acne until now, and my goodness, I'm sorry to hear that. Does the doctor seem to have any idea of what the trouble is with your glands? But I guess at least the good news is that you know it's the glands that are causing the acne, right?

I hope you are able to get your issue solved. And I hear ya about the dairy. I love cheese, just love it. I know it's not the best for you, and overall I am trying to stick to a low glycemic index diet like the South Beach diet, but my gosh, sometimes I have to have my cheese and yogurt.

I read just earlier this afternoon on the forum about a guy touting kefir water as the cure to having a clean, pure system, and that it'll flush out your gut and skin, so that dairy can be enjoyed in moderation. Ever heard of anything like that before? Kind of intriguing. But I don't want to steer too far from your original thread topic if you would rather stick to talking about that. rolleyes.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not embarrassing, like you say we should be educated about these things. I will def watch out for that!

He didn't say anything about that, and I didn't think to ask as we went over a lot of other stuff but I see him again on Thursday so i'll ask about it. But his opinion is it is the infection in the glands causing the acne on my chin.

Lol, you deserve a treat now and then! a bit of cheese and yogurt here and there won't ruin your diet, I wouldn't have thought.

I hadn't heard of it until today so I googled it...it is interesting, i'm not sure it's something i'd try just yet but maybe one day. Would you try it? oh and don't worry about going off topic lol, i'll talk about anything even if it's not acne related at all ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care what my ex-girlfriend thinks of me or my acne for that matter (I broke up with her two years ago). I ran into her at a music festival just last week after she moved to a different school at the start of the year and it looked like she saw a ghost once she saw me. She just gazed into my eyes and didn't say a word for about ten seconds. I was like "You all good?" and she backed away so fast and ran off. I just laughed in the end because we parted ways by her saying "I can't believe I dated you!" and I replied with "Meh". I'm not going to go into any details, but don't label me as a dick for ending everything we had with "Meh", I was and still am a laid-back guy with a laid-back personality, so I should of said a bit more than that, but I didn't think of it or cared at the time. I was focused on chilling out with friends more than being with my girlfriend (I was 15 at the time and I know it sounds weird, but I was not exactly happy being in a relationship with a girl that caused quite a lot of drama between me and my friends). Bros before hos. In the end, I don't care for her one bit. I don't mean to sound cold, but she's just another random human being in this random world we live in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care what my ex-girlfriend thinks of me or my acne for that matter (I broke up with her two years ago). I ran into her at a music festival just last week after she moved to a different school at the start of the year and it looked like she saw a ghost once she saw me. She just gazed into my eyes and didn't say a word for about ten seconds. I was like "You all good?" and she backed away so fast and ran off. I just laughed in the end because we parted ways by her saying "I can't believe I dated you!" and I replied with "Meh". I'm not going to go into any details, but don't label me as a dick for ending everything we had with "Meh", I was and still am a laid-back guy with a laid-back personality, so I should of said a bit more than that, but I didn't think of it or cared at the time. I was focused on chilling out with friends more than being with my girlfriend (I was 15 at the time and I know it sounds weird, but I was not exactly happy being in a relationship with a girl that caused quite a lot of drama between me and my friends). Bros before hos. In the end, I don't care for her one bit. I don't mean to sound cold, but she's just another random human being in this random world we live in.

Well she sounds delightful...I'd say you're very much better off without her and her drama and good for you for handling that situation hifive.gif

Unfortunately most of us have the misfortune of being with someone like her at some point of our life but I like to think of it as 'some people come into our lives as blessings, others come into our lives as lessons'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care what my ex-girlfriend thinks of me or my acne for that matter (I broke up with her two years ago). I ran into her at a music festival just last week after she moved to a different school at the start of the year and it looked like she saw a ghost once she saw me. She just gazed into my eyes and didn't say a word for about ten seconds. I was like "You all good?" and she backed away so fast and ran off. I just laughed in the end because we parted ways by her saying "I can't believe I dated you!" and I replied with "Meh". I'm not going to go into any details, but don't label me as a dick for ending everything we had with "Meh", I was and still am a laid-back guy with a laid-back personality, so I should of said a bit more than that, but I didn't think of it or cared at the time. I was focused on chilling out with friends more than being with my girlfriend (I was 15 at the time and I know it sounds weird, but I was not exactly happy being in a relationship with a girl that caused quite a lot of drama between me and my friends). Bros before hos. In the end, I don't care for her one bit. I don't mean to sound cold, but she's just another random human being in this random world we live in.

Well she sounds delightful...I'd say you're very much better off without her and her drama and good for you for handling that situation hifive.gif

Unfortunately most of us have the misfortune of being with someone like her at some point of our life but I like to think of it as 'some people come into our lives as blessings, others come into our lives as lessons'.

Thanks, it wasn't an easy situation to handle. My best friend went through an extremely difficult time whilst we were going out and she drove him away from me quite a bit, which resulted him into having quite a lot of hate for her. She's a mystery that girl. I'm really happy that she's out of my life and I have nothing to do with her though, but I've changed a lot since then, moved on with my life, and found a lot of other girls that I love and have as friends. They mean quite a lot to me. One day, I'll find a girl to share those special moments with (One to snuggle with during the harsh conditions of winter as well). But yeah, my time will come. I'm only 17 and have my whole ahead of me, but that doesn't mean I don't want someone by my side sometime soon (Nice quote by the way).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's only a hypothetical response from me as I've never been in a relationship, but I suppose it's logical that you'd want former partners and so on to see you at your best and to perhaps even be envious of where you're at, and how you look, because those are things they are essentially now missing out on. So if it's the case that your appearance has changed and you feel that it's for the worst, it would be natural to not want to see them, or at least to try and avoid it. But the key thing is to remember that these changes don't change who we are as people. Plus ex's are usually ex's for a reason and they're not going to be perfect. So like LeaveMeAlone said, it's probably best not to care.

This has got me thinking how I'm kind of in the opposite position now. There are people I've known - friends, as well as girls I was attracted to - who didn't want to know me because of where I was at. With friendships, people would get fed up because I'd hide away all the time due to being ashamed of how I looked. With girls I was attracted to, it seemed like they were either put off by my skin or put off by my obvious insecurities because of my skin, or a combination of both I guess. Now, I kind of feel like I could see them and show them how things turned out for the better. Hoping that I can move forward from those insecurities now and perhaps it will help me get out there to meet new people and maybe that special someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Exactly, Paul. I'm certain that people are always going find a happy, confident, positive person much more approachable and admirable than an unhappy, depressed, negative person, regardless of what they look like physically.

It's great that you now feel ready to build some relationships :) and showing those people who weren't very supportive of you in the past how you have made it through without them would be awesome, hopefully you can show them what real friends are. Are you going out meeting new people now? Do you have any hobbies or interests that could get you out meeting people? perhaps there are some voluntary organisations in your community you could join? I've thought about doing something like that myself once my acne is under control and i feel confident enough. I think you need to put yourself out there but don't go 'looking' to meet people, the best friendships and relationships come naturally and usually happen when you least expect it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I think I learned the hard way that, in the eyes of others, being friendly and appearing happy and confident can go some way towards cancelling out any issues we may have with our physical appearance. My acne was never severe but I didn't have any confidence or self-esteem so I was very insecure about how my skin used to look. Plus I used to pick at my skin a lot and take my frustration out on it. I made things so much worse for so many years, unnecessarily. With that, I would always be putting myself down and essentially bullying myself before others got in there.

I met a girl in early 2011 who I think I liked - I can't say I was entirely sure,as it was all new to me - but I was often feeling pretty low and insecure about my skin and usually quite negative and self-deprecating. She never actually expressed a dislike of my skin specifically, but she was quick to get frustrated with how I acted and how I would always put myself down, and she didn't stick around long at all. It gets me thinking, like you said, that perhaps that kind of attitude or personality is ultimately a more unattractive trait than something like acne could ever be.

I think I'd like to be in a relationship one day as it does get lonely spending my time by myself. I tried once or twice before to get to know girls but I think maybe I picked the wrong people. Perhaps I'm too sensitive, I don't know, but I have found some girls to be very blunt when it comes to judging someone on a physical level. I had one particularly horrible experience of that a number of years ago. Despite the time that's passed, I still think right back to that instance and it still stops me from approaching someone if I like them. I just assume that they wouldn't like me or that they'd think I was ugly or something. I'd fully expect to get laughed at if I ever approached someone. Plus, I guess I see myself in a certain way and I've never really liked any aspect of my appearance, so that kind of scenario sends the insecurities into overdrive.

It was a thirteen year battle with my skin before it started to improve and it's only since the start of this year that I've worked out how to control it more and generally keep it almost acne-free. I was bullied during a lot of that time because of my skin and the coping mechanisms I put in place to survive that are still there, so I often look at people as potentially being bullies. My default way is to avoid people or at the very least keep my guard up. I know I'd have to do the opposite and also let my guard down if I wanted to make friends, and certainly if I wanted to meet girls and potentially start a relationship, but I don't know how and all that seems very unfamiliar and scary.

Where friends were concerned, I just used to hide away and hardly ever went out socially. There comes a point where people eventually stop calling, which I guess is understandable, and it's hard to get back into things after losing touch and being lethat. In terms of relationships, I don't know where to start and it's always seemed safer not to bother. In both cases, it feels like any attempt to catch up on those thirteen years would be a token gesture. Really trying at it doesn't work, like you said; whenever I've gone looking for these things, I've jumped ahead instead of going through a learning curve, so it hasn't worked out and that's probably worse than not trying at all.

I started a new job recently which I suppose is a big step in trying to gain some confidence. It's certainly given me a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in a morning so that's a start. I've been getting to know a few people at work but they're probably going to be working relationships I guess so it's not going to solve the other things I'd like to work on. It does highlight a few things, like the fact I don't have anything to do or anyone to spend time with after my working week, so it's kind of bitter-sweet at the moment. I have thought about joining groups or a club or something but I'm not sure what, and I don't have anything I think I'm particularly good at. Again, there's a lack of confidence there and that holds me back, or at least makes me go looking for reasons not to get involved in stuff.

Having said all that, I can put a positive spin on things so it's no longer a one man pity party. :P I guess now, I'm just thinking that I'll take things one step at a time. First I wanted to fix my issues with my skin and I think I've done that, so now I need to build a bit of confidence and find something to say for myself so that I have things to share with people. Then maybe I'll naturally stumble upon new things I can get involved in and see where it leads.

smile.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in a relationship for quite some time recently, and I'm happy to say she never cared about my body acne. In fact, as fantastic as her skin appeared to be, she had some back acne herself! It was an incredible feeling to let myself be free of the self-imposed constraints of acne-related body image issues. Not only did I not fear being in the buff around her, I rather enjoyed it! Ha.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in a relationship for quite some time recently, and I'm happy to say she never cared about my body acne. In fact, as fantastic as her skin appeared to be, she had some back acne herself! It was an incredible feeling to let myself be free of the self-imposed constraints of acne-related body image issues. Not only did I not fear being in the buff around her, I rather enjoyed it! Ha.

That's so cool, I think the vast majority of people actually don't care if someone has acne or not...I wouldn't be put off if a guy I liked had lots of acne or not, in fact I had a major crush on a lad in my class in high school who had quite severe acne - he wasn't the best looking boy acne or none but he was very comedic and made me laugh so much everyday with his fantastic personality that I fell for him as a whole. He didn't feel the same about me unfortunately lol rolleyes.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I saw my ex I'd feel nothing, and would most definitley not be concerned with his opinion of me. I was always far too good for him, inside and out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I saw my ex I'd feel nothing, and would most definitley not be concerned with his opinion of me. I was always far too good for him, inside and out.

I could not have said it better, myself. I could not care less about what my exes would think if they saw me now. None of those guys ever deserved the time I gave them in the first place, so their opinions are irrelevant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×