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JayQ

Is there ever an end?

I sit here at the computer writing this in distraught and disgust of the way i live everyday. I compare on how i use to be when i was 100% clear and living a fun care free life. It makes me so pist and angry, sad, and confused all rolled together.

I count down the hours to work each day before i have to deal with people around me and seeing that i am a complete mess in same areas all the time. I count down to the weekend for freedom to myself. Again i compare on how i use to be 100% clear and 100% care free and when i would countdown to the weekend to party, drink, talk to girls at the bars, etc. Now i hibernate like a damn hermit.

You say well your doing it to yourself, ya well that may be so, but to me acne is doing it to me. This shit is a diesease that i can not for the life of me get it to go away. I have always had other things wrong with me throughout life that i could get rid of and move on, this has become a roadblock for me and haunts me every fn hour of the day.

I feel like a am stuck in this horrible nightmare that i cannot wake up from and always see how i use to be. I do the same shit everyday and i fn hate it. I want so many things in life and i know i cant focus on those things until me figuring out the cause of my acne is finally accomplished. It takes so much out of my day. I research this at times at work when i can, and all day at home. Weekends, oh ya acne research and trying to find answers. Hours upon hours upon hours, this shit consumes my life and i can not escape it no matter what i try to keep my mind on. I am reminded i still have the problem everyday i get up and look in the mirror.

When i talked to my mom about this the other day and telling her i was on this strict diet and my wieght loss issues/acne i was having she was asking me can you eat this and that. I was telling her why i could not because of certain detailed reasons within the body on how it reacts. She was like wow that is really in depth maybe you should become a doctor yourself or nutritionist. I am like ya that is from doing hours of research everyday and browsing this forum. Even my doc told me he could tell that is what i do.

I am tired of doing this shit though, what the fuck is it gonna take to get to the bottom of this. What pisses me off the most is, i get the same fn inflamed acne over and over in the same 2 FN general areas of my chin over and over. It goes back n forth, back n forth. I do not get acne anywhere else. You would think this would be a easy solution since its not sporadic all over my face. WHAT IS MY BODY SAYING I DONT GET IT!!!!! I am going to lay all this into my endo i see thursday about my hyperthyroidism i was diagnosed with. Even though i am hoping that is the reason i can not get clear cause of hyper and its relation to hormone imbalance, but i got a gut feeling it isn't and is something else that no doctor seems to care in figuring out. Instead they want to prescribe more topicals which my skin absolutly hates. But come to think i hate my fn skin and it does not give me what i want when i do treat it nice, so maybe i should slap all that harsh shit all over it like BP all the time and just say fuck you skin and acne i fn hate your ass too.

I just hate so many things in my life right now its taken me over, like tonight i got to fix and grill raw meats that are not processed with salad and shit. I miss throwing shit in the oven or ordering out when i did not feel like cooking and preparing shit. This is just more shit i do for what? Just so i can still get the same acne again? I have read so much about bad processed foods that i am scared to go back, everything about this disease has turned me fn upside down i don't even know who i am anymore. Tears are shedding on me right now and i have not shed one in quite sometime because i have just been accustomed and numb to this reoccuring problem. But typing and feeling all of this makes it come to realization more, of how fucked up my life is and that i am trapped until i find a solution.

I know this was long and if you read all of this i thank you! I just want to be like i use to be, and get back to normal. I have been Mr.Hyde for way to long and i want go get back. Ok i guess i will end it there i am just drained the fuck out and i try not to be, but like i said i can not escape it no matter what. :cry::cry::wall::wacko:

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I feel your pain. Try to be calm and have a positive attitude. Just take a few deep breaths every now and then relax. It really helps.

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It sucks that acne is getting to you like it is, I can really understand what your saying. Wish I could tell you what it is you need, but I myself am also looking for the anwser. I hope it helps to write about what your going through, for me it feels like a relief if I tell people (who can actually understand) about my frustrations. Most important thing for me at the moment is not to be negative towards myself.

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Wow I can really relate to your situation. I was really exactly like you 1 month ago but for some reason I started caring less. It's still always on my mind but I'm getting used to it I guess. What helped me a lot is thinking okay I'm gonna have a real fd up year but next year I'll be clear again and I will be able to get back to my old life.

It's just something we have to go through. I think everyone has something that really sucks at some point in their lives wether it's acne or the passing of a mother/father at young age. You just have to stick it out until you find the right medication in the case of acne. What also helped me when I thought nothing was working was thinking: okay, so if nothing should work there is always accutane. And if the first course doesn't work there is always a second course.

I know it sucks right now but things WILL change! Just try to be more positive like I became and start enjoying life more. It sounds hard but if I can do it I think everyone can.

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Guest Chrisâ„¢

I'll tell you again friend, accutane is the answer you are looking for. I know that you are in the military and you said that they look down on seeing dermatolgists and specialists etc., but at some point you have to bite the bullet and just see a derm about going on accutane. Acne is from hormones and is also genetic. You are not going to be able to cure your acne with any type of diet. I know that you may think that you have acne because of something internal, but it is hormones and an acne prone gene pool. Go to a derm and ask about accutane.

You see the same results, time after time in people dealing with acne. They tried everything known to mankind to treat/cure their acne, and nothing worked, then they went on accutane and it completely cleared them up. It took me 2 courses, but it eventually got rid of my acne for good, but I waited too long before going on accutane and now have bad scars. I had very severe acne and I thought that nothing could ever help, because I tried everything, but accutane was like a miricle (for getting rid of the acne).

Edited by Chrisâ„¢

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I'll tell you again friend, accutane is the answer you are looking for. I know that you are in the military and you said that they look down on seeing dermatolgists and specialists etc., but at some point you have to bite the bullet and just see a derm about going on accutane. Acne is from hormones and is also genetic. You are not going to be able to cure your acne with any type of diet. I know that you may think that you have acne because of something internal, but it is hormones and an acne prone gene pool. Go to a derm and ask about accutane.

You see the same results, time after time in people dealing with acne. They tried everything known to mankind to treat/cure their acne, and nothing worked, then they went on accutane and it completely cleared them up. It took me 2 courses, but it eventually got rid of my acne for good, but I waited too long before going on accutane and now have bad scars. I had very severe acne and I thought that nothing could ever help, because I tried everything, but accutane was like a miricle (for getting rid of the acne).

Have you seen my pics though? I don't have acne everywhere just inflammed acne on chin near mouth. Since it is located mainly there, ya i have a tiny few else were but barley noticable, my acne is considered mild. Is accutane for mild acne and i dont think my doc would recommend it since its not severe all over as in your case. I always thought accutane was for sever acne only?

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Guest Chrisâ„¢
I'll tell you again friend, accutane is the answer you are looking for. I know that you are in the military and you said that they look down on seeing dermatolgists and specialists etc., but at some point you have to bite the bullet and just see a derm about going on accutane. Acne is from hormones and is also genetic. You are not going to be able to cure your acne with any type of diet. I know that you may think that you have acne because of something internal, but it is hormones and an acne prone gene pool. Go to a derm and ask about accutane.

You see the same results, time after time in people dealing with acne. They tried everything known to mankind to treat/cure their acne, and nothing worked, then they went on accutane and it completely cleared them up. It took me 2 courses, but it eventually got rid of my acne for good, but I waited too long before going on accutane and now have bad scars. I had very severe acne and I thought that nothing could ever help, because I tried everything, but accutane was like a miricle (for getting rid of the acne).

Have you seen my pics though? I don't have acne everywhere just inflammed acne on chin near mouth. Since it is located mainly there, ya i have a tiny few else were but barley noticable, my acne is considered mild. Is accutane for mild acne and i dont think my doc would recommend it since its not severe all over as in your case. I always thought accutane was for sever acne only?

That depends really, I thought that you had bad acne breakouts from the way you were talking. If it's just mild then I agree you probably shouldn't go on accutane, unless it starts to get out of control, like spreading all over your face or cystic acne appears. Have you tried retin-A or spot treating it with benzoyl peroxide? Stupid question because most people know about BP, but just thought I'd ask, it's good stuff. If I had mild acne on only my chin and mouth area, I would exfoliate the area twice a day with a mild exfoliant cleanser and spot treat the area with benzoyl peroxide every 7-8 hours and also before bed and see if that helps. Is it cystic acne or just whiteheads and pimples (non cystic)? It's also possible that it could be caused by shaving since it's only around your mouth and chin. Do you use a hand razor? If so, you might want to start using an electric. I used to use a hand razor and it irritated the hell out of me and I would sometimes get breakouts there too. When you shave it could be messing with your hair follicles and making them clogged and thus causing breakouts, just a thought.

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I'll tell you again friend, accutane is the answer you are looking for. I know that you are in the military and you said that they look down on seeing dermatolgists and specialists etc., but at some point you have to bite the bullet and just see a derm about going on accutane. Acne is from hormones and is also genetic. You are not going to be able to cure your acne with any type of diet. I know that you may think that you have acne because of something internal, but it is hormones and an acne prone gene pool. Go to a derm and ask about accutane.

You see the same results, time after time in people dealing with acne. They tried everything known to mankind to treat/cure their acne, and nothing worked, then they went on accutane and it completely cleared them up. It took me 2 courses, but it eventually got rid of my acne for good, but I waited too long before going on accutane and now have bad scars. I had very severe acne and I thought that nothing could ever help, because I tried everything, but accutane was like a miricle (for getting rid of the acne).

Have you seen my pics though? I don't have acne everywhere just inflammed acne on chin near mouth. Since it is located mainly there, ya i have a tiny few else were but barley noticable, my acne is considered mild. Is accutane for mild acne and i dont think my doc would recommend it since its not severe all over as in your case. I always thought accutane was for sever acne only?

That depends really, I thought that you had bad acne breakouts from the way you were talking. If it's just mild then I agree you probably shouldn't go on accutane, unless it starts to get out of control, like spreading all over your face or cystic acne appears. Have you tried retin-A or spot treating it with benzoyl peroxide? Stupid question because most people know about BP, but just thought I'd ask, it's good stuff. If I had mild acne on only my chin and mouth area, I would exfoliate the area twice a day with a mild exfoliant cleanser and spot treat the area with benzoyl peroxide every 7-8 hours and also before bed and see if that helps. Is it cystic acne or just whiteheads and pimples (non cystic)? It's also possible that it could be caused by shaving since it's only around your mouth and chin. Do you use a hand razor? If so, you might want to start using an electric. I used to use a hand razor and it irritated the hell out of me and I would sometimes get breakouts there too. When you shave it could be messing with your hair follicles and making them clogged and thus causing breakouts, just a thought.

Ya i spot treat all the time with benzaclin and once tried BP wash but my skin is so sensitive it becomes more irratated and acne prone. I actually made a thread about the shaving.

http://www.acne.org/messageboard/Shaving-c...05#entry2720205

I have used electric only for over 10 years.

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I'll tell you again friend, accutane is the answer you are looking for. I know that you are in the military and you said that they look down on seeing dermatolgists and specialists etc., but at some point you have to bite the bullet and just see a derm about going on accutane. Acne is from hormones and is also genetic. You are not going to be able to cure your acne with any type of diet. I know that you may think that you have acne because of something internal, but it is hormones and an acne prone gene pool. Go to a derm and ask about accutane.

You see the same results, time after time in people dealing with acne. They tried everything known to mankind to treat/cure their acne, and nothing worked, then they went on accutane and it completely cleared them up. It took me 2 courses, but it eventually got rid of my acne for good, but I waited too long before going on accutane and now have bad scars. I had very severe acne and I thought that nothing could ever help, because I tried everything, but accutane was like a miricle (for getting rid of the acne).

Have you seen my pics though? I don't have acne everywhere just inflammed acne on chin near mouth. Since it is located mainly there, ya i have a tiny few else were but barley noticable, my acne is considered mild. Is accutane for mild acne and i dont think my doc would recommend it since its not severe all over as in your case. I always thought accutane was for sever acne only?

That depends really, I thought that you had bad acne breakouts from the way you were talking. If it's just mild then I agree you probably shouldn't go on accutane, unless it starts to get out of control, like spreading all over your face or cystic acne appears. Have you tried retin-A or spot treating it with benzoyl peroxide? Stupid question because most people know about BP, but just thought I'd ask, it's good stuff. If I had mild acne on only my chin and mouth area, I would exfoliate the area twice a day with a mild exfoliant cleanser and spot treat the area with benzoyl peroxide every 7-8 hours and also before bed and see if that helps. Is it cystic acne or just whiteheads and pimples (non cystic)? It's also possible that it could be caused by shaving since it's only around your mouth and chin. Do you use a hand razor? If so, you might want to start using an electric. I used to use a hand razor and it irritated the hell out of me and I would sometimes get breakouts there too. When you shave it could be messing with your hair follicles and making them clogged and thus causing breakouts, just a thought.

Ya i spot treat all the time with benzaclin and once tried BP wash but my skin is so sensitive it becomes more irratated and acne prone. I actually made a thread about the shaving.

http://www.acne.org/messageboard/Shaving-c...05#entry2720205

I have used electric only for over 10 years.

Wow its been already a month since ive posted this and i am still doing the same shit and my acne is the same. Had one good week this month and that was it. Reading this helps me convince me that i need to start a topical regimen like retin A.

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I know it sucks. :( You need to keep your head up. It's hard but very possible.

Is there anything that makes you happy? Motivates you? Makes you feel good about yourself?

For me, it's the sky. When I look at the sky, it's as if nothing else matters. The world seems to stop for a moment and you realize you're here. Like... what are the chances? We could not be alive at all. Too many people take life for granted. We're so lucky to have the ability to even look at the sky or hear birds singing; we're so lucky to have people to communicate with. Millions of people, everywhere. It's filled with a lot of things.

Staying positive is one of the key things is curing acne IMO. You need to look beyond what you think people will feel of you and how disgusting you may feel about yourself. It could be so. much. worse.

Find something that keeps you happy and work at it every day. Exercise, sports, cooking, painting, listening to music, hell, even knitting if that's your thing. Make yourself happy.

I don't know what you're waiting on. The more you wait for something to happen, the chances are it probably won't. When you're dying, you'll want to reminisce on all the things that made you happy. You'll want to look back and say, "Wow, I'm glad I went out that night, big cyst or not." Because I'm sure, if you don't make your life worth while now, you will mostly regret it in the future. I have wasted so much time giving a shit what people say about me and being down in the dumps. But I decided I'm not going to let those things control my life anymore. I made the best with my challenges and I worked with them. Having acne does not prevent you from being happy... it is, essentially, you.

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If you ignore the fact that I'm a girl, I could have written your post exactly. Except that I have acne everywhere. I try and try and research and research. I've stopped doing EVERYTHING in my life so I can sit online and try to find answers. It's sick. I'm totally mentally ill now. I have no desire to do anything. And nobody can tell me that that is why I have acne. Until relatively recently, I took my acne pretty well. I still lived life as much as possible. Once I started seeing the scarring, it devastated me.

I cry all of the time. It's all I do. I was feeling pretty darn good this morning because I had managed to avoid mirrors completely for several weeks. I had finally convinced myself that it wasn't so bad. And then I caught a glimpse this morning and that was it. I've been crying ever since. I think I wanted to look because I really thought I might look okay. I wouldn't even mind all of the work I do for my acne if I saw some sort of result.

I can't go on accutane due to other health problems, so that is not an option. I hate being in public, because I feel like such a beast. I hate being alone because I can't do anything but think about my skin. I used to be such an ambitious and driven person and I've become such a useless parasite.

Do thank your lucky starts that it's not so bad that your entire face and back is covered. And you're a guy. Men don't look at me anymore at all. Men have a different set of standards.

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@ Lyssa- Hey thanks for the encouragement. I really do try my very very best to keep my chin up and enjoy life and not worry about my acne as best i can, but that is very tiring itself when you are constantly avoiding the truth of how u really look and feel. I refuse to give up though and i will fight this till the day i die. I will find the cure for myself, that is really the only thing that keeps me going. Starting a new regimen tonight.

@ SAK - I am sorry that you are going through this and feeling the same way. It does take so much out of you and when you have no one to come home too, (assuming you live on your own too) it makes it that much worse being alone and keeping to yourself, because that is all you can think about. When you sit inside because of it, but you want to go out to forget about it and at the same time you dont because you don't want to see ppl look at you like you dont take care of yourself. Its hard to see the positives very hard, but like Lyssa mentioned i do try to realize how thankful i am for just being alive and not having a worse disease like cancer or aids. Continue to fight is all you can do. I am mentally ill from this shit too trying to find an answer and i am hoping the regimen i am starting this time will be it and if its not i will move to something else. Good luck too you and let me know how you are doing as well. We are all in it together!

Edited by JayQ

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