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happydaisy

Let's Do This! Round 2 - Concerned But Excited.

Hi, I'm Kat 24 years old.

I first went on accutane when I was 17 because my face was totally covered in painful pustules and insane inflammation, my life was effected terribly and i was emotionally and psychologically damaged to the point I even believed I had BDD, obsession! as well as intense insecurity and low self-esteem. My skin is still scarred pretty badly especially on my T-zone.

Anyway since then I have got on with my life, been fairly sociable and improved dramatically, i'm still far more shy and insecure than I would like to be, but I am coping and living more so now than before. I've just had a life change where i've moved back home from a travel job and decided I am going to self-medicate for accutane a second time due to persistent bad skin especially at times of stress. I know it is risky but there is no way a derm would prescribe it to me with it how it is, it was hard enough when I was covered. I'm ordering from a reputable online website and will be taking 50mg a day for 4 months which is what I did the first time around which worked wonders.

I am anxious about the side effects especially because I still feel i suffer from emotional troubles and especially fatigue. I also worry about getting the flushing symptom, hair loss, not being able to exercise and my eyes being so dry that I can't wear my contact lenses. Not to mention I am going to a festival in a few months and worry how certain side effects may effect me, especially not being able to drink much. :/

I also henna and indigo my hair on a regular bases, worried that could accelerate the hair loss and cause extreme itching.

&& I have an inflammatory bowel disorder which i had prior to my first round of accutane and can't remember if it flared up during, but it would be terrible if it did.

Still going ahead though smile.png I would appreciate some accutane buddies and support and would love to be able to help others through their journey too! I will use this to monitor my symptoms as I need to keep a close eye and keep my emotional troubles in check as well as recording how my skin changes.

I won't be starting until a couple of weeks as I need to get my eyeliner semi-permanently tattooed first as i know you cant have those kinds of treatments whilst on it. I will take some pics of my skin as it currently is and upload soon. I would say it is mild at the moment but persistent and very annoying, I have 6 or so inflamed spots on my cheek and around my mouth! The first time I went on it I was severe, and i am fed up of spending lots of money on scar treatments and not reaping the benefit due to still breaking out and worrying that it is gradually getting worse and effecting my social life which is why I feel the time has come to do it again.

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Thankyou :) yeah me too, it is scary though! but hopefully will be worth it!! such a long process, 4 months on it then 6 months until you can have facials etc and for it to be out your system :o tbf though, it will save me ALOT of money on facials and skincare lol, i can just relax about that and just focus on moisturising and let the pill do all the work.

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Your so pretty! And don't worry accutane is going to work so well for you and then you will feel as gorgeous as you should. I'm taking 20mg every other day for a month then everyday until i see my derm again in May. i had a particularly severe IB when i took accutane the first time so the derm wants me to alternate my days to start with. Accutane worked for me and i know it will work this time, things will be easier this time too, less severe i am hoping!

Good luck with your course.

Edited by jennyband

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Aw thankyou beaut :) goodluck with your course too I know accutane is the best miracle drug out there for acne! but ridiculously powerful, my tablets arrived yesterday but ive been mulling over it the last few days and also spoke about it with a couple of friends last night and I checked the use by date which is 2014 and have decided to postpone my treatment. I think the stress of moving back home topped with my social anxiety and the 'pressure' i feel here to look better and for some reason in my home town i care a whole lot more what people think of me than i did in my new city, and i get ridiculously paranoid that it will get bad again and ruin my social life .. however I know it is unlikely to ever get as bad as it did when i was 17/18 again (hopefully) and the side effects do scare the shit out of me. I dont remember much the first time round cause obviously it was so bad i didnt care and would have gone through anything regardless... but i def do remember being seriously depressed, angry and distressed, my lips were peeling like hell, my face was super red, def flushed easily, and it must have made my hair very thin because for years i had a wig obsession and spent probably thousands on wigs to wear to work! I also suffered extreme fatigue which im still not fully over and could be caused by my first time around, i can literally sleep WHENEVER and have naps almost every day, i'm anaemic so once a month i need iron injections which also could have been caused by the roaccutane.

It feels like ive come so far since then, now im a healthy weight, i feel OK, im starting a new good job (which i dont want my concentration to be diminished for) I dont want to be tired constantly! Ive been henna dying my hair and it is soo much healthier and i dont want to make it dry again, Ive started exercising which is making my skin better and make me feel better (I dont want to have to stop that) and also i dont want to not be able to drink for 6+ months, If i go on roaccutane i feel like i could sabotage everything when i only get a maximum of 6 spots at a time now and it fluctuates depending on what im eating, if im exercising and stress! today i have 1 spot, quite a few red marks but its all flat and can be covered easy with make up so i dont think i should kill my body over a few spots which alot of people my age do get and do not have perfect skin, if they dont have spots then they have moles or freckles etc, its just on things like facebook and the media peoples skin always looks perfect cause nobody wants to upload a pic where its not obviously but if you actually look closely you will see that everyone has some kind of 'defect' if not skin then something else.

I know there will be times when i will get paranoid and doubt myself and feel its the best option but its really not unless it gets to moderate because for mild acne, i dont think roaccutane should ever be the answer cause it does make life hard and make you feel shit with symptoms that may take years to go away especially the tiredness, lack of energy and depression! (if you are luck that is all you may suffer) but to chance things like hair loss and never being able to wear contacts and having consistent red eye and flushing when you are anxious and embarassed, you have to question what the hell you are doing over mild acne that can be covered with make up most times.

So we will see how it goes, ive decided if i get more than 6 BIG spots at any one time i will reconsider, but at the moment im just going to look after myself, try a few vitamins, have a facial once a month and hope it settles and stays manageable and not jump to such extremeties that could ruin everything ive achieved so far!

I do feel freakin stupid though spending £250 on tablets im not even taking now, such a waste :/ but rather that i suppose than toxify my body unnecessarily again.. i will keep them there and hope it reduces my stress knowing that if i do need them then they are there lol

good luck everyone, it is a miracle drug for skin but its scary and i like the saying its like 'chemotherapy for acne' shouldnt be done unless its mod-severe because the side-effects are too risky. glad i have been able to come to this decision.

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