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Fuck I have to let this out... Have you guys or girls where you go out with a friend and all the girls look at him? You standing there and they won't even look you, even if you talk to them they just say really simple answers then talk to your friend. This is why I think I'm hopeless, i'm 19 and virgin, never kissed a girl. Dumped after a month of relationship 3 years ago. Man why are girls so super facial? What happened to the good ones... Sigh I can't even go on anymore.. I don't even know how I feel right now, I feel furious, sad at the same time. Why I the only one who experienced this?... haha wow fml.

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At least if you're out there with your friends, in theory you are creating opportunities and increasing your chances of meeting girls and so on. Maybe there could be reasons as to why they only give basic answers to questions - it could be down to the type of questions you ask. Equally, maybe your friends give off a different vibe which could be more appealing to them. I could be way off the mark, just brainstorming I guess. But it doesn't automatically have to be about your skin or anything like that. Perhaps you could talk to your friends about it, get them to help you out, or you could look for tips on how they do things and on what works for them until you find what works best for you. If you keep trying, you never know, there's every chance you will find a girl who looks beyond whatever you think is holding you back and they'll want to know more about you. Still loads of time and life left in you at 19 so I wouldn't worry about that, sure it will all fall into place eventually. smile.png

Edited by PaulH85

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At least if you're out there with your friends, in theory you are creating opportunities and increasing your chances of meeting girls and so on. Maybe there could be reasons as to why they only give basic answers to questions - it could be down to the type of questions you ask. Equally, maybe your friends give off a different vibe which could be more appealing to them. I could be way off the mark, just brainstorming I guess. But it doesn't automatically have to be about your skin or anything like that. Perhaps you could talk to your friends about it, get them to help you out, or you could look for tips on how they do things and on what works for them until you find what works best for you. If you keep trying, you never know, there's every chance you will find a girl who looks beyond whatever you think is holding you back and they'll want to know more about you. Still loads of time and life left in you at 19 so I wouldn't worry about that, sure it will all fall into place eventually. smile.png

Thanks for the reply. I don't know man... Maybe I'm just not attractive enough.. It seems these days all girls want is a "hot " boyfriend or some crap like that. I'm really shy around girls and people I don't know, I don't even know where to start and I get really nervous around girls.. It's really hard for me to shine my personality during times like that.

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start working out. the body you get wont get girls in itself but its the confidence that comes with it

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I hear you, I'd be the same if I were to put myself out there. Because of the kind of things you mentioned, I've never dared to even try. So at least if you've enough about you to be out there with your friends and actually try, that's half the battle, right? Maybe you won't always succeed, but I imagine it's something we can learn, like trial and error.

I've been thinking about other stuff lately, like improving my body or maybe making a few changes to my appearance for a new look to see if I can gain a bit of confidence. My skin isn't even the issue in that respect. Sure, it doesn't take much for me to dislike my skin, but it could be totally perfect and my issues with self esteem would still be there, as would my lack of confidence due to my inexperience. But if we make some changes to what else is on the outside and give ourselves a bit of a boost, learn to feel better about ourselves in general and put that vibe out there, maybe that's potentially just as attractive as being "hot", as you put it. Like heyjoe said.

Plus, I would assume that the right kind of people, long-term partners and so on, would be more likely to be interested in that kind of confidence and personality than they would looks alone. smile.png

Edited by PaulH85

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Thanks for the reply. I don't know man... Maybe I'm just not attractive enough.. It seems these days all girls want is a "hot " boyfriend or some crap like that. I'm really shy around girls and people I don't know, I don't even know where to start and I get really nervous around girls.. It's really hard for me to shine my personality during times like that.

So not true! Some girls are superficial (okay, a lot) but not all of us are. My ideal guy is nice, respectful (even when opinions differ), caring, and confident. Cute would just be a bonus. Looks fade, but if you're a good person that's forever. I know it's hard but be patient, keep going out with your friends and become more confident with your social skills. The right person will come along when you're not looking for them. I've been taking the past while to make myself into the person I want to be, you have to be happy with yourself before you can even think about being happy in a relationship.

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How the hell were you in a relationship for a month but you have never kissed a girl? I don't mean to be a dick or anything, but it is definitely a personality thing. You said so yourself. If that does not change, nothing will. Is your friend very social and fun to be around?

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How the hell were you in a relationship for a month but you have never kissed a girl? I don't mean to be a dick or anything, but it is definitely a personality thing. You said so yourself. If that does not change, nothing will. Is your friend very social and fun to be around?

No offense taken, yeah your right it was pretty sad to be honest.. Yeah he's really fun to be around, always so cheerful and very social. I don't know where he gets that confidence!

Thanks for the reply. I don't know man... Maybe I'm just not attractive enough.. It seems these days all girls want is a "hot " boyfriend or some crap like that. I'm really shy around girls and people I don't know, I don't even know where to start and I get really nervous around girls.. It's really hard for me to shine my personality during times like that.

So not true! Some girls are superficial (okay, a lot) but not all of us are. My ideal guy is nice, respectful (even when opinions differ), caring, and confident. Cute would just be a bonus. Looks fade, but if you're a good person that's forever. I know it's hard but be patient, keep going out with your friends and become more confident with your social skills. The right person will come along when you're not looking for them. I've been taking the past while to make myself into the person I want to be, you have to be happy with yourself before you can even think about being happy in a relationship.

Thanks, It's rare to find girls like that anymore. I will try to build my confidence and personality up!

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omg YES. It's the worst feeling ever. Once time I went with a friend to the mall, and she got hit on by all the guys while they didn't even look at me or ask for my name, they treated me as if I wasn't existing. It makes me want to be so perfect looking that I get all the attention from guys.

I remember when I used to have a tan and it made my skin look great and literally everywhere I went guys would hit on me. One summer day, I remember walking to the grocery store and one guy lifted his whole head out the window while driving just to stare at me. Once I went in the store some random guy said "will you go out with me", then some guy asked me for my number while I was looking at hair dye. Then a guy in a car hit on me then another group of guys in a car hit on me, then when I finally got to my house, I got hit on again by a group of guys wanting my number...but I gave my number to none of them. Haha

So I guess some days I can look pretty ugly and others I can look amazing. But now that I have acne, it's impossible to be attractive, people automatically label you as ugly because acne is very disfiguring and gross. Although, I am confident that my acne will go away because I'm eating healthy...so one day I can be hot again.

But one day we are all going to be old and wrinkly and the only thing that will matter is if your favorite t.v. show is on, or what is for dinner.

I used to care so much more about my looks but, now I don't really care for being pretty THAT bad..life is so much more than just looks, it's about friends and human connection.

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Fuck I have to let this out... Have you guys or girls where you go out with a friend and all the girls look at him? You standing there and they won't even look you, even if you talk to them they just say really simple answers then talk to your friend. This is why I think I'm hopeless, i'm 19 and virgin, never kissed a girl. Dumped after a month of relationship 3 years ago. Man why are girls so super facial? What happened to the good ones... Sigh I can't even go on anymore.. I don't even know how I feel right now, I feel furious, sad at the same time. Why I the only one who experienced this?... haha wow fml.

Lol. Not only girls, but boys can also be super-SUPERficial. I guess it's a type of pple. Gender has nothing to do with it.

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Oh and btw, girls care more about personality than looks. Trust me.

Fuck I have to let this out... Have you guys or girls where you go out with a friend and all the girls look at him? You standing there and they won't even look you, even if you talk to them they just say really simple answers then talk to your friend. This is why I think I'm hopeless, i'm 19 and virgin, never kissed a girl. Dumped after a month of relationship 3 years ago. Man why are girls so super facial? What happened to the good ones... Sigh I can't even go on anymore.. I don't even know how I feel right now, I feel furious, sad at the same time. Why I the only one who experienced this?... haha wow fml.

Lol. Not only girls, but boys can also be super-SUPERficial. I guess it's a type of pple. Gender has nothing to do with it.

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Fuck I have to let this out... Have you guys or girls where you go out with a friend and all the girls look at him? You standing there and they won't even look you, even if you talk to them they just say really simple answers then talk to your friend. This is why I think I'm hopeless, i'm 19 and virgin, never kissed a girl. Dumped after a month of relationship 3 years ago. Man why are girls so super facial? What happened to the good ones... Sigh I can't even go on anymore.. I don't even know how I feel right now, I feel furious, sad at the same time. Why I the only one who experienced this?... haha wow fml.

yeah i go through that a lot, im the only one with bad acne scarring in my group of friends, and my best friend is very good looking and always has women after him; yeah it was frustrating sometimes cuz he wasnt ever trying to flaunt it or anything but i got pissed and when he was trying to be nice to me i thought he was pitying me and i got even madder at myself.

I've had a few girlfriends but it never lasted and always ended badly for me so im settling for having female friends instead of girlfriends for now, they have different, not necessarily BETTER, advice for me than my buddies and im just gonna see what happens and try not to worry about girls or my looks so much

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1. Don't compare yourself to other people where comparison is unnecessary. You are not your friends. Yes, he sounds more objectively physically attractive than you and yes, that means he will attract more immediate attention. But there are probably areas in life where your have the upper hand as well.

2. Everybody is superficial, including you - especially at this stage in our lives when we haven't learned better. If you were to meet a pair of girls, one conventionally attractive and skinny with boobs and the other quite plain and heavyset, which would you be more immediately inclined to get to know? If you're like most guys (I'd say nearly all guys in their teens and twenties), you'd probably answer the former.... and I for one personally think that's perfectly "all right" (attraction should never feel like a moral obligation) so long as you don't let your superficial prejudices blind you from being at least open-minded about the latter and showing her some basic respect.

3. If somebody refuses to even look at you because of your acne/scars, then that person is a total waste of your time anyway. Please don't be discouraged by all the snotty girls ignoring you. We are really not all like this. It may take time for you to find somebody who isn't, but she will be worth the wait when you do.

4. Getting attention from the opposite (or if you swing that way, same) sex in life is not nearly as much of a big deal as people make it out to be. It just means that you have a wider pool of applicants to choose from when you want to date, not that you're any kind of "higher" quality of person. I am often surprised at how many people have severe self-esteem issues over the fact that they don't get much male/female attention as their friends - there is always somebody who is going to be more in-demand just as there is always somebody who is going to be less in-demand than you. So long as you can attract the people you want to attract, I think this is all that matters.

5. Like others said, personality really does count for a lot. Don't make assumptions about other people; you know how shitty it feels when they make assumptions about you. Heck, it even kind of sucks when people's assumptions about you tend towards the "flattering" - I've had a lot of guys tell me that they wanted to ask me out when they first knew me, but they were so intimidated that they just chickened out. And you know what? That frustrates the hell out of me, because quite frankly I don't get asked out by many quality guys (guys with personality/character over looks/style) - most of the guys who end up making a move on me are... well, stereotypical douchebags, to put it not-so-nicely. So I don't end up dating very often even though I (generally) want to. I'll be perfectly honest and admit that I'm shallow too, because I'd never date anybody I wasn't attracted to, so what I want is both personality and looks - but taste is a subjective thing and a person's looks can grow on me if their personality is good even if their looks didn't immediately catch my eye. So in a nutshell... give it time.

Edited by hotburrito

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You just said it. They're superficial. Why would you even call it a loss? When you think of potential friends/girlfriends/boyfriends, is "superficial" the first desirable quality that comes to mind? How can you be jealous that your friend got a whole lotta...nothing? Yeah, you're going to have a harder time attracting as much attention with acne, but good people of both genders are around. When you find that person, he or she will be worth a thousand of the superficial ones. To paraphrase the great western sage, Eric Cartman, if you want quality friends, you'll have to wade through a lot of d*cks.

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5. Like others said, personality really does count for a lot. Don't make assumptions about other people; you know how shitty it feels when they make assumptions about you. Heck, it even kind of sucks when people's assumptions about you tend towards the "flattering" - I've had a lot of guys tell me that they wanted to ask me out when they first knew me, but they were so intimidated that they just chickened out. And you know what? That frustrates the hell out of me, because quite frankly I don't get asked out by many quality guys (guys with personality/character over looks/style) - most of the guys who end up making a move on me are... well, stereotypical douchebags, to put it not-so-nicely. So I don't end up dating very often even though I (generally) want to. I'll be perfectly honest and admit that I'm shallow too, because I'd never date anybody I wasn't attracted to, so what I want is both personality and looks - but taste is a subjective thing and a person's looks can grow on me if their personality is good even if their looks didn't immediately catch my eye. So in a nutshell... give it time.

What are the most important physical qualities for a guy? Does acne turn you on?

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What are the most important physical qualities for a guy? Does acne turn you on?

I wish I could pretend it wasn't a turn-off, but it is. It's not something that I'd consciously discount somebody for, but in all honesty I do have a knee-jerk "ugh" reaction when I see a guy or girl with acne, so you can only imagine how awful I feel about myself now.

I don't really have a list of physical qualities I look for in a guy, but I do know that I definitely have a type. Every single guy I've liked has been more or less conventionally attractive though rarely outright handsome - which is kind of discouraging to me because I generally expect better (read: deeper) of myself, but you just can't force attraction. I also go for the fairly "preppy"-presenting guys. Having said that, like I alluded to before, I never (actively) go for guys on the basis of looks - personality (and overall compatibility) matters so, so much more.

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^Finally. Someone who is honest. When you say "ugh" do you mean gross? If that is the case then I know exactly how you feel. Acne is a disgusting skin condition, but I know the person who is suffering from acne is not disgusting.

Wow I thought every girl had a secret list, or a set of guidelines on what they like in a male. Well, at least you didn't cop out with "Tall, Dark and Handsome." Also, I don't know any girls younger than the age of 40 who use that expression anymore.

Handsome. Is there even a difference between handsome and hot? I have been called handsome before so perhaps there is hope for me. I don't know what you mean by preppy guys...I guess ralph lauren, ambercrombie models?

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^Finally. Someone who is honest. When you say "ugh" do you mean gross? If that is the case then I know exactly how you feel. Acne is a disgusting skin condition, but I know the person who is suffering from acne is not disgusting.

Wow I thought every girl had a secret list, or a set of guidelines on what they like in a male. Well, at least you didn't cop out with "Tall, Dark and Handsome." Also, I don't know any girls younger than the age of 40 who use that expression anymore.

Handsome. Is there even a difference between handsome and hot? I have been called handsome before so perhaps there is hope for me. I don't know what you mean by preppy guys...I guess ralph lauren, ambercrombie models?

Well, back when I had clear skin, I guess I did used to think "gross" - now I don't have that thought quite exactly, but it's more of an "ugh" reaction still... I don't know how to describe it, but I guess I'd call it more of an inward wince (the result of long-term programming and all that)? For the record, that inward wince is not something I extend only to other people - I can't even look into the mirror without feeling sick.

The thing is, I don't presume to speak for all women. I have always been very, very picky about skin, especially because mine was effortlessly clear for the first 22 3/4 years of my life - I'm not quite so picky about other qualities, like height, whereas some of my friends won't even look at a guy unless he's over 5'10" (I'm Asian as are most of my friends, so 5'10" is in the tall range for guys for us - though ironically enough most of my taller Caucasian female friends set their limit at 5'8" :P). Different people have different turn-ons and turn-offs.

Eh, some girls have secret lists. I think most of those girls are secretly still 12 on the inside.

I think different people use "handsome" and "hot" differently. When I say handsome, I mean more of an objective, traditional, almost old-fashioned type of attractiveness like Don Draper from Mad Men. "Hot" is probably more of an attitude thing - I feel like people take Chuck from Gossip Girl to be hot even though he's not traditionally handsome because he just has this swagger. For the record, I find neither character particularly attractive. As for preppy, I guess Ralph Lauren/Abercrombie kind of works, though I've never particularly liked modelesque guys save for a purely aesthetic appreciation - but on a style level, RL is closer to what I go for than Abercrombie, which just screams "suburban high school teenager."

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start working out. the body you get wont get girls in itself but its the confidence that comes with it

I've just got more insecure once hitting the gym >.<I'm saying myself I'm scrawny and shit even though my body is better than probably 98% of the general public...oh well maybe I'm just obsessed with myself...and I am..

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Oh and btw, girls care more about personality than looks. Trust me.

Fuck I have to let this out... Have you guys or girls where you go out with a friend and all the girls look at him? You standing there and they won't even look you, even if you talk to them they just say really simple answers then talk to your friend. This is why I think I'm hopeless, i'm 19 and virgin, never kissed a girl. Dumped after a month of relationship 3 years ago. Man why are girls so super facial? What happened to the good ones... Sigh I can't even go on anymore.. I don't even know how I feel right now, I feel furious, sad at the same time. Why I the only one who experienced this?... haha wow fml.

Lol. Not only girls, but boys can also be super-SUPERficial. I guess it's a type of pple. Gender has nothing to do with it.

hell yeah. Just read the bodybuilding forums misc. where guys talk about hoe they really feel about relationships/girls....you will see just how superficial they are. They even called some supermodels ugly because of "pointy elbows", it's crazy and disgusting.

you realize they are joking about the pointy elbows thing right? lmao cant believe ppl take that seriously

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Well, back when I had clear skin, I guess I did used to think "gross" - now I don't have that thought quite exactly, but it's more of an "ugh" reaction still... I don't know how to describe it, but I guess I'd call it more of an inward wince (the result of long-term programming and all that)? For the record, that inward wince is not something I extend only to other people - I can't even look into the mirror without feeling sick.

The thing is, I don't presume to speak for all women. I have always been very, very picky about skin, especially because mine was effortlessly clear for the first 22 3/4 years of my life - I'm not quite so picky about other qualities, like height, whereas some of my friends won't even look at a guy unless he's over 5'10" (I'm Asian as are most of my friends, so 5'10" is in the tall range for guys for us - though ironically enough most of my taller Caucasian female friends set their limit at 5'8" tongue.png). Different people have different turn-ons and turn-offs.

Eh, some girls have secret lists. I think most of those girls are secretly still 12 on the inside.

I think different people use "handsome" and "hot" differently. When I say handsome, I mean more of an objective, traditional, almost old-fashioned type of attractiveness like Don Draper from Mad Men. "Hot" is probably more of an attitude thing - I feel like people take Chuck from Gossip Girl to be hot even though he's not traditionally handsome because he just has this swagger. For the record, I find neither character particularly attractive. As for preppy, I guess Ralph Lauren/Abercrombie kind of works, though I've never particularly liked modelesque guys save for a purely aesthetic appreciation - but on a style level, RL is closer to what I go for than Abercrombie, which just screams "suburban high school teenager."

That is understandable. I guess the relief for many people who don't have supermodel looks is that each individual has a specific type, and in the real world many people are more forgiving of our shortcomings. How else would I have gotten dates and girlfriends in the past. Height is an important physical trait for many women, just as weight is an important issue for men. Women don't want their boyfriend to be shorter, and men don't want their girlfriend to be larger. I know it is not 100% true, but that is the attitude I usually come across.

I don't have a list with twenty boxes to check off. Imperfections are beautiful, and it is what makes each of us human. This image of perfection that we all chase is a myth. Unfortunately, this way of thinking has no place in a society that puts unattainable beauty on a pedestal.

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hell yeah. Just read the bodybuilding forums misc. where guys talk about hoe they really feel about relationships/girls....you will see just how superficial they are. They even called some supermodels ugly because of "pointy elbows", it's crazy and disgusting.

The pointy elbows thing is a joke. "Elbows too pointy...would not hit.."

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hell yeah. Just read the bodybuilding forums misc. where guys talk about hoe they really feel about relationships/girls....you will see just how superficial they are. They even called some supermodels ugly because of "pointy elbows", it's crazy and disgusting.

The pointy elbows thing is a joke. "Elbows too pointy...would not hit.."

well they rate girls on a really tough scale...and have that horrible number system

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