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T.S. Eliot

You guys need to stop whimpering

Now, I think that life's greatest challenge is living beyond your circumstances and influences to be the best that you can be. I'm new to this forum, and I'm about to enter college as a freshman; I have never had acne, but I have three round, circular pits (or craters, as you might call em) on my face (from chicken pox), which because they are straight on my forehead, are very visible and a little...phenomenal? (I don't think you will see a guy with such pits on his face, especially when they are placed in such an obvious and geometrically shaped way) Anyway, I haven't really thought about them until recently, and to be honest, I wish I had never had them. Of course, everytime, I look at them when I look at myself in the mirror. But there were several times when I had the chance to do dermabrasion, but decided not to because I felt that by doing so, I would be succumbing to my obstacles rather than triumphing over them; furthermore, I felt like doing so would destroy my integrity; I am totally against procedures like breast implants and liposuction. The reason is that I believe such cosmetic procedures betray weakness of spirit, a pathetic adherence to superficial values, and an almost idiotic if not immoral behavior. Of course, I hold different views against reconstructive surgery, such as for very very bad scars. Yet, even for my three craters, (which I mean are dead straight on my face, and quite large in diameter) I recoil whenever I think of having them surgically removed. Now don't get me wrong; I have less self-confidence and am much less inclined to go to parties or ask a girl out. But does anyone agree with me when I say that perhaps we ought to suck it in and stop being so weak? After all, many of you seem to have scars on your sides rather than straight on your face, and acne does go away with time, although it is there for a long time; I have pretty nasty scars on my face, and yet I don’t understand what you guys are so…emotional about this. Everyone does go through acne – not every goes through these scars.

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Wanting to be able to look in the mirror and finally be able to be happy with the reflection it casts upon you is not weak.

Acne can cause scarring if left untreated... while I do people some of the people on this board are a little bit of overreacters... don't look down on anyone for wanting to be happy with their image. Unfortunately society and the media sets high standards for teenagers today to look good... probably so much to the point that some people will never be happy with theirselves.

Just no acne will be ok by me smile.gif

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I never said anything about being happy with the image in your mirror. That is totally understandable by me. What I am quite appalled by is how so many people here make a big deal out of it; feeling pain is one thing, wallowing in it is another - i especially dont understand why people would be suicidal about this...acne isnt even permanent, and IF you get scars from it, they are usually on your side or isnt that bad. I dont want to sound all arrogant, but I think I've got it pretty bad and worse than others, but I cant understand why people are overreacting, especially when it isnt permanent or egregiously noticeable as mine. Because I'd much rather have acne than this, but whatever.

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Some people have lower self esteem than others and can't deal with problems as well as you - that's all. Then pile that on top of some people are really really cruel and some kids in school set out to make other kids lifes miserable... While suicide is never justifiable because of acne (or really anything) - I can see why some people are upset on these boards. As much as I'd like them not to, words do hurt sometimes.

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First off.

if you never had acne than why are you here? and secondly you have no idea waht having acne is like. Yes you have those scars. You know you have them and they wont go away. But you don't have to watch every little thing you do in fear of getting more scars do you? Acne , at the least is very frustrating, just when you think things are on the up and up....bam. And thats how it goes my friend.

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ok three little spots as compared to a whole face that is covered in bumps oozing pus from glistening redness is a little different.

just a little bit, i think.

why did you even make this post? what are you trying to accomplish? this board is clearly marked for ranting and venting so what war are you trying to fight? thanks for your attempt at ..inspiration? but the fact of the matter is that someone trying to give advice on something they don't know much or anything about is just, well..laughable.

and in conclusion, what i find so humorous about your whole thing is how you say "everyone goes through acne but not everyone goes through these scars"

whats that i hear? oh right..the tiniest violin.

so you're gonna stand there and tell us to suck it up when you end your rant with an oh-woe-is-me comment about your scars??

i don't understand... bb_icon_rolleyes.gif

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Exactly what Turnakit said. Someone who has never had acne wouldn't realize the physical and emotional pain that ensues. Especially for people that are prone to depression- acne can magnify those feelings times 10. I agree that people who don't accept you are shallow and not worth the effort- but what they say still hurts. I think it would be great for everyone to be more confident with themselves, but it's something much easier said than done. Most of the people on this board aren't even suicidal, just depressed and seeking comfort from those who are in the same situation. Sorry, but I'm not going to take your advice and "stop being so weak" - especially since you've never even dealt with acne.

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Now,why is it a bad thing to come over here and rant?What is wrong with people trying to talk to others who feel the same way?Just because people can do something about the acne,doesn't mean we have to suck it in?

Sucking it in is not something very healthy if you feel bad.People need a chance to vent with others who understand.Just because we're here venting and have emotional scars,not only from acne,but from other things.And that can make acne and other little defects seem worse.If people can't vent,they keep anger and sadness inside,and I know that can't be good.

Coming here to talk doesn't make people weak.Yes,people should do something about it,but no,I have been sucking in pain from how people badly treated me thanks to acne,and other things,and now that I can share stuff I feel much better.But me being weak?No.

You need to remember not everyone is like you,and how some things might affect people more.Whether acne is better than what you have or anyone has doesn't matter sometimes.It is how the person is being affected,or how the person feels.

Words do hurt a lot,and keeping anger in,might lead to self harm in some people's cases.

I don't think these people are overreacting a lot,just put yourself in these people's shoes to understand why we are not overreacting.

Oh,and acne could last for a long time.It isn't like "oh,alright,I'm overreacting because it will be gone!".Some of us have had it for decades or two.

And even if it is gone,what about how cruel people can be to you?It wears away your self esteem.

Yeah,and then the people picking at our face,and making us feel like trash,and the fact that the face hurts when touched or feels like sandpaper.

People should help themselves,of course,and try building their self esteem,but this venting helps.It is not only the ACNE,it is other things.

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Sucking it in is not something very healthy if you feel bad.People need a chance to vent with others who understand.

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o.k. you people need to understand. I only gave my craters as an example of facial defect, I didn't plug em in so that i get some comfort, or some "oh woe is me" type shit. perhaps i should post my face on this, but I think that would be going too far. trust me, you dont know how oddly placed these three craters are, you would think that I joined some cult or something because they are perfectly circular and the space between them is so regular - i describe my craters because I want to show you guys that I often feel the same way - i'm goddamn human too. as i said b4, it lowers self esteem, makes me feel like shit and angry sometimes, but what my main complaint was, and which i find valid, is that you people seem to think acne, which isnt even permanent, is everything. it is overreacting, plain and simple. if you have noticeable, egregious scars, then we can talk on the same plane. people with acne, get over it; i had a friend who had terrible acne but now it is all gone, and he's happy. get what im saying? you have the light at the end of the tunnel - why cant you people see that? instead, something hits you and you drop crying because there is nothing else to do, is there? dont get me wrong, appearances are important, but why dont you vent on doing something productive like composition or reading? the problem is that we are all sucked into this mass media of utter mediocrity and low vision. i find it ironic that people with acne are telling me that they are feeling worse - simply b/c i am not saying shit like "i wanna kill myself, booho" doesnt mean i feel pain, either. but you gotta suck it up, it GOES AWAY.

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just to clarify a bit, i said i get emotional about my scars too, and you know what? perhaps my craters are nothing at all, although deep inside I probably feel the same way about em as you guys do about acne. the point of the matter is not that I suffer more or you suffer more or our suffering is equal, but that complaining about suffering excessively is just...foolish. but i still don't think acne is as bad as you guys think - your teenager years suck, fine, i feel for you, that must indeed be a painful thing to go through especially if people make fun of it, but after that, after your regimen or whatever, you are out in the open again.

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You really don't understand do you?Nothing foolish about it.i mean,you were pretty much telling us your experiences here.And we do that because we find comfort in finding others in the same problems.And you know what?It isn't all about teenage years and temporary crap,let's do the regimen so it can clear up and we can dance!SOme people don't get cleared up after the regimen and the teenage years.If we could,we wouldnt be complaining.But we know that things might not work out that great.

Now,I disagree that we are overreacting.I don't think I am.I am able to have a normal life with acne.But it isn't fair that you come in here telling us,including people who can't control their feelings on this,that we're weak.It is not that simple.Everyone is different.We give our stories as examples,as forms of venting,to find support and help.

We have lives.You think all we do is come on here to cry and moan about acne?

No,it does not go away for some people.The pain stays there for life.And the acne can follow us around for years.And if someone is thinking about suicide,the healthiest thing to do is come somewhere that people can understand.

This isn't only about appearances.It goes deeper.Why don't I vent on other crap?Because it doesn't piss me off.So I vent about what pisses me off.i do have other interests and a life,so don't come here assuming that most of us just come here to moan for stupid reasons,because often it goes deper.

So..Yeah,I doubt you really understand.You have your own opinion,fine,talking about something that has affected our lives(even small things can affect a life) makes people weak.Yeah,let's all just suck it all up.Yeah,sometimes you need to suck it up,I've done it for many problems.Pretty much everyone has to suck it up once in a while.I don't go crying to school because I have a huge pimple.But I don't see how ranting and telling each other about our feelings,and asking for help makes us weak.I believe it makes one heal.

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Guest Tracy

Hey T.S.: thanks for the judgmental, condescending, non-empathetic post. Until you have a face full of sore, oozing, pus-filled acne, you really don't know what you're talking about. Now STFU and go away. Kthxbye.

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Al little off topic, but the thread title reminds of a line from the film 'Kindergarten Cop ';

Arnie -

[after the kids start complaining about "police school"]

Detective John Kimble : "Oh come on... STOP WHINING! You kids are soft! You lack discipline! WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU ARE MINE NOW! YOU BELONG TO ME!"

BTW fair point T.S., but a little insensitive to most of the people here; consider the following quote -

'Every year, millions of dollars are devoted to the medical study and treatment of acne; millions more are spent on the development and marketing of over-the-counter remedies. Comparatively little energy, however, has been spent determining the psychological and social effects of the condition. Consider the following statement:

There is no single condition which causes more psychic trauma, more maladjustment between parent and children, more general insecurity and feelings of inferiority and greater sums of psychic suffering than does acne vulgaris.1

Made by Sulzberger and Zaidems in a 1948 article, this statement rings true today. Despite acne's limited impact on overall patient health, several studies have concluded that it produces a similar degree of emotional stress to skin conditions causing significant physical disability. The implications are fairly obvious: Acne hurts more on the inside. So why is it so easy for people to dismiss these feelings as vanity'...

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TS

People in holes (in this case I mean depressed, self doubting, isolated states) want to find their way out more than anything. Standing cozyily above ground shouting, judging and blaming people for being in a hole ain't very helpful since being there is source of massive unhappiness for them. Your kind of tough love ain't likely to make them climb out any faster.

For many people here acne and depression are basically synonyms. And the only wisdom I have to offer to people who are stuck in a dark place is that I think bouts of depression are fairly natural, I think thoughts of suicide are fairly natural. Being alive is a big responsibility.

And I do believe you have got to go through the darkness and come out the other side to understand that depression is almost always transient. I think that requires a long term view that many young people have trouble with (I know I did at 18 or so). Self destructive thoughts are part of a process of justifying who we are and why we are here... they are fundamental questions that people need to grapple with acne or no acne.

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Yes, you guys are right. I don't really understand. Perhaps I am too self absorbed. But whatever the case, I think you guys have to seriously stop and think what a meaningful life is, anyway.

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frances, I am not shouting at people in a hole below me. I am shouting at people who are in the hole WITH me. I have pretty ugly scars too, but I think what people should be doing instead of agonizing over their pimples is to reorganize their thoughts and think what is most important - succumbing to your situation, or transcending them? of course its no easy thing, but thats what constitutes human virtue. i am sorry if i am sounding preachy, i do not want to be, but I am simply saying what my thoughts are; and if i sounded harsh earlier, im sorry; i, too, have this problem with my chicken pox scars, and I know this is a difficult time. but, in all seriousness, isnt this going overboard? I mean, i dont know what else to say, it isnt permanent for the majority of you, and more importantly, you should stop rolling in your own mud.

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T.S. -- I learned the hard way when I first got here, dun' dwell on this board too much, dude.

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It isn't that we don't know that life is meaningful or anything.So we have acne,and we go to a board about it.I'm sure many of us have other things to do.What is going overboard?I just don't see it.So we talk about it,doesnt mean our whole lives revolve around it.I have better things to do,but because I come here and talk about my experiences,comment on others',and maybe try to encourage the people,doesn't mean I'm obsessed and can't see the good in life.And for those of us who's life does revolve around it,then that is a problem,but you did sound too harsh,and for those who are depressed about the acne,you do need to understand that this is a bit more than that.Maybe if they get encouraged if someone here helps them?But it is the whole weakness thing you said that bothers me,and also that you made it sound so simple,like one could just come out of the hole,stop "whimpering" and have a rainbow over their heads.

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But there were several times when I had the chance to do dermabrasion, but decided not to because I felt that by doing so, I would be succumbing to my obstacles rather than triumphing over them; furthermore, I felt like doing so would destroy my integrity; I am totally against procedures like breast implants and liposuction. The reason is that I believe such cosmetic procedures betray weakness of spirit, a pathetic adherence to superficial values, and an almost idiotic if not immoral behavior.

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i think that people need to stop comparing acne, to being overweight and having scars, etc. i hate that people try to say "would you rather have acne or be overweight." everyone goes through their own personal struggles, and i think that it's bull shit that people try to belittle some of those struggles by saying that acne is worse than being overweight, or scars are worse than acne, or being overweight it the worst of them all. all of us have problems with confidence because of the physical aspect of us that we find unattractive, and we all need to be supportive of whatever struggles people are going through, whether it's skin, weight, or whatever.

... jsut my two cents.

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Well said Turtle!!

TS~~

Don't associate acne with teenagers. There are many many many people on here that are well beyond 'teenage acne' and don't have hopes of outgrowing it. Myself included. I'm not about to sit around for another 20 years hoping for this to go away, because it's not going to through natural means.

You can't buy happiness or self-confidence, but I know without acne I would have more self-confidence; I know this because when I was on Minocycline and it was working I felt like a million bucks!! Acne hasn't ruined my life, I have a boyfriend, friends, goals, and am successful in my academics. Acne won't get in my way of having the things I want out of life. I will never stop fighting it as long as it is here and definitely will not 'suck it up'.

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IMO Ultimately people have got to make some kind of reconcilation between their hopes and disappointments, what they can change and what they can't...in their own time. For me that was in my early-mid 20's. I had been so neurotic about my weight, appearance, skin...but then it dawned on me that altho I had not turned out as brilliant or gorgeous or smart as I secretly hoped I might be...on balance I was not bad as a person. And that was enough.

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