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Hello.

My name is Kaila and I really would like to stop picking my skin. I am 27 and have been doing this since I was 19. At this point I have no idea if I even have acne or if this is all self inflicted.

Today I need to commit to loving my face despite it's flaws. I'd really love some support on this journey. I have started and failed so many times.

I'll spare you any long stories- the photos of my face are from tonight. I am in need of a new regimen as well- my skin looks quite dry, discolored and damage.

I am interested in natural approaches and holistic healing. Tonight I'm feeling quite defeated and very sad.

Thank you all.

Be well.

Kaila

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Your face looks fantastic... I don't see any flaws...

Thank you- that's so kind.

I know I'm my worst critic. I know I look at my face under a magnifying glass. I'd just really like to forgive my skin for not being easy and perfect so that I can stop over focusing and causing myself harm.

I took down the mirror in the bathroom and hung up a painting that I love. Feeling a bit lighter already.

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You're acne and marks are not bad at all.

You're pretty too wink.png

But yes, picking is a horrible habit.

95% of all my scarring (and or marks) was due to picking.

I realize that I pick when I am super stressed.

So i try to take life lightly and not obsess over anything. I also take HD photos of my face to remind myself of the consequences of picking. lol.

But acne marks are bittersweet.

Bitter because it causes colored marks on your face.

Sweet because it is temporary and will fade with glycolic acid, or other chemicals. It even fades with time smile.png

Its just the picking issue that most of us need to solve.

Be strong, and be committed to not picking.

Hands ALWAYS away from the face is a good start.

Keeping a daily blog or journal helps too.

Good luck smile.png

(Wish me good luck too, lol)

Edited by DesiAngel

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If I may say so. Kaila, your eyes are beautiful!

I think I get where you're at with the whole picking thing. I'm guessing that your skin is generally clear unless you've picked and made things worse?

I'd struggled with acne for about twelve years before things started to change for the better, but then I kind of switched from dealing with regular breakouts to trying to deal with the damage I'd caused from picking. I'd always picked at the acne on my face, but I got to a point where the picking outweighed the acne and it was very much the case that if I stopped picking, I'd be able to clear my skin.

Given that your skin looks pretty clear, I reckon you've hit the nail on the head with what you said about looking for that sense of perfection and being really down on yourself and essentially harming your skin if it doesn't look as you would like. To anyone who doesn't understand it, that would make no sense at all because picking only ever makes things worse. In that moment though, it makes sense to us: if we break out, that breakout is stopping our skin from looking "perfect"; that's a source of frustration; we take it out on our skin.

After struggling for many years, I learned that I was basically dealing with Acne Excoriee - pickers acne - and that the root cause of my acne was diet related. I sorted the diet situation with the aid of an intolerance test and that helped my skin immensely. Once I started seeing improvement there, I had less and less to pick at. That was half the battle won. The other half was breaking the habit of picking. Having spent so many years dealing with my skin and seeing acne and blemishes when I looked in the mirror, I didn't know what to do without it and I was out of my comfort zone. Crazy, but that's how it was. So I carried on picking and whatever damage my skin had from then on was essentially self-inflicted.

If that's kind of where you're at with picking now, to a degree, my advice is to just take it one day at a time. People often set themselves challenges to go a month without picking or something like that, but it doesn't really work for me. I find that if my anxieties and things that trigger picking are left to build up, if I do slip and start picking, I'll really go for broke and take out however many days worth of anxieties and triggers all in one go. That would make me feel bad and like I'd failed, which would lead to more picking. Been there several times and it's not good.

Instead, these days I keep a diary from day to day. I look ahead to what I have planned for the next day and if there are any potential triggers for picking. Then I can preempt those and think about ways I can cope with whatever the scenario or situation may be and whatever thoughts and feelings that could trigger. If I cope with those in the right way, the triggers don't come up and I don't want to pick. Then I look back at it at the end of the day and, more often than not, I can give myself a pat on the back for having been kind to myself and for having not picked. For years I'd picked several times a day, so to bring it down to just the odd occasion and to the point where it's barely an issue takes time and patience, but it's totally worth it.

smile.png

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I can't thank you both enough for sharing your stories with me and offering your words of encouragement!! I was at low point last night- feeling defeated but I can tell you I woke up this morning with a much healthier attitude and perspective. Thank you thank you thank you.

Paul- I really like the diary idea and have started using it. It was easier for me to look ahead at potential picking triggers than I thought it would be...nice to know I am more self aware than I thought rolleyes.gif

I made it through last nights face routine and this morning without any mishaps. Early but still a good sign!

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Today I popped a very red and angry looking whitehead on my jaw using two q tips soaked in tea tree oil. I squeezed it until clear fluid came out. I was successful for most of the day at not looking at it or hyper focusing on it but after my shower I found myself just unable to stop myself from doing it. I did not look or pick at anything other than this one spot. It is now covered in a bandaid.

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Hi Kalia,

You are very pretty! Your skin looks very nice and normal (better than mine lol).

I read your above posts and I find myself in a very similar situation to you! I am 25 and I have been picking the skin on my face since I was about 11 years old. I have tried all kinds of ways to stop, but never seem to have been able to completely stop!

I used to feel really guilty and bad about myself when I had 'picked'- however I have come to realise that doing this is not a reflection on myself as a person. I tend to pick either when I am stressed/ bored and feeling a bit down. I think Identifying why I pick has helped me to do this less. I am picking about once every 2 weeks at the moment which is very good considering I used to do it almost every day/ every couple of days.

I just thought I would say what you had written helped me; because i feel less alone in being someone who does this,

Laura x x

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Hello world.

I can't stop picking my face. I had two minor picking sprees and one major one when I realized my boyfriend was already sleeping. I guess I knew he wouldn't see the aftermath and it made me feel entitled. Bah.

I've managed to stop myself two times in the past two days and only squeezed one bump last night when I was having trouble sleeping. It's so weird how I can have will power all day and then it's almost like a lightswitch flips off and I say fuck it and go straight to picking- almost in a daze or something.

Against Paul's wise words I was attempted to go 30 days in order to 'earn' a facial- but I think I'm going back to just taking it one day at a time so there is less pressure. I'll get the facial whenever b/c this is afterall, an attempt at kindness and self care. Not a marathon.

Thanks for reading.

Be well. xo

Hi Kalia,

You are very pretty! Your skin looks very nice and normal (better than mine lol).

I read your above posts and I find myself in a very similar situation to you! I am 25 and I have been picking the skin on my face since I was about 11 years old. I have tried all kinds of ways to stop, but never seem to have been able to completely stop!

I used to feel really guilty and bad about myself when I had 'picked'- however I have come to realise that doing this is not a reflection on myself as a person. I tend to pick either when I am stressed/ bored and feeling a bit down. I think Identifying why I pick has helped me to do this less. I am picking about once every 2 weeks at the moment which is very good considering I used to do it almost every day/ every couple of days.

I just thought I would say what you had written helped me; because i feel less alone in being someone who does this,

Laura x x

Thanks Laura!! I definitely pick when I am bored or don't know what to do to occupy my time. I do much better when I'm really busy even though I am much more stressed. Once every two weeks is FANTASTIC! I wish I was able to do that! xo

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You're quite right - you don't need to earn that. Especially if it might aid you in not picking and help you feel good. Could be worth treating yourself.

A lot of people seem to give in to it at the end of the day so you're not alone. That's usually my worst time, before I go to bed. It's a blessing that I'm single and sleep alone; at least then I don't need to worry about anyone seeing me with acne creams or whatever plastered all over my face! lol.gif

Been a bit rough on myself these last few days, stressed and nervous about a job interview. I made it worse by picking two days in a row. When the interviews are sometimes based on first impressions, the last thing I wanted was to go in there with red marks and things all over my face, but that's what happened. eusa_doh.gif Made it through to the final stage next week though so hopefully I might have a new job real soon!

This last month or so, the way I've refrained from picking until this week has been impressive, even if I do say so myself. I'm trying to think of what I did or didn't do in case I might be able to give some advice, but I don't think there was anything in particular. I suppose I made sure that I didn't give in to any urges to pick when I was feeling down or negative. Generally tried to do things to lift my spirits instead. It depends on what my skin's doing and given that I don't have much acne these days, that's made it a lot easier. I think I'm quite a lazy person in truth and, if I'm honest, part of me is just no longer bothered about spending ages in front of the mirror and causing the damage and then hiding away for days on end. It's mentally draining and I've done it for thirteen years. Guess I got fed up of it. It's not like I've just been able to switch it off, but something's changed in terms of my mentality towards it I think.

I guess a lot of how I'm thinking now is based on how aware I am about the things my self-inflicted battle with my skin and my emotions has cost me. It was a case of all-or-nothing so if ever I was broken out or I'd messed up, I'd hide away. Lost all my friendships over the years, never had the confidence to approach girls and stuff so never been in a relationship or anything like that, even managed to get fired from my job. Just totally dropped off the radar and it was all because I couldn't stop picking and didn't want to be seen. I used to be really negative and all "woe is me" about it, but now I just mention it to explain where I was at. After all, there's only so long you can whine about it before you have to take action, which is where I'm at now because that was no life at all and not where I want to be going forward. Suppose there's just a determination to stop because of all of that. I'd imagine though, that for anyone who has managed to cope with it along the way - comparatively speaking - and maintained friendships and relationships, etc., they perhaps don't feel like it has had so much of a negative impact so maybe the habit remains and builds up without them quite realising, then they reach a point where they don't know how to stop it.

I noticed something you said at the start, Kaila, that you'd tried to stop it before and "failed so many times". Don't look at it that way. It's going to be an ongoing thing until the habit kind of fades away, so there's every chance of slipping up along the way. Doesn't mean you failed, just means you haven't quite figured out the best way to curb it. Like with the thirty day thing; at least now you know that that isn't the right way for you to approach it, so you can cross that off the list and try another approach. All comes down to learning to preempt how you might react to stuff and kind of being in-tune with how you're feeling. If you can actively anticipate when you might be likely to pick or if there are any particular times of the day when it happens the most, you can be proactive about that and do something to raise your mood when necessary or make an alteration to your routine which might help take picking and any allotted time you'd give it out of the equation.

smile.png

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Yes Hi Paul- I agree that if you can curb it, and it has little impact on your life then you have improved!

I think what has helped me is realizing when I am stressed/ bored, and during this time trying to do other things to relax such as having a nice hot bath, and using one of those 'mud packs' you can buy. I think I pick because it's a coping technique- as I do tend to 'zone out' and only focus on the picking. All the other stresses of life are blocked out when I am picking. So I think if you can try to take a couple of hours to relax- (perhaps have a hot bath and read an interesting book)- it's worth it because I figure that's how long I would have spent picking anyway; so it's not time wasted.

Kalia- perhaps you could try this? Also- I think saying 'I will not pick at all' is difficult. I agree to myself that I can still pick 1 or 2 spots that are really obvious and try and leave it at that. Also, I hide my make- up mirror away in the morning and do not use it until the next day. There is a mirror in the bathroom but it is not as bright, so I am less tempted to pick there.

Laura x x

Yes Kalia, I agree with Paul- you should reward yourself whatever happens with your picking. I am sure there are other things in your life you have done that you are proud of? You can reward yourself for all the other good things you have done. Don't punish yourself over the picking, it's just a bad coping technique we seem to have developed to deal with the stresses of life. And no-one should be punished for that.

Laura x x

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photo update. Note: only one small scab on face. Many tiny clear bumps that HAVE NOT been picked and therefore are not noticable in face on photo.

Whooop!!!

I have more to post but will have to wait as I am buried in work.

Thank you for reading! This support is totally new to me and it is wonderful.

xoxo

Be well

Kaila

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Good lord it's like reading about me haha! I to used to pick. I don't think you have acne, not even close! I think you may be similar to me. Clogged pores which annoy the utter hell out of me and I used to like to sit and pop them all and utterly destroy my face. I would get a pimples & cysts on top of it but I think it was mostly due to me touching my face all the time as I've recently started to try & kick the picking habit and cleared right up. Anyway, the key is definitely to stop picking, so I will be following this! I have already been resisting the temptation and instead been trying to look at ways to clear up my clogs haha.

I have to say, your skin looks amazing.

Picking seems to have been your issue because your skin looks great. Like one of the people I give evil eyes to cause they're so lucky xD

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Hello!

So yesterday I went and got a dermaplaning facial (top layers of skin removed with scalpel). It was great! And felt very productive but it definitly unearthed an ungodly amount of bumps that were hiding under my skin. I have to work really hard NOT TO PICK THEM! In two weeks I'll go back and see Kim again for the second round and she will do some extractions then if necessary. I'm hoping that the dermaplaning will allow the many many clogged pores that were hiding to heal so that I wont continuously get one or two pimples a week (and pick them). You can see the pre and post pictures in my gallery- I got harsher lighting than the pictures above and you can see the amount of clogging I've got going on. I've started a new line of products which are a bit more intense than the dermalogica line I was using- so we'll see.

Thanks for reading!

Be well-keep in touch and don't pick your face! :)

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I just bought a 'Zen Garden' from Amazon- I thought it might give me something to do with my hands if I am tempted to pick! hehe. You look happier in your photos, Kalia. Do you think being busy at work helps you pick less? I am really busy at the moment too- I think this has helped me to curb the habit a bit. x x

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Thanks! Those pictures are kind of self esteem boosters- you can't see the secret ick going on. :)No evil eye!! Haha. But I think your right! I should feel lucky to have such minor stuff going on and trust that my body can heal it instead of taking over and picking trying to control everything. Good luck love! I'll be thinking positive anit picking thoughts in your direction! xoxo

Good lord it's like reading about me haha! I to used to pick. I don't think you have acne, not even close! I think you may be similar to me. Clogged pores which annoy the utter hell out of me and I used to like to sit and pop them all and utterly destroy my face. I would get a pimples & cysts on top of it but I think it was mostly due to me touching my face all the time as I've recently started to try & kick the picking habit and cleared right up. Anyway, the key is definitely to stop picking, so I will be following this! I have already been resisting the temptation and instead been trying to look at ways to clear up my clogs haha.

I have to say, your skin looks amazing.

Picking seems to have been your issue because your skin looks great. Like one of the people I give evil eyes to cause they're so lucky xD

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I have never heard of that type of facial- although I plan to get a massage soon to reward myself for studying hard! :)

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You're quite right - you don't need to earn that. Especially if it might aid you in not picking and help you feel good. Could be worth treating yourself.

A lot of people seem to give in to it at the end of the day so you're not alone. That's usually my worst time, before I go to bed. It's a blessing that I'm single and sleep alone; at least then I don't need to worry about anyone seeing me with acne creams or whatever plastered all over my face! lol.gif

Been a bit rough on myself these last few days, stressed and nervous about a job interview. I made it worse by picking two days in a row. When the interviews are sometimes

based on first impressions, the last thing I wanted was to go in there with red marks and things all over my face, but that's what happened. eusa_doh.gif Made it through to the final stage next week though so hopefully I might have a new job real soon!

This last month or so, the way I've refrained from picking until this week has been impressive, even if I do say so myself. I'm trying to think of what I did or didn't do in case I might be able to give some advice, but I don't think there was anything in particular. I suppose I made sure that I didn't give in to any urges to pick when I was feeling down or negative. Generally tried to do things to lift my spirits instead. It depends on what my skin's doing and given that I don't have much acne these days, that's made it a lot easier. I think I'm quite a lazy person in truth and, if I'm honest, part of me is just no longer bothered about spending ages in front of the mirror and causing the damage and then hiding away for days on end. It's mentally draining and I've done it for thirteen years. Guess I got fed up of it. It's not like I've just been able to switch it off, but something's changed in terms of my mentality towards it I think.

I guess a lot of how I'm thinking now is based on how aware I am about the things my self-inflicted battle with my skin and my emotions has cost me. It was a case of all-or-nothing so if ever I was broken out or I'd messed up, I'd hide away. Lost all my friendships over the years, never had the confidence to approach girls and stuff so never been in a relationship or anything like that, even managed to get fired from my job. Just totally dropped off the radar and it was all because I couldn't stop picking and didn't want to be seen. I used to be really negative and all "woe is me" about it, but now I just mention it to explain where I was at. After all, there's only so long you can whine about it before you have to take action, which is where I'm at now because that was no life at all and not where I want to be going forward. Suppose there's just a determination to stop because of all of that. I'd imagine though, that for anyone who has managed to cope with it along the way - comparatively speaking - and maintained friendships and relationships, etc., they perhaps don't feel like it has had so much of a negative impact so maybe the habit remains and builds up without them quite realising, then they reach a point where they don't know how to stop it.

I noticed something you said at the start, Kaila, that you'd tried to stop it before and "failed so many times". Don't look at it that way. It's going to be an ongoing thing until the habit kind of fades away, so there's every chance of slipping up along the way. Doesn't mean you failed, just means you haven't quite figured out the best way to curb it. Like with the thirty day thing; at least now you know that that isn't the right way for you to approach it, so you can cross that off the list and try another approach. All comes down to learning to preempt how you might react to stuff and kind of being in-tune with how you're feeling. If you can actively anticipate when you might be likely to pick or if there are any particular times of the day when it happens the most, you can be proactive about that and do something to raise your mood when necessary or make an alteration to your routine which might help take picking and any allotted time you'd give it out of the equation.

smile.png

Hello Paul-

Please let me know how the final stage of interviews goes! They'd be ill advised to pass up on such a thoughtful and thorough human just because of a few spots! :)

I know what you mean about hiding away- however I do it with loads of makeup most of the time. I'm trying to avoid wearing foundation for the next couple of weeks in order to start accepting my skin more and to give it some time to breath and recover as well. I even went out to dinner last night without make up! It was dreadful at first but then I totally forgot about my skin and had a great time (also the lighting was dim in the restaurant! YES! haha). I like what you said about explaining it to people right of fthe bat- I'd think that doing so would help to take away the power/ embarrassment. I've found that to be true with my boyfriend but he is the only person I'm really comfortable with enough to go there. Might try it at work this week- especially without any make up to hide behind :)

Quite grateful for your input and kindness Paul!

Be well.

Hi Laura!

I LOVE the idea of a zen garden- being outside in my actual garden helps me a ton as well! I recently bought one of those 4 sided nail bufer things (they make your nails really smooth and shiny) and that has been a great hand occupier! Being busy at work does help me- but I find that once I hit a certain level of stress I have a wicked hard time stopping myself from picking. It can go either way I guess! A massage sounds awesome! Are you studying for finals? If so good luck!!!!

I just bought a 'Zen Garden' from Amazon- I thought it might give me something to do with my hands if I am tempted to pick! hehe. You look happier in your photos, Kalia. Do you think being busy at work helps you pick less? I am really busy at the moment too- I think this has helped me to curb the habit a bit. x x

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Hello world.

Alot of junk is coming out of my face after the dermaplaning! It's like really productive TORTURE!!! An unhelpful woman at Sephora suggested that I buy an extractor and use it as my 'treatment'.

I tried to patiently explain to her that me+ extractor= big ugly skin disaster. She said 'oh honey, we've all been there.'

haha!

I will leave any extractions to a trained professional.

I have been having an easier times leaving my face alone. I have been washing my hands a lot while in the bathroom- which gives me a pause and sometimes prevents leaning in for an inspection. I did squeeze two spots on my chin yesterday at work but have been doing much better at home- which is more of a concern to me because that is were I could spend hours picking my face if I really let myself.

Will post pictures this weekend. I have another dermaplaning tx. the week after this.

Thank you for reading!

Be well!

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It's good that you're seeing a difference with the dermaplaning. Even if it starts purging your skin and you feel like things might look worse, I suppose that could be taken as a positive because it means it's actually working. So seeing that through should hopefully reward you with great results. I looked at your pictures and reckon things are looking pretty good. Besides, with your eyes, I don't imagine anyone would notice even if you had the worst case of acne in the history of acne! tongue.png

Thank you for the compliment about my job situation by the way, much appreciated. I worked myself into a complete state last week and picked at my face so much. It feels silly now that I got myself so worked up and I probably aught to know better than to take it out on my face. The poor thing tries its best to stay clear these days, but still I beat it up. Hopefully my face and I will get along nicely one day. I'm feeling a little brighter though and everything's healing so that's good. Few more days and, if I behave, I'll be totally clear again.

I thought about what you said and I took that kind of perspective with me into the job interview. I figured that I could only really do my best and sell myself and at least try and appear confident. I'm pleased to report that it must have worked because they offered me the job and I start on Monday! Hopefully I can draw a line under my past mistakes now and move forward. Going to try my best to get over all these insecurities about my skin as well so that they're not holding me back. I suppose that if my acne is generally under control these days and I don't break out like I used to, it's entirely up to me whether or not I pick my face and damage it, so I'm going to try and be strong and see if I can stop. smile.png

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It's good that you're seeing a difference with the dermaplaning. Even if it starts purging your skin and you feel like things might look worse, I suppose that could be taken as a positive because it means it's actually working. So seeing that through should hopefully reward you with great results. I looked at your pictures and reckon things are looking pretty good. Besides, with your eyes, I don't imagine anyone would notice even if you had the worst case of acne in the history of acne! tongue.png

Thank you for the compliment about my job situation by the way, much appreciated. I worked myself into a complete state last week and picked at my face so much. It feels silly now that I got myself so worked up and I probably aught to know better than to take it out on my face. The poor thing tries its best to stay clear these days, but still I beat it up. Hopefully my face and I will get along nicely one day. I'm feeling a little brighter though and everything's healing so that's good. Few more days and, if I behave, I'll be totally clear again.

I thought about what you said and I took that kind of perspective with me into the job interview. I figured that I could only really do my best and sell myself and at least try and appear confident. I'm pleased to report that it must have worked because they offered me the job and I start on Monday! Hopefully I can draw a line under my past mistakes now and move forward. Going to try my best to get over all these insecurities about my skin as well so that they're not holding me back. I suppose that if my acne is generally under control these days and I don't break out like I used to, it's entirely up to me whether or not I pick my face and damage it, so I'm going to try and be strong and see if I can stop. smile.png

hifive.gif

YEAH!!!! That's fantastic about your job Paul! What will you be doing for work?

I had a bit of a slip last night ( it was,perhaps, a wine related lack of self control, ahem). Picked in about 6 spots at some inflamed/ non inflamed clogs. This morning it looks a bit more blotchy that it did before and much less even.

Hoping my eyes will be as distracting as you say they will be! Thank you for that! Truly made my day.

Let's just wear our skin proudly and hold our heads high.

Be well!

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Thanks. I'm going to be a facilities manager for a bank. Basically means I'll be in charge of making sure the bank's premises are running smoothly and everything's working properly.

Excited to start the job and indeed looking forward to making a new start personally, but at the same time I think I'll have to make sure I don't fall back on picking as some kind of coping mechanism.

I find it really easy to do that and pick as a release when I'm anxious or nervous, which is what happened throughout the interview process, but I don't want that to keep happening because it happened all the time in my last job and I couldn't handle it and was always distracted when my skin was a mess. Hopefully I can find a better way to handle it or perhaps a way to not get so anxious about little things and not constantly over-think stuff to begin with.

Seems silly to say that I've been thinking about trying not to over-think things, but that was the biggest issue with my skin. My acne was never severe to begin with but it was enough to really damage my confidence and self-esteem and I didn't like being around people. It was kind of an all-or-nothing thing and that's just not feasible if you want to go out to work or maintain friendships or have relationships and things like that.

Just as I had those extreme insecurities about my acne in relation to my appearance and how I look to other people, I have the same insecurities in relation to the damage caused to my skin when I pick. I guess that's the key thing now because if I can keep those urges at bay and the triggers under control, in theory, there would be very little picking going on and there isn't much else going on with my skin either. That would result in a near-clear complexion so if I can maintain that and then at least appear confident, I should be able to fake it 'til I make it and get to a point where I naturally stop focusing on my skin or my appearance in a negative way. I guess that's the same for everyone; less negative focus and getting the triggers under control. Although I reckon we can have a rule that you get one free pass if it's wine-induced, so we can let you off this time. wink.png

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