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Starlite

How do you guys deal with scars?

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So I know there is always some kind of angsty post about the difficulties living with scars, but I have to post this. I'm feeling really bad about my face right now. It's the first thing people see when they meet me, and it's almost like this unspoken flaw, the elephant in the room. It used to be so much worse but every time I get under a certain lighting I feel awful about my face. I always tell myself, some day, when I have the $ I'll get it taken care of, but what if it doesn't help? I've dealt with it for years and I wonder how much it has affected my ability to get dates, my career, how people interact with me. It makes me want to cry.

Please know that my scarring was pretty severe. Not the worst, but definitely noticeable. Less severe now, but still so noticeable. I have all these regrets about not getting my acne treated sooner and with more serious products, I never used prescriptions for very long and was always convinced that my acne would clear up if I tried alternative products and treatments. They helped, but I still occasionally get cystic acne. No one would prescribe me accutane when I finally worked up the resolve to get it taken care of.

I feel like it's just another thing wrong with me. My own mom pointed out that the reason why some guys won't even look at me is because of my scars. I wish there was something to do to make it better.

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if its any consolation lots of ppl still get scarring from going on prescriptions like accutane (im one of them)

you prolly still would have scarred on accutane

but im in the same position where i have no $ for treatments & its slowly affecting all other aspects of my life

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First of all... I have no idea why a mother would tell their child something like that. Ignore it... Unfortunately, nobody has to pass any test to be a parent. Some of us drew the short stick in that department and got saddled with parents that aren't exactly the greatest people in the world. All you can do is go off and start your life and move on. But beyond that...

There could always be new stuff around the bend that can fix whatever damage there is. And you may even be able to fix most of it from what is available now.

As far as what other people think... I don't know how old you are, but once out of the teens... I can guarantee you people don't notice or care about how you look, nearly as much as you may assume. Most people are way too wrapped up in themselves to spend much time thinking about other people in that way.

I know it's very difficult, but try to get out and enjoy life... Work on other things that make you feel better about yourself. Work to get in shape and be healthy. I can bet you that if you are in good shape, guys aren't going to care much about a few marks on your face.

I know it seems very hard to get past stuff like this, and it is very easy to just kind of sink down into a place where you feel like you don't have any way to change. But you totally do have a way to change... You can change your whole life. It's all up to you. I wish I had the link, but there is this little girl on youtube that has this giant birth mark across her face. I'm sure she has endured relentless torture from kids her whole life. People even post incredibly mean things on her youtube channel. But you know... She just gets right up there and sticks her face right in the camera... says what she wants to talk about, and doesn't let it bother her one bit. And you should see the guys trying to talk to her, thinking she's great. She's a hero.

Most importantly... I know it feels like the end of the world now, but it isn't. As life goes on, I guarantee you will slowly not think it's that big of a deal. That's assuming you will even have it to deal with at all. In the meantime, you can do little things like peels and use various products to try and help.

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Wow, Dave, that made me feel SO much better! Thank you! <3 I think I've been feeling bad about a few things in my life so this is just another thing in the fold. My mom is not the warmest person in the world by far, and I'm still confused why she would say that to me, but I'm done trying to figure that out about her.

I'm in my twenties, so no one says that sort of thing to me. But I do wonder what they're thinking.

Thanks again to both of you. :)

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Dealing with scars is not easy.

I am always SHOCKED when i get told i am 'very pretty' by other people. I don't think of myself as even being 'pretty' let alone 'very pretty'. Attractive, yes, maybe.

AND I dont have perfect or good skin at all. So when I am told these things I think "do u need glasses or something?" :)

Just on Tuesday I was at a sports club, and when I was introduced 2 people complimented me on being 'very pretty'. I fdon't believe that.

But you can still be 'attractive' even without perfect skin. you can have gorgeous eyes, lovely hair, etc etc that will attract people/the opposite sex. No one is perfect. Someone can have gorgeous flawless skin, and have some other physical defect.

There is no perfection. that is life.

and Some skin treatments can leave you worse than before, or better. always have to weigh up the risks.

but always be CAREFUL.

You may have lovely hair. Play up that feature. or beautiful eyes, draw attention to that. or a dazzling smile. yes, improve your skin as much as you can, but ther eis more to attraction than skin. :)

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Wow, Dave, that made me feel SO much better! Thank you! <3 I think I've been feeling bad about a few things in my life so this is just another thing in the fold. My mom is not the warmest person in the world by far, and I'm still confused why she would say that to me, but I'm done trying to figure that out about her.

Yeah, it's funny... As you get older, you'll slowly start realizing more and more, how what happened in the first 15 years or so, has such a big effect on everything after that. Probably one of the loneliest times in life is when you realize your parents are just people too... Maybe not so perfect or dependable as you thought. Many people are lucky and have a great family. Many don't. It's all kind of what you make of it in the end. Sometimes it's easy to hold a grudge and want some sort of answers or apologies or whatever. I've made mistakes, holding grudges for a very long time. After a while you start realizing that you're just hurting yourself more than anything.

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I feel similar to you in some ways...

First off, when I was a teen going through acne I went to derms and they did not instruct me how to use cream and I did NOT know popping pimples was THAT bad for you...

My acne got worse to late teens...and it was getting bad...and if I knew what I knew now I would be able to go back and help it go away WITHOUT accutane.

But I didn't...I went on accutane which made it WORSE during the initial breakouts...which caused my scarring to this day.

Now I have to deal with that...I wish I had the guidance but I didn't have parents that could help me in that and I didn't have doctors who told me how to apply topicals and get the best results.

They just didn't care.

I am thankful that my left cheek is near flawless (has some minor scarring and isn't perect...) but is almost flawless in my opinion...especailly compared to my right cheek. Now I have done a couple things for acne scarring and the depression you can get during downtime of acne scarring surgery is even WORSE than whatever happens on accutane.

It usually is temporary and the skin usually improves and all with a good doc/surgeon...but never to the level of perfection...and yes the lighting issue is awful.

Your mom is a bitch. That is not cool. Start taking care of your skin now to make up for years of abuse to it. Find a good retinoid and a good benzaclin product and use them interchangeably with a light face wash. Keep acne GONE for good.

That is your first step and the first step you can take towards better skin.

Be gentle with your skin otherwise and eventually when you can you'll do better.

You are a girl so you can use makeup...so find a good makeup that you can use to help you when you go out.

Anytime you are on a date or in school you'll need makeup anyway...so look up the best ones.

Find a good dermatologist and start consulting and go down a path and never look back...

My mom never said anything like that even she says my skin is good...though I disagree...but I have a brother that would say nasty comments just to get under my skin.

So I know what that's like.

Take this time in life to improve all areas of life rather than just the face. And do the best you can.

Sounds corny I know but this is coming from someone that knows.

Right now:

I am working on my :

-Career

-Body

-Friends

-Being Social

-networking

-Skin (acne maintenance and a couple scar procedures so far)

-shaving regularly

-enjoying the smaller things in life.

Find focus for you and read some good books and work on going to the gym, and keeping your skin clear and healthy. Don't worry about this affecting your career...present yourself well in great clothing and good makeup and you will do well.

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P.S. I've known stories of people with imperfections that have such great personalities that people don't even notice their imperfections.

The more YOU notice them...THE MORE OTHER people will.

Think about it like that.

It is bs to an extent but also very true...

People will always notice things...but if you are looking the other way and it is obvious you are uncomfortable withyourself and your shortcomings....people will notice it much more.

Look at Seal. He is an amazing performer and has a lot of talent...yes I know not all people with scars have such talent...but look at him he doesn't care about the fact that he has facial scars...and FYI he is married to one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

http://www.blurtit.com/q569422.html

read his bio. He had lupus a serious disease and this hurt him as a child...I am sure he went through a lot of self confidence issues when he was younger.

He focused on other areas of his life and became a monster talent. Truly a great success story that people can look up to here.

If you ever watched goodfellas Ray Liotta used to have some problem skin but he has made some great movies. There are other actors too who didn't have the greatest skin.

So keep your chin up, and do what it takes to make your skin better slowly and always be careful.

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hmm i can understand why everyones saying its hurtful when your mum says you have bad skin and it will stop some people from loving you. my mums the opposite, but my dads the same. sure it is hurtful and just creates a negative mindset. when you have a problem, you dont need people pointing it out all the time. at the same time though, whenever i do get an improvement to my skin, people go oh you are looking so much better. which makes me wonder why people arent telling me things sooner. i feel sheltered in that respect, which you only do when someone has a massive problem.

truth is some people will not like you for your scarring. i know it will stop some people liking me, as with my treatments which means i cant go out in the sun. im pale as because of it and a bit sickly looking, at least for now lol.

its good to know your faults so you can set realistic expectations, though at the same time no one should put you down because of it. its funny, since being back at uni ive been eyeing off everyones skin in the sun and very few people have perfect skin. funnilly enough some people even with scarring dont seem to focus on it.

the nice point is you will still find people out there who will like you. you just need to find them. thats the brilliant thing about this world.

Edited by cartwheeling_monkey

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sportsguy

i really liked your response.

some great points you made....

I took up tennis last year. Did a tonne for my self confidence, and keeps me in shape and healthy at the same time. AND I absolutely LOVE it. Get a great adrenaline rush from it too.

Getting involved in other things (that you love) kinda takes the focus off of your problems and can give you a positive perspective when you need it.

I think its easy to obsess over skin, but there are things you can do, to keep it in balance, and enjoy your life.

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cartwhelling

if someone doesnt like you bcoz of your scarring, then they are not the sorta people to get involved with or associate with.

people like that will always find something to find fault with.

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Hi,

This is an OLD beauty secret (worldwide). I just started using it a few days ago because I heard Dr. Oz say explain why it works, so I decided to give it a whirl, since I'd heard it all of my life, yet thought it too extreme.

Urine. Urine contains Urea, which is found in many beauty cosmetics. It has healing properties.

My results--sounds DISGUSTING, but it WORKS!

You can apply (when you're at your home) your urine to your face, like use a bunched up tissue, and just apply like you would any astringent, or toner, or whatever, ALL over your entire face.

This sounds HORRID, but it IS a God sent cure...at least for many. I don't have any meds I take, only a multivitamin, and I DID prior to hearing Dr. Oz, pray to God for Him to take away some specific blemishes, and He did. I'd prayed before for God to take away certain skin probs, and then when they'd go, I'd start doing some harsh thing to help it go some more, instead of just realizing why they went away.

I sound like a REAL NUTJOB, but PLEASE. my own urine on my skin has, in a few days made my skin look like I've been using make up. Even though I still apply styling products, I don't have the same instant break out prob either.

The urine will in a few days make your skin look perfect. It works QUICKLY! I just use my Equate Total Moisture for Dry SKin Lotion and urine, and it has cleared my face of blemishes--acne scars, acne, the big pimples that hurt, moles, shrunken/disappeared pores, made white heads go away, and even up my skin tone, which some former vitamins (I used to take vitamin C with Rose hips--but that made my hair fall out for some reason, and when I stopped using it, I got skin discoloration--like when I stopped using the vita c w/rose hips, my skin stopped changing colors--and kinda stopped and got confused. The vita c w/rose hips may make some people's skin have yellow undertones--maybe it was jaundice, I took too much for my body). Any who, I just, when I don't have to go out, I just would apply the urine (my hands where freshly washed, so I just would apply with a bunched up tissue to my face).

You can also, so it doesn't feel as "wrong," just keep some in a glass in your fridge, covered (and labeled, if you're afraid someone may mistake it for apple juice), and just dip your tissue and apply on your face. It feels cool, and like some expensive spa stuff that way.

TRY IT! (a few times a day, for like 4 days--then put whatever facial moisture your put on your face. I only wash my face 1-2 times a day. Also, I don't know if this will help hormone driven--like puberty or menopausal--acne, but I've heard it does--some say aloe vera--taken from the inside of an aloe plant--the outer leaves contain aloin which may irritate your skin--according to Wikipedia).

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Hi,

This is an OLD beauty secret (worldwide). I just started using it a few days ago because I heard Dr. Oz say explain why it works, so I decided to give it a whirl, since I'd heard it all of my life, yet thought it too extreme.

Urine. Urine contains Urea, which is found in many beauty cosmetics. It has healing properties.

My results--sounds DISGUSTING, but it WORKS!

You can apply (when you're at your home) your urine to your face, like use a bunched up tissue, and just apply like you would any astringent, or toner, or whatever, ALL over your entire face.

This sounds HORRID, but it IS a God sent cure...at least for many. I don't have any meds I take, only a multivitamin, and I DID prior to hearing Dr. Oz, pray to God for Him to take away some specific blemishes, and He did. I'd prayed before for God to take away certain skin probs, and then when they'd go, I'd start doing some harsh thing to help it go some more, instead of just realizing why they went away.

I sound like a REAL NUTJOB, but PLEASE. my own urine on my skin has, in a few days made my skin look like I've been using make up. Even though I still apply styling products, I don't have the same instant break out prob either.

The urine will in a few days make your skin look perfect. It works QUICKLY! I just use my Equate Total Moisture for Dry SKin Lotion and urine, and it has cleared my face of blemishes--acne scars, acne, the big pimples that hurt, moles, shrunken/disappeared pores, made white heads go away, and even up my skin tone, which some former vitamins (I used to take vitamin C with Rose hips--but that made my hair fall out for some reason, and when I stopped using it, I got skin discoloration--like when I stopped using the vita c w/rose hips, my skin stopped changing colors--and kinda stopped and got confused. The vita c w/rose hips may make some people's skin have yellow undertones--maybe it was jaundice, I took too much for my body). Any who, I just, when I don't have to go out, I just would apply the urine (my hands where freshly washed, so I just would apply with a bunched up tissue to my face).

You can also, so it doesn't feel as "wrong," just keep some in a glass in your fridge, covered (and labeled, if you're afraid someone may mistake it for apple juice), and just dip your tissue and apply on your face. It feels cool, and like some expensive spa stuff that way.

TRY IT! (a few times a day, for like 4 days--then put whatever facial moisture your put on your face. I only wash my face 1-2 times a day. Also, I don't know if this will help hormone driven--like puberty or menopausal--acne, but I've heard it does--some say aloe vera--taken from the inside of an aloe plant--the outer leaves contain aloin which may irritate your skin--according to Wikipedia).

Considering that urine is acidic, it makes a certain amount of sense, but your comment sounds a lot like an advertisement which is kind of scary. I'm not putting urine on my face.

Everyone, that you so much for your kind words. I'm trying to repair my confidence concerning several things in my life and I think your advice will work. I'll respond individually when I get some free time this weekend.

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take your urine advice to a separate thread whoever you are.

Urine is waste from your body. Explain to me how scientificially it can improve skin.

I've heard this supposed rumor and I wonder if anyone legit has actually used it. Until I find some legit info on it, I won't do that. Maybe you should put your head in a toilet full of s*** while your at it.

@ honey, I am early 20s...23...so I really understand. Other people here are also older and some of them have marriages some don't...but at this beginning point of your life it makes everything so painful. Today is a bad day for me...I don't even know why but I just feel awful today. Thing is people can come and say maybe seek therapy or help...but by the same token I am not crazy and my psychological issues are based on something physical that I am attempting to improve...but if I didn't have this issue my emotions would be much better off...but this is my reality. I lose motivation sometimes and feel hopeless...with what I would call mere sparks of hope from time to time. I'll feel great all day then if I am in a restaurant with "unique" lighting and I go in the bathroom then all of a sudden I see my face and I am like WTF does it really look that bad...it'll make me feel awful and want to crawl into a whole. I hate that feeling.

My advice to you would seem logical but still won't prevent the whirlwind of emotions you get when you see bad lighting or you feel someone's eyes are looking at you like someone who is damaged. Only you can really help that.

As I said Seal somehow dealt with it and is a shining example of someone who doesn't give a f*** what people think.

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First off, I am sorry that your mom would say something as horrible as that to you. My mom and my husband are forever telling me I'm still beautiful and my scars aren't as bad as I make them out to be and I actually get a little annoyed at them because I feel like they are lying to me (or at least blinded by their love for me), so I can't imagine what I'd do if my mom said something like that to me.

But I know what it feels like to allow your acne scars to take over your life. I have had acne scars for almost as long as I've had acne - I started with acne at 14 and I picked at it in the beginning, which is how I got some scars in my teens. However, I still scarred even AFTER I learned not to pick at my acne, so go figure! Life is cruel sometimes. But up until the fall, while I still didn't like my scars, they did not affect the way I felt about myself at all. I still saw myself as a very pretty woman (pretty blue eyes and red hair that everyone compliments) with a problem with acne. The acne would bother me - not the scars. I turned 33 last fall and it was like an emotional roller coaster began for me and I hated my face and my reflection in the mirror! HATED it! I have never in my life been as depressed as I am right now about my skin. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and it does make the scars look worse - the scars themselves are the same but my skin is maybe sagging a little more now and that's why?? Whatever it is, I see something very different with my skin now and NO ONE in my life can understand the way I feel. Even when I went to the derm in Feb, they called my scars mild to moderate - I would easily list them as severe, so even their classification of my scars pissed me off. Like no one really takes how I feel seriously and how it's affecting me!!! When my husband tells me he thinks I'm still as beautiful as ever, I explain to him I appreciate that but it's not WHAT I SEE when I look in the mirror anymore and I've got to be happy with myself 1st. I wish I could make this all go away - either my scars or the way I feel about them, but I can't. Instead I have to wait until I can do something about them and then hope and pray it makes SOME sort of a difference for me! I'm not on the road to perfection like some people, I would be estatic with even a 50% improvement! In fact, if my face could just look the way it does for the 1st hour or two after waking up (cause of swelling) then I'd be the happiest 33 yr old in the world! My scars are still evident but no where near as deep as they actually are! Anyone know of a way to keep your face swelled thru out the entire day? lol

I guess we have to find ther peace within ourselves to keep going and try our best to deal with our skin......don't know how to do that, but I'm hoping one day it comes to me! And to you too!!! Take care!!!!

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I recommend TCA peel. You can get it online and it's fairly cheap. ($80 for a bottle)

I bought 50% to remove few "ice pick scars" that can only be seen under certain lights.

Please note that It's only for spot healing not for the entire face!! If you're afraid of

side effects or new to chemical peels, start with lower solution (12.5% or 25%)

There are some cons to it though. It may leave red marks.

You can prevent it using SPF 60 unless you have a really dark skin.

also there's 7~8 days down time. It's best to use it in the Winter time.

Wait for a month after a treatment. I did some spots twice without waiting

and it resulted deeper scars. According to the instruction, our body needs

some time to grow new skin.

I've got 4 dermabrasion treatments, 2 co2 laser peel(light peel), 1 crystal peel, 2 TCA peels from delmatologists. I also used glycolic home peel and home demabration system for about 5 times each. The only effective peel for me was TCA dot peeling. (spot treatment)

Hope it helps! My mom used to treat me bad because I had somewhat severe cystic acne.

but ever since I cleared my acne, I don't care anymore. I guess that's the power of having a clear skin!! Wish you the best~

Edited by TCA tester

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not on the road to perfection like some people, I would be estatic with even a 50% improvement! In fact, if my face could just look the way it does for the 1st hour or two after waking up (cause of swelling) then I'd be the happiest 33 yr old in the world! My scars are still evident but no where near as deep as they actually are! Anyone know of a way to keep your face swelled thru out the entire day? lol

!!

Haha, I have the exact same!! In the morning my skin looks gooood, some scars gone, others barely noticable, deeper ones shallower. Every morning I say to myself "I wish my scars look like this after all my scar treatment", but honestly, I dont think I will achieve it. This is also the reason I dont wash my face in the morning, I want to prolong the swelling as long as possible.

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Most of us with scars feel like crap. My skin gradually gets worse and worse everyday since I still get a breakout here and there. Every zit, not matter how small or big, leaves a scar on my face now. Both a red mark and an indent/pit. It sucks.

Acne, red marks and scars have devoured my confidence. I used to be extremely confident even with mild scars on my forehead but my scars have gotten much much worse in the last 2 years. I hope there will much better treatments in the future because I'll have more money by then.

It helps to know that I am not the only one suffering in hell. Though we have moderate to severe scars, there are people out there who have it much worse. Honestly, I am glad to have been able to live once with complete confidence. I had a blast from during my 18th and 21st years of age then I started breaking out and scarring from every zit which led to everything falling apart. I guess I will have to live out the rest of my 20s trying not to get anymore scars.

Edited by AcnePwns

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I'm 16 and I use anti age skin products now that my accutane course is over..lol. But I recommend Neutrogena Healthy Skin Rejuvenator. It has TONS of great reviews. I bought it weeks ago, later to find out I can't use it for a couple months :(

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scars suck...period lol.

Do your best, life is not over and for those of you that have done scar treatments know how damaging to your emotions just trying to treat your scars can be.

But keep your chin up.

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Wow....sort of got swallowed up by school work and haven't frequented this board in a while, but I just want to say THANK YOU for all of your supportive comments. I'm still feeling insecure about my scars, but I'm feeling better about myself and my life in general, which helps a lot.

You guys are awesome. I'm glad there are people who can sympathize and understand the pain and insecurity of having acne scars. I think there is a cure in the future and that technology will just get better and better at improving scars. Plus, I'm convinced that taking better care of my skin will slow the aging process. We'll have great skin in the next 15+ years!

For now, I'm going to try exfoliation, tca cross, and copper-peptides. CPs combined with microderm have really improved my scars and skin texture, and until I can afford more dramatic treatment, I'll stick to those. I'm looking into punch float...it looks like it leaves less scars than punch excision and is good for boxcar scars. That, followed by a laser, could be a more effective way of treating deeper scars (of course, I'm sure the skill level and experience of the surgeon has a lot to do with it.)

Yeah, there's definitely hope and we are beautiful people inside and out. : ) FYI, my mother is critical in general, and is super-critical of herself, too. So people who focus on imperfections and are judgmental are often just as critical of themselves and have to live with that inner voice daily. How can a person like that ever be really happy with themselves?

I think wearing foundation helps, too. It evens out my skin tone and makes the scars less noticeable (I use BareMinerals, it also helps to prevent breakouts and makes my skin look like it's glowing.) My roommate did my hair and I look HOT, plenty of guys are noticing me now. ; ) I think a good hairstyle does wonders, really.

Sometimes we get into funks and we need to look at the positive side of things to get out of it. Thanks for being there, guys. <3

Edited by Starlite

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