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Big_joe

I Hate life. I Hate myself!

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!!!!

I'm 19 and quite judgemental of people. It's natural. I don't say it out loud, but whenever I seen people with acne, I used to think 'eww' and avoid them. In school, I couldn't sit with my friend or his face would literally put me off my food. I can't help it, I just see how people look and judge them.

And now 2 years ago karma planted me with acne. Looks are very important to me. I'm not the best looking guy but I try. I buy new clothes, eat healthy, exercise, have a nice body, nice hair.

But since I have pale skin, and my acne goes bright red, It shows up. And I can't look in the mirror without getting depressed and hating myself. I stopped going out with my friends as I used to be out daily with them, to which they think I don't like them no more. They all have really clear skin, perfect and they don't try! They don't do anything!!! Just wake up in the morning, wash face with water and go out!!! Yet I spend half a hour every morning depressed, hating my life, checking my face!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!!!!

My entire life for the past 2 years has been on the internet looking for cures, I've found nothing. Been let down by doctors and sick of them saying "It's all trial and error" when it's just error error error!!

I wear a goofy long has in my house ALL the time. My parents think I look stupid, and ask them why I wear it 24/7 and I say because it's comfy, it's not! It's itchy very uncomfortable and makes me look like a huge douche, but I can't talk to people without covering up my face. Iam VERY paranoid and whenever people are talking to me, I just look down.

It's ruining my life. I've thought about doing very bad stuff to myself but to chicken to actually do it! I pray at night about it, and i'm not even religious. I can't remember the last time I smiled.

People say "Why don't you just use spot cream" as if I havn't f*****g tried that or noticed my face is like this!! as if it's that easy to clear my face!! Whenver I take pictures, I have to photoshop them! to make my face look not as bad! Which is VERY sad IMO. I hate myself so much.

I just want to be attractive for ONCE in my life! I hate being like this!! Crying myself to sleep like a baby! I'm nearly 20 and a guy! I'm pathetic!!

Edited by Big_joe

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:cry: Oh my. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Nobodys perfect. At all. And I bet if you tell your friends, if they are your true friends, they will probably laugh at you for being so crazy about it. I was talking to a really good friend of mine that I've known since I was 11 (I'm now 27) and we were talking about her daughters acne. I was giving her advice because she has always had perfect skin and she was clueless how to help her daughter. I told her the same thing, it's trial and error, and I've been doing since I was 13. I said "remember how terrible my acne was then? I looked so gross" (I had cystic acne all over my cheeks) You know what she said to me, "I don't remember that" :shock: I thought she was just being nice. Sh said "no seriously, I don't remember your face looking that bad" I saw this girl EVERYDAY.

If your frineds are real friends, they're not going to care! By sitting in the house being depressed, you're just making it worse. There's no scientific proof of that, but when I was on unemployment for 6 months, my acne was terrible. When I started working again, it got better.

It really is trial and error. You've only been dealing with this 2 years. I've been dealing with it 14 yrs! And I've finally found a way to keep it under control just in this past year. And since you're a guy, your real hormones are just now kicking in, and its probably not going to be some harsh chemical product that clears it. You're just going to have to ride this out. Please believe there are worse things in life. Think of all the children suffering from cancer right now. Don't you think they'd love to be in your shoes? Acne isn't going to kill you, but your depression about it will. You need to be happy your alive, happy you have family and friends. Honestly, you're the only one being hard on yourself. Anybody who's going to judge you for it, isn't worth your time. Those people aren't happy with themselves, so don't let mean people bother you.

As for products, the only advice I can give you is to maybe chill out with all the harsh chemicals. All you're doing is making it worse. Think about it. All the chemicals dry out your skin, causing your skin to produce more oil, causing more acne. I would suggest using harsh products at night and in the morning, use a gentle cleanser and moisturizer. Rinse your face after you exercise. Eat as healthy as possible and drink lots and lots of water. I know it sounds cliche, but it really does help a lot. I hope I helped you at least a little bit. Good luck and hang in there.

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My biggest piece of advice to you: Don't let acne stop you from doing what you want to do. I have acne not just on my face, but my arms, chest, and back as well. Once I started getting acne on my back, I stopped swimming, something I loved to do in the summer. Now, I still have acne (not as bad as it used to be), and I'm not afraid to take my shirt off and jump in the pool. Acne will only stop you from doing something if you choose to let it. So go hang out with your friends just like you used to. If they don't want to be around you because of your acne, then those aren't the type of people I'd want to hang around anyways.

Each day you wake up, you have a choice to make. You can either be depressed all day about not having perfect skin, or you can love yourself no matter what you look like. God still loves you no matter how you look, so you should too. :)

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I wish I could say that. I havn't took my dogs out in over a month because I don't want anybody seeing me. It's easy saying "It's not a big thing" and "Don't let it get to you" but i'm a person who cares about how i look 24/7. I feel disgusted with myself and I know it's not my fault. I often think about just ending my life because of it.

Even the reflection on my computer screen makes me depressed. I don't know what the hell i'm supposed to do! I just hate myself! I know it's not my fault I have acne but I just can't help but hate myself!

People have had acne for years, I can't deal with it for any longer, if it's not gone in 6 months, I don't know what i'm going to do, but it isn't gonna be pretty. I'm begging this to work!

Edited by Big_joe

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Man i know EXACTLY how you feel. Im 20 and im a very outgoing guy but have stopped hanging out with my friends and making excuses. Im also not working now and i also noticed my acne has gotten more severe, so maybe i should start working again or gain a hobby like Kristiers said above.

As i get older, i noticed that im wayyy more self conscious about how i look and its really affecting my life. Im 1 week into Accutane, so im trying to stay positive hoping it will work as ive seen many amazing results online. I think you should try accutane. I used to believe that i should try everything before accutane but this summer i decided im going to try the strongest drug, and if that doesnt work, then start trying other treatments. Ive tried many theoretically working regimens and honestly im tired of it. So if accutane clears me then great i can be myself again otherwise i will have to keep fighting the fight :(

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Instead of going back to the way you used to be maybe you should use this experience to become a better person.

good luck.

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just one thing to say / remember when you felt disgusted by how people had acne and stuff.thats what you get for being like that im not saying you deserve it but karma is a bitch i tell you

TRY THE REGIMEN

Edited by acnevsme

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Hey Joe, I feel your pain. I just turned 21 last Friday and I'm in the same boat. Now it's not acne that's rotting my mind, but actually the clogged pores, red marks, and combination skin.

Now if I can try to make you feel better, let me inform you that I'm not the only one who turned 21 Friday. I have two triplet siblings that also did; a brother and a sister. Now my sister who never really had skin problems, has been dealing with them quite a bit recently...I help out a little and tell her what to wash with and I bought her Dan's AHA. Her skin hasn't improved THAT much, but also hasn't gotten worse, so that's good.

Now my brother...it kills me inside to be his triplet brother sometimes. Now when we all started puberty, his acne got bad pretty quick. But everyone dealed with it in middle school. Soon high school came along and he decided to see a derm. He started taking oral medication and I'd say ever since then his acne has been terminated. Now he still gets pimples every now and then, but his skin is nothing like mine. Unfortunatly, his back is COVERED in acne or whatever people want to believe the actual skin disorder is. He tells me he is very self-concious about it, yet he doesnt understand how invisible it is to people, or better yet, how VISIBLE my face is compared to his back, lol.

So anyway, through out the past 3 years or so, I've seen his derm, I've tried Carley's Clear and Smooth, I've tried the Acne.org Regemin, I've tried all the healthy ways to take care of the skin, yet I am STILL not where I want to be with my skin. I'd say I'm about 95% clear from acne, but still stuck with tons of clogged pores in my cheeks, minimal scarring, and alot of redness/redmarks. I plan on seeing my derm and getting this taken care of once and for all, as soon as I can.

So listen man, you're not the only one. Not only do I hate my skin, but I hate my teeth, my hair, the bags under my eyes, and lot's of other things, unforunatly. It's hard to look at the good things you have, when you feel like there's alot more bad things about yourself. I wear a hat every single day and shades every single time I'm outside and even sometimes inside. The less of my face that shows, the better. What you need to do man is get on a nice regemin and dedicate yourself. The Acne.org regemin was the better thing that ever happened to me. Unforunatly I FUCKED it up by adding in some stupid Clean and Clear products and never went back to it because I hated using that crap during the day. If you need any more tips on how I got clear, just message me. We're all here to help you man. Hope you feel better.

Edited by Joey T

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just one thing to say / remember when you felt disgusted by how people had acne and stuff.thats what you get for being like that im not saying you deserve it but karma is a bitch i tell you

TRY THE REGIMEN

I never used to actually say it to people. I just used to think it. I was like 13 at the time, I couldn't help what I thought, It was just one of them things. I look in the mirror and see the same thing I used to see on them and still feel disguted.

Also, thank you to the above people who posted. I've always been paranoid about my looks, always wanted to fit in and always trying to improve myself, but this isn't one of them things I can control, like with teeth. I know A LOT people have it WAY WORSE than me, but it's just on my mind 24/7. And I don't mean I think about it for a while and then go watch a movie or play a video game and forget, I mean it's literally always on my mind. It's so annoying. It just makes me feel weak as a person.

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Karma is a bitch, huh? :snooty:

One of the first things you need to do is just stop caring about your acne. Not in the sense as in, you neglect it and don't take care of yourself at all. Come to terms with it, and go see a dermatologist if it's not clearing up, son.

Easier said than done, yes I know. But you need to stop getting the feeling that you're going to just gag yourself with a spoon everytime you see a pimple. Or anyone else, for that matter. It's not that disgusting or offensive. Yeesh. :| Ever consider complimenting yourself? Try that until you believe what you say.

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I hate myself too. I'm 13-years-old & i have had acne for a year now. I've tried everything. Now i gave up & hate everything. I used to be bubbly & have lots of friends. Now I'm made fun of at school & depressed. I feel alone. I just wish i could be like I was in the past.

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Oh please.

You've only had acne for 2 years? I think that makes you the luckiest person ever to post on this website.

Try having a chest covered in bright red, bumpy, non-curable keloid scars. You think a couple zits pisses you off? Imagine your entire torso being covered in permanent acne scars.

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Guest fugleee_dumbBUNNY

hey, even tho i have had acne for at least 3 times longer than u and probably at least 10 times worst than u had + sequences + fugly shit face overall, i think u are completelly right for feeling frustrated about this shit, absolutely!

aand dude, i dont think its karma shit, i used to think its karma shit on me too, but then i thought more thouroughly and no it isnt it, because before acne i was very compassionate kid and good kid at all, who almost never laugh at someones looks and even if did then felt very sorry for that later and was being all: sorry sorry sorry etc u know..and for all that i ever did wrong im so deeply sorry and regreting everything etc...and i still got this no matter what, i got it absoluutely out of nowhere and i still dunno what the heck caused this shit and still keeping it, now after whole acne experience im soo untolerant and more judgemental about ppl looks plus not even being nice at times and can even laugh about somebody, but it doesnt affect wheter i have less or more acne tho, so nope its no karma shit, dude, besides u did nothing wrong O_O acne is disgusting, and eeeeeeeeewwwwwww is just natural reflex of mind when it sees something gross, its same as seeing somebody puke, ud naturally think ew, and its not like ull be punished by god or something because of it ..jeez..

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