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salotape

''Don't worry, you'll grow out of it...'' nd then you hit 20.

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Hey everyone,

I just wanted to say hello and to introduce myself to this board!

I actually found this wonderful place, 5 years ago when my acne first started to become unmanagable. I have been on many different topical treatments, (differin, tretinoin, erythromycin, Isotrex...the list goes on.) some of which, did improve my acne significantly, but never in the long term. This year I turned 20 (If anyone didn't get the clue from the title!) and for the past 3 months my acne has slowly creeped back into the worst state its been since I was 15. I thought that maybe it was stress causing it due to my uni exams, but, it has been getting worse since I finished them back in June.

I get weird little papule like bumps and whiteheads all over my cheeks that are impossible to get rid off completely. I've never ever had a completely clear day, but I've never had it this bad before either.I have since been prescribed Dalacin T solution - Clindamycin Phosphate and Dianette 35. I cleared up on Dalacin when i was 15, but this only lasted for 3 months. I have a feeling that it will probably pan out the same way this time round, but I'm willing to give it a shot anyway.

I looked up reviews for Dianette on here and was extremely grateful for the honest insights provided by other users that were not mentioned by my GP at the time. For example, many people experienced weight gain, (I've shed 2 and half stones this year so my BMI is healthy, I don't fancy putting it back on any time soon!) I know that the whole point in a BCP is to change the balance of your hormones, so weight gain is normal, but, I know that I would be even more unhappy at the end of the day to have gained more weight because of it. I also read that depression was a big issue for most of the users and while I am not clinically depressed, I have been extremely down for the past few months because of the acne and so I think Dianette would exacerbate this state of mind further, even if it cleared up my acne, it sounds like the depression part sticks with you. I know that every acne drug you take has potential side effects, but the amount of negative side effects eperienced by a large number of users who reviewed it here is enough to put me off Dianette until I know more about it. Especially, as I am asian and I think hormonal treatments can cause darkening of the skin for us? I'm still researching that bit!

So, now that you know the medical background of my own personal b*tchfight with acne, I just wanted to say that it really does help to know that there is a community here who know exactly what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. :wub:

Some days/weeks I'll lock myself in the house and barely step outdoors because I'll feel too self conscious and upset about the state of my skin (Its currently having a whitehead/papule party all over my cheeks!) I also hate the fact that I have to wear makeup whenever I pop outside because I feel like people will stare at me or I'll make small kids cry with my acne. Makeup makes me feel and look remotely normal, although lately even makeup can't seem to cover my acne sufficiently because its generally very bumpy, so in the sunlight my skin looks like a gravel path! :ninja: (I just realised that I am really selling myself here! :D )

I'm sure many of you can understand what its like to feel ugly or the odd one out when you hang out with friends who have amazingly clear skin. I know they'll love me no matter what, but I also know that they probably do secretly cringe at the sight of my skin. Hell, I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, so I don't blame them! Lately, Ive found it hard to go out with them because of the deteriorating state of my skin. They haven't seen me this bad before and so it could come as a bit of a shock. They'd never say anything to my face, but it will be hard not to notice the increase in acne since uni broke up for summer holidays.

I'm dreading going back to uni because of my skin right now. Its torture being surrounded by a classroom of people with clear skin. I know that I've become unhealthily obsessive and paranoid about it, but, the first thing people see when they meet you for the first time is your face, and if its covered in acne, from my point of view, you can't really see much of anything else. Its difficult not to feel self conscious because its there for sveryone to see. At least, if it were body acne I could attempt to cover it up more effectively. Its like my nightmare is shared with everyone who sees me. I often put my hand over a bad cheek and pretend to be scratching something if I have to pass someone on the street, to disguise the worst part of my acne.

I also work weekends and hate serving customers when I know that my acne is bad, it makes me feel so unattractive. I'm actually quite anxious that one day someone will comment on my skin when i take their order and say that I've put them off their food. I know that most days I have a lack of appetite because of my skin, so it wouldn't surprise me if it did. I just hope that things get better soon because I hate feeling this awful about something most people take for granted.

God, this post is unbelieveably depressing! Sorry, I got a bit carried away. All we need is a violin to complete the atmosphere I've created! :boohoo:

Anyhow, thanks for reading this monologue of paaaaaain. (I know many of you must have died a bit inside when you realised how long this post is! Sorry about that!)

I hope everyone is doing well, I'll try and be less morbid next time I post! ;)

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You know what...my story's a lot like yours, and so are a lot of my feelings. Persistent acne is a self-esteem destroyer, and even when we cope with it and go about our lives, we do it have it rough in a way a lot of people don't understand. When you feel/believe you look ugly, it's so hard not to let it cast a shadow over everything. Even when you're doing well otherwise, you've learned to believe you're unpresentable, which no one should ever have to feel.

I'm now in the first month of my Accutane treatment, because I waited to grow out of my bad skin, then tried absolutely everything else my derm gave me. Hopefully this will be the fix.

Anyway, I really hope you find something that works for you. I was ready to applaud reading your post because I know EXACTLY how you feel. Please don't give up! Keep looking for your solution.

Edited by KitKate

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You know what...my story's a lot like yours, and so are a lot of my feelings. Persistent acne is a self-esteem destroyer, and even when we cope with it and go about our lives, we do it have it rough in a way a lot of people don't understand. When you feel/believe you look ugly, it's so hard not to let it cast a shadow over everything. Even when you're doing well otherwise, you've learned to believe you're unpresentable, which no one should ever have to feel.

I'm now in the first month of my Accutane treatment, because I waited to grow out of my bad skin, then tried absolutely everything else my derm gave me. Hopefully this will be the fix.

Anyway, I really hope you find something that works for you. I was ready to applaud reading your post because I know EXACTLY how you feel. Please don't give up! Keep looking for your solution.

Hey KitKate, Thank you for your lovely reply. I appreciate the support! I think I'm just having a bad week, since my acne flared up again on Monday and hasn't settled down yet. I hope I'm not usually this depressing to be around, hopefully next week will bring better news. :angel:

I've never been on Accutane, its difficult to get a dermatologist in the UK without having to wait months on a list to be seen, not to mention the costs that I can't afford as a student. I hope it works for you, I've heard good things about it and I'm sure you will see amazing results!

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Hey KitKate, Thank you for your lovely reply. I appreciate the support! I think I'm just having a bad week, since my acne flared up again on Monday and hasn't settled down yet. I hope I'm not usually this depressing to be around, hopefully next week will bring better news. :angel:

I've never been on Accutane, its difficult to get a dermatologist in the UK without having to wait months on a list to be seen, not to mention the costs that I can't afford as a student. I hope it works for you, I've heard good things about it and I'm sure you will see amazing results!

Thanks :) Dermatologists can be tough to see over here in the US, too. I waited several months to see mine, then waited even more months using everything else he made me try before Accutane. Then, once he decided I should have it, he decided he wanted another dermatologist to treat me, so made an appointment for me elsewhere that I had to wait a few MORE months for. It was absolutely infuriating. It worked out in the end, thankfully. (I would also NEVER be able to afford it without insurance. I'm a student too - and yes, it majorly sucks that everyone around me seems to have outgrown their high school acne. I feel like a little kid in comparison.)

If you're looking into Dianette/BC pills, by the way: my skin cleared quite well when I was on Seasonique birth control. It still wasn't perfect, and I had to stop taking it becaues my period/uterus didn't like the side effects, but for a few months my skin was the clearest it had been in years. I have no idea if hormonal treatments darken Asian skin, though.

Have you ever seen a derm, btw? The wait and costs are frustrating (and I admittedly have no idea how UK insurance works), but if there's any way you can swing a visit, it might make a huge difference. All my regular physician ever gave me was Tetracycline and super-strong benzoyl peroxide - fail, at least for me.

Rooting for you :)

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I always thought i'd grow out of it when i hit my 20's but no such luck

it has got better or rather i have learned how to controll it to a degree.

I can't remember having clear skin and i've tryed various things to try and cure myself but no luck.

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mines defo got miles miles less active since ive hit my 20's... it really depends from person to person though, i dont feel i'll ever be rid of it though.

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Hey KitKate, Thank you for your lovely reply. I appreciate the support! I think I'm just having a bad week, since my acne flared up again on Monday and hasn't settled down yet. I hope I'm not usually this depressing to be around, hopefully next week will bring better news. :angel:

I've never been on Accutane, its difficult to get a dermatologist in the UK without having to wait months on a list to be seen, not to mention the costs that I can't afford as a student. I hope it works for you, I've heard good things about it and I'm sure you will see amazing results!

Thanks :) Dermatologists can be tough to see over here in the US, too. I waited several months to see mine, then waited even more months using everything else he made me try before Accutane. Then, once he decided I should have it, he decided he wanted another dermatologist to treat me, so made an appointment for me elsewhere that I had to wait a few MORE months for. It was absolutely infuriating. It worked out in the end, thankfully. (I would also NEVER be able to afford it without insurance. I'm a student too - and yes, it majorly sucks that everyone around me seems to have outgrown their high school acne. I feel like a little kid in comparison.)

If you're looking into Dianette/BC pills, by the way: my skin cleared quite well when I was on Seasonique birth control. It still wasn't perfect, and I had to stop taking it becaues my period/uterus didn't like the side effects, but for a few months my skin was the clearest it had been in years. I have no idea if hormonal treatments darken Asian skin, though.

Have you ever seen a derm, btw? The wait and costs are frustrating (and I admittedly have no idea how UK insurance works), but if there's any way you can swing a visit, it might make a huge difference. All my regular physician ever gave me was Tetracycline and super-strong benzoyl peroxide - fail, at least for me.

Rooting for you :)

Jeez, it sounds like you had your work cut out to get your mitts on accutane! The welfare system is different here in the UK because usually we don't have to take out insurance, unless its for private medical treatment (Where the waiting list to be seen is significantly shorter.) Otherwise, all prescriptions are paid for by the government until you are 18 years old. Then they charge you 7.20 per item on presciption (Which, sucks btw because it means I'm spending so much money on presciptions that are trial and error on acne!)

I've looked into getting a referral from my GP to see a derm, but there aren't many that are on the NHS (our welfare system) and even those who are have at least 3 month waiting list, not to mention I have to pay god knows how much to have a consultation and prescription. They are less willing to shell out accutane over here because of the severe effects it can have on the body, my acne would have to be extremely severe, ie nodules and cysts, in order to even be considered for accutane. While, I don't get that kind of acne, I do get a lot of the rest, making my face look and feel congested. Its severe in that respect because my lumps/bumps are everywhere. You can still clearly see them with makeup on, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to make herself feel a little bit less of a social outcast! ;)

I too reacted badly to BP - My face was so cracked. I had to stop using it because nothing would penetrate the dryness, I ended up having to almost slough my skin off in order to properly get some moisture back into it. So baaaad.

Thanks for the info on BCP. I don't think we have that brand in the Uk though! I read on this board that hormonal treatments can have a different effect on asian skin, although it didn't specify what they were exactly. My guess is that it can cause hypo pigmentation - lightened patches on the skin, or it can cause dark patches to appear because asian pigments are more unpredictable than other ethnic skin colours. (Again, this sucks immensely as i do want to try birth control at some point, but I don't want to look like a patchwork quilt either!)

I think for me personally, accutane is the last treatment I would try for my acne because of the side effects. At the end of the day, if it outweighs your cons then people should go for it. But, at the moment I don't think my body could handle it, especially alongside the stress of my studies in uni! (I'm about to start my final year! ahhhhh!) I also would have a hard time getting my hands on it because only derms can prescribe it here in the Uk. I really do send the best of luck to you though, I think if you can endure the effects of it, you will definitely see results because of how potent it is!

Argh, tell me about it. I hate the fact that there are younger kids out there who are in the midst of puberty and yet still manage to have FLAWLESS skin! Technically, I should be out of puberty by now and still I get bad acne. I think we drew the short straw on this one. :doh: I just pray that this doesn't continue into proper adulthood, I don't want to be fighting my skin for the rest of my life. I actually want to live it properly, without worrying about the state of my face. Do you ever freak out a little whenever you go near anything remotely greasy/dirty/polluted? I work in a takeaway, so its ALWAYS greasy in the kitchen. I tend to avoid going near the fryer, or even touching my face when I'm working there in case it clogs my pores even more with the oil and germs on my hands. What I don't understand is how there are girls out there who practically shovel on foundation and makeup and yet they don't seem to have any acne whatsoever. Surely, it would block their pores?! Also, people who drink alcohol all the time and eat crappy junk food seem to retain a perfect complexion throughout! How is this possible?!

Oh man, I can feel a bunch of bumps under my skin on my forehead at the moment, I can just tell that they will erupt anyday now. I hate that feeling when you know its inevitable that it will get worse!

Keep going strong, I feel your frustration all the way over here in the UK! ;)

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Genetics are a bitch, to be honest. I eat a good diet, I'm in shape and I'm meticulously clean, but does it make a difference? Nope. I know *exactly* what you mean about feeling freaked out by greasy/dirty atmospheres...I worked in this awful greasy breakfast bakery once and I swear the air had oil in it. I would come home and SCRUB every single day, but I couldn't get the oily nasty feeling to go away because I spent so much time there. I was paranoid that it was ruining my skin, although it's pretty bad no matter what I do. But of course my fifteenYO coworker had a face full of pancake makeup, smoked every day, and didn't have a single spot. Go figure.

BCPs might be worth a try. Lots of women take them and have wonderful results...maybe you wouldn't get patchy at all. And if you did, I'm sure it would go away when you stopped. Can you ask your GP about it?

You know, for all the negative hype about Accutane side effects, I've actually had a good experience so far (I'm almost done with my first month.) My lips are a little chapped and I need more moisturizer than I used to, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. I'm supposed to take a slightly higher dosage starting the week after this one, but so far it's been better than I dared to hope.

The under-the-skin bumps are AWFUL. Even covering them with makeup doesn't hide their texture. Yet I do it anyway, because it makes me feel better. I know people can still tell I have acne, but making my face a normal color seems to be a general improvement. Helps me face the world, anyway...

I've gotta go at the moment, but I'll keep checking back. Moral support from people who understand helps *so* much. Stay strong, salotape!

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Some days/weeks I'll lock myself in the house and barely step outdoors because I'll feel too self conscious and upset about the state of my skin (Its currently having a whitehead/papule party all over my cheeks!) I also hate the fact that I have to wear makeup whenever I pop outside because I feel like people will stare at me or I'll make small kids cry with my acne. Makeup makes me feel and look remotely normal, although lately even makeup can't seem to cover my acne sufficiently because its generally very bumpy, so in the sunlight my skin looks like a gravel path! :ninja: (I just realised that I am really selling myself here! :D )

I'm sure many of you can understand what its like to feel ugly or the odd one out when you hang out with friends who have amazingly clear skin. I know they'll love me no matter what, but I also know that they probably do secretly cringe at the sight of my skin. Hell, I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, so I don't blame them! Lately, Ive found it hard to go out with them because of the deteriorating state of my skin. They haven't seen me this bad before and so it could come as a bit of a shock. They'd never say anything to my face, but it will be hard not to notice the increase in acne since uni broke up for summer holidays.

I'm dreading going back to uni because of my skin right now. Its torture being surrounded by a classroom of people with clear skin. I know that I've become unhealthily obsessive and paranoid about it, but, the first thing people see when they meet you for the first time is your face, and if its covered in acne, from my point of view, you can't really see much of anything else. Its difficult not to feel self conscious because its there for sveryone to see. At least, if it were body acne I could attempt to cover it up more effectively. Its like my nightmare is shared with everyone who sees me. I often put my hand over a bad cheek and pretend to be scratching something if I have to pass someone on the street, to disguise the worst part of my acne.

I can definitely relate all too well, especially that middle paragraph I quoted. I turned 20 this year too, been through a course of accutane (which was only like 25% successful at best) and I feel exasperated cause I just want this to be over already. Oftentimes those of us with acne give A LOT more weight to the negative attention we get from others, than the positive. I can say from my experience as someone who has ignored their friends for a long time, more than anything, they just want and enjoy your company, especially someone as intelligent and with a good sense of humor like yourself. Good luck with school and whatnot. :thumbsup:

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Genetics are a bitch, to be honest. I eat a good diet, I'm in shape and I'm meticulously clean, but does it make a difference? Nope. I know *exactly* what you mean about feeling freaked out by greasy/dirty atmospheres...I worked in this awful greasy breakfast bakery once and I swear the air had oil in it. I would come home and SCRUB every single day, but I couldn't get the oily nasty feeling to go away because I spent so much time there. I was paranoid that it was ruining my skin, although it's pretty bad no matter what I do. But of course my fifteenYO coworker had a face full of pancake makeup, smoked every day, and didn't have a single spot. Go figure.

BCPs might be worth a try. Lots of women take them and have wonderful results...maybe you wouldn't get patchy at all. And if you did, I'm sure it would go away when you stopped. Can you ask your GP about it?

You know, for all the negative hype about Accutane side effects, I've actually had a good experience so far (I'm almost done with my first month.) My lips are a little chapped and I need more moisturizer than I used to, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. I'm supposed to take a slightly higher dosage starting the week after this one, but so far it's been better than I dared to hope.

The under-the-skin bumps are AWFUL. Even covering them with makeup doesn't hide their texture. Yet I do it anyway, because it makes me feel better. I know people can still tell I have acne, but making my face a normal color seems to be a general improvement. Helps me face the world, anyway...

I've gotta go at the moment, but I'll keep checking back. Moral support from people who understand helps *so* much. Stay strong, salotape!

Thinking about genetics, my brother used to have moderately bad acne, but he cleared up completely by the age of 23, (so, I'm hoping the same applies to me!) However, he never went to the GP for his acne and just stuck to normal OTC products like clean and clear, which, suggests that my acne is more severe than his because I've been going to the doctors about acne since I was 15 years old... :rolleyes: I've drawn an EVEN SHORTER straw on this one.

Argh, I have become a perfectionist at having clean fingers whenever I touch my face or apply my makeup. It actually really annoys me that I've become so fricking obsessed with having clean hands. Its almost like an OCD thing because I don't even realise I'm cleaning my hands that much until the end of the shift when my hands are parched and screaming for moisture! TBH, I think your acne would get worse if you work in a greasy environment because of the oil in the air getting into your hair and pores - because of this, I change my pillowcase every few days, or flip it to the clean side just to make sure that I don't end up rubbing old dirt into my face when I sleep, despite the fact I shower everyday.

Diet-wise, I've been really good this year. I've never been a total couch potato, although I have had lazy days where I will watch a whole season of LOST! I've made extra effort to be healthier in uni, especially during exam time when all you want to do is grab something quick to eat. While, it has improved my digestive system, it has done little for my skin. My flatmate eats the most unhealthy stuff you can think of, ie god awful Birdseye chicken dippers and croquette potatos EVERYDAY for dinner, yet she has amazing skin. It completely baffles me as to how their bodies don't physically reflect the amount of crap they put into their bodies and yet we, the healthy ones, do. :confused:

The thing is when I asked to try BCP, my GP didn't warn me about the side effects. She only measured my blood pressure and asked whether I had a history of Deep Vein Thrombosis and migraines, (both, of which I don't.) Luckily, I came onto this board and found out that it could have adverse effects on asian skin, so I don't think many GPs are aware of this problem. I already have a bit of hypo pigmentation on my right cheek because of an allergic reaction I had to a moisturiser, and its never gone back to normal pigment sooooo I'm a bit more cautious about trying anything that will worsen the situation. My makeup evens out my overall colour, but I'd rather not wear it makeup at all if I can get away with it (which, I can't most days because of acne!) I will probably give it a go in the future, perhaps not dianette because of the effects it seems to have on most users.

Wow, I didn't realise you had already completed a month of accutane! I thought you were about to start it. I'm so pleased its not having any wacky side effects on you, fingers crossed that it stays that way when you up the dosage! :dance: I think most people see at least an improvement in their acne whilst on it, if not a complete clear up. However, I get the impression that in most cases it comes back after the treatment ends because there is no cure for acne. This applies to every other acne treatment out there. I keep hoping that one day someone will actually find a cure for acne, perhaps we should start an acne research charity, or a sponsored acne fun run?! haha I don't think i've even encountered or heard one being held purely for acne. It would at least be original! :rolleyes:

I have under the skin lumps EVERYWHERE right now. Its like when one finally goes down, another 3 pop up for its funeral. I get twinges of pain sometimes when it hasn't quite come up to the surface yet, its ridiculously annoying! Not to mention, my skin is SO dry today because my new treatment solution contains alcohol to dry the suckers out. I've been lathering emolient cream on, I'm still researching into a good moisturiser that won't block pors or cause irritation because of my sensitive skin. Any recommendations? :think:

Also, whats the time difference between the UK and USA? Its currently 2pm over here now. I'll check back later on tonight anyway! Speak soon KitKate! ;)

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Some days/weeks I'll lock myself in the house and barely step outdoors because I'll feel too self conscious and upset about the state of my skin (Its currently having a whitehead/papule party all over my cheeks!) I also hate the fact that I have to wear makeup whenever I pop outside because I feel like people will stare at me or I'll make small kids cry with my acne. Makeup makes me feel and look remotely normal, although lately even makeup can't seem to cover my acne sufficiently because its generally very bumpy, so in the sunlight my skin looks like a gravel path! :ninja: (I just realised that I am really selling myself here! :D )

I'm sure many of you can understand what its like to feel ugly or the odd one out when you hang out with friends who have amazingly clear skin. I know they'll love me no matter what, but I also know that they probably do secretly cringe at the sight of my skin. Hell, I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, so I don't blame them! Lately, Ive found it hard to go out with them because of the deteriorating state of my skin. They haven't seen me this bad before and so it could come as a bit of a shock. They'd never say anything to my face, but it will be hard not to notice the increase in acne since uni broke up for summer holidays.

I'm dreading going back to uni because of my skin right now. Its torture being surrounded by a classroom of people with clear skin. I know that I've become unhealthily obsessive and paranoid about it, but, the first thing people see when they meet you for the first time is your face, and if its covered in acne, from my point of view, you can't really see much of anything else. Its difficult not to feel self conscious because its there for sveryone to see. At least, if it were body acne I could attempt to cover it up more effectively. Its like my nightmare is shared with everyone who sees me. I often put my hand over a bad cheek and pretend to be scratching something if I have to pass someone on the street, to disguise the worst part of my acne.

I can definitely relate all too well, especially that middle paragraph I quoted. I turned 20 this year too, been through a course of accutane (which was only like 25% successful at best) and I feel exasperated cause I just want this to be over already. Oftentimes those of us with acne give A LOT more weight to the negative attention we get from others, than the positive. I can say from my experience as someone who has ignored their friends for a long time, more than anything, they just want and enjoy your company, especially someone as intelligent and with a good sense of humor like yourself. Good luck with school and whatnot. :thumbsup:

Hey there! Thank you for sharing your kind wisdom. :angel: I'm sorry to hear about your accutane treatment. But, at least its improved somewhat, even if its not completely clear like all of us wish. I think many people unintentionally view accutane as the holy grail of acne treatments because of how severe/amazing its results can be on the body and skin. But, what people don't see is that there is no real cure for acne. At the end of the day, we have to try our best to control it, rather than seek to eliminate it permanantly. Of course, there are lucky buggers who are cleared up permanantly on accutane, but I don't think it applies to many users. :|

You're right about focussing too much on the negative side of acne. I think we're more predisposed to accept the negatives of it because like KitKate said before, it eats away at our self esteem, until theres almost nothing left. Thus, anything positive seems a lot smaller in comparison to the pain and frustration we endure everyday. I've been avoiding the mirror today to keep myself from staring at my hideous skin, it helps to keep my focus off of it. I suggest you try to find something that will keep your mind off of your skin. You should try watching LOST - its so confusing that you can't help but forget about your skin after a few episodes! :wub:

I hope you have gotten in contact with your friends, because I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to hang out with with someone as kind and insightful as yourself. ;)

Good luck with everything!

P.S I LOVE the Dwight quote - Have you read the online blog he writes? Its so funny! Gutted that Steve Carrell has decided to quit though. :(

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Some days/weeks I'll lock myself in the house and barely step outdoors because I'll feel too self conscious and upset about the state of my skin (Its currently having a whitehead/papule party all over my cheeks!) I also hate the fact that I have to wear makeup whenever I pop outside because I feel like people will stare at me or I'll make small kids cry with my acne. Makeup makes me feel and look remotely normal, although lately even makeup can't seem to cover my acne sufficiently because its generally very bumpy, so in the sunlight my skin looks like a gravel path! :ninja: (I just realised that I am really selling myself here! :D )

I'm sure many of you can understand what its like to feel ugly or the odd one out when you hang out with friends who have amazingly clear skin. I know they'll love me no matter what, but I also know that they probably do secretly cringe at the sight of my skin. Hell, I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, so I don't blame them! Lately, Ive found it hard to go out with them because of the deteriorating state of my skin. They haven't seen me this bad before and so it could come as a bit of a shock. They'd never say anything to my face, but it will be hard not to notice the increase in acne since uni broke up for summer holidays.

I'm dreading going back to uni because of my skin right now. Its torture being surrounded by a classroom of people with clear skin. I know that I've become unhealthily obsessive and paranoid about it, but, the first thing people see when they meet you for the first time is your face, and if its covered in acne, from my point of view, you can't really see much of anything else. Its difficult not to feel self conscious because its there for sveryone to see. At least, if it were body acne I could attempt to cover it up more effectively. Its like my nightmare is shared with everyone who sees me. I often put my hand over a bad cheek and pretend to be scratching something if I have to pass someone on the street, to disguise the worst part of my acne.

I can definitely relate all too well, especially that middle paragraph I quoted. I turned 20 this year too, been through a course of accutane (which was only like 25% successful at best) and I feel exasperated cause I just want this to be over already. Oftentimes those of us with acne give A LOT more weight to the negative attention we get from others, than the positive. I can say from my experience as someone who has ignored their friends for a long time, more than anything, they just want and enjoy your company, especially someone as intelligent and with a good sense of humor like yourself. Good luck with school and whatnot. :thumbsup:

Hey there! Thank you for sharing your kind wisdom. :angel: I'm sorry to hear about your accutane treatment. But, at least its improved somewhat, even if its not completely clear like all of us wish. I think many people unintentionally view accutane as the holy grail of acne treatments because of how severe/amazing its results can be on the body and skin. But, what people don't see is that there is no real cure for acne. At the end of the day, we have to try our best to control it, rather than seek to eliminate it permanantly. Of course, there are lucky buggers who are cleared up permanantly on accutane, but I don't think it applies to many users. :|

You're right about focussing too much on the negative side of acne. I think we're more predisposed to accept the negatives of it because like KitKate said before, it eats away at our self esteem, until theres almost nothing left. Thus, anything positive seems a lot smaller in comparison to the pain and frustration we endure everyday. I've been avoiding the mirror today to keep myself from staring at my hideous skin, it helps to keep my focus off of it. I suggest you try to find something that will keep your mind off of your skin. You should try watching LOST - its so confusing that you can't help but forget about your skin after a few episodes! :wub:

I hope you have gotten in contact with your friends, because I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to hang out with with someone as kind and insightful as yourself. ;)

Good luck with everything!

P.S I LOVE the Dwight quote - Have you read the online blog he writes? Its so funny! Gutted that Steve Carrell has decided to quit though. :(

Lost for the win, i agree with anyone who gives recommendation to watch it, truly epic!!

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Genetics are a bitch, to be honest. I eat a good diet, I'm in shape and I'm meticulously clean, but does it make a difference? Nope. I know *exactly* what you mean about feeling freaked out by greasy/dirty atmospheres...I worked in this awful greasy breakfast bakery once and I swear the air had oil in it. I would come home and SCRUB every single day, but I couldn't get the oily nasty feeling to go away because I spent so much time there. I was paranoid that it was ruining my skin, although it's pretty bad no matter what I do. But of course my fifteenYO coworker had a face full of pancake makeup, smoked every day, and didn't have a single spot. Go figure.

BCPs might be worth a try. Lots of women take them and have wonderful results...maybe you wouldn't get patchy at all. And if you did, I'm sure it would go away when you stopped. Can you ask your GP about it?

You know, for all the negative hype about Accutane side effects, I've actually had a good experience so far (I'm almost done with my first month.) My lips are a little chapped and I need more moisturizer than I used to, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. I'm supposed to take a slightly higher dosage starting the week after this one, but so far it's been better than I dared to hope.

The under-the-skin bumps are AWFUL. Even covering them with makeup doesn't hide their texture. Yet I do it anyway, because it makes me feel better. I know people can still tell I have acne, but making my face a normal color seems to be a general improvement. Helps me face the world, anyway...

I've gotta go at the moment, but I'll keep checking back. Moral support from people who understand helps *so* much. Stay strong, salotape!

Thinking about genetics, my brother used to have moderately bad acne, but he cleared up completely by the age of 23, (so, I'm hoping the same applies to me!) However, he never went to the GP for his acne and just stuck to normal OTC products like clean and clear, which, suggests that my acne is more severe than his because I've been going to the doctors about acne since I was 15 years old... :rolleyes: I've drawn an EVEN SHORTER straw on this one.

Argh, I have become a perfectionist at having clean fingers whenever I touch my face or apply my makeup. It actually really annoys me that I've become so fricking obsessed with having clean hands. Its almost like an OCD thing because I don't even realise I'm cleaning my hands that much until the end of the shift when my hands are parched and screaming for moisture! TBH, I think your acne would get worse if you work in a greasy environment because of the oil in the air getting into your hair and pores - because of this, I change my pillowcase every few days, or flip it to the clean side just to make sure that I don't end up rubbing old dirt into my face when I sleep, despite the fact I shower everyday.

Diet-wise, I've been really good this year. I've never been a total couch potato, although I have had lazy days where I will watch a whole season of LOST! I've made extra effort to be healthier in uni, especially during exam time when all you want to do is grab something quick to eat. While, it has improved my digestive system, it has done little for my skin. My flatmate eats the most unhealthy stuff you can think of, ie god awful Birdseye chicken dippers and croquette potatos EVERYDAY for dinner, yet she has amazing skin. It completely baffles me as to how their bodies don't physically reflect the amount of crap they put into their bodies and yet we, the healthy ones, do. :confused:

The thing is when I asked to try BCP, my GP didn't warn me about the side effects. She only measured my blood pressure and asked whether I had a history of Deep Vein Thrombosis and migraines, (both, of which I don't.) Luckily, I came onto this board and found out that it could have adverse effects on asian skin, so I don't think many GPs are aware of this problem. I already have a bit of hypo pigmentation on my right cheek because of an allergic reaction I had to a moisturiser, and its never gone back to normal pigment sooooo I'm a bit more cautious about trying anything that will worsen the situation. My makeup evens out my overall colour, but I'd rather not wear it makeup at all if I can get away with it (which, I can't most days because of acne!) I will probably give it a go in the future, perhaps not dianette because of the effects it seems to have on most users.

Wow, I didn't realise you had already completed a month of accutane! I thought you were about to start it. I'm so pleased its not having any wacky side effects on you, fingers crossed that it stays that way when you up the dosage! :dance: I think most people see at least an improvement in their acne whilst on it, if not a complete clear up. However, I get the impression that in most cases it comes back after the treatment ends because there is no cure for acne. This applies to every other acne treatment out there. I keep hoping that one day someone will actually find a cure for acne, perhaps we should start an acne research charity, or a sponsored acne fun run?! haha I don't think i've even encountered or heard one being held purely for acne. It would at least be original! :rolleyes:

I have under the skin lumps EVERYWHERE right now. Its like when one finally goes down, another 3 pop up for its funeral. I get twinges of pain sometimes when it hasn't quite come up to the surface yet, its ridiculously annoying! Not to mention, my skin is SO dry today because my new treatment solution contains alcohol to dry the suckers out. I've been lathering emolient cream on, I'm still researching into a good moisturiser that won't block pors or cause irritation because of my sensitive skin. Any recommendations? :think:

Also, whats the time difference between the UK and USA? Its currently 2pm over here now. I'll check back later on tonight anyway! Speak soon KitKate! ;)

Let's see, it says you posted that at roughly 7am my time...so are you six hours ahead of me? Wow. That's odd to think about.

Moisturizer recommendations: AVEENO. It's a little pricier than other drugstore stuff but it's my absolute favorite. So rich and creamy and good. For a rash or a particularly rough spot, I really love Aquaphor. It's also good on dry lips. My Accutane lifesaver.

I haven't been on Accutane long enough for it to make much of a difference yet (they say month 3 is the magic month), so I have some under the skin lumps right now too. A couple on my back (which hurt every time my bra strap slips) and several on my face. Ow ow ow. I really hate them because there's not much you can do, and mine are starting to show though and rough up the texture of my skin. Lovely.

I will say - I personally know 3 people who have been on Acctuane who have been totally cured. Or at least cured for several years and who are still looking wonderful. Some people do relapse, yeah, but I'm hoping and praying for a positive experience. I've seen it happen, so I have hope. The hope of doing well a month or two from now is one of the biggest things keeping me strong. No, I don't look good today and probably won't look good next week, but it's very likely that I'll look good by Thanksgiving. I hope I hope I hope.

My brother had moderate acne like me as well, and he also cleared up after high school! Maybe it's the difference in male/female hormones. I did get significant improvement from that BCP I mentioned. I wish it hadn't effed up my period so I could have stayed on it. And we've had similar roommate experiences too - my roomie last year ate cookies and buttery popcorn, showered every two days "to conserve water", didn't exercise and went to sleep without washing her face. Her complexion was lovely. Whereas I go to the gym four times a week, eat fresh healthy foods, take vitamins, shower daily, change my sheets every week and a half, change my pillowcase daily, wash and treat my face morning and night...fate's a bitch, basically. Justice has nothing to do with it. I feel your pain *sigh*

I went back to school a few days ago with a bad breakout. Really depressing for everyone to see me like this after the summer. Makeup isn't helping much with this one, so I'm just trying to tough it out. Imagine me empathizing and morally supporting you from across the ocean :) How are you doing today?

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Hey there! Thank you for sharing your kind wisdom. :angel: I'm sorry to hear about your accutane treatment. But, at least its improved somewhat, even if its not completely clear like all of us wish. I think many people unintentionally view accutane as the holy grail of acne treatments because of how severe/amazing its results can be on the body and skin. But, what people don't see is that there is no real cure for acne. At the end of the day, we have to try our best to control it, rather than seek to eliminate it permanantly. Of course, there are lucky buggers who are cleared up permanantly on accutane, but I don't think it applies to many users. :|

You're right about focussing too much on the negative side of acne. I think we're more predisposed to accept the negatives of it because like KitKate said before, it eats away at our self esteem, until theres almost nothing left. Thus, anything positive seems a lot smaller in comparison to the pain and frustration we endure everyday. I've been avoiding the mirror today to keep myself from staring at my hideous skin, it helps to keep my focus off of it. I suggest you try to find something that will keep your mind off of your skin. You should try watching LOST - its so confusing that you can't help but forget about your skin after a few episodes! :wub:

I hope you have gotten in contact with your friends, because I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to hang out with with someone as kind and insightful as yourself. ;)

Good luck with everything!

P.S I LOVE the Dwight quote - Have you read the online blog he writes? Its so funny! Gutted that Steve Carrell has decided to quit though. :(

Yeah I was maybe a little overly optimistic in hindsight, but there have been many people on here who have had amazing results from Accutane. Oh well, i'm trying the diet approach now. It can't hurt. :shrug:

Very true. Avoiding the mirror is a good strategy, I wish I had your willpower. I rarely go very long at all without looking at a mirror. lol at the Lost suggestion. I've never even seen an episode actually, but my friends love it. I'm sure I would too but I pretty much stick to my staples of: The Office, South Park, Colbert Report, along with the occasional brain cell-killing reality tv show.

Aw thanks :D Yeah I'm starting to but it's a little awkward lol, but they have been really understanding.

Thanks so much for telling about about the Schrute Space blog! Dwight is one of my role models. I just read on Rainn Wilson's wiki bio that he doesn't write them anymore. Are the old posts better? Yeah I mourned for weeks when I heard Carrell wasn't coming back, I feel your pain :comfort: . He's brilliant though. I've heard a lot of his material on the show is improv, the guy's got mad comedic skills.

Edited by OntheRun

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Genetics are a bitch, to be honest. I eat a good diet, I'm in shape and I'm meticulously clean, but does it make a difference? Nope. I know *exactly* what you mean about feeling freaked out by greasy/dirty atmospheres...I worked in this awful greasy breakfast bakery once and I swear the air had oil in it. I would come home and SCRUB every single day, but I couldn't get the oily nasty feeling to go away because I spent so much time there. I was paranoid that it was ruining my skin, although it's pretty bad no matter what I do. But of course my fifteenYO coworker had a face full of pancake makeup, smoked every day, and didn't have a single spot. Go figure.

BCPs might be worth a try. Lots of women take them and have wonderful results...maybe you wouldn't get patchy at all. And if you did, I'm sure it would go away when you stopped. Can you ask your GP about it?

You know, for all the negative hype about Accutane side effects, I've actually had a good experience so far (I'm almost done with my first month.) My lips are a little chapped and I need more moisturizer than I used to, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. I'm supposed to take a slightly higher dosage starting the week after this one, but so far it's been better than I dared to hope.

The under-the-skin bumps are AWFUL. Even covering them with makeup doesn't hide their texture. Yet I do it anyway, because it makes me feel better. I know people can still tell I have acne, but making my face a normal color seems to be a general improvement. Helps me face the world, anyway...

I've gotta go at the moment, but I'll keep checking back. Moral support from people who understand helps *so* much. Stay strong, salotape!

Thinking about genetics, my brother used to have moderately bad acne, but he cleared up completely by the age of 23, (so, I'm hoping the same applies to me!) However, he never went to the GP for his acne and just stuck to normal OTC products like clean and clear, which, suggests that my acne is more severe than his because I've been going to the doctors about acne since I was 15 years old... :rolleyes: I've drawn an EVEN SHORTER straw on this one.

Argh, I have become a perfectionist at having clean fingers whenever I touch my face or apply my makeup. It actually really annoys me that I've become so fricking obsessed with having clean hands. Its almost like an OCD thing because I don't even realise I'm cleaning my hands that much until the end of the shift when my hands are parched and screaming for moisture! TBH, I think your acne would get worse if you work in a greasy environment because of the oil in the air getting into your hair and pores - because of this, I change my pillowcase every few days, or flip it to the clean side just to make sure that I don't end up rubbing old dirt into my face when I sleep, despite the fact I shower everyday.

Diet-wise, I've been really good this year. I've never been a total couch potato, although I have had lazy days where I will watch a whole season of LOST! I've made extra effort to be healthier in uni, especially during exam time when all you want to do is grab something quick to eat. While, it has improved my digestive system, it has done little for my skin. My flatmate eats the most unhealthy stuff you can think of, ie god awful Birdseye chicken dippers and croquette potatos EVERYDAY for dinner, yet she has amazing skin. It completely baffles me as to how their bodies don't physically reflect the amount of crap they put into their bodies and yet we, the healthy ones, do. :confused:

The thing is when I asked to try BCP, my GP didn't warn me about the side effects. She only measured my blood pressure and asked whether I had a history of Deep Vein Thrombosis and migraines, (both, of which I don't.) Luckily, I came onto this board and found out that it could have adverse effects on asian skin, so I don't think many GPs are aware of this problem. I already have a bit of hypo pigmentation on my right cheek because of an allergic reaction I had to a moisturiser, and its never gone back to normal pigment sooooo I'm a bit more cautious about trying anything that will worsen the situation. My makeup evens out my overall colour, but I'd rather not wear it makeup at all if I can get away with it (which, I can't most days because of acne!) I will probably give it a go in the future, perhaps not dianette because of the effects it seems to have on most users.

Wow, I didn't realise you had already completed a month of accutane! I thought you were about to start it. I'm so pleased its not having any wacky side effects on you, fingers crossed that it stays that way when you up the dosage! :dance: I think most people see at least an improvement in their acne whilst on it, if not a complete clear up. However, I get the impression that in most cases it comes back after the treatment ends because there is no cure for acne. This applies to every other acne treatment out there. I keep hoping that one day someone will actually find a cure for acne, perhaps we should start an acne research charity, or a sponsored acne fun run?! haha I don't think i've even encountered or heard one being held purely for acne. It would at least be original! :rolleyes:

I have under the skin lumps EVERYWHERE right now. Its like when one finally goes down, another 3 pop up for its funeral. I get twinges of pain sometimes when it hasn't quite come up to the surface yet, its ridiculously annoying! Not to mention, my skin is SO dry today because my new treatment solution contains alcohol to dry the suckers out. I've been lathering emolient cream on, I'm still researching into a good moisturiser that won't block pors or cause irritation because of my sensitive skin. Any recommendations? :think:

Also, whats the time difference between the UK and USA? Its currently 2pm over here now. I'll check back later on tonight anyway! Speak soon KitKate! ;)

Let's see, it says you posted that at roughly 7am my time...so are you six hours ahead of me? Wow. That's odd to think about.

Moisturizer recommendations: AVEENO. It's a little pricier than other drugstore stuff but it's my absolute favorite. So rich and creamy and good. For a rash or a particularly rough spot, I really love Aquaphor. It's also good on dry lips. My Accutane lifesaver.

I haven't been on Accutane long enough for it to make much of a difference yet (they say month 3 is the magic month), so I have some under the skin lumps right now too. A couple on my back (which hurt every time my bra strap slips) and several on my face. Ow ow ow. I really hate them because there's not much you can do, and mine are starting to show though and rough up the texture of my skin. Lovely.

I will say - I personally know 3 people who have been on Acctuane who have been totally cured. Or at least cured for several years and who are still looking wonderful. Some people do relapse, yeah, but I'm hoping and praying for a positive experience. I've seen it happen, so I have hope. The hope of doing well a month or two from now is one of the biggest things keeping me strong. No, I don't look good today and probably won't look good next week, but it's very likely that I'll look good by Thanksgiving. I hope I hope I hope.

My brother had moderate acne like me as well, and he also cleared up after high school! Maybe it's the difference in male/female hormones. I did get significant improvement from that BCP I mentioned. I wish it hadn't effed up my period so I could have stayed on it. And we've had similar roommate experiences too - my roomie last year ate cookies and buttery popcorn, showered every two days "to conserve water", didn't exercise and went to sleep without washing her face. Her complexion was lovely. Whereas I go to the gym four times a week, eat fresh healthy foods, take vitamins, shower daily, change my sheets every week and a half, change my pillowcase daily, wash and treat my face morning and night...fate's a bitch, basically. Justice has nothing to do with it. I feel your pain *sigh*

I went back to school a few days ago with a bad breakout. Really depressing for everyone to see me like this after the summer. Makeup isn't helping much with this one, so I'm just trying to tough it out. Imagine me empathizing and morally supporting you from across the ocean :) How are you doing today?

So, right now its about 4 am for you guys over the ocean and 10 am for us, its really odd how we end up writing posts to each other when either one of us are asleep! :D

Thank you for the moisturiser reccommendations - I actually eyed up Aveeno a few weeks back, I've been trying to find a moisturiser that won't cause me to break out into a rash on my dry areas - ie, the sides of my cheeks are the worst. I got free sampls of Avene creams in the drugstore, but even that caused a rash that didn't go for over a week and a half. So effing annoying!

Wow, well if accutane has helped those people with their acne, I have high hopes for you as well! At least if you relapse, it sounds like your acne will be milder than before the treatment. So, it would be easier to control in the future, if that makes sense? OR you could be clear FOREVER. And I would be happy/hate you consequently! haha ;) Keep up the endurance work on this one, I reckon it will pay off for you in a few months!

Argh, my flatmate doesn't wash her face either, annnnnnd she comes back from nights out and just goes to bed. Next morning, despite being hungover, her face is PERFECT. :wall: The only spots my flatmates get are hormonal ones on the chin, I say ''spots'', when really there are about 3 spots on their faces during this period. I on the other hand get 7+ new spots EVERYDAY. This morning, I found that I have a painful lump coming up INBETWEEN MY EYES!! WTF?! I'm going to look like a cyclops in a few days. :evil: I've also got 3 new spots on my forehead that are inflamed, and 3 new ones on my right cheek. The rest of my old acne is still hanging on as well.

I was meant to be travelling via train today to see some old friends who live near my uni, I'm beginning to wonder whether thats such a good idea because like your situation, they haven't seen me since uni broke up for summer 2 months back and I know that the lump inbetween my eyes is going to get bigger tomorrow. I'd be kipping on someones sofa for the night, how the hell can I hide my acne in the morning from them? at least at home I can access a mirror with good light from outside. Whereas, I'd have to try and use their bathroom mirror and artifcial light, which doesn't help with applying makeup because it isn't accurate enough to see whether my makeup has blended in with my blotchy skin...Anyhow, I have roughly an hour to decide whether to make up an excuse or to just go and face them, looking like this and feeling this bad about it. :| I hate how acne can control my life so easily and determine my social life. I know I let it control me, but when you feel depressed about it, its hard not to let it win for the day when you know you could just hide in the house like quasimodo. Argh, I'll decide in a minute.

So, besides my usual dilemma of leaving the house, how is everything on your side of the ocean? I guess you're back at uni now right? I don't start until mid september! If you don't mind me asking, what do you study?

I'll check back tomorrow night because if I go and stay with my friends tonight, I won't have access to the internet! Otherwise, I hope you have an awesome day today, at least, better than the one you had yesturday! Stay strong and if you ever feel self conscious, know that I feel exactly the same with my third eye right now! (BTW, I am still so fucked makeupwise, trying to cover up that badass lump today!)

xxx

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Hey there! Thank you for sharing your kind wisdom. :angel: I'm sorry to hear about your accutane treatment. But, at least its improved somewhat, even if its not completely clear like all of us wish. I think many people unintentionally view accutane as the holy grail of acne treatments because of how severe/amazing its results can be on the body and skin. But, what people don't see is that there is no real cure for acne. At the end of the day, we have to try our best to control it, rather than seek to eliminate it permanantly. Of course, there are lucky buggers who are cleared up permanantly on accutane, but I don't think it applies to many users. :|

You're right about focussing too much on the negative side of acne. I think we're more predisposed to accept the negatives of it because like KitKate said before, it eats away at our self esteem, until theres almost nothing left. Thus, anything positive seems a lot smaller in comparison to the pain and frustration we endure everyday. I've been avoiding the mirror today to keep myself from staring at my hideous skin, it helps to keep my focus off of it. I suggest you try to find something that will keep your mind off of your skin. You should try watching LOST - its so confusing that you can't help but forget about your skin after a few episodes! :wub:

I hope you have gotten in contact with your friends, because I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to hang out with with someone as kind and insightful as yourself. ;)

Good luck with everything!

P.S I LOVE the Dwight quote - Have you read the online blog he writes? Its so funny! Gutted that Steve Carrell has decided to quit though. :(

Yeah I was maybe a little overly optimistic in hindsight, but there have been many people on here who have had amazing results from Accutane. Oh well, i'm trying the diet approach now. It can't hurt. :shrug:

Very true. Avoiding the mirror is a good strategy, I wish I had your willpower. I rarely go very long at all without looking at a mirror. lol at the Lost suggestion. I've never even seen an episode actually, but my friends love it. I'm sure I would too but I pretty much stick to my staples of: The Office, South Park, Colbert Report, along with the occasional brain cell-killing reality tv show.

Aw thanks :D Yeah I'm starting to but it's a little awkward lol, but they have been really understanding.

Thanks so much for telling about about the Schrute Space blog! Dwight is one of my role models. I just read on Rainn Wilson's wiki bio that he doesn't write them anymore. Are the old posts better? Yeah I mourned for weeks when I heard Carrell wasn't coming back, I feel your pain :comfort: . He's brilliant though. I've heard a lot of his material on the show is improv, the guy's got mad comedic skills.

I'm actually thinking of trying the diet approach as well, especially I hate the amount of shit they pump into these topical treatments. I think I'll scour the nuitrition boards soon to find out what exactly I start to cut out...and for how long I cut them out for...how is it going for you btw?

Hah, dude the first thing I do when I wake up is stare at my face, assessing for the new damage my acne has inflicted on me for the day. (Read above, if you want to find out what gifts my acne has presented to me this morning! :ninja: ) Other than that, I carry about a pocket mirror for makeup, but use it to inspect my skin when I can get away with it - So, yeah I know what its like to be obsessed with mirrors! I'm going to try hard to resist it today, hopefully if I decide to go and visit friends, it will distract me anyway.

As for not watching LOST - blasphemy. ;) You partially redeem yourself with The Office and South Park though. If you like those shows, you should watch Family Guy. The earlier seasons of that always crack me up! Its kind of like South Park, but less offensive?

Thats ok about the blog thing! I didn't know Rainn wrote them himself, I always presumed that the writers did because they write the script for him in the first place?! Yeah, the earlier ones are pretty funny, I love the way Dwight phrases stuff. I can't wait until next season starts, I'm actually dying to find something to watch this summer that hasn't ended for a break already. IE Desperate HW, Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters - Basically, any show thats worth watching!

I'm glad your friends are keepers. I'm having a dilemma today as to whether to be social or to just hide out at home because my skin is worse today. Hopefully, we'll both make the same decision and go outside... ;)

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Salotape.

I've had a quick scan read of your posts here.

It seems to me that you have identified a lot of your problems. This is good as it is the first step to moving on.

The next is to find a soultion to your issues.

Acne is apart of you. It is with you everywhere go, just as much as your arms or your legs. You have two choices. Accept thats how things are or let it consume you.

Life is too short to be held hostage to it.

6 years ago, if someone was telling me what i am saying to you right now I would have thought "You're inconsiderate person who doesn't understand" However i understand better than most people as i have been where u r. I'm just telling you need to do to break free.

That you need to take stock of everything that you have in your life because no matter how bad you think you have got it i can tell you about someone who is in a worse situation. So if you keep that in mind and keep telling yourself "You know what? I've got my health, friends, family, going to uni, a roof over my head, i know when my next meal will be. Things aint so bad"

Even though acne does not bother me anymore i still tell myself that everyday and it keeps things into persepctive.

Life is what you make it. We all have things in life we cant control. We cant control when people die, we cant control the weather but these are things that we just accept as it is apart of life. You need to do the same with acne. This is the hand u were dealt so you need to make the most of it. When it rains, we just accept that it is raining. When someone dies of old age we just accept it was their time and the natrual conclusion to their life. You have acne. It is in your DNA, It was there the second you were conceived. There is nothing u can do apart from trying to treat it and keep it under control the best you can.

I keep my acne under control but i still breakout every now and then. You know what I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE. I lost 2 years of my life to depression because of acne i refuse to lose another second over it. You have to refuse to be stopped, refuse to let it hold u back.

So what if someone stares at your face. FUCK THEM! Who are they to you? No one. You need to stand up and be counted. "THIS IS ME TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT" The true people in your life who care about you are the ones who accept you no matter what.

If you can do the above you will be much happier. I'm not saying it will be easy. Chances are you will get worse before you get better. But if you can some how, some way see the crap through the clouds you will get there. The choice is yours my friend. I can show you the door but you have to walk through it.

I wish you all the best. Good luck.

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So, right now its about 4 am for you guys over the ocean and 10 am for us, its really odd how we end up writing posts to each other when either one of us are asleep! :D

Thank you for the moisturiser reccommendations - I actually eyed up Aveeno a few weeks back, I've been trying to find a moisturiser that won't cause me to break out into a rash on my dry areas - ie, the sides of my cheeks are the worst. I got free sampls of Avene creams in the drugstore, but even that caused a rash that didn't go for over a week and a half. So effing annoying!

Wow, well if accutane has helped those people with their acne, I have high hopes for you as well! At least if you relapse, it sounds like your acne will be milder than before the treatment. So, it would be easier to control in the future, if that makes sense? OR you could be clear FOREVER. And I would be happy/hate you consequently! haha ;) Keep up the endurance work on this one, I reckon it will pay off for you in a few months!

Argh, my flatmate doesn't wash her face either, annnnnnd she comes back from nights out and just goes to bed. Next morning, despite being hungover, her face is PERFECT. :wall: The only spots my flatmates get are hormonal ones on the chin, I say ''spots'', when really there are about 3 spots on their faces during this period. I on the other hand get 7+ new spots EVERYDAY. This morning, I found that I have a painful lump coming up INBETWEEN MY EYES!! WTF?! I'm going to look like a cyclops in a few days. :evil: I've also got 3 new spots on my forehead that are inflamed, and 3 new ones on my right cheek. The rest of my old acne is still hanging on as well.

I was meant to be travelling via train today to see some old friends who live near my uni, I'm beginning to wonder whether thats such a good idea because like your situation, they haven't seen me since uni broke up for summer 2 months back and I know that the lump inbetween my eyes is going to get bigger tomorrow. I'd be kipping on someones sofa for the night, how the hell can I hide my acne in the morning from them? at least at home I can access a mirror with good light from outside. Whereas, I'd have to try and use their bathroom mirror and artifcial light, which doesn't help with applying makeup because it isn't accurate enough to see whether my makeup has blended in with my blotchy skin...Anyhow, I have roughly an hour to decide whether to make up an excuse or to just go and face them, looking like this and feeling this bad about it. :| I hate how acne can control my life so easily and determine my social life. I know I let it control me, but when you feel depressed about it, its hard not to let it win for the day when you know you could just hide in the house like quasimodo. Argh, I'll decide in a minute.

So, besides my usual dilemma of leaving the house, how is everything on your side of the ocean? I guess you're back at uni now right? I don't start until mid september! If you don't mind me asking, what do you study?

I'll check back tomorrow night because if I go and stay with my friends tonight, I won't have access to the internet! Otherwise, I hope you have an awesome day today, at least, better than the one you had yesturday! Stay strong and if you ever feel self conscious, know that I feel exactly the same with my third eye right now! (BTW, I am still so fucked makeupwise, trying to cover up that badass lump today!)

xxx

Aww I hate, hate, HATE getting lumps in weird spots like that - between the eyes, tip of the nose or chin, etc. Ugh. I feel your pain, and I hope it goes down quickly. I'm doing a little better today. My breakout from yesterday has started to heal up. It's still red and scabby, but has flattened so makeup is more effective today. I really hope I up my Accutane dosage this week - I'm seriously ready for some results. You know, I'd be okay getting the occasional spot or two, because that's totally normal. As long as I no longer feel like my face is warped and discolored, I'll be quite happy. Perfect skin is of course my first choice, but we'll see what happens.

And yeah, I definitely feel less like doing social things when my skin is bad. I ducked out of a party early last night because I just wanted to be alone. And I definitely avoid seeing people I haven't seen in awhile as much as possible. I'd rather wait a few months and see them after Accutane does its stuff. I'm a fairly quiet person who doesn't see a lot of people, and I wonder often if that's because I've had acne for the last ten years. Who knows? Also, I hate sleepovers for the same reasons you do. I like having my own mirror and an arsenal of products ready to help me. Not the most convenient thing for someone else's house. Camping is even worse, and I refuse to do it under any circumstances.

I'm seriously envious of you having another month off uni. I hate starting before summer's even over. I'm a Journalism major - how about you? And did you decide to go see your friends, or to stay home?

Maybe we should switch to private messaging...haha :D

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Yeah, heard that one before too! I am still waiting and I am 50. For me, its genetics, no matter what I do or try I still break out. Right now I am trying to figure out what gave me 6 little lovlies on my neck, and very sore tiny ones under my chin. I could have swore that when I reached this age I would not have to worry, but I do. Went to a birthday party over the weekend, avoided the cake and chips, had lots of water, some veggies and a bratwurst and I was worried all the way home about the brat. I could whine that its not fair, but then again life is not fair, either. So along with the wrinkles, lines and puffiness, I fight the good fight everyday. While I agree that life is too, too short to worry about this, it still consumes a good part of my day. I even blew off my hair appt. tonight because I thought I looked bad and raced home to spot with bp. PATHETIC!!!! Elf

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I'm actually thinking of trying the diet approach as well, especially I hate the amount of shit they pump into these topical treatments. I think I'll scour the nuitrition boards soon to find out what exactly I start to cut out...and for how long I cut them out for...how is it going for you btw?

Hah, dude the first thing I do when I wake up is stare at my face, assessing for the new damage my acne has inflicted on me for the day. (Read above, if you want to find out what gifts my acne has presented to me this morning! :ninja: ) Other than that, I carry about a pocket mirror for makeup, but use it to inspect my skin when I can get away with it - So, yeah I know what its like to be obsessed with mirrors! I'm going to try hard to resist it today, hopefully if I decide to go and visit friends, it will distract me anyway.

As for not watching LOST - blasphemy. ;) You partially redeem yourself with The Office and South Park though. If you like those shows, you should watch Family Guy. The earlier seasons of that always crack me up! Its kind of like South Park, but less offensive?

Thats ok about the blog thing! I didn't know Rainn wrote them himself, I always presumed that the writers did because they write the script for him in the first place?! Yeah, the earlier ones are pretty funny, I love the way Dwight phrases stuff. I can't wait until next season starts, I'm actually dying to find something to watch this summer that hasn't ended for a break already. IE Desperate HW, Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters - Basically, any show thats worth watching!

I'm glad your friends are keepers. I'm having a dilemma today as to whether to be social or to just hide out at home because my skin is worse today. Hopefully, we'll both make the same decision and go outside... ;)

I smell you on that one. None of that bp/retin a stuff did anything for me anyway. The diet approach can be a little difficult, mainly because there are only a handful of studies on the relationship between food and acne, but I've always thought it's the most rewarding method to clear one's acne. I recently cut out corn/grains, and focused mainly on fruits, veggies, and meat. I'm starting to see some improvement, but time will tell.

lol yeah I always play evil theme music in my head during that first walk to the mirror. Oh the good ol spot between the eyes... I always feel like I can always sort of see those out of the inside corner of my eye haha.

Glad I've reedemed myself, but ever been able to get into Family Guy either :P That's one of the great things about South Park, that it is so offensive and plain weird at times. Go big or go home I say.

Well, I'll join you in solidarity on the avoiding of mirrors and the attempt to be more social. :D

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I'm actually thinking of trying the diet approach as well, especially I hate the amount of shit they pump into these topical treatments. I think I'll scour the nuitrition boards soon to find out what exactly I start to cut out...and for how long I cut them out for...how is it going for you btw?

Hah, dude the first thing I do when I wake up is stare at my face, assessing for the new damage my acne has inflicted on me for the day. (Read above, if you want to find out what gifts my acne has presented to me this morning! :ninja: ) Other than that, I carry about a pocket mirror for makeup, but use it to inspect my skin when I can get away with it - So, yeah I know what its like to be obsessed with mirrors! I'm going to try hard to resist it today, hopefully if I decide to go and visit friends, it will distract me anyway.

As for not watching LOST - blasphemy. ;) You partially redeem yourself with The Office and South Park though. If you like those shows, you should watch Family Guy. The earlier seasons of that always crack me up! Its kind of like South Park, but less offensive?

Thats ok about the blog thing! I didn't know Rainn wrote them himself, I always presumed that the writers did because they write the script for him in the first place?! Yeah, the earlier ones are pretty funny, I love the way Dwight phrases stuff. I can't wait until next season starts, I'm actually dying to find something to watch this summer that hasn't ended for a break already. IE Desperate HW, Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters - Basically, any show thats worth watching!

I'm glad your friends are keepers. I'm having a dilemma today as to whether to be social or to just hide out at home because my skin is worse today. Hopefully, we'll both make the same decision and go outside... ;)

I smell you on that one. None of that bp/retin a stuff did anything for me anyway. The diet approach can be a little difficult, mainly because there are only a handful of studies on the relationship between food and acne, but I've always thought it's the most rewarding method to clear one's acne. I recently cut out corn/grains, and focused mainly on fruits, veggies, and meat. I'm starting to see some improvement, but time will tell.

lol yeah I always play evil theme music in my head during that first walk to the mirror. Oh the good ol spot between the eyes... I always feel like I can always sort of see those out of the inside corner of my eye haha.

Glad I've reedemed myself, but ever been able to get into Family Guy either :P That's one of the great things about South Park, that it is so offensive and plain weird at times. Go big or go home I say.

Well, I'll join you in solidarity on the avoiding of mirrors and the attempt to be more social. :D

I think it does help a lot to be healthy on the inside, it makes me feel like I am maximising the chances of clearing up my acne. Plus, it doesn't hurt to eat more fruit and veg because it benefits everything, not just my skin. I've also started drinking at lot more water as well and tend to avoid anything processed or artificial. Fingers crossed that it helps with the acne!

Luckily, the spot inbetween my eyes has gone down quite a bit since Tuesday, so makeup covers up the angry redness it embodies! However, I woke up this morning and found a brand new set of rash-like spots on the side of my right cheek. So, really my face has worsened yet again this week. :confused: Its frustrating to think that you're improving and then the next day your progress is undone.

You can't get into Family guy because its SO random! Thats why I love it. I haven't watched that much South Park, but when i do catch an episode its pretty funny. I watched the episode where the dog whisperer trains Cartman the other day and it had me cracking up for ages!

I think the new Office starts mid Sept? Have you watched the UK version? Thats pretty good, but its not as funny as the US version because they don't really have a character like Dwight in it. I've heard that they are going to have Ricky Gervais' character from the UK office, do a crossover with the US Office, so Michael can have a face off with him! Its going to be awesome because the two characters are so alike!

Meh, I have to work tonight, so technically that still counts as going out because I'm stepping outside my house. Doesn't mean I have to be THAT social towards customers though! :rolleyes:

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So, right now its about 4 am for you guys over the ocean and 10 am for us, its really odd how we end up writing posts to each other when either one of us are asleep! :D

Thank you for the moisturiser reccommendations - I actually eyed up Aveeno a few weeks back, I've been trying to find a moisturiser that won't cause me to break out into a rash on my dry areas - ie, the sides of my cheeks are the worst. I got free sampls of Avene creams in the drugstore, but even that caused a rash that didn't go for over a week and a half. So effing annoying!

Wow, well if accutane has helped those people with their acne, I have high hopes for you as well! At least if you relapse, it sounds like your acne will be milder than before the treatment. So, it would be easier to control in the future, if that makes sense? OR you could be clear FOREVER. And I would be happy/hate you consequently! haha ;) Keep up the endurance work on this one, I reckon it will pay off for you in a few months!

Argh, my flatmate doesn't wash her face either, annnnnnd she comes back from nights out and just goes to bed. Next morning, despite being hungover, her face is PERFECT. :wall: The only spots my flatmates get are hormonal ones on the chin, I say ''spots'', when really there are about 3 spots on their faces during this period. I on the other hand get 7+ new spots EVERYDAY. This morning, I found that I have a painful lump coming up INBETWEEN MY EYES!! WTF?! I'm going to look like a cyclops in a few days. :evil: I've also got 3 new spots on my forehead that are inflamed, and 3 new ones on my right cheek. The rest of my old acne is still hanging on as well.

I was meant to be travelling via train today to see some old friends who live near my uni, I'm beginning to wonder whether thats such a good idea because like your situation, they haven't seen me since uni broke up for summer 2 months back and I know that the lump inbetween my eyes is going to get bigger tomorrow. I'd be kipping on someones sofa for the night, how the hell can I hide my acne in the morning from them? at least at home I can access a mirror with good light from outside. Whereas, I'd have to try and use their bathroom mirror and artifcial light, which doesn't help with applying makeup because it isn't accurate enough to see whether my makeup has blended in with my blotchy skin...Anyhow, I have roughly an hour to decide whether to make up an excuse or to just go and face them, looking like this and feeling this bad about it. :| I hate how acne can control my life so easily and determine my social life. I know I let it control me, but when you feel depressed about it, its hard not to let it win for the day when you know you could just hide in the house like quasimodo. Argh, I'll decide in a minute.

So, besides my usual dilemma of leaving the house, how is everything on your side of the ocean? I guess you're back at uni now right? I don't start until mid september! If you don't mind me asking, what do you study?

I'll check back tomorrow night because if I go and stay with my friends tonight, I won't have access to the internet! Otherwise, I hope you have an awesome day today, at least, better than the one you had yesturday! Stay strong and if you ever feel self conscious, know that I feel exactly the same with my third eye right now! (BTW, I am still so fucked makeupwise, trying to cover up that badass lump today!)

xxx

Aww I hate, hate, HATE getting lumps in weird spots like that - between the eyes, tip of the nose or chin, etc. Ugh. I feel your pain, and I hope it goes down quickly. I'm doing a little better today. My breakout from yesterday has started to heal up. It's still red and scabby, but has flattened so makeup is more effective today. I really hope I up my Accutane dosage this week - I'm seriously ready for some results. You know, I'd be okay getting the occasional spot or two, because that's totally normal. As long as I no longer feel like my face is warped and discolored, I'll be quite happy. Perfect skin is of course my first choice, but we'll see what happens.

And yeah, I definitely feel less like doing social things when my skin is bad. I ducked out of a party early last night because I just wanted to be alone. And I definitely avoid seeing people I haven't seen in awhile as much as possible. I'd rather wait a few months and see them after Accutane does its stuff. I'm a fairly quiet person who doesn't see a lot of people, and I wonder often if that's because I've had acne for the last ten years. Who knows? Also, I hate sleepovers for the same reasons you do. I like having my own mirror and an arsenal of products ready to help me. Not the most convenient thing for someone else's house. Camping is even worse, and I refuse to do it under any circumstances.

I'm seriously envious of you having another month off uni. I hate starting before summer's even over. I'm a Journalism major - how about you? And did you decide to go see your friends, or to stay home?

Maybe we should switch to private messaging...haha :D

Hey! Sorry for the late reply - I didn't have any access to the internet yesturday because I thankfully forced myself to visit my friends! :angel: How is everything today anyway?

Oh man, I'd kill to only get a few spots, but right now its feels like EVERYDAY is that time of the month for my skin. My nose was SO congested yesturday, it actually made me cringe. Of course, because I was staying at my friends place I couldn't attempt to deal with it because I'd be left with a very red, luminous nose for the rest of the day that I wouldn't have been able to conceal from them. However, my extra 'third eye' has gone down today, enough to cover up with make up, (thank God!) but, a group of spots on my cheek has erupted to replace it. Its kind of disheartening to start seeing positive results, only to have them scrapped the same/next day. Give me a break! :wall:

Did you up your dosage of Accutane this week in the end? Any new side effects?

Ditto, on the social side. I'm a pretty reserved kind of person. I've always been somewhat shy, although, I've improved since I've gone to uni. However, I do think acne has been a big contributer towards my anti-socialness because it sometimes makes me turn into a self conscious, paranoid maniac whenever I'm in a busy public situation/place. IE. When I went out for a meal with my friends yesturday, I had to go to the bathroom to check up on my makeup and my general mess of a face, several times throughout the night. I felt at some points that other diners were staring at me and that the light was shining on my face at the wrong angles, revealing all my lumps. I really lost my appetite because of it. I hate the power acne can have on self esteem. Sometimes, you really do want the ground to swallow you up there and then. :pray:

Argh, I'm not an outdoor kind of person. I'm not really at one with bugs. Spiders tend to scare the living crap out of me! Therefore, camping would be a nightmare for me. I probably wouldn't mind doing it for a music festival or something, but otherwise I would avoid it! Also, the lack of cleanliness in a tent would get to me...

Did you finish uni early or something? Because in the UK, its normal to start up in Sept/Oct time! I finished mid June, so thats like 2 and half months off altogether for Summer break! I wish we had more so my skin had more time to recover though! I kind of hope it will, so when I come back I won't scare people...I'm doing a History degree. Final year now and I'm terrified of getting a proper job after I finish (It means I will have to leave the house EVERYDAY!) whereas, my timetable in uni is 6 hours contact time each week - hardly anything, so I spend most of my time at home studying. This year is going to be tough, my skin is going to take a beating from my stress levels. What year are you in btw? You'll probably find that it gets harder every year you progress?

Anyhow, I have to go. Speak soon though!! xxxx

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Hey! Sorry for the late reply - I didn't have any access to the internet yesturday because I thankfully forced myself to visit my friends! :angel: How is everything today anyway?

Oh man, I'd kill to only get a few spots, but right now its feels like EVERYDAY is that time of the month for my skin. My nose was SO congested yesturday, it actually made me cringe. Of course, because I was staying at my friends place I couldn't attempt to deal with it because I'd be left with a very red, luminous nose for the rest of the day that I wouldn't have been able to conceal from them. However, my extra 'third eye' has gone down today, enough to cover up with make up, (thank God!) but, a group of spots on my cheek has erupted to replace it. Its kind of disheartening to start seeing positive results, only to have them scrapped the same/next day. Give me a break! :wall:

Did you up your dosage of Accutane this week in the end? Any new side effects?

Ditto, on the social side. I'm a pretty reserved kind of person. I've always been somewhat shy, although, I've improved since I've gone to uni. However, I do think acne has been a big contributer towards my anti-socialness because it sometimes makes me turn into a self conscious, paranoid maniac whenever I'm in a busy public situation/place. IE. When I went out for a meal with my friends yesturday, I had to go to the bathroom to check up on my makeup and my general mess of a face, several times throughout the night. I felt at some points that other diners were staring at me and that the light was shining on my face at the wrong angles, revealing all my lumps. I really lost my appetite because of it. I hate the power acne can have on self esteem. Sometimes, you really do want the ground to swallow you up there and then. :pray:

Argh, I'm not an outdoor kind of person. I'm not really at one with bugs. Spiders tend to scare the living crap out of me! Therefore, camping would be a nightmare for me. I probably wouldn't mind doing it for a music festival or something, but otherwise I would avoid it! Also, the lack of cleanliness in a tent would get to me...

Did you finish uni early or something? Because in the UK, its normal to start up in Sept/Oct time! I finished mid June, so thats like 2 and half months off altogether for Summer break! I wish we had more so my skin had more time to recover though! I kind of hope it will, so when I come back I won't scare people...I'm doing a History degree. Final year now and I'm terrified of getting a proper job after I finish (It means I will have to leave the house EVERYDAY!) whereas, my timetable in uni is 6 hours contact time each week - hardly anything, so I spend most of my time at home studying. This year is going to be tough, my skin is going to take a beating from my stress levels. What year are you in btw? You'll probably find that it gets harder every year you progress?

Anyhow, I have to go. Speak soon though!! xxxx

Hey! I'm really glad to hear you went to see your friends. I know how much courage that takes with bad skin. Did you have fun? What did you do?

I know what you mean about compulsively checking your makeup/leaving to go to the bathroom...I've recently forced myself to stop doing that, or at least to the best of my ability. I just keep telling myself, yes, it's bad now. Soon it should be better. Looking in a mirror constantly won't take away the wait. I still cave and check sometimes - it's really, really hard not to.

Yeah, the thing for me with camping and outdoors is the lack of cleanliness. Spiders? Sure. I can kill a spider. But I can't get clean without a shower and fresh towel. Haha. One definite result of my skin has been my paranoia about cleanliness. All my friends with good skin are like...Kate, you can skip one shower if you're busy...and I'm like NO. NO I CAN'T. NEVER. :redface:

I'm doing pretty well I guess. Still got some dry skin, but today I saw my doc and got my dosage upped 10mg - from 30 daily to 40. Now I need to go pick up my pills, so here's hoping that goes well. It can be a pain with all the iPledge crap we have over here. They warned me that I'm probably going to flare up for awhile as the result of the upped dosage. Great - just as I started to dry out and heal a bit. Oh well. It's the road to recovery...at least that's what I keep telling myself and hoping....

I'm in my fourth/final year of school, and yeah, we do get out a little earlier. (And you're right - it's definitely the hardest year yet so far.) We finish for the year in mid-May, so that's probably why we start again so early. Although most schools finish around that time in the States, and still a lot of them have another week or two off. Don't ask me why. :confused:

I have to go to the pharmacy now. Don't thwart me, iPledge! Let me know how you're doing, salotape :) Be well!

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