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wide_eyed

People who offer you advice on treating acne

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My skin broke out badly quite suddenly, and I was really self-conscious of it as you could understand. I was trialling different ways of treating it with skin products, and I went back on the contraceptive pill while I waited for an appointment with the derm (6 week wait), but I found that there was no shortage of people who offered me advice on how to treat it, or others who just wanted to let me know that my skin WAS bad.

My grandma looked at me one day and said " Looks like you ate too much chocolate over Easter" (How is that a productive thing to say?). I had friends suggesting products (which was helpful), but they all started off the discussion with " I've noticed that your skin has been bad lately...", which made me even more embarrassed. I had one suggest that it's probably because I'm vegetarian. My parents announced to me one day that they would pay for me to go on Roaccutane because they had noticed that my acne had flared up. Did they think that I was unaware?

There is nothing worse than thinking (wishfully :P) that people don't notice your skin, and don't judge you by the way you look, only to have people point it out, or suggest things to you as if you're not trying to fix it, or in case it had escaped your attention. The conversations are always awkward, extremely embarrassing, even when it's with close friends or a partner, and just makes me want to punch something in frustration. Or never leave the house again. Either way. :)

Do many people experience this? What do you do in such situations? What do you say to people like my Grandma? I wanted to tell her that it was most probably genetic so it was partly her fault, but I refrained. ;)

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AAAAAH i hate those people. I hate how people suggest things thinking they know better. Just talking about this specific topic MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED. They think they know what to do just because they have clear skin. Well maybe thats because YOURE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON THAN ME.

I once got in an argument with my grandma about this I was about to put a fork in her eye. She said for me to stop using those harmful chemicals on my face or something stupid like that. She also said for me to just use water and I told her I had tried that repeatedly but no she had to be the stubborn @#$#$ she is. My grandma also said midway through the argument "look does this face look pimply to you?" or something along those lines. No matter what I couldn't get through to her because... ugh I hate her so much.

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I think the worst part is that you know you cant hide or cover it up anymore when someone says something. It's like being naked on stage or having your diary read (<- TERRIBLE... I dunno about the stage form experience though lol)

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I did a post talking about 'talking about your acne openly' as a form of comfort. I think it's still really hard for people. Nobody without acne knows anything about acne. This is just how life is, but we cant exclude ourselves either.... We as humans always make a beauty assessment when we meet another human. We are wired from evolution to seek it out. We can talk about things like inner beauty, but do people without acne not also have this? If inner beauty includes happiness then it's for sure, and we are the ones lacking it. It just sucks that acne gets pointed out as if it's something we've made a choice about.

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i know exactly what you mean :P

and i absolutely hate these people!!

u know, somehow these people ALWAYS have clear skin!!! and they come with advice like: you should totally use clearasil!! :sick:

its either that, or they are old people, telling you how much better the acne products were 60 years ago :sick:

im getting so sick of this people, seriously.

you know what i want to see? some kid with severe acne walking up to me and giving me advice!

now thats something i would find usefull.

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I guess I over-reacted. I'm sure it was hard for my friends to bring it up in the first place, and they did it when we were one-on-one, and they probably meant well. But I'm a pretty proud person, and I don't like to feel as though I'm not in control. It's tough enough having acne and not being able to sort it out on my own, let alone having to be polite, smile and nod, when people say something about it. Once I had a shop assistant ask what was on my face, whether it was an allergy, and I didn't correct her (moron). Another time I was out at a pub and a guy friend touched my face and said that he could still tell that I had bad skin, even with make-up on (he was drunk, but I almost died).

Sounds like grandma's have been annoying other people too :P

There (obviously) is no magic cure that works for everyone with acne, but people with good skin take it for granted, and seem to think that people with not-so-good skin don't wash or something. BP didn't work for me but SA does etc, and it's only from trial and error that you work that sort of thing out, and find something that benefits your skin. (These forums are a pretty good source of info though. BTW I'm really paranoid about the potential IB from starting Roaccutane. Eeeeeeep). Anyway, thanks for your posts. It's good to vent to people who understand. :)

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The only other person who suggested a product for acne other than my mom was my dentist! Ha ha. She suggested Proactive like all other people who don't know diddly squat about acne. She only brought it up, because she saw on my form that I used minocycline.

My mom always wants me to use our aloe vera plant, it's not a bad suggestion but aloe vera alone does not help my acne. She also nags me about my makeup use.

I don't tend to hang out with people who have no tact, so my friends have never brought up my acne.

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There is nothing worse than thinking (wishfully :P) that people don't notice your skin, and don't judge you by the way you look, only to have people point it out, or suggest things to you as if you're not trying to fix it, or in case it had escaped your attention. The conversations are always awkward, extremely embarrassing, even when it's with close friends or a partner, and just makes me want to punch something in frustration. Or never leave the house again. Either way. :)

Do many people experience this? What do you do in such situations? What do you say to people like my Grandma? I wanted to tell her that it was most probably genetic so it was partly her fault, but I refrained. ;)

I know exactly what you mean. The only way to keep your sanity and be social is to be brave and tell yourself that people don't really care about your acne. And then a well-meaning relative says, "your acne is really bad" and all your courage comes crashing down.

"My daughter has acne problems too, but as long as she uses her BP she's clear." "Have you tried Proactiv?" "My acne cleared up when I stopped drinking milk." "Oh don't worry honey, you'll grow out of it."

I just smile politely, tell them that I've tried whatever their suggestion was, and change the subject as soon as possible. Then fume about it later.

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Ahaha, yea I know what you mean. Though, It's important to point out it's not their intent, for family memebers make total darrelicks out of themselves. Sometimes, People genuinely do want to help, it's just the advice they give isn't exactly the best. Sometimes, especially with family; their just so frustrated to see you in the state your in and that your so down, that they can say things that can offend us or come off as offensive in an act of desperation. Remember, as acne sufferers, we have a tendancy to be very self-conscious and sensitive people; so, a thing that would be said someone with minimal acne (subjective) or no acne with a stable mentality, wouldn't be taken as seriously; As opposed, to people like us, where anything that we don't like to hear or we don't agree with, comes off as a dagger straight to our heart.

When it comes down to it, People are People and aren't perfect. I doubt that your grandmother wanted to offend you on purpose, she probably just forgets how self-conscious you really are. She probably was trying to be humerous about your acne, rather than pointing it out saying "looksl ike your skin is breaking out again".. Grandmothesr are like that, they often want to lighten up things up with wisdomatic (not a word but whatever) humor.

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I completely identify with this thread! I feel like acne is so humiliating, and when someone says something to you, it makes it worse. Like--do they actually think that you aren't already trying everything that you can possibly think of to make it go away?! I had a friend tell me once that I should just 'go on proactive,' like that would solve everything--of course it didn't, it made my skin worse. Usually people don't say anything about it to me, but a few months ago while I was at work, one guy made a comment. Now, I've worked with this guy for a few years but we are by no means close. We're not even friends--we don't hang out, I don't have conversations with him, etc. So it was summer, and I had my sleeves rolled up (i work in a restaurant and it's really hot in the summer) and I had two pimples on my arm (like--just little red marks, nothing that I WAS EVEN WORRYING ABOUT) and he was like, "what's going on you're breaking out like crazy? what's up with that?" and I was like "well, I go to the gym a lot, it's summer, and i'm stuck in this shithole without AC in front of a pizza oven and covered in flour, what do you expect?" and he just laughed. He told me some other time that some face wash helped him with his face (he doesn't have acne, btw) and the advice was totally unprovoked. What made me most uncomfortable about the whole thing was that my face acne was WAY WORSE than two little dots on my arm--so what was he thinking about that?? I just fucking hate when people think it's their place to tell you what you are already obsessing about. Of course it's different if you're with FRIENDS alone and ask their advice. But unprovoked comments? I mean what guy is so retarded that he brings up a girls acne without any provocation? (and not even someone he is friends with!) GAH!

luckily i'm getting clear now though, so watchout! ahha

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Guest Chrisâ„¢
The conversations are always awkward, extremely embarrassing, even when it's with close friends or a partner, and just makes me want to punch something in frustration. Or never leave the house again. Either way. smile.gif

What about when the person giving you advice has already went through what you are going through and come out on the other side (rid of acne)? I pm people almost every day on this site trying to give them advice because I know how much it sucks to have acne, and I've been through it all and I know what helps and what doesn't help acne. Or are you just talking about people who try to give you the old "take proactive it'll make your skin perfect" advice?

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Extended members of my family are ruthless business people and I actually had one obscure relative try to take advantage of my insecurities by selling my mom facial products for me to use. That made me so angry.

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It irritates me. i never wanted any advice. i hated talking about my acne with anyone.

I 100% agree with you there.

The best thing for people to do, is to not metion your skin at all.

I dont even like people saying 'your skin looks beautiful' etc, because they are concentrating on your skin!

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thats almost the most hatefull thing in the world. things like you probably like chocolate etc...

Especially cuz they think i just have a bad lifestyle etc and that i dont care about my skin and apearence. I mean i spend at least 5x more time to apearence that my friends and other people. Fucking enoying

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I wanted to tell her that it was most probably genetic so it was partly her fault, but I refrained. ;)

amazing willpower. back then i would've prob refrained from saying it, but i'm more confrontational about my skin now.

i used to know someone who was a pharmacist. she would actually get up extremely close to my face and give me suggestions about prescriptions. i didn't want to get angry at her because i could tell she wasn't trying to hurt me. i just don't think she realized ppl deal with talking about their skin differently .. and i wasn't the type to open up with someone other than a derm.

i think the best response when someone offers you advice is to say well, if you are truly concerned, thank you, but i'm trying products on my face that i feel is best for me.

however, if they say something like have you tried that new clearasil thing on the commercial? i think a fuck you or mind your own business will do.

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It's funny cause we all take care of our skin much more than anybody who offers us advice

Edited by AcnePwns

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It irritates me. i never wanted any advice. i hated talking about my acne with anyone.

I 100% agree with you there.

The best thing for people to do, is to not metion your skin at all.

I dont even like people saying 'your skin looks beautiful' etc, because they are concentrating on your skin!

Yes it even apply to compiments. like you said it just attract attention to you. Plus the paranoid side would kick in. I would be thinking my skin look bad now, so if this is an improvement how bad must have my skin looked before lol

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Do you think that if you've been an acne sufferer, and you get clear, that you will always be self conscious and super sensitive to criticism and embarrassed by compliments? I'm starting to think that acne has made me the person that I am, and that these annoying traits will never go away. I don't see myself ever being mentally tough enough to not let thing like that affect me in some way. Even if I'm good at hiding it ;)

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