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olive14

Wishing my parents played more of a role in treating my acne

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I guess my parents "sort of" understand. My dad had acne as a young adult, his brother had horrible cystic acne, and my mom had skin problems as well when she was my age. Not as severe, but she wasn't perfect.

They're willing to take me to the dermatologist, pay for my medications, pay for my chemical peels (to some extent). But other than that they're completely uninvolved. As far as I'm concerned, neither of them have done any research. Particularly my father, he is very detached from the whole issue, as he is with most issues... But that's separate. I'm talking about my mother here.

I'm mostly irritated about this because I've begun to compare the issue to my sisters. My younger sister is nearly 14 and has an eating disorder, and my parents spend every waking moment trying to basically cure her. They also spend a SHIT LOAD of cash on whatever special low calorie organic vegetarian food she wants, as long as she eats, her nutritionist, dietitian, and therapist.

My acne may not be killing me, but her eating disorder isn't killing her either, because it's not that bad. She's just a stupid little girl with no willpower. She was overweight, she started dieting, and can't get out of it. I'm sorry if that sounds insensitive but it's true. It's not like she looks in the mirror and says "I'm fat". She just doesn't know anything different. She doesn't know how to take care of herself. That's all.

My parents don't take the time to really help me. I feel like I'm responsible for my own treatment. When I told my mom I wanted to get rid of my scars she said that she would pay for it "once I figured something out". And it makes me actually a bit angry. It's a health condition, just like my sister's health condition, it affects me emotionally, and is hugely detrimental on my life.

I haven't been to the pool in FOUR YEARS because of the acne scars on my back and my mother basically just shrugs her shoulders at that, says she'll take me for a chemical peel, like it's no big deal. But even then, my chemical peels aren't that effective. The scars just come back. I want to do something more intense like microdermabrasion, or even something involving lasers, but they aren't willing to pay for that. But they're willing to pay for whatever my sister wants, because she takes advantage of the fact that my parents will now go to the grocery store at any hour as long as she asks for it.

I think that just because they can't SEE my mental health they pretend that it's not there. I just wished they did more research. If my mom took any time to research my acne at all I feel like I would have found a solution for my scars already.

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I told my mom once I was worried about having my boy-crush over in our hot tub because of my bacne and body acne in general and she said "Then tell him to go home."

Parents just don't get it sometimes. A fact of life. Eventually you will get used to it and accept it. I'm sorry it's upsetting.

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Also;

I am sorry to hear about your sister. I hate when it seems like/it is parents pandering to one child but not the other. They probably can't help it. I hope the whole situation improves soon!!

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you should stand for your self, dont depend on your parents, take resposibility from now on, this should make you feel good, but if you live to these thoughts you will likely to stay where you are feeling depressed, but instead you should change your life style and face obstcles with smile on your face

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They're willing to take me to the dermatologist, pay for my medications, pay for my chemical peels (to some extent). But other than that they're completely uninvolved. As far as I'm concerned, neither of them have done any research.

what. they are taking you to the derm, aka the dude that knows what they are doing (sometimes). both parties are better off taking you there instead of them reading some random stuff on the internet and becoming internet-certified doctors.

a girl that does not know how to take care of herself, and is oblivious of the harm she is doing to herself needs far far more attention just because she does not know how to take care of herself. i think she needs a bit more credit too, if she started dieting, then she has some sort of willpower, but it probably has been taken to some sort of harmful extreme. the likely reason your parents are more willing to spend more on her is because a person that can not even manage to eat right to sustain her own health is incredibly self-destructive, and because it is physical, it might seem easier to deal with. no one can really say how she is feeling or thinking other than herself. same with you. if your situations were switched, she would probably think the same thing.

i feel somewhat strong about this because i have a friend that had a very destructive diet, and all she could think was that she would do anything to prevent being as overweight as she was before. the thing is, she never told us and we never realized until she passed out and we had to take her to a hospital. she was really a mess, and they had to actually wean her on eating food that actually had some sort of caloric value to it.

also don't compare yourself like that to others, you have got your own vibe going on. if you are going to compare yourself to others, be prepared to build a ladder to reach their position with your own two hands, sweat, and guts. and even before that, you need to know all aspects of the situation, or you might just be reaching for an abnormally high goal. like people that say "i want skin as clear as blahmer mcblahblah,", when they don't realize that they photoshop their pictures to make them look perfect.

i pretty much paid for everything by myself, and never had the opportunity to go to the derm. but i found what sort of works for me and my budget, and i am okay with that. if you are considering microderm, then i am guessing you pretty much bested acne for the larger part, and it is just all downhill from there, except for the occassional flares and dark spots.

they might be lax because, lol, you are already nearly good to go. if you want it better, just save up money yourself and grab it with your own hands, because that's what you'll be doing later anyways, might as well get used to it. you are still young, if it's still bad later, you'll be old enough to pay for your own laser stuff or whatever star wars shenanigans they use in derm offices. they might not be pretending that your mental issues aren't there, but they just might think that you are already quite pretty. if that is your picture in your avatar, you are quite cute.

you need to rock that shit, if your parents do not care, you need to pick up what they dropped and at least try to do it yourself, or else you'll be as detestable and as reliant as your sister.

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In a way, I wish my parents had helped me achieve clear skin, however, I wouldn't want them to make comments towards my acne.... I went through a few years of hell until I found what would keep my skin clear. Probably could've cleared up my acne sooner, but at the same time, I didn't want my parents to know I really cared about the state of my skin.....

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Hey Olive :)

I can tell you from experience that time will heal the situation. Even if it seems you are getting the short end of the stick in the family, your parents love you just as much haha. I am no parent but I imagine it tough being one, weighing options, burdened by financial, emotional, and health issues of their own. My parents play probably the most important role in my life, I have put myself through a lot of shit and they helped me through it. If anything else, I think you should approach them and tell them exactly how you feel, how you feel uncomfortable and lonely. Maybe write a letter! It is difficult even for them to see things from your perspective when there is a lack of communication.

Wish you the best

Brian

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I'm sorry... but what exactly do you want your parents to do? They're paying for all your treatment, meaning they obviously care, and generally parents aren't in possession of a magic wand.

My mother has never had skin problems like I have - she's never experienced it. She's forever said "I wish there was something I could do", but the fact is that there is nothing she can do. With eating disorders, there is plenty of support and therapy that will genuinely make a difference. This isn't the case with acne.

If my parents were paying for chemical peels, I'd be very grateful... not telling people that they need to do more...

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I know this isn't the answer you probably want to read, but you are sort of lucky. My acne affects me so severely that I can't even leave the house or get employment. That being said, I have to pay for anything acne related that I want. Cleansers, BP, moisturizers, etc. I've had to sell a few of my belongings on Ebay just to make money to buy the next thing that fails for my acne.

You have to realize that parents rarely understand...anything. I'm sure this isn't the first topic you've felt they haven't understood and it won't be the last. I'm extremely jealous of the fact that you can even see a Derm and get chemical peels...I think my mom would stab herself in the arm before getting a chemical peel for me.

Anyways I guess the best thing to do if you haven't already is just sit down and talk to them. Tell them basically everything you just said here. If that doesn't help then welcome to the club of unsupportive parents.

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To be honest your parents seem as if they're willing to do whatever it is you feel you need for your acne as they are for your sister. It may seem like all it is is that they're willing to pay but Im sure if you said to your mum, can we have a chat about this, can I research with you, will you help me, she wont refuse you :)

I really hope your sister gets through her struggles with food, that's not an easy battle no matter how you feel about the whole thing. :)

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Alright, I didn't mean to come across as selfish or ungrateful.

But basically what I've grown to know my parents as is just this never ending cash flow, rather than people. They are completely emotionally uninvolved.

And even though they do shell out the cash for everything else my mom and dad are so uninvolved that they really do not see how much this has affected my social life, and therefore do not see the need to really do anything too drastic. I've asked my mom to do some research for me because she is like, the queen of google, and she's just "too busy" and has never really taken the time.

It's one thing for them to pay for my treatments, yeah that's really nice of them and all, but it doesn't replace them actually CARING.

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Alright, I didn't mean to come across as selfish or ungrateful.

But basically what I've grown to know my parents as is just this never ending cash flow, rather than people. They are completely emotionally uninvolved.

And even though they do shell out the cash for everything else my mom and dad are so uninvolved that they really do not see how much this has affected my social life, and therefore do not see the need to really do anything too drastic. I've asked my mom to do some research for me because she is like, the queen of google, and she's just "too busy" and has never really taken the time.

It's one thing for them to pay for my treatments, yeah that's really nice of them and all, but it doesn't replace them actually CARING.

its hard when you feel your parents are emotionally unconserned with the things that are important to you, especially if they seem emotionally conserned about another sibling. as much as you know you are lucky for many reasons that must still be hard.

you said "I feel like I'm responsible for my own treatment" - its good that you are, probably the best thing for you but it must be really hard being expected to take responsability for your own health when they dont expect the same from your sister.

you parents probably relax around you treatment because they know you are motivated to heal, they feel a responsability to be more active in caring for your sister as she ISN'T taking responsability for her own health.

it makes sense but from your point of view it must feel like like you are getting a raw deal for doingthe right thing.

from your point of view you feel emotionally exhausted cause you are making all this effort to control a condition which is damn hard to understand and predict, whereas its clear to you what your sister needs to do to improve.

tough situation,

feel your feelings and talk to friends about it but try to see how despirately helpless they must feel with regards to your sister. It probably frustrates them much more than ypu appreciate but they cant show those emotions for fear of making her worse.

try to ask your parents/mother for some quality time spent together just you and them/her.

it may not be often but its about quality, not quantity.

xx

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Not to be rude or anything, but you should just be EXTREMELY thankful they're willing to pay for all of your dermatologist visits, acne creams, etc. A lot of parents wouldn't even do that, and would much rather do a little research on the internet to help their kids find "natural" cures that probably won't even work lol.

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Not to be rude or anything, but you should just be EXTREMELY thankful they're willing to pay for all of your dermatologist visits, acne creams, etc. A lot of parents wouldn't even do that, and would much rather do a little research on the internet to help their kids find "natural" cures that probably won't even work lol.

I never said I wasn't grateful or thankful.

To be honest, I'd rather have parents who may not be as willing to hand me money, but are loving and supportive and involved.

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I've asked my mom to do some research for me because she is like, the queen of google, and she's just "too busy" and has never really taken the time.

Why don't you do the research yourself? Do you have a computer? This site alone has TONS of information, start researching here.

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It's one thing for them to pay for my treatments, yeah that's really nice of them and all, but it doesn't replace them actually CARING.

I know exactly how you're feeling because I'm in the same situation too (and have been ever since I started breaking out). I know my parents are concerned about me, and they're willing to pay for treatments but they seem to have no idea just how much this impacts me emotionally. I've cried in front of my mother several times about my acne and I'll I get is "hopefully you'll grow out of it." I have basically no self confidence and while acne shouldn't be an excuse for being miserable and lonely, it is. I just wish my parents could understand how much this hurts, and I wish there was an easy way to make them see how I'm really feeling, because they don't seem to get it at all, even when I'm crying my eyes out right in front of them.

I don't really have a solution to your problem, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

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Not to be rude or anything, but you should just be EXTREMELY thankful they're willing to pay for all of your dermatologist visits, acne creams, etc. A lot of parents wouldn't even do that, and would much rather do a little research on the internet to help their kids find "natural" cures that probably won't even work lol.

I never said I wasn't grateful or thankful.

To be honest, I'd rather have parents who may not be as willing to hand me money, but are loving and supportive and involved.

Well that speaks a lot of your character if you truely mean that...you would really rather have them researching stuff for you and not paying for any of it? You would be one of the few...:)

Maybe talk to your parents about it? I doubt anything on google is going to beat any type of expensive laser treatment or anything your dermatologist has to tell you to do though anyway.

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I know exactly how you feel. My younger brother is "depressed" but I think it's just a plea for attention. When I was truly depressed and suicidal I kept it in. I hid behind a facade of a fake personality and a smile and nobody ever suspected it. But no - my brother whined about it until they took him to a shrink and put him on meds. But then when (the rare chance presents itself) and I tell my mom that I dont go out because of my skin all she says is "Eat healthier", "wash your face", or "stop complaining". I mean c'mon, really? WTF?!

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